Well, it's a week after Thanksgiving and I'm back at work. Yippee. Can you feel the excitement in me? I loved staying home and being here when the kids got home from school and helping them with their homework. I actually cleaned the house and kept it straightened up every day I was home. But there is just no way right now I can quit and be that stay at home mom. Ah well, there is always retirement. I'll still have Ethan to take care of.

We were not stupid and we did not join the masses at OH MY GOD early on Friday after Thanksgiving. We finally made it out of the house about 11am. We slept in until 9:30 or so. My SIL sent us a text at 5am asking where we were and when were we going to get to the mall. We didn't reply. We turned the damn phone OFF!!!!

Our Christmas shopping is done. Almost, we have a gift certificate or something to buy for the 23 year old stepson but that is it! OH, and stocking stuffers. But those are easy.

Scott got his present a month early. A 52 inch (spoiled) flat screen (really spoiled) LCD tv. Really frickin' spoiled. He is thrilled with it. It is really very sad that it took a damn big tv to get him to come out into the living room and spend time with us at night. He would hole up in our bedroom every night he was home. Now he is out with us. Spoiled rotten.

I'm being selfish here now. All I'm saying is my present better be nice. I mean nice. He has given me one Christmas present in 5 years. Last year he got that damn shot gun that blew up in his face. Remington better be damn glad they weren't sued. This year he got the big damn tv. Spoiled. At least get me a fucking card this year dear. I told him that and he just looked at me like I was crazy. I'll show that spoiled ass crazy if not even a card with his signature isn't plopped in my lap this year.

So, this past weekend went by way too fast. I worked 5 hours Saturday to get caught up on paperwork from that week I was on vacation. Emma spent half a night with her cousin that she always fights with. I say half a night because at 2:30 Sunday morning we get a call that she doesn't feel good and can I come get her. Thank God this cousin only lives 3 blocks away. I bundle up because it was a whole 20 degrees outside and drive over to cousins house. I pull up and Emma walks out and proceeds to puke all over their driveway. We get home and I get her settled after about an hour of moaning and another round of puking. I get to bed about 3:45 or so and then Harley comes in just a few minutes after that complaining that his tummy hurt and then he proceeds to puke all over the floor by my side of the bed. Scott had to be to work at 7:30 so he covered his head with a pillow and tried to sleep through the crying and puking of the 3 year old. I get Harley cleaned up and in bed with a bucket and gave in and turned his tv on so I could scrub my carpet before it dried. I discovered that he actually got most of it in my beloved Pooh slipper. That was easy. I just plopped it in the washer with everything else that was puked on that night. I think I slept from 6am to about 6:45. Scott was just out of the shower when Harley came back in to our room crying about his tummy again. I was so tired I didn't even stop to think about what kid I was dealing with and was climbing out of bed and yelling for him to run to the bathroom to puke in the toilet. And he actually did. I've discovered that out of all THREE kids, the youngest is the only one that can make it to the toilet to puke.

I spent Sunday sitting in the chair with Harley laying on me and about once an hour puking in a bucket. That is just gross I know but I was so tired and didn't feel like running to the bathroom every time. Emma spent that time laying on the couch next to us. We watched Transformers on the big screen. I don't know how many movies we watched that day. Every time I dozed off Harley would fuss. About 3pm they were both doing better and had kept some Ginger Ale and crackers down so I went grocery shopping.

Fun weekend.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'm not working. I'm going to dig out Christmas decorations finally and get the kids to decorating. And it's my company Christmas Party! YEAH! I love those nights. The laughing and the drinking and the dancing.

I need to mention that Ethan will be 12 in 9 days. Why the need to mention this? Because they should stay babies forever not grow older. But it doesn't work that way. It's never my birthday that bothers me. It's my children's birthdays that bother me. This also means in 2 months Emma will be 11 and 3 months Harley will be 4. Too much for me right now.

Need to go, Harley is crashed on the couch and I need to carry him to bed before Scott gets home from work and wakes him up. Spoiled ass.

Did I mention Scott was spoiled?

Happy Thanksgiving

I finally opened my mouth and told my husband I wanted to celebrate the holidays at our house this year. Just us. And I'm so glad I did.

I was able to sleep in today and not have to worry about getting the kids ready and out the door to be at Scott's parents house by noon. I can cook what I want and clean up when I want and not have to worry about saying something that would offend my SIL, because that does happen weekly lately. I've pretty much quit talking because I could ask how her day is and that would offend her.

I don't have to worry about my SIL's son making my husband mad and us walking out on the dinner. I don't have to worry about that same boy picking on Ethan so bad and then Ethan is the one that gets in trouble by my BIL. Because he is crying. I've explained what Ethan has been diagnosed with but they don't seem to care. So I've decided no more. I'm taking us out of that kind of environment and keeping us all at home to just be. Just be with us and be thankful that we are all healthy and be thankful we do still have a SIL and BIL and MIL and FIL but that we don't have to worry about what we say and piss them off.

It is 12:11 and I have about 2 1/2 more hours before the turkey will be done. I prepared everything last night so all I have to do today is bake/cook it when the time is right.

Emma and I have watched Charmed all morning. I don't like parades. Never have and probably never will.

Scott is sick. I'm not sure what, maybe a stomach flu or something.

The boys are watching Night at the Museum.

My mom is reading the paper.

Life right now is good, even with Scott's bug. He's still joking around and trying to get me to come back to bed so he can fondle me.

We are even contemplating being stupid and joining the masses at OH MY GOD early in the morning to shop. I've never done that and I figure Starbucks is open that early so I'll be ok.

We might get up and get coffee and then shop, come home and make a big breakfast and then take a nap. He is taking the boys to a movie tomorrow and I'm taking Emma to see Enchanted.

Oh, and I'm on vacation until next Wednesday! Happy Days!

I'm on vacation and we aren't going anywhere! No driving for 13 hours to Disney. That was on the list for this weekend but Emma's little running away episode ruined that. I'm happier here I think.

Time to go find something to nibble on.

Everyone have a safe and happy Thanksgiving and for all the travelers be Careful!

I haven't written anything in over a month. I'm a little ashamed.

Thanksgiving plans were to go to Disney. Again. But then Emma ran away from us in the mall because we were joking around about christmas presents and she just didn't get the joking part and got mad and stormed off.
When I realized she wasn't coming back we started looking for her and it took us nearly two hours to find her. She was scared and cold because she didn't have a jacket and had wandered around the outside of the mall. In the dark. Granted we don't live in a big city but there are still a bunch of crazy people here. It wasn't but a week ago that women were being attacked at
Wal-Mart. Video caught the guy actually stalking one woman through the store before jumping on her outside. She managed to get away and police caught him because of that but how many other crazy people are out there?!
I was scared sick.
Her class did a cookie dough sale and the dough came in the day before and we had plans to deliver it because it is the frozen kind and I made it to one house to drop off cookies. I picked that house on purpose because she understands what we are going through with Emma. On the way to her house I almost made Scott pull over because I felt like I was going to throw up. I believe I've had a real, true panic attack now. I thought I'd had one before but not now.
When we walked into my friends house with her cookie dough she took one look at me and made me sit down and poured me a nice stiff drink. By the time we left her house 2 hours later I felt a little better and was a little toasty. But the panic and sickness started all over again when we were half way home. That was a week ago and it still makes me ill to think about it.
So now we aren't going to Disney. It's not like we haven't been there about 6 times in 3 years. I think we will live.
And I don't know what it is about the 5th grade but both Ethan and Emma have horrible grades right now. They both did very good last year, A's and B's, but this year I'm seeing C's and D's. That right there tells me no big trip.
Emma's meltdown was actually the first in about 6 weeks. She's done pretty good.
Ethan's meds were adjusted by the doctor because every time someone would look at him he would burst into tears. Almost like a girl starting puberty. I did ask the doctor if Ethan's meds and puberty weren't meshing. He said most likely and changed the meds. So far no difference but again, it's only been a week. I'll give it a couple more and we'll see.
Harley is growing and talking and eating and arguing. The little turd. He adores pre-school and gets mad on the weekends because he doesn't go to school then. He got the flu shot last week and it took me 2 days to convince him to take the bandaid off because he was afraid he would "bleed out" if we took it off. I asked my husband where he heard something like that and Scott just shrugged his shoulders. He did have a big grin on his face. I need to start writing down all the things he says. If nothing else, just for me to read when he is grown and moved out.

Time to go to bed. I have work in the morning. I'll try to be better about writing.

Have a good week all

Another Friday is here. And with that comes a weekend that passes too fast. With soccer and Scott working and chores and shopping and who knows what else will pop up. And right now I am being lazy! Yea for lazy.

Emma, who is trying to turn into a young adult way too soon, decided she wanted pizza for supper. I told her no, we've had it way too much lately and we could make something. Heaven forbid we don't go out on a Friday night. She still doesn't understand some nights it is nice to sit and do nothing.
Anyways, she disappeared for a few minutes and then came back with $31 and said if you order I'll pay. So, being the wonderful parent I am, after lots of arguing, I ordered. The pizza showed up and she ran for the door and paid the delivery guy, even giving him a tip, and took the pizza to the kitchen. The kids are eating pizza and I'm going to be good and have a salad. The pizza doesn't even smell good.

This past week was pretty low key. Emma stayed home sick for 2 days and I took half a day off Monday to be with her. We watched recorded episodes of Hannah Montana and Cory in the House from Disney Channel because The Rock was on both shows. I love him. He's just yummy. I want to bite him. Ok, now that I have that out of my system.
Emma lay on the couch moaning because her stomach hurt so bad and I sat in the chair with the show paused on Him as I drooled. She finally got tired of it and rolled off the couch just to grab the remote out of my hands. Then the sick little terd got back on the couch and laid on it. She only brought it out to change the channels when the shows were over.
I'm proud of her right now, well I normally always am even when I'm ready to lock her up for a few years (til she's 18 or so). I was approached by the speech therapist and the school counselor asking if I would let Emma join a group of students for lunch every Friday. This group is made up of special ed students that need help learning how to socialize and interact with their peers. Emma's role would be to help these students. Today was her first day and they played games while they ate. Basically what they are telling me is that my daughter loves to talk. She starts from the time she wakes up in the morning and doesn't really stop until she goes to sleep. Even then she keeps on talking, depending on how tired she is. No, really, they felt she would be good with the others because of Ethan and how much she helps him at school. It lets me know I'm doing a pretty good job at raising a caring young lady.

Ethan's not in the lunch group because there are too many others. He just does better with a one on one situation. Some days I feel he like he is going backwards and some days he seems just like a normal boy. His school work isn't suffering but there are times when it takes a lot to get him to focus on me. I have a feeling he tries so hard at school that when he is home he feels safe to just let go. He goes into that world of his where he is happiest and it is hard to get him back. I still get hugs (ok they are still leans but he asks for them I don't have to ask for them anymore), I still get eye contact when he is with me, I can still touch his shoulder or his head without him freaking out. It's harder for him to let others do those things now though. Scott cut Ethan's and Harley's hair last night ( I wanted to leave their hair long but the Marine in him just can't stand it) and Harley was done in under 5 minutes. Ethan's took so much longer because I had to help hold his head. I'd rather cut his hair at home because of these fits. I am tired of explaining my son to people. I know I don't have to but when they see an 11 year old as tall as me throwing a fit like he does, the looks I get are horrible. Even when I tell them what is wrong it feels like a majority of the people just don't get it. I don't bother to elaborate. I should take my time to explain what autism because I should be like so many other mothers who are out there trying to educate people. But why shouldn't people take it upon themselves to educate themselves. IS that wrong of me to think that? Probably so. When someone shows more interest than I do go into detail about autism and Ethan. I'm actually very proud at how far we have come. He's in a mainstream class and he's only one grade behind where he should be. He reads on grade level, the tests don't show this but who cares what the hell those stupid No Child Left Behind tests show because they suck. I've sat and read with him and I know exactly what he can do. The same for math. The kid hates math but he is so much better at it than I am. When he sits down to do math homework and I can get him to concentrate on that and noting else then he flies right through it. His memory skills for songs and movies just amazes me. And his doctors and his therapist. He can see a movie once and then relate it to someone else word for word, almost. He has to love the movie, which isn't hard for him, he loves movies in general.

I think all this is coming out because of Jenny McCarthy. I applaud her for what she has done and she has done it as a single mom, for the most part. I have no idea if her ex helps her or not. I caught most of her interview with Larry King and Holly Robinson Peete and I sat there agreeing with so much and then a co-worker came into my office to ask why I was talking to the tv. When I told him what I was watching he sat down and watched with me. I've changed the way a few co-workers think about autism. So I've done a little work towards the cause.

I haven't met anybody who dislikes Ethan. Every where we go someone is saying hi to him. Whether it's a teacher or a student from school, or even another parent. I hope it stays this way all through middle school and high school. I'm so afraid that when the elementary schools start blending the kids who don't know him will be mean. And I can't protect him from that. I'm hoping that there will be enough kids around him that know him that will jump in and say something. They do now! When a new kid shows up at school and teases Ethan the other kids are all over him to be nice. Before too long the new kid loves Ethan too. I can't protect the kids forever but I'm going to try my hardest and longest on Ethan.

Well, now that I've gone on a little about the two older I should say something about Harley. Today was his first school picture day. He chose his red and orange Hawaiian shirt (which is a nice button up shirt) and then brown cami pants. He was very colorful. He was so excited for the pictures. He loves school and gets up so good every morning. And then every weekend morning he still gets up and gets mad at me because I'm not getting ready for work so he can go to school. I hope his love for school stays but it won't because it never does. Ah well, I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
I love this school. Their goal is to have the kids reading, writing in cursive before they "graduate", and I even read something about math next year. It almost feels like they are pushing too much but he loves it and is soaking it all in. I'm not about to stop it or try to change anything.

Time to go, Emma has a friend spending the night and they have been too quiet for too long now and I need to investigate to see what they are up to.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Yesterday was Farmington's annual Cancer Walk-a-Thon. It raises money to help the Connelly House here in town. The Connelly House is there for families that travel here for cancer treatment for a family member and can't afford a hotel room. I've walked in 4 walks now and it hasn't gotten any easier.
But it's not supposed to be easy. It is 6 miles long and it starts at 8am. This year the goal was $120,000 and I read this morning that all of the 700 some walkers brought in $147,000. That is fabulous!
You can dedicate your walk to someone you know with cancer or just go to help a wonderful cause.
You can register your dog to walk with you and have fun taking a leisurely stroll, stopping every once in a while to pick up dog poo. Emma wanted to bring Vegas but I thought that next year would be better when she is a little bit older. We might even take Juni/Wanker (that is what I call him now since half the house calls him Juni and the other half calls him Wanker). There were lots of Dachsunds this year.
Scott, myself, Ethan, and Emma walked. Harley is still too little to go that far and I'm not pushing a stroller for 6 miles. We managed 6 miles in 1 hour and 45 minutes.
I haven't heard any complaints from Ethan and Emma but Scott and I have sore feet. Ok, I have a sore foot. I bruised my right foot somehow. I don't know how. We walked without stopping and I had good walking shoes on but I still managed to bruise my foot. The bottom of it is black, blue, purple, and green. It's pretty! I'm hobbling around the house today wincing. Being a big ol' baby.
We got groceries earlier and I wrapped my foot and that helped get me through the store. I still hobbled but I carried Harley because he decided to nod off after we'd been there about 5 minutes.
Hopefully it will feel better tomorrow.

Anyways, between the four of us we managed to collect $135. Not the greatest but we got a late start on asking for donations. Next year we are going to start 3 weeks early and see if we can at least double that amount.

Other than that not much else. Emma's soccer coach wasn't thrilled that she missed a game to walk but I feel the walk was a much more important part of her life. My mom, aunt, and grandma all had hysterectomies due to tumors in their utuerus or ovaries. Another aunt has breast cancer (she is in remission). Scott has had thyroid cancer and melanoma. We have plenty of reasons to walk and raise money. If he won't play her next week because she missed one game, she's made it to every practice, then she just might miss the rest of the season.

Ethan's teacher has walked 9 out of the 10 walks. She has sisters, aunts, uncles, her parents, all affected with some form of cancer. So far she is cancer free and I do hope it will stay that way.

I'm still working lots of hours and I've finally adjusted to it. Big plans are afoot at work for me. It's hard not to discuss it with my friends because I've been told not to talk about anything outside the office, well, other than family because it will affect them too. I'm not moving, I can share that much. I'm not going to say anything else because I have no idea who reads this from my office. I have a feeling a couple of people do even though they don't comment.

Parent Teacher conferences were Friday and both kids are doing well. Emma is the social butterfuly this year and has an A+ in Science, a B in Social Studies and something else, can't remeber what, and then the rest are C's. She is more interested in helping everyone else than in doing her own work. We tried to convince her that putting that much effort into her school work would bring up her grades. She has 4 more weeks in the grading period to bring up those C's. She is very capable of bringing home all A's. She just needs to apply herself.

Ethan has taken a leadership role in his class. I guess since this is his last year at this school he feels he's the big guy on campus and can lead others. Or maybe it is boss others around. Either way most people are getting a kick out of it.

I can't believe my 2 oldest will be in middle school in 8 months. I'm SCARED!

I need to go. Scott is making dinner and keeps hollering for some help. He is making chili, yummy! It's been raining most of the day and it is just cold here today. Chili and cornbread for dinner means that Autumn is here!

Isn't today the first day of Autumn?

I have so been the bad poster. Life gets in the way.

I'm home sick today and decided to try to sit up for a while to see how it goes. I put off and put off going to the doctor and now I'm regretting it. I have a severe sinus infection, 2 ear infections, and what looked like the start of strep. I feel like CRAP!

It is the end of the 3rd week of school here and the kids are doing great. Ethan has had homework once and Emma has had it every day. She hates it but loves it all at the same time. She adores the 5th grade so far and all 3 of her teachers. Its made the start of school that much easier.

Harley has settled into preschool just fine and loves going every day. He gets mad on the weekends when I'm not getting up and dressed just to take him to school. He has 2 little ones that he talks about all the time. The little boy is so much like Harley and they spend all day together from the sounds of it. The other is a little girl and she is just adorable. She doesn't say much but she does follow him around as much as she can all day. Little ones are just too cute when it comes to friends.

My work is fine, I've been working lots of overtime to help a co-worker get caught up. He had a heart attack and found that he has congestive heart failure and fluid in his lungs and is down to just 4 hours a day now. I'm doing his job in the morning and then back at my desk in the afternoon. The bosses are talking about moving me into his position if he has to quit due to his health. I told them I would let them know if it came down to that.

My co-worker, I'll call him Koko, gets annoyed by me every day. I call him Koko because he is a big guy and he reminds me of a silver back gorilla. Not nice, but he likes it, it tickles him for some reason. If I call him by his name he pouts! MEN! I bug him every day because of the way he eats and smokes. His smoking has gone down, at least at work, because I am constantly on him to quit. He knows he could go any day because of his habits so I don't know what the issue is. He told me the other day that he's so close to death why start now. I smacked him and walked out of his office. He has a wife and 2 teenage daughters at home that love him. I know that he has to want to be ok and quit smoking and change his eating habits.

I just got a little woozy so I'm going back to bed. I'll try to post more later. The first soccer game is tomorrow and I hope I'm ok enough to last thru that!

Have a great weekend all.

Stepson with Juni (aka Wanker)

I'm going to try to get both dogs to sit still together long enough to get an updated picture to post.

Vegas is quite big now and quite the energetic furball.

Juni is probably confused because Harley, myself and mom call him Juni, the name Ethan gave him. Scott and stepson call him Wanker. He answers to both for right now.

Update on Stepson

We kept him off the computer for just a week. We do let him on it now but only when myself or hubby is in the room and we insist on reading what is he writing on his blog or what he is talking about with his online friends. Apparently his girlfriend has dumped him because she can't deal with his lies because so many different ones popped up during that fiasco. Can't say as I blame her and I personally think she is a smart girl. Probably not very nice of me but oh well. The night she broke up with him, by phone not computer, he sobbed (literally loud sobbing) in his room and when he was done and came out of his room he wanted sympathy but didn't find any so he got mad at us and went back to his room.

I'm not speaking with my MIL and SIL still, Scott is but I'm not. It's ridiculous that they didn't think that he has feelings. They actually said that to us. Why would a man not have feelings. Yes he jokes around alot but he does know when it is time to be serious. At least he's not giving in this time and apologizing for something he shouldn't have to. Which he has done way too many times since we met. I just can't understand how they fell into that kind of pattern. My SIL messes up and everyone makes Scott apologize to her. Beyond me why that happens.

I've been busy doing nothing!

Well, we did go to Disney. Again.

I love Disneyland but I'm ready to visit somewhere I haven't been before. But my husband is set on going every 6 months or so. We only made it once last year so he wants to make up for it by going again over Thanksgiving weekend with our whole household and most of my family from Mesa. Should prove to be an interesting trip.

This time around at Disney it was just myself, my husband and my 14 year old stepson. Stepson absolutely loved it. He called himself an only child all weekend and had a blast. The two boys talked me into riding California Screaming, a roller coaster. I'm not a big fan of those roller coasters, the big roller coasters that strap you in with something over your shoulders to make sure that when you are hurtling through space and going upside down you won't fall out. I'm normally totally freaked out by those. But I finally let them drag me on it. And I loved it! We rode it 4 times in the 2 days we were there. We also rode the river rafting ride 4 times and the Hollywood Tower of Terror 3 times. We didn't even attempt to get on the new Nemo ride because the line was at least a 2 hour wait the whole stinking time we were there. That's ok, I can wait for another visit to see under the ocean with Nemo.

We did sit through a little kids show that was a visit with Crush, the sea turtle from Nemo. We discovered that turtles don't fart, they Bubble. So now when ever someone in our farts we say excuse my Bubble. Hey, I never said we were normal.

I think it was the first time I rode the roller coaster that hurtled me through space and upside down that I hit my head hard enough on my left ear that it was red all day. My earrings left little indentations in the side of my head thanks to that ride. I've also had vertigo since then. I think my ear drum is now in the process of healing from being busted up by a ride.

Ah well, it was worth it. I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster most of the time. As long as I'm sitting still and concentrating on one spot I don't feel like I'm spinning out of control. If I have to walk around or drive, really shouldn't be driving but I have to get to work somehow, it's really hard to concentrate on one spot so I don't spin away.

It also makes it really hard to read the new Harry Potter book. But I'm already on chapter 3. Spent 2 hours at the mall last night just to say we had the book at 2am! Woo Hoo! While waiting for 12:01am to roll around so the bookstore could start selling the books we spent lost of money at Hot Topic, who was nice enough to stay open to make money off the whole Harry Potter craze. Last night only, if you bought anything HP in Hot Topic then your name was put in their drawing to win a free HP t-shirt. We bought a couple of HP pillow cases, a couple of wand look alike pens, and a HP blanket. I don't know if it was just luck or if they didn't shake the box with all the entries very good but I won the free t-shirt. I get to pick it out Monday! Woo Hoo!

I'm off now to read more HP before I fall asleep. Hubby and I were supposed to go on a date tonight to see the movie 1408 but yet again he had to work past 10pm. Technically he is supposed to be home by 9:45. He was home by 10:30. Again. I'm getting tired of it. I want to go kick all those little cashiers that work with him because they just can't seem to do their job properly so it makes his job harder than it should be.

At least tonight it was earlier than the 11:30pm nights we've had for about a month now. But that was due to inventory and audits but that is over now.

Good night all and good reading to all you HP fans.

Time To Punish The Stepson - warning CUSSING involved in this post

We discovered stepson has been conversing with a 20 year old girl from Dallas. We don't know where they met, we are assuming on MySpace. He told us they met on the plane when he was on his way here earlier this month. He told his mom that they met at school or church. He told the girl if she is ever asked that they met through his cousin.

Stepson's mom discovered it, because she is a good mom and monitors his MySpace account, and emailed us the emails they have exchange recently. I know some people will think it wrong that his MySpace account is monitored but this is exactly why that shit needs to be monitored.

Apparently I've been looking over his shoulders while they talk back and forth and have said OK to everything, them meeting for some midnight book release in Dallas at Barnes and Nobles and if I'm ok with her then his real mom will be ok with her too.

Little Punk is lying to all of us about everything. I'm wondering if Miss 20 Year Old knows she is dealing with a 14 Year Old Boy......

I'm pissed that he would use me like that. I assumed a kid who wanted to go to Harvard and become a doctor or a lawyer would be smarter than that. I was so fucking wrong.

From the way the email from his mom is written it sounds like she believes that I'm ok with all of this and she is fucking pissed at me.

Only a person who wants to have their stepson's mom pissed at them would be ok with a 20 year old meeting a 14 year old. I have no desire to piss off stepson's mom. Even though we've never met she seems to have a problem with me, even before this whole issue came up.

Stepson is not allowed on the computer for 2 days. That is Scott's punishment. I think computer time should be taken away for longer than 2 days.

I think Scott is worried that stepson will be bored. You know what, I don't care. He can suck it up and clean the house this weekend and then maybe get back on the computer next week.

Or is that a little harsh.

I'm just angry that he would lie like that. I was angry enough I called and bothered Scott while he was at work.

I'm sure this house will be quite interesting when Scott gets home from work in 1 1/2 hours.

Now that I've vented a little I'm going to do some more laundry!

Too Sad

In one day I read this story about the pro wrestler that killed his wife and son and then killed himself, and then this article. The first article tells that Benoit's son had the Fragile X Syndrome. The second article releases the exciting news that there might be a way to fight Autism and Mental Retardation in the future.

Who knows how far in the future it will be but just the thought of a possible "cure" for this.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love Ethan just the way he is and I don't want to change him because I am selfish and want my life to be easier. The only reason I would want him to have the vaccine, if it is ever approved for use in humans, is because it might make his life easier.
At first it was exciting to read the article. I thought how much easier Ethan's life would be as an adult. All the testing and occupational therapy and maybe even speech therapy could stop. Granted he would most likely still have Tourette's Syndrome but we could deal with that.

Then I thought of all these questions.

But would his life really be easier? What if it makes his life harder? More difficult to understand what is going on around him? Would the vaccine work overnight or would it take days, weeks, or months to show any signs of working? Would it really be worth it?

Would he be confused about his life before the vaccine or not know how to deal with life after the vaccine? What kind of therapy would he need after, what kind of education? All the things he would have to learn once he was "normal". I have so many questions!

The more I think about it the more I don't want that to ever happen.

Because would the testing and therapy really stop. He would probably still have to go through testing and therapy, just different types of it.

And would his interests stay the same, his love for movies and cars and trains. How would the way he looks at the world change? It would have to change. I don't see how that big of a life altering event could not change your outlook on the world.

WHAT IF?!?!?!?

I've all of a sudden decided if that vaccine is ever available I don't want Ethan to have it. There are way too many questions and there probably wouldn't be enough answers.

I could see maybe a toddler, just diagnosed, having the vaccine, but not an older child. One that would have to learn so much more.

I'm against childhood vaccines anyways so why add one more to the list. I keep that to myself because the debate going on about vaccines rages on just fine without my voice. I have enough going on in my life.

On to other news! Emma is begging to come home early, Still, so I've given in and will pick them up July 21st, wait, maybe July 28th. The final Harry Potter book comes out July 21st and the book store I love is having a party that starts at 9pm and goes until 2am or so. Party for 3 hours with other Harry Potter lovers and then buy the book and go home and start reading. For the past 5 years, every time a HP book has come out Scott and I go to the midnight party and then meet his mom and sister for breakfast at Denny's. I don't think that will happen this year.

Ahh, families, can't live with them and you certainly can't live without them.

I just can't go to a midnight party for HP and then get up at 4am to go get my kids. Sounds horrible! They are technically supposed to be there until August 11th though. Harry Potter might win this battle and the kids will have to wait until July 28th.

Ethan doesn't even want to come home! It's just Emma I'm going to have to worry about.

She'll be fine and I know it. It's just a matter of convincing HER of that.

Vacation Time

Only 16 more days until we leave for Disneyland. I tried to talk Scott into Sea World this year but then we both decided to wait until we can take all 4 kids.

I'm looking forward to the trip finally. I wasn't for so long because we've been there once a year for the past 4 years now. I've decided that it will be fun because I won't have kids to worry about. Stepson will be with us but he is 14 and I won't have to worry about him. I'll actually get to explore California Adventure this time. Last time we were at California Adventure we had all 4 kids and I really didn't enjoy it.

Only 16 more days until we get to escape all the stupid drama around here. Major drama is Emma. She is making herself sick now because she wants to come home so bad. But, I caught her acting! She called me Saturday morning, it was about 7am which means it was 6am there. She was crying so hard, or at least very convincingly sounded like she was crying so hard begging to come home that she missed us and was having no fun at all. I heard Ethan (why in the world are they up so early! especially on a Saturday!) in the background and asked to speak to him. She was immediately fine and yelled for Ethan to grab the phone because I wanted to talk to him. As she handed the phone to Ethan she told him to hurry up because she wanted to talk to me more. All in a perfectly normal voice. No hiccuping, no teary sounds. She was ok. I am now convinced she only wants to come home early because she is missing Disneyland. I wondered at first but now I'm sure. Little terd. Their stepmom's nerves are shot though and asked me to get them July 21st. Not because she wants to get rid of them but because she is exhausted. Their dad's ship will be leaving a week before that and will be gone for about 3 months so they won't see them again anyways. I feel for her right now. I finally broke down and told their stepmom to make Emma put her swimsuit on and have fun and make Emma participate. So we'll see how that goes. I didn't hear from Emma at all yesterday.

Another drama. My in-laws. The anger from my SIL has now trickled over to my MIL. She is mad us at now as well. All because we stuck up for something we felt was wrong. I told Scott last night I was done. I'm going to stay away from his family until they can be nice and not treat us like we are scum. My MIL brought my stepson home yesterday to pick up some clothes. He spent the night with the bratty cousin, yes, we are still letting them spend time together. It's not fair to stepson to make him stay home alone and not have fun. Besides, he has some control over his bratty cousin and bratty cousin seems to calm down when he's around my stepson. Anyways, they showed up about 6pm last night and she refused to come into the house or talk to me. Normally she just walks right in and will sit down and talk and talk but last night she walked stepson up to the front door, hugged Harley, and when I told her to come on in, she just looked at me, turned around and went back to her car to wait.

So I'm done. It's not worth the stress and tension it's causing and I told Scott when they can be friendly and not snub me then I'll participate in family functions again. I noticed I felt so much better after making this decision. Normally I'm dead tired by 7pm and ready to just sleep. After that decision I was fine. Scott made dinner so I did the dishes, gave boy his bath, did some laundry, straightened up most of the house and by 11:30pm I was still feeling great. I even gave Scott a foot massage. We watched Beach Patrol on CourtTV and I finally went to sleep about 1am. I did take me a while to wake up this morning but I got boy to the babysitter and got to work on time. I even managed to feed the dogs before I left.

Scott has this ability to just let stuff go. He very rarely gets angry and the only people he's held a grudge against are his ex's. He just lets everything slide right off. I wish I could learn how to do that. I did a pretty good job last night and feel great. But I've also been walking with friends 3 nights a week and that exercise paired with my physical therapy have just made me feel better.

Don't worry Walker, I'm not pushing it. I'm being good and not lifting anything heavy yet. I sit down and have Harley climb onto my lap. It's just so nice to be able to get out of bed in the morning and have no pain!

Well, I'm typing this at work, very rarely do I get to do this here so I better not push my luck.

Everyone have a great week!

Friday Night

I spent this evening at a 2 year old's birthday party with Harley. At the swimming pool. I was oh so brave and put my suit on and joined in the fun. There were about 30 people there and I knew about 8 of them. I was very brave for swimming. I'm so proud of me!

Scott was supposed to have gone with us but he was called in to work. He was given today off because he already has about 55 hours this week. The bigwigs came to visit his store so everyone worked extra hard to make the store look presentable. If they would keep it that way all the time, bigwigs visiting wouldn't be a big deal. Just my opinion. Anyways, whoever was closing tonight called in sick so they called Scott in to work. Another 5 1/2 hours. The next paycheck will be rather nice.

I've spent this week working, walking with friends at night (we are wimps and have been walking around the mall because it is still around 100 degrees at 7:30pm when we start walking), going to physical therapy for my back (which I might be able to stop soon! YEAH, my back feels almost 100% better since I started PT), and taking care of Harley.

My mom flew to Minnesota to visit my uncle and listen to him call everyone a Dink for the next 2 weeks. It's nice and quiet here. No Ethan and Emma and Mom. She was so ready to go and get away from us and we were ready for her to go. The breaks we get from each other every summer are just right.

Emma has called crying and begging to come home every day, except for yesterday and today, since she got there. Part of me wants to fly up to Washington and get her and bring her home. Another part wants her to stay there so I can have a break from the attitude. And yet another part feels she should stay there because it is only fair for her to spend time with her dad and step mom. I know here dad's ship is out to sea most of the summer but the few times he will be in port at least they will be there to say HI and give him a hug. Their step mom is wonderful and I know they like her.

The day we left them with their step mom I was so sure that Emma was going to ask if she could move up to Washington and live with them. Just something she said to her step mom that gave me that idea. That worry has flown out of my mind. I understand she misses us and wants to come home but I have to be strong and tell her she needs to stay there. It's only fair. Fairness sucks sometimes.

It'll be OK though and it will be time to leave to make the 14 hour drive to get my demon children.

That day won't be here soon enough though.

Scott is off all weekend and we don't have anything at all planned, well, maybe seeing the new Stephen King movie, 1408. Read the book and very excited to see the movie!

Everyone have a great weekend. I'm off to bed, swimming with a 3 year old is so very tiring!

Happy Fathers Day To All The Fathers

Scott had to work today. In the retail business there are a few holidays, Fathers Day isn't one of them.

Stepson's view of his dad working today? That's Gay.... OK, the verbiage of a 14 year old boy.

I've been pretty lazy today. I was up at 8am and ate breakfast with Harley and read the paper while he watched the Wonder Pets. Then I showered while Harley ran in and out of the bathroom and opened the shower curtain and had to pee every few seconds. He got mad because I kept dripping on him so I left him sitting on the toilet until I was out of the shower. I only took a 10 minute shower.
After I got dressed Harley and I colored a picture of a trophy that says World's Greatest Dad and then we had waffles for lunch and then we lay down to take a nap and I had him almost asleep when Scott walked in. He got off a few hours early so we all took a nap together. Scott hugging one side of the bed, me hugging the other and Harley laying between us with his head on Scott's chest and his feet on my stomach. The joys of being a 3 year old and getting away with that kind of bed hogging.

I really should finish laundry, do dinner dishes, and who knows what else I could find but I just don't want to. For some reason I'm extra lazy on the weekends where I've worked on Saturday. I worked a whole 5 1/2 hours yesterday but still just didn't feel like doing much today.

So, the soccer meeting. Went OK. Nobody got mad at me and that made it so hard to tell them off and stay angry. I'm just not that kind of person. I waited and waited for some snide remark to fly and it never did. So, I'm stuck. I could quit at any time but I'm not that kind of person either. I just can't leave them stuck without the help. I'm too nice sometimes. I guess I can deal with it as long as Emma wants to play soccer.

And then there is Emma. I've heard from her 4 times this weekend. She called me Friday crying and screaming and when she finally calmed down I found out she was just bored. I told her if she couldn't call with tears then she wouldn't' be calling. The other times I've talked to her this weekend she has been calm but whiny. If this keeps up the next 2 months are going to be extremely long. I do miss them but I'd rather talk to her just a few times while she's gone, it would be easier on me!

Only 25 more days til we head back to Anaheim and Disney. And the beach and sushi and a BBQ place I saw on the Food Network and who knows what else. My SIL and family are definitely not going. Supposedly because my BIL can't get that weekend off from work. But he works for the city and Scott and I know how the city here works when it comes to time off. They just don't want to go with us because they are mad that we got upset for SIL's son back talking his grandma. I'm still floored that she got mad at us, not at her son for being snotty to his grandma. If it had been my son he would have been in serious trouble. We found out tonight that the camping trip we were invited to was changed and just my stepson is invited. The 3rd of July party they planned was cancelled, well, at least our invitation was taken back. They are that angry with us. Oh well. The 3rd is my birthday and I didn't relish the idea of celebrating the day at a party that was planned for myself and a 2 year old, who shares my birthday. My SIL had planned the party a couple of months ago and it was supposed to be a surprise but she was trying to find a way of combining a 2 year old party with a 34 year old party. I walked in on my husband trying to talk my SIL out of it, trying to convince her to just celebrate the 2 year old's birthday, that it wouldn't hurt my feelings but she wouldn't give it up. Until we pissed her off. HA!!!

Now I can go eat at whatever restaurant I choose and go watch a movie on my birthday and not hurt their feelings. I can be selfish at times.

Off to rally the 3 year old to bed. Even though he took a nap he is still GROUCHY.

Have a Great Week

The kids have been with their dad and stepmom for 4 whole days now and I have'nt had a chance to miss them yet. I've spent this week getting ready and going on another business trip to Santa Fe. I do love those though. Always a new place to eat and different people to meet.

I went with a couple of co-workers that are actually good friends. We ate sushi at a place called Osaka and then we went to see Knocked Up. Very Funny Movie. It almost felt like we were the only ones laughing though. The movie theater was pretty full for a Tuesday night but it was pretty quiet. It is a pretty raunchy movie and does have more than one sex scene in it. I will definitely see it again.

It has an 8 year old little girl that thinks that storks drop babies from the sky and a hole opens up in the mom's head for the baby to fall through. The way she described it was so funny I had tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I found it so funny, maybe because she was so cute and innocent looking the whole time.

So far I'm ok with the kids gone and I haven't heard from them. Only a matter of time though before I miss hearing their screams and giggles.

I've decided to turn in my resignation as the soccer secretary. An email was sent out reminding the whole board of tomorrow night's meeting and it was said in such a way that since I neglected to tell anyone I was out of town that is why the reminder was late. This is the first time in 2 years I forgot about the meeting. Last month I sent out the reminder on time and did everything that should have been done on time and showed up for the meeting. No one else did. I've had a few other instances of snobbiness over something I did or didn't do just right and these were things I knew nothing about and the whole attitude was well, I just should have known what I was doing. So, I'm done. I'll go to tomorrow nights meeting and take the minutes and turn in my resignation. I've got enough to keep me busy without adding that.

And one last thing before I go to bed. I've started a walking club with a couple of other friends. People come and join us when they can and we've walked at least a mile every time we meet before we know it. We are upping it to 2 miles the next time we meet so we'll see how I do.

I'm exhausted after driving 3 hours to Santa Fe yesterday morning, sitting through the training for another 4 hours, staying up late to watch a movie and then going to more training this morning and then driving the 3 hours back home.

I am now going to snuggle with Harley and let him sleep with me until Scott gets home from work. He is such a good snuggler!

Summertime Quiet

May was crazy, crazy. Filled with end of school slumber parties, apparently it's big here for the girlies, end of school field trips that the teachers are sending notes home asking for volunteers, just so many things to do! Emma has spent the night at I don't know how many girls homes and we've had a couple of slumber parties here. I am a glutton! But I had fun. Both times we made S'mores over our grill and danced around to really loud music and had pizza and gobs of really bad food. Then everyone slept for maybe 2 hours and were up and watching movies. Harley was in the middle of everything, having a great time being spoiled by the girls. And Emma swears she has no friends. Ok, sure....

I'm so very glad that school is out but that means Ethan and Emma are now 5th graders. That means only one more year til middle school. I'm so NOT ready for that. In my mind Ethan should be 3, Emma should be 2, and Harley should be 1. Yes, I AM CRAZY! I am so much better with little ones than with these bigger versions. The bigger one tend to talk back and think they know more than I do. If they do know more than I do, then they need to get out there and earn a living and help pay for all the crap they want! ;)

Right now Emma is asleep and Ethan and Harley think they are getting away with watching Garfield, the Movie. They are so noisy I don't see how they think I don't know.

We picked my stepson, R, up at the airport last Friday night. We have him until the first weekend of August. We drop my kids off with their stepmom in Idaho this weekend. We don't get him back until the weekend before school starts towards the end of August.

Part of me is ready for this break and part of me is screaming NOOOOO you CAN'T go for 2 1/2 months. We have plenty for me to keep busy but that doesn't mean I won't miss them. I'll only have a 14 year old and a 3 year old here! The 14 year old is very self sufficient and the 3 year old adores the 14 year old and follows him around and does everything his older brother does. The 14 year old does adore the 3 year old though and he does so much for Harley. I was told earlier this evening that if I was nice and relaxed from my massage to just go to bed and get some rest and he will put Harley to bed. And then he shoved me (gently) into my room and shut my door. Last I heard, nothing but quiet. Harley is asleep and R is talking with his girlfriend online. He has matured so much in the past year. It's amazing!

I'm finally almost done with the kitchen. Three more cupboard doors to paint and then hang them all and I'm done! It only took me almost 4 years to accomplish it. Scott wants to paint our bathroom this horrible bight yellow. I don't know if I can stand that bright color at 5am every morning. I'll just have to keep my eyes closed!

I've started doing more for me. Gee, who would've thunk that doing stuff for yourself every once in a while makes for a less stressful mom. I finally took myself to the doctor for the constant lower back pain I've had since Harley was born. Yes, I am a procrastinator. I strive to procrastinate! The x-rays came back normal so the next step was physical therapy. The therapist decided that my right pelvic bone is tipped and this third baby brought out the badness of it. I know that doesn't sound right but I can't remember exactly what she said about it. Oh, I also have a leg longer than the other but from what I've heard that is a common thing.

So I go to therapy twice a week right now and am actually enjoying it. My back is slowly starting to feel better and I can get out of bed in the morning without holding my breath. I'm also seeing another therapist but she does the Zoneology massages. She does just the feet right now but is about to go through the training to do backs and faces. I was a little leery of this at first but when I go home after having one of those massages I feel so good. I can deal with all the screaming of the kids, all the back talk and the NO's. Before I used to lose my calm and yell back at times but now I become some other person it feels like and help them re-direct themselves back to what needs to be done and everyone is calmer for it. Kind of weird but if it works I'm going to keep it up!

One last thing before I go to bed. We are getting another puppy tomorrow. This one will be Ethan's and he has already named it Juni. It's from Spy Kids and I have no idea how to spell it. He is a miniature Dachshund and he is adorable. His legs are so tiny and well, he is just tiny. Our town has "Wiener Dog Races" every Memorial Day weekend and Scott wants to train this little guy to race in next years event. He's already told his boss that he's going to need Monday's and Wednesday's off with pay because his company is going to sponsor him to be in the race and he will need those days to train. Pictures of the new puppy as soon as I can. It will probably be next week though what with the Idaho trip this weekend.

My household is crazy

Night all!

The Most Beautiful Words in the World

I HAVE TO PEE!

Even if it is at 6:30 in the morning on a Sunday morning, the only day of the week I get to sleep in!
I was bad though, and went right back to sleep after hearing it because Scott was up and getting ready to go to work so he took Harley potty.

He's woken up dry from naps and from overnight for the past few days! Too exciting! We are doing so well I'm bragging that we are all potty trained in the house, and no one has had an accident in days, even Scott! Good thing everyone knows what big freaks we are!

Work was just a bunch of the same today. A friend/co-worker did ask if I wanted to go see the Male Review at one of the Country Bars here. Her husband told her about it and told her to go. Weird, I know. We decided we'd tell him we are going and then go see a movie, maybe Disturbia or who knows what.

What does that say when two healthy, red blooded females would rather go see a movie than watch a bunch of half naked men dance around? It means we are too tired to care about half naked men dancing around us! :)

T-minus 26 days and counting to my stepson, R, showing up for 2 whole months this year. He arrives June 2nd and stays until at least August 5th. That means Ethan and Emma have a month and a half until the go see their dad and stepmom in Washington.

Last summer R was just an inch taller than me, I am 5'6. Scott talked to R a couple of weeks ago and found out he is now 5'10. This summer will be rough with him so much taller than me.

I'm going to have that permanent MOM look on my face. The one that can scare the younger guys at work! The one that can get my husband sometimes too! You know, every mom has a certain look that will get their children to do what needs to be done without any questions. The MOM look is the best weapon against children today. At least my children. They know when I have THAT look they better jump higher than they've ever jumped before.

It took said MOM look to get Ethan to do the dishes tonight. We have to stand at the sink with him and help but he still does the dishes. He rinses them and sticks them in the dishwasher and for the dishes that don't fit in the dishwasher, he washes them by hands. The whole neighborhood probably thinks we are beating the crap out of him because he cries and screams the whole time but then when he is done he is so proud of himself. It doesn't matter what chore this big bad momma has Ethan do, he cries and screams during any of them. But when he's done he always so proud that he finished it.

He's on a new med and right now I can't remember what it's called but he is so much calmer. We have to wean him off one med as we get him on this other med. It's always so much fun trying to keep all these meds straight. He is better when it comes to teasing. Even a month ago if you were to tease him there would be a full blown melt down. He would scream and cry and the only way to calm him down would be to have him sit on his bed and be alone. Scott thinks the more we treat him like a normal boy the more he will act like a normal boy. Scott just can't get it through his thick Marine skull that this won't work. I've tried to explain, doctors have tried to explain, my mom, Scott's mom, but no one can make him understand. He says he does but he just doesn't.

And now my mom has decided it is time to chat, it doesn't matter that I'm typing furiously on the computer, it's time to chat.

I'm off to chat and put Harley and Vegas to bed. The two older ones are already asleep.

Maybe I can get to sleep before 10pm!

HA

Thank You

Thank you to Walker for directing others here to read about parts of my life. A total stranger to all of you.

Thank you to all who posted such lovely, caring comments. It's amazing how words from strangers can brighten your day.

This week has been very trying due to silly things like extra hours at work and kids acting up because they are feeling the touch of spring fever.

My post last week made me really see how much better my life is now and how grateful I am, even for the kids acting up and working longer hours than what I am used to.

________________________________________________________________

Last night our theaters had a midnight showing of Spiderman 3. My husband is so gung ho for any midnight showing, doesn't matter what the movie is, because if they are having a midnight showing the movie is supposed to be awesome and he wants to see it.

I, apparently, am a stick in the mud, because I would rather be asleep at midnight than sitting in a crowded theater to watch a movie. Scott purchased two tickets Wednesday and wasn't about to give them up. He decided to use that night as boy's only night and woke Ethan up at 11:30pm and had him get dressed. Ethan had no idea where they were going, he just knew that his stepdad was taking him out, all by himself.

Scott told me when they got to the mall Ethan kept asking what they were doing. He said the look on Ethan's face was so funny when he handed the movie ticket to Ethan. When Ethan realized what movie they were seeing he started walking like Spidey does. He crouched down and would pose in what he thought was a Spiderman pose. He would crouch for a minute and shoot invisible webs at anything and everything. Ethan did this until they finally got into the theater and found some seats.

Then the excitement wore off for a few minutes. Scott said Ethan was almost asleep when the movie started. As soon as the opening commercials started Ethan was wide awake and didn't drop off again until they were on their way home. Good thing the mall theater is about a 2 minute drive from our house.

I think Ethan got about 3 hours sleep last night but I still sent him to school. He didn't care how tired he was because he spent some time with dad and got to stay up way late and didn't get in trouble for it. In Ethan's eyes, life is absolutely wonderful right now.

It is for me too. Scott can be so hard on Ethan at times, he understands Ethan's disabilities but he feels the more we treat him like a "normal" boy, the better off he'll be as an adult. At least Scott does understand how hard he is on Ethan and tries so hard at times to make up for it.

I'm off to visit a few new people and then I'm off to bed. I get to work another 8 or so hours tomorrow. I'm so used to being off on weekends that getting up early on weekends just SUCKS!

Night all

Fearless Friday (this is probably way too long!) & Mother Talk

I received an email to join something called MotherTalk. Today's topic is overcoming fears and anxieties that I, as a mother, have overcome. Here is a link on today's topic http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Fearless-Love-Work/dp/0316166820/

There are just so many things and I really have no idea where to start.
I was painfully shy in elementary school and middle school. I started gaining weight around 10 years old and that is when my shyness kicked in. It didn't help that my granny, who lived with mom and myself, always picked on me for how much I weighed and how much I ate. Then she would turn around and yell at me for not cleaning my plate every single day. I grew to fear my granny and hated to be around her alone. Life was OK when mom was home but there were a few times that mom was away for more college classes or jury duty. She seemed to be called to a statewide jury duty quite often.
My sophomore year of high school was hard. I rarely saw my friends and found it so hard to just smile at others and say HI every day. Towards the end of the year I did eventually make a few friends, and most of those friendships are still going strong. The hard part of high school was bringing my friends home. My granny was always there to ridicule or call me names, especially if I had a boyfriend with me. I did come out of my shell enough to date two guys.
When my mom re-married when I was 16 I was so afraid she would make me stay with granny while she moved in with her new husband. I have no idea what I thought that. I'm an only child and it had been just Me and Mom for 14 years so I should have realized that mom would never abandon me. I was so happy when they were back from their honeymoon and helping me pack up my bedroom to move the 10 whole houses up the street where my step dad lived.
Four years later my step dad passed away. By then I was working full time for Sears and just kind of plodding through life. At that time I wasn't dating anyone and had no idea where my life was headed. I ended up re-discovering a boy I went to elementary school with. His family also attended the same church for many years.
His family moved back to town and was just waiting until his date rolled around to head off to boot camp. He had joined the Navy. We ended up getting married while he was home on leave just after boot. I truly believed then that I loved him. I hope I loved him a little to marry him and move to California.
The first couple of months were happy and carefree. I did the little wife bit and decorated the small base apartment we lived in, did the cleaning and cooking and made sure everything was always nice for my husband when he came home every night. The first time his ship got under way it was so hard. I had never, ever lived by myself and I was staring at 2 months, all alone. I had spent so much time working on my house and making sure my husband was happy that I didn't stop to think about friends again. I spent two long months looking for a job to keep myself occupied.
When the ship pulled back in to port and my husband found out I was looking for a job he showed a mean, angry side I had never seen. He didn't physically hurt me then but I've come to learn the mental and emotional abuse can hurt almost as bad.
The base we lived on closed down so we moved to Air Force housing about 20 miles away. By the time we were settled he told me to get a job or get out. I got a job and all seemed OK. I told myself over and over just do what he says and he will be happy with me and life will be OK. Every time I turned around there was some new rule, or else. I couldn't cut my hair. I couldn't loose weight. That one I never understood, most men want their wives to loose weight. I wasn't allowed to. He wanted to keep me chubby so I wouldn't be tempted to find another man or another man wouldn't find me attractive. I couldn't have friends or do anything but work and go home. By the time I realized how stupid I was for staying I realized I was pregnant.
I was torn between staying and putting up with the abuse just so the baby would know his father or running away, not even running home, just away some place we wouldn't be found so the baby would never know his father. I ended up staying and dealing with an even worse temper and his cheating. Oh, he was happy to be a father but it angered him to see me happy being pregnant.
After I had our son he promised he would be nicer and better. We had to move again and when our son was just 4 months old a horrible fight turned into him forcing me to have sex. I don't call it rape anymore, I did give in and he did use a condom, that broke, and resulted in a daughter 8 months later. She came early and the only reason the doctors could think of, besides his constant smoking, was the stress I was under. She was perfectly healthy for being early.
By the time our daughter was a couple months old the physical abuse started and I stayed for another 2 years, living through another move (this time up to Washington State) before I had the means and the courage to leave. He fought me on the divorce, trying to intimidate me to tear up the papers and move back to Washington with him. He, of course, had his parents believing that I was the one in the wrong. He made the mistake of letting his temper come to life in his parents' garage and had me cornered, with a raised fist, when his dad walked in. After that his dad helped me file the divorce papers.
By now I was living with my mom and granny again. I found a great job and was looking for a place to call our own. The kids were growing so fast and I was cowering in the corners of my heart and mind. I put on a false face at work and no one at work knew what my past was like.
For all of my shyness I still craved being around a man and knowing that I was wanted and needed by someone other than my children. I started dating a co-worker that was 7 years younger than me and that was more destructive than my marriage. By the time I realized this I had done so many things I never thought I would. I left the house every night as soon as I put my kids to bed, not even bothering to wait until they were asleep. I thank God every day for my mom putting up with the stupidity I put us all through for almost a year. She never once complained, at least not out loud, about my behaviour and how horrible I was acting.
By the time the "relationship" with the younger guy ended I decided no more men for a very long time. I needed to find out how to be a grown up on my own without someone for me to lean on and rely on. I needed to learn how to rely on myself.
About the time I was really finding out who I was and was finding a level of confidence I never knew I had my company hired another a new guy. I was nice, as was every one else, and said hi to him when I saw him in the halls or outside. Then came 9/11 and as we all sat in the office watching the devastation and chaos unfold on the East Coast this new guy decided he'd had enough of being single and the tragedy of the day had him feeling like he was lost. And asking me out on a date was a way for him to start on whatever path he felt he needed to be on. We went out a couple of times before he asked if I wanted to bring my kids with us one night. I was amazed, the kid I dated had never wanted to even meet them. I suggested dinner at my house for the first time and everything went so well. My kids liked him and he liked them.
Then just a couple of weeks later he scared me by talking about marriage and more babies. We had only dated for 3 weeks. I let him know I wasn't ready to get re-married and I didn't know if I wanted more babies. I broke up with him and he ended up quitting and finding a different job. According to a mutual friend this guy thought he was very much in love with me after only 3 weeks together. It may have been possible but it scared me enough to run and hide under my covers.
I drifted along in my new world of confidence that held the ability to tell people NO when I needed to and was happy. I worked, played softball on a women's team and a co-ed team, I bowled, and I played with my kids.
I overcame the fear of a school diagnostician telling me my son was mentally retarded and would never learn anything. I've had my poor son tested by so many specialists and they have all agreed on one very long diagnosis. He is Autistic, slightly mentally retarded, has Tourette's Syndrome, severe ADHD, and OCD. I told the school principal where she could shove it when she told me I should just put my son in an institution. Come on now, really, what year are we in?
I even overcame the fear of intimacy when I met my husband on a blind date almost 5 years ago. We've been married 4 years now and we did add another baby to our family, we now have 5, hence the Yours, Mine, and Ours title. There are still way too many fears that I have. I keep comparing different milestones in this marriage to my previous marriage and my wonderful husband steers me in the right direction.
He stands by me and holds me when I cry at night because my greatest fear is turning into my Granny. I hated her as much as I loved her. She passed away 9-11-05. I don't want to be as hateful, mean, nasty, spiteful, and horrid as she was. I would have loved to have learned her love of gardening and crocheting and knitting. I kill plants in less than a day and can't crochet even part of a line. I never even tried to knit.
There are days when I can feel anger boiling inside of me because of something one of the kids has done. Then one of them hugs me and I take a deep breath and tell myself that I AM NOT MY GRANNY. I never will be. I love my life, my kids, and my husband. My husband does help keep me grounded, thank god his patience for anything is so high.
Keeping confidence in yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. Especially for an overweight, staring down middle age, mother of 5. I manage to do it though. I hold my head up high and proud when I'm in a store or out in public. I'm slowly learning not to eat to feel better and I have great friends that have had similar childhood experiences and we are all helping each other.

My Life is Wonderful.

Keep going after this post, there are a couple more new ones!

Mother of the Year

I get the mother of the year award for 2007! I'm such a wonderful mother to my three wonderful kids.

The first reason is Harley. I've talked a little of the potty training woes we are going through right now. Well, last night I plopped him on his trainer seat on the big toilet and walked away. Why did I walk away you ask. Because he won't do anything if someone is in the bathroom with him. Scott was in our bedroom, which is right by the bathroom, so I went to check on Emma. The poor girl stayed home from school with a sour stomach. She was in bed and almost asleep so I got on the bed with her and was rubbing her back when I hear Scott yelling for Harley and myself. Scott runs into Emma's bedroom and asks what's wrong, I tell him nothing is wrong. He said that Harley is hollering for help and he couldn't find him. I told Scott that I left him in the bathroom on the toilet and figured when he was done he would yell for dad. I was wrong. Scott and I ran back to our bathroom and found Harley hollering. He had slipped through his little toilet seat and had his little arms and legs waving in the air as he called for help. How horrible. Everyone was laughing, including Harley, and I was almost in tears because I had walked away and left the poor boy to fall in the toilet. I heard my baby crying like The Fly help me help me help me!

And then this morning I hear Emma screaming and crying at the top of her lungs so I ran out to the living room to see what was wrong. I had just stepped out of the shower so I just threw my pj's back on and had my wet hair dripping down my face and my back. Gross, I really don't like that feeling! Anyways, Emma was sitting on the rocker next to the front door, already dressed, shoes on, her hair pulled back in a cute pony tail. By the time I got her to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong I was so frustrated I was in tears. Her problem? She hated her hair and it looked horrible.

I was ready to throttle her! She had parted her hair down the side and then smoothed it back in a low ponytail. It looked so cute. It took me so long to make her understand that it looked just fine. I also had to convince her that when she is home sick one day and sleeps all day and then all night and doesn't get her hair wet any where in there, then yes, your hair will look funny. I told her if she didn't eat breakfast and brush her teeth in the next 15 minutes she was going to miss the bus and then she was going to have an unexcused absence from school because I wouldn't take her. She made it to the bus on time.

I'm being bad again and typing this at work and it's already time to go so I'm going to end this now.

More later!
_____________________________________________________________

I'm home and aboutto head to bed. I would already be there but Scott decided to pull the carpet out of the bathroom. Now. Tonight. At 10:00 at night. After we finished most of a bottle of wine between us. I'm sleepy!

We've planned to do this for a while now but apparently he got a bug up his butt to do it tonight.

I did it again. I plopped Harley on the trainer toilet seat and walked away. This time he peed in the potty! And he got his M&M's. I know, BAD MOM for bribing the toddler to pee in the toilet. It really hasn't worked though so I don't feel too bad.

He did have an accident earlier this evening but he tried so hard to get to the bathroom before pooing. He did sit on the potty for about 5 minutes and Scott and Harley both gave up but Harley ran back less than a minute later and the poo was already out of his butt. Lovely vision right now, I'm sure.

We are slowly getting there. Too slowly for my taste but everyone always says you can't rush this and it won't do any good to push him because he'll start when he is ready. I just wish he would start when I am ready!

Ok, I'm done for the night.

Good Night All

I found my Spring Break Post

We all survived Spring Break ( I wrote this around April 1st)
Just barely!
Last week was Spring Break in these here parts. Lots of other parents all over the country were in the same boat. Kids were at home to run amok and cause mayhem and madness everywhere.
I worked Monday as I normally would and had Tuesday off. I gave in and let Emma have friends spend the night Monday night. I had three extra kids running around the house, squealing, eating, running, laughing, and making cookies.

These cookies were chocolate chip cookies. They smelled good after being in the oven for a few minutes and I thought Emma's first attempt at cookies all by herself would turn out well. The kids kept running into the living room with the bag of chocolate chips that had the recipe to ask me to clarify what was written. Scott kept getting annoyed because we were finally sitting down together to watch Eragon (good movie) and the screaming, laughing kids kept needing help. I answered all the questions, being the wonderfully nice mom that I am.

The oven timer finally goes off and all the kids come running. And then all the kids start screaming even louder. Emma comes running one more time to show me the pan of cookies, that had turned into one big glob of brown stuff. I was puzzled, at first I couldn't figure out what they did wrong to create goo. I finally realized that they forgot to add the flour to the rest of the mixture. When I told them what they did they all started blaming each other and the party was almost ruined. They bickered and argued until I reached over and got a little bit of goo out of the pan and ate it. It tasted just fine, they would just have to eat it with a spoon. The pan of goo was gone before morning.

One poor girl kept coughing and I provided cough drops and at bed time some chloraseptic spray. Scott and I went to bed about 1am. Emma woke me up at 2:45 telling me coughing girl was throwing up. I got up and went to the bathroom to find coughing girl holding onto the toilet like she had just stumbled home from binge drinking. The other kids were all standing around her cracking jokes about hair and vomit. I swear they all sounded like a bunch of over 21 girls standing around their pukie friend in some bar bathroom. It was weird.

I helped the girl clean up and asked if she wanted to go home or stay here. She wanted to stay here. So I tucked them all in, 4 kids in a sleep sofa bed, very cozy. Less than an hour later one of the other girls wakes me up because coughing girl threw up again. I got her cleaned up again and she asked to sleep in our recliner. She still didn't want to go home. Ok, got her tucked in with a bucket and a Sprite and went back to bed but didn't go back to sleep. I was too afraid I would have to get up again an hour later. After 2 hours and no sound from the girls I finally dozed off again and was woken up by Harley at 11am! I haven't slept until 11am in years, since before having kids!

I got up and made enough noise that I woke up the kids, they were all still snoozing away of course. I found that coughing girl had gone home, she just lives across the street, and I panicked. I kept worrying about what her mom was thinking, letting her daughter go home without a phone call that she had been sick all night. I showered, dressed, and ran over there only to find that coughing girl was asleep on the couch and her mom was apologizing to me for her daughter. I let her know there was nothing to apologize for and hopefully she would feel better soon.
The rest of the day was spent traveling up to Durango for the kids' doctors appointments and taking them to an early dinner and then to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to load them up on sugar! We had all the kids with us still, all but coughing girl, and we did buy coughing girl a treat.

After that the week went by too fast and it was Monday morning again and the kids had to get to school.

I've heard I hate school from Ethan at least 10 times a day since Monday. He's so done with school and it is showing. He refuses to bring home any papers, including his report card, and fighting us on doing homework that does somehow make it home. I've finally convinced the school that B-Level is too much for him and he needs to maybe go back to C-Level so his re-evaluation is next Friday the 13th. Always a lucky day in my house.
We'll see how well that goes before I get my hopes up. He needs a full time aid to help keep him on track.

More on that when the big day is done!

I found pics of Vegas

Post Spring Break aka the down hill slide to the end of the School Year

Spring Break was a couple of weeks ago. I wrote up a post at work on the last day of Spring Break and saved it and swore I emailed it to myself here at home. Either I'm wrong or I'm crazy or both. I can't find the post in my email so obviously I didn't email it. I'm going to have to email it to myself again for the very first time and post it. Not like anything important was written in it. I want to post it anyways.

What has happened lately.... Ethan has been put back to C level. I know, I was so excited last year that my baby went from D level to B level so fast. As soon as I came down from that high I knew he wouldn't make it. Not that I don't have faith in him but because he was moved so fast and no time to adjust to his new schedule. We just shoved him out of his comfort zone and into main stream school in the blink of an eye. Poor kid has been on overload all year and has finally lost it. His tantrums are back, he is pulling his hair out with tweezers (we have hidden all the tweezers in the house, we probably have too many for one household), he picks at unseen bumps on his arms, and he is back to not sleeping. Since having him put back in C level and only in a main stream class for the fun stuff like P.E. and music and field trips he has calmed down. Not to what he was but we are getting there.

Emma hurt her ankle at the end of basketball and can't play soccer this season. Darn. Can't say I'm missing sitting at the field during practices and getting too hot and then sitting at the games on Saturdays and getting too cold. I really don't appreciate the weather being beautiful during the week and freezing and raining on the weekends. But this spring it is ok because I don't have to leave the house on Saturday unless I want too! We've had some rough patches this year and the doctor switched her meds, which seem to be helping. Her grades are just ok this year. I can't figure that out, last year we had a teacher we both hated and she was on the honor roll all year. This year we have a teacher we both love and her grades are so-so. She came home with her first D. And she got busted for trying to change her first D to an A. After scolding and grounding and being angry I laughed and told her the next time that happened at least change it to a B, which is more believable. Then I told her she better not bring home anything lower than a B on her last report card for this year. In the 4th grade and already trying to change her grades. I'm in trouble.

Harley has been 3 for a couple months now and still refuses to use the toilet. He used to be able to walk around in wet underwear and pants and be ok but now that bothers him. He used to walk around in a poopy diaper until one of us smelled him, and it wouldn't bother him. Now he tells me to change him as soon as he has pooped. I hope we are getting there, to that big potty training light in the sky. I almost spanked him today because he wanted me to pick him up and comfort him because he had fallen off the couch and hurt himself. He was jumping on it and hit the edge just right and tumbled off. I have a feeling he will have a broken limb before he's potty trained! I'm getting more and more frustrated with the little stinker. Anyways, just as I picked him up he pee'd, all over my leg. I refrained from spanking and changed him and myself. He then proceeded to pick on our Brand New Puppy!

Brand New Puppy is a pure bred Pug. And she is adorable. I will post pictures soon. We were supposed to go to Vegas last weekend. We were going to take the kids to the Natural History Museum, see the Titanic adventure, I don't remember now at what hotel, and whatever else we thought would be fun. Scott was told he had a meeting he had to to go the day we were coming back so we had to cancel. I wasn't about to drive 9 hours with 3 kids just to spend one night in Vegas and then drive 9 hours back the next day.

We cancelled that trip and Scott found a site that was selling Pugs. Baby Pugs! I've loved Pugs for such a long time! And I finally have one!

What did we name our Brand New Puppy Pug? We named her Vegas! We are such weird people. I did want to name my Pug Frank, you know, after the Pug on Men In Black but I didn't think Frank fit a girl Pug.

Well, I need to get to painting my kitchen, that project I've had in the works since before Harley was born. Why the rush all of a sudden? Scott applied for a higher position in his company. In Mesa Arizona. If he gets it we will be moving in a few months. And my house is no where near ready to sell.

Guess I'll get busy now.

And Emma keeps reminding me only a year and a couple of weeks until she is in Middle School. And when can she wear makeup?

Is there a way to freeze your kids in time so they can't get older until you are ready for it? I'm already fed up with boys calling her and giving her flowers they've either picked from their mom's gardens or stolen from the school grounds.

Apparently I have turned into a monthly blogger. When I have time to sit down and write about my day or my week I am too wiped out to stare at a computer for even one more minute lately.

I have worked so much overtime at work because of our new billing system that I've taken a nap almost every day during my lunch. I've also lost my appetite and eat twice a day, yogurt in the morning and a salad or something at supper. Healthy food but not healthy eating habits. When I was losing weight I ate 5 times a day. That put with exercising 4-5 times a week and I lost 30 pounds in 3 months. I call that the divorce diet because my 5 times a day of food consisted of a cracker or an apple. I didn't want to eat then either. This time is a different reason and I just need to find a way to get that exercise part back into my life.

Life has been one hectic day. At least that is what it feels like. It's a never ending cycle of get up, get kids to school and daycare, go to work, go to some sort of practice with Emma, home, supper, and bed. The weekends are right in with that never endingness. I work every other Saturday or so and Emma has games on Saturdays.

I'm exhausted. I did take a weekend off for the NASCAR race in Vegas. Scott and I drove down Friday morning, went to a race Saturday (all day) and Sunday (all day) and then drove home Monday. It was fun and hot and windy but I came back just as tired as when I left. But it was worth it. We spent too much money, mainly on the kids. Surprisingly we didn't drink too much or eat too much. We did eat alot of snow cones. Ok, it was only in the low 80's that weekend but when you are just sitting in the racing stands, crammed in with a bunch of people like sardines, it gets pretty hot. There was rarely a cloud in the sky.

We are going back to Vegas in April and this time we are taking the kids. We are only going for a couple of day but that is plenty of time there, especially with kids in tow. We are planning on visiting the Children's Museum, M&M world, and who knows what else we will decide to do.
Our hotel? HOOTERS!

What a wonderful place for kids, isn't it? Hey, it had the cheapest rooms at the time we were looking for a room. I should correct that, it had the cheapest rooms with an open and working pool for the time we will be there. There were cheaper rooms, but not that close to the strip or they didn't have an open pool.

Spring Break started at 2:40pm today. The kids will be home and bored for 1 whole week. I get to take one whole day off during that week to spend with them. It's certainly better than nothing.

Oh, this week has been calmer. Why? Because Emma sprained her left foot and ankle so no games or practices this past week and none next week. She was playing slip and slide with some of her friends last Saturday and they were using a piece of cardboard instead of an actual slip-n-slide from a store and she slipped just wrong and did the splits with her left ankle and foot taking the brunt of the fall. She didn't tell me about it Sunday afternoon, while I was doing my mom's taxes. She knew if she told me about her hurt ankle that I wouldn't let her spend the night with her friend. Us moms can just be party poopers I guess. When I said that to her she looked at me, both eye brows raised, and said to me "really mom, who says Party Poopers anymore". My 10 year old is too cool for me I guess.

Time to wrap this up for tonight. I hear a squabble between two kids that should be in bed.

WORK/VACATION

I know I haven't written in a month. I can't believe how fast time flies now. The older I get the faster the years fly.

Emma is now doing basketball and soccer and absolutely loving it. Her grades are staying up too, which is a plus. Between practices and games we are busy.

I am back in Albuquerque for the week. Training for a new computer system we are getting in March. I'm here with a couple friends from work and we are having a blast. Our training is from 6am to 3pm and I thought it would be horrid to get to work that early every day but it hasn't been too bad at all. We've gone out and partied every night but tonight. After last night we all needed a rest. We ate at a place called Zea and it was excellent food. I had a grilled salmon dish that was so good. After many cosmo's and choclatini's we headed across the parking lot for more drinks and dancing at a place called Graham Central Station. There were 6 of us and all but 2 of us got DRUNK. I haven't partied like that on a work night since I was 21 and living in the Bay Area. It just seemed so easy back then to work all day, go party the night away and then sleep a couple hours before doing it all over again. I don't know how I did it because today was long. Self induced though and I'm not complaining. It's been nice to have a small break from everything at home. I'm ready to go back now though. A couple days every now and then is plenty. Two more days of training and it will be time to head home.

Our trainer is ok, a little on the wacky side, she likes to break out in song and dance and loves to go over the same too many times. I know we need to learn this but we've gone over the same thing for 3 days now and have 2 days left to finish up and there is a lot more information left. If the training had been planned a little different we could actually be done today but I think the company that is training is doing this on purpose just to get more money out of my company.

Scott is going to try to come down tomorrow to visit me for a night and then head home Friday morning to meet the kids after school. Mom did say she didn't mind and she was expecting him to ask if she minded if he come down for 1 night.

OOOOOOOOOOOO one night in a hotel with my husband! We talked about it before I left and we had decided he wouldn't come but I miss him and really need a hug! I feel kind of whiny about it and I really hate that.

Time for bed. I took a 3 hour nap after class today, all because of last nights drinking, and am just now getting tired again. My friend, A, that is here with me called me at 8pm and woke me up to go sit in the hot tub and go swimming with her. I'm glad I did, it helped loosen me up after last nights drinking and dancing.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day to everyone. My spoiled husband got a 2002 Yukon for his present. His beat up truck is in need of so many repairs that we just went out and looked for another truck for him and decided on this because it was big enough for all of us. I got a miniature pink rosebush. I already have 5 mini rosebushes in our flower bed in the front yard and none of them are pink so I'm tickled pink about that. Bad pun. Definitely time for bed.

Night All