Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I'm sick and tired of hearing that phrase, God only gives you what you can handle. It may be petty of me to say this but there are days I wish someone else had the kid with Autism. There are days I lock myself in the bathroom where no one will hear me cry or cuss at all the shit we have to deal with because Ethan is what he is. I love our special guy so very much. The older he gets the harder it is to care for him, and I mean care as in his daily needs not as in caring and loving him, that is still so very easy to do. For most of Ethan's life I refused to let people tell me that one day he could live on his own and be ok, then I went through a phase where I thought maybe he could live on his own. Now we are to a point that I'm afraid Ethan will live in a home with other special needs people because he will be too unstable to live on his own, and he won't be able to live with us because he is so angry and he starts threatening family members more and more. His temper has been under control for a couple of weeks but what happens when he has another meltdown and this time hurts Harley. How do I handle one of my kids hurting another one of my kids? I don't know...... Maybe I need to just give in and give my son some pot brownies and even sit down and eat a few with him.
Well, haven't tried pot yet. Not because I don't have access to it, found out just how easy it really is to acquire the stuff. Feeling very naive. Or stupid. Haven't decided which yet. Anyhoo Kids went back to school and so far things have been pretty good. Knock on wood. My classes started and those are ok so far. I'm in an Anatomy/Physiology II class with most of the same people from A&P I class. There are a few new people this semester and between the noisy bunch of "girls" from last semester and the new kids on the block this semester, there are constant question battles instead of our instructor being able to complete her lectures. New kids on the block actually pulled out a list of questions to interrupt with today. The question battle went on and on and on today until the only male in the class said something about a nursing West Side Story and got up and left class. A friend and I just giggled and of course the cackling girls got pissed off and we heard "the nerve" and "whats his problem" and "how dare he". And then I felt like we were in some bad southern movie instead of West Side Story. I've really enjoyed all my classes so far but days like today reminded me why I despised high school and all the girl drama and why most of my friends have always been male. I can't stand drama. I don't see how people thrive on creating and living with drama. I've been told a few times I'm not a normal woman, and that's ok! So in place of drama I've decided to surround myself with a pretty new car. Ok, I didn't decide, my husband did, it's an early anniversary present. I love her so very much, my Fiat Abarth. Her name is Sexy Beast.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Ethan, my 18 year old Autistic son, has become so angry, bordering on violence. I feel so lucky that we have made it this far without the violence that many autistic people and families deal with. I have researched ways to help Ethan because meds don't help, change of diet doesn't help (mainly because I can't get Ethan to follow any sort of diet), exercise, quiet time, even allowing him to just do what he wants to do, but that's not good or helpful in any way. Ethan can't control his eating without help from myself and my husband. We hide food and lock it up when we are sleeping or not home. So I've found so many posts and articles about giving marijuana to people with autism. It helps the ones who refuse to eat, it calms down the ones with violence problems. Now with Ethan's eating problems, pot probably wouldn't be the best to give him but I'm ready to lock down the entire kitchen or throw out all of our food if pot will help Ethan calm down and stay calm throughout an entire day. Ethan got so angry at school he tried to strangle a teacher, he was suspended for 3 days while reports were written up, a specialized therapist was called in to the school, and many many many forms were signed by me so that if/when (hopefully won't happen again) it happens again no legal action will be taken because of Ethan's diagnosis. Not sure why it took til his junior year for these forms to be given to me but at least they allowed me to sign them now and not do anything legally. They are willing to work with him and his attitude. Ethan has even hit Scott, raised his fists to me, and gotten a little too close to Harley during one of his rages. Things I've read say that pot will help calm Ethan and every post I've read stated their child doesn't get that stoned look, they just are able to stay calm and life is a little easier, no more fear of rages, things being thrown and broken, or families being afraid and hiding during the rages. I have lots of reading to do and doctors to talk to before I actually do it. If this new semester continues like the last semester ended, I might be trying pot with Ethan sooner than later. Oh Happy New Year to All!