Wednesday, March 06, 2013
I try not to be selfish and petty, about anything. But every once in a great while something happens and that stupid feeling comes out. There are so many other things in this world, my town, even my household to be upset about but this one thing just hurt my feelings. As I posted, March 1st was our 10th Anniversary. None of our kids told us happy anniversary, or good job, or congratulations on making this milestone, because in my eyes it is a small milestone. My mom tossed an anniversary card at us and walked away, my MIL told us happy anniversary on face book. And that's it. For months before we talked about throwing ourselves a party and having our wedding cake redone because our wedding cake at our wedding was ruined and it sucked, the baker put in copious amounts of lard for some reason, anyways, we never planned a party due to money being tight so we didn't have our cake redone either. It just hurts my feelings that the people we love couldn't take the time to say a few simple words. And like I said there is so much more to worry about so I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I didn't care that we didn't have a big party, or another cake, or anything else. All we both wanted was to hear some loving words that day. I thank god we have each other and even though the past year has been rough in so many ways, I'm glad we are together and strong and working at our marriage, not just letting it fall apart or neglect each other. Maybe now that I have let all these feelings out I can let it go, move on, and forget it. Because I am not a petty and selfish person
Friday, March 01, 2013
Today is our 10th anniversary, that would obviously be mine and my husbands. It's been a wonderful day, he is feeling better and we were able to spend all day together. We spent the whole morning in bed snoozing since we have missed so much sleep this week with him and everyone else in the house being sick, we paid bills together (ooo fun), we got groceries, we shared a chicken sandwich and fries at Wendy's, we made dinner together, and watched a scary movie with Ethan. Now it's almost bed time because it's back to the real world tomorrow. Then tonight I read someone else's blog about how she gave her son Autism and it pissed me off to no end. Well, it wasn't just her post that pissed me off, it was some of the commenters. Makes me think some mean and horrible thoughts after reading some of the stupidity that was spouted off in praise of this lady. I'm not trying to take away from what she is living with and through, I will never deny someone their feelings, but some of the crap I read was astounding and I know that sounds like I am denying what someone feels but I'm not. I promise. This writer gave a list of things she is so very sure caused Autism in her son. I don't think these things caused her son Autism but I don't live in her head, I haven't read what she has read, and I don't know what doctors have told her. What I do think is that Autism can happen to any family no matter age of the parents, race, religion, ethnics, anything at all. How come some parents can have 3 children and all 3 are Autistic and I have 3 children as well and only one is Autistic? Who really knows what causes it? No one knows and that is why there is supposedly constant research on this. Do I really believe there is research for Autism? Not really but I would like to think that maybe some day someone does find out why and finds a way to stop it. Because having a son with Autism is HARD. It is something that we will have to deal with until the day I die and I worry so much literally every day about what will happen to my son when I die. I guess now I'm at the point that I don't wonder why he is Autistic, I wonder how his life will be when I am gone, I worry that my husband and I are doing something wrong but then at the same time feel we have done pretty damn good without the help of therapists and counselors and all the other crap other parents do. We didn't do all that stuff for the longest time because no one told me what to do after Ethan was diagnosed. We were told what he had and sent out the door with a smile and a good luck so we have done most of his "therapy" ourselves. And no he wasn't potty trained until 2 months before he started kindergarten but we did it, and no he didn't talk until he was 3 but now he can hold conversations with you and you might not always be able to follow him because he changes topics so often but you can understand him, and yes he mumbles sometimes but so does a "normal" person. And there are so any oddities about him but I love him for those oddities and wouldn't dare to dream of him being a "normal" person. To me Ethan is perfect and amazing and has such a loving heart. Well, now that I have ranted a little I will go to bed. I feel a little better. So thanks!! I needed to rant to calm down.