Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Scott and I actually made it to the gym last night. It was the second time in a month, so proud of myself. Really, ya'll just don't know what an accomplishment this was for me.

I'm going again tonight, all by my lonesome. Scott closes the store tonight so I'll be able to workout without someone making me giggle so hard I actually have to step off the treadmill and make the others around us laugh at me because I trip myself on the treadmill because of said giggles and either have to jump off or fall flat on my face as the tread on the mill rolls me backwards. I opted to jump off the treadmill. Seriously, it almost happened.

After that incident I put my headphones on and listened to Medium on their media center . They have tvs set on the major networks and Medium is the only thing I watch Monday nights. You can just plug your headphones into their little theater system they have on each machine and walk, jog, run, and elliptical to your hearts content while you watch your favorite show. It does make it easier to get the 25 minutes in on the elliptical machine. It is so easy for me to overdo it on those machines.

Before I met Scott I was at the gym by 4:30am every weekday morning but Fridays and then there by 8am on Saturdays. I really need to get back into that routine, really really bad.

I am sore but it's not very bad at all. If I can get there tonight and then again tomorrow night and then rest Thursday night maybe I can make myself get up Friday morning. Maybe.

It's so hard for me to work out at night because when I get home I have so much energy and can't go to sleep and then have a hard time getting up the next morning. Yes, I am tired today and can't wake up. I caught myself nodding off a while ago and decided posting would keep me awake for a while.

Only an hour and a half until lunch and maybe a nap. We'll see.

Chocolatism: If you don't eat chocolate someone may assume you'd rather have lima beans or brussell sprouts or cooked carrots.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Uneventful Weekend

I had a nice, relaxing weekend. I started laundry, have yet to finish it, cleaned bathrooms, did dishes, ummm and lots of other cleaning.

Scott was so nice and cooked dinner Saturday night, after working all day! He grilled the steaks that sat in marinade from Friday evening to Saturday when Scott got home from work. He had called to let me know he was on his way home to please get the grill going. I turned the propane on and hit the button to light the burners and nothing. Just click click click. I turned everything off and tried it all over again and still nothing. Which means I should have gotten our long lighter to get the flames going but no, sorry, I am a chicken and always make Scott do that part. Thank goodness he doesn't have a problem with my chicken parts! I let him know what happened after we all tackled him at the door and he said ok, grabbed the lighter and went outside.

Now, it was 7:20pm when he got home from work so it's pretty dark outside. He turned everything on and lit the burners. And the night turned back into to day for a few seconds as the flames reached for the sky. He admits to being chicken too because when he has to light the grill this way he stands as far back as possible and then reaches his arm in to light it. Good thing he did this time because the flames singed his hair, eyebrows and arm hairs on the arm that was holding the lighter. Oh, the smell. It was horrendous and horrible and gagging and just yuck!

The dogs were running circles around Scott while the kids were screaming and jumping up and down and I was racing around the kitchen getting towels wet. By the time I got the towels out to him the flames were under control and he had the steaks going.

His arm hairs are gone, his eye brows are nice and neat, and his hair (which needed a hair cut anyways) is ok now. I have to say this about my hubby, his eyebrows are very bushy and can be scary at times and he trims them every week. He won't have to for a while now, he he he! This did make us get a move on to get his hair cut, he was getting a little bushy there too.

Dinner was very tasty!

Sunday was spent at church and then lunch at Denny's (or Lenny's as hubby likes to call it) very original isn't it? I did a little laundry, played "soccer" with Emma for a couple hours, have some pretty bruises on my shins because that little girl has one mean kick, bathed Harley and made all the kids mad because I put them all to bed at 8pm last night. Scott left for work about 7pm and I was exhausted after the busy day. I'm sure they all got over it and it gave me time to do the dishes and get lunches ready for today. In total peace and quiet. No kids, no dogs because they were still outside, no tv, and mom was already getting ready for bed too. It was rather nice.

Poor Scott didn't get off work until 8:15 this morning. He was working the stock truck and normally the shift is 7:30pm to 4am, with a half hour lunch break, so he has lots of overtime to start out the week.

Suppose I should go study some more. This course is so very easy and I should get it done in a month or even less. It is Excellence in Customer Service and it is a beginner course but it is required for the business degree. Off to studying now.

Chocolatism: Eating chocolate is a good way to pass the time spent on 'Hold'.

Friday, February 24, 2006


Last night was, well, LOUD. From the moment I walked in the door to the moment I got the kids in bed they were yelling. And at each other. Calling each other names and trying to tackle each other, hitting, kicking, and spitting. Oh the spitting at the dinner table. Let's just say dinner was short and kids went to bed early.

Harley just sat there and giggled at all the ruckus. About half an hour after I got home he wandered into the kitchen in nothing but his diaper and, drum roll please, his cowboy boots. And I couldn't find my camera because you all know that is a picture that needs to be posted for all the cuteness. I ran around the house checking the usual places and never found it. I finally asked Scott this morning where it was and he said on the back computer desk. This is the desk I don't touch for fear that something will bite me. This is the desk that is so loaded with papers and stuff that Scott just can't bear to throw away (junk mail, torn envelopes, trash!) that I am surprised it hasn't gotten up and shaken itself like a dog and walked off. Or maybe it would run off, I'm not sure. Either way I don't want to dive into that mess.

When I got up this morning it had already started. I should have just thrown a WWE ring up into my house and let the demons go for it. There was screaming and yelling, punches were thrown, shins were kicked, and I'm pretty sure a headbutt was thrown in for good measure. I have no idea what there deal is with each other right now but I'm already tired of it. Both of them will end up going to school with a black eye one of these days and I'm going to have child services knocking on my door.

If tonight is the same way the kids are going to bed after having sandwiches and I'm sure this momma will have a few glasses (bottle) of wine with my supper. Wine and grilled cheese is actually not bad at all.

Tomorrow will be filled with lots of housework and laundry, with a quick break to get my nails done. I sound silly saying that, but hey, those nasty cuticles and hangnails I had are gone. I no longer have bloody stumps so I'm not afraid to show my hands. Oh, my daughter thinks I need to just hurry up and go buy some hair color because mom, you glow under the lights now and you are too young for silver hairs. I've heard this so many times in the past few weeks. I finally told her to please quit and I would color my hair later if I felt the need to. I kind of like the silver hairs in amongst my brown hair. And the hair is silver, not gray!

Chocolatism: Eating chocolate will take your mind off all those gray hairs you're getting.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Trying to have a positive day

My mood isn't much better. I'm trying to make myself be happy though.

I think my main problem today is Scott. My lovely husband. His knee is all swollen. Yes, this is the knee that he just had surgery on this past fall. It is about 3 times the size it should be and he doesn't want to call the doctor. He is sure that it's because he has a cold and the cold is starting to settle in that knee because it was recently operated on. I'm not buying it.

I told him fine, don't call the doctor and when you end up having that knee replaced now instead of 10 years from now I wouldn't be sending him flowers while he is in the hospital. That'll teach him won't it? Ha I laugh at myself.

Anyways, on to better and more humorous things. Like Harley.

Harley's personality has emerged. And it is just like his fathers. He is stubborn, obstinate, funny, and will do anything to make us laugh. His opinions are definite and if he doesn't like something he will let you know. I found him climbing onto the kitchen counter the other day and when I asked him what he was doing he sat down and smiled innocently at me and said Cookie Please?

He loves pushing the kitchen chairs around so he can climb up onto or into something to get what he is after. I've found the kitchen chair in his sister's room, in the laundry area, and our bathroom. I'm tempted to bolt down our chairs.

He has also found the joy of birthday cake. He knows he has cake left and he is trying to refuse to eat any other food but his CAKE. Or rather, the frosting on his cake, the actual cake part he won't touch. He runs around the house yelling for cake. He's drinking his milk and juice though so I'm not going to worry too much. Oh, he'll eat spinach. But that's about it right now.

Now I should probably go do some work. My next course finally showed up so I must get to studying.

Cake anyone?

Chocolatism: Self denial is not healthy and can lead to extensive therapy bills.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours!





























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Back at work

And in some ways I am happy to be back and others not so happy.

Harley's birthday started out horribly for me. I spent the day in bed, shivering with fevers, horrible, awful stomach pain, and spewing from both ends. I just know you all wanted to hear that! Scott got the older kids ready for school and managed to help mom with stuff as well. I was so thankful he was off that day. I managed to shower about 11am but didn't actually get dressed until 1pm, the shower wore me out and made my stomach hurt so bad. By the time 5pm rolled around I could sit up for a while without feeling like I would fall over so I accompanied the family to Outback for Harley's birthday dinner. Yes, we had a 2 year old's birthday dinner at Outback. I figured he was too young to care yet so I would pick something I love. And then I couldn't even enjoy it. I ended up sleeping in the van until they were done eating. I woke up and walked in to our table just as the waitress was bringing the check. Yea for mommy and the checkbook. eh

Saturday I felt a little better and managed to make it through grocery shopping but then napped as soon as we got home.

Sunday I did the good little daughter thing and took mom to church even though I was feeling crappy again.

Monday was ok. I spent lots of money at the mall on clothes for Emma, starting to love those holiday sales.

Tuesday was a little better, I actually managed to get our taxes done. Refund = new dining room chairs, new vacuum, and saving for Disney trip with family this summer. Really exciting stuff, isn't it?

And today I am at work and my stomach is hurting again. I think it is stress related this time. Bad news came as soon as I got to work and I have been grouchy since. It's not unexpected though. I have a semi-strict policy with myself to never talk about work here. This subject might be talked about in length at a later time, I'm not sure yet. I do know my job is still secure though, that is what matters.

And I am still totally exhausted. Maybe coming back to work was a good thing. I can get myself back into a schedule and my stomach issues will go away. Hopefully.

Chocolatism: If you eat chocolate in the forest, and no trees fall, the calories don't count.

I'll post more tomorrow and hopefully be in a more sharing mood!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

We Have Survived & Harley will be 2 years old tomorrow

Mom's rotator cuff shoulder surgery went very well and the doctor was actually pleased with it. He said he could tell that she had torn right where her stitches were the last time. So, he thinks he repaired it better this time and it should last. He said if it happens again she is looking at joint replacement. I told the doctor if it does happen again that we should just chop her arm off so she wouldn't have this problem anymore. Mom laughed, the doctor laughed, even the nurses and the anesthesioligist (not sure if I spelled this right my computer is acting up and not letting some of the functions work), our preacher didn't laugh though. Not sure why. Oh, maybe because he is new to us and doesn't know what wacky senses of humor we have. EH, he'll get used to us.

She got very little anesthesia and then had a nerve block put in her neck. This worked so much better than full anesthesia. She woke up faster, was more alert when she did wake up, she ate normal foods yesterday, and didn't sleep all day like she has with the other two surgeries. It's just been much easier this time. Why does she have to tear her rotator cuff in her right shoulder, why can't she do it in the left if she absolutely has to? I only say this because she is right handed.

I'm wiped out though, getting the older kids ready for school, dressing the baby ( WHO WILL BE 2 YEARS OLD TOMORROW!!!!!!!), and then dressing my mom, along with regular activities like dishes, making beds, more dishes, remaking the beds after Harley attacked them. Oh by the way, he'll be 2 whole years old tomorrow.

I haven't slept much the past couple nghts and I should probably be sleeping right now instead of typing this. Last night I kept getting up to check on mom and make sure she was ok. I knew she was but the doctor and nurses stressed checking on her the first night, especially if she slept in her bed and not a recliner, just to make sure she hadn't rolled over on her arm. The night before that was Valentines day and I had a whole thing planned for Sc0tt when he got home from work aroun 10pm. Well, let's just say it didn't work out and we ended up arguing so we went to bed without any V-day fun. Right now he's trying to get me to bed to make up for the other night. And he's drumming his fingers on the mattress and sighing very loudly.

Well, I'm off to bed to sleep... Ha more likely to be attacked by my hubby. I'm off from work until next Wednesday and even though I'm sleeping less now, I'm absolutely loving staying home with Harley all day and then being home for the older two when they get out of school. I'll have to think about this work thing.

And a quick side note about Emma and Harley. She asked if she could take a bath with him tonight because Ethan used up all the hot water in his shower. Well, it was a combination of Ethan, mom (taking a bath without telling me so I could help her, yes I lectured her), and Scott doing dishes, and me running Harley's bath. So I told her this one time she could bathe with Harley. They played for a while, soaked the bathroom floor, and then Emma decided to wash up Harley so she could wash up and get out. Emma washed his hair and then was washing his body and was leaning over to reach around to get his butt because he wouldn't turn around. I'm sitting on the toilet reading a book, waiting for Harley to be done so I can get him in his pj's. Emma started yelling and screaming EW EW EW EW GRoSS GROSS over and over again. I looked up from my book to see Harley peeing on her. I started laughing and told her to move. She was too mortified to move. She couldn't believe he was peeing on her. And, instead of backing up she accidentally slid forward and got some in her hair. Needless to say, Harley was rinsed off very quickly and I got him out of the tub fast so Emma would calm down. She took a cold shower anyways because there was no way she was going to sit in that "pee infested water anymore". I'm still giggling over it.

Life is so much fun anymore!

And Harley will be 2 years old tomorrow!

Monday, February 13, 2006

The weekend was very relaxing, just what I need before mom's shoulder surgery coming up this Wednesday. This will be the 3rd surgery on this same shoulder for the same thing, a torn rotator cuff. The doctor is having to put some kind of mesh in to hold it together for her and has already told her this will be the last time he will be able to repair it.

I don't know how she keeps tearing it! I think she tore it right after granny died last September. I know mom never moved granny because I was always the one to roll her from side to side when we had to change her or the sheets.

The next week will be fun! HA HA HA HA AHAAH AH sorry almost lost it in hysterical laughter but I'm OK.

We spent Saturday in Durango CO shopping and wandering around Main Street. We ate lunch at the Steamworks, absolutely wonderful Greek Spinach Wrap, and then after that we headed to walmart of all places and did our grocery shopping there before we headed home. I have to say that the Durango walmart is so backwards from ours but hey, the customer service is 100% better and the checkers were amazingly fast. They had every check out open and at least 5 people in every line and from the moment we stepped into that line, with 4 other people with full baskets, we were out of there within 8 minutes. They were fast, courteous, and perky!
I'm tempted to write a nasty letter to our store and explain our experience in Durango and then ask why I can never have that at our store here.

Wait, an even better idea would be to just change grocery stores! I think I will do that.

Sunday was spent in bed until about 1pm. I believe it was close to the epitomy of laziness. After I finally got up and got dressed I headed to Subway to pick up lunch for everyone and then I turned into mean mom and made the kids pick up dog poo. I got out there and helped them though so I don't think I was too mean.

Scott's parents left for Iowa Saturday morning because one of Scott's cousins passed away. Apparently he had been ill for a while and the family knew it was coming. Very sad. Scott had never met this cousin so he opted out of taking time off work and going to the funeral.

And I just ran out of stuff for right now. So I guess I'll go find some work to do and come back another time.

Chocolatism: The Dentist cannot drill gaping holes in your teeth if you have a mouthful of chocolate.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Flashback Friday Valentine

Will you be my Valentine?

Truthfully there isn't a Valentine day that sticks out in my head as the most special one.

I had a strict love-hate relationship with this holiday growing up.

I loved it because during the school parties, besides the cute little kid cards, parents would send most with kids with some sort of chocolate treat to hand out with those cards. I hated it because of those chocolate treats that most parents would send in. I wanted to eat them so bad but I didn't want to eat them in front of anyone. I was a normal, thin, active kid until I reached the 5th grade. But for some reason I was always afraid to eat in front of my classmates, well, lunch didn't bother me because everyone else was eating and it was ok. But not everyone ate those chocolates right away. I didn't want to look like a pig. I don't know why I had an issue with eating back then. My family certainly didn't have issues with eat.

When I reached the 5th grade I started gaining weight and became the chubby kid. My eating habits had changed and were turning into bad eating habits. My activity level hadn't changed. I would still get out there and run and play at school but at home I would hide in my room and read a book.

The 5th grade was the start of the love-hate relationship with that day. I would hide those chocolates away to eat at home because heaven forbid I eat anything like that in front of my classmates.

I received my first Valentine gift as a junior in high school because I had a boyfriend. It was a teddy bear with card. That bear and card seemed to set the theme for many Valentine days to come.

It wasn't until I met and married Scott that I received something besides a stuffed animal and a card.

Our first V-day together Scott bought me a pair of pin earrings. I really didn't expect anything for our first V-day because it was only 15 days away from our wedding day. But the earrings are beautiful and I was so very shocked to get them.

Our second V-day together landed on a Saturday night and I didn't know it at the time, but was only three days away from delivering Harley. We had decided not to buy each other anything, not even a card, and just go out to dinner and a movie. We went to Applebee's and then saw 50 First Dates. It was a romantic night even though we didn't exchange gifts or go dancing, it was just a regular dinner and movie. But, that was all my pregnant body would allow for.

The third V-day? This is horribly, awful bad but I don't remember what we did last year. I don't think we did much of anything. It must not have upset me though since I just don't remember it.

Ok, maybe it's a toss up between our first and second Valentines days together as the most special one.

This year? We don't have any plans again. Scott has to work until 10:30 that night and we have plans with family tonight and tomorrow night so we can't celebrate it early, at least with just the two of us. I'm still trying to think of something original to get for him. We haven't made a pact not to buy anything so I'll keep looking until I'm happy with something.

I have kept all the cards that the kids have made me. Emma doesn't realize it but one of my night stand drawers is stuffed with the cards that both Ethan and Emma have made for me throughout the years. Those cards will be cherished forever!

Now go on over to Karin's and read her story along with everyone else who writes along about today's Flashback.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Valentines Day gift for men

Just a quick question.

What is everyone getting their hubby or significant other for V-day? I am at a loss and have no idea what to get my husband!

Suggestions would be wonderful.

Growl Roar GRRrrrr and TMI

I haven't posted in a couple days because I am GROUCHY! As in growling at everything and everyone for no reason. My only excuse is the good ol' PMS. Any men reading this might not want to read any further, tomorrow's post should be better!

Horrible, nasty, mean, and evil. That has been me the past couple days. I have taken to the old standby don't say anything at all if I can't say anything nice.

I haven't even had mood swings, I've just been in an upward swing of grouchiness. And now I'm going to share too much information with everyone.

I have a feeling I've been like this because this monthly friend has just been awful and bad this month. I've cramped the whole time and the flow (ew gross, sorry) has just been horrendously heavy. For THREE days now. The bloating is no fun either. I've been wearing comfy pants to work and normally I try to dress up a few times a week.

There was a time this was normal for me and I learned to live with it but since I've had Ethan the monthly visits have slowed way down and the cramps were limited to just a couple days before and the first day.

I hope this isn't the start of the old days because the light days with barely any cramps were nice. I had gotten used to them and want them back!

I shouldn't complain because I know many women have it much worse than I do. My mom did, in fact, have it much worse. She had constant cramps and then towards the end, before her hysterectomy, she bled constantly. There was maybe two days in a three month period when she didn't bleed. My aunt and granny had the same problem and all were found to have benign tumors on their ovaries and fallopian tubes when they had their hysterectomy. I have that in the back of my mind during every yearly checkup. My yearly is coming up in April.

So I will end this post and go stew in my grouchiness and hope it all ends soon so I can feel better. I have tried to make myself be in a good mood but it just didn't work.

I am going to add this though, part of it also has to do with family. A couple weeks ago there was a family party to celebrate our niece's 13th birthday. My SIL invited family from California and Texas, knowing they wouldn't come because of the distance, but she thought it would be nice to invite them anyways. Which it was nice, I'm not disagreeing with that. Scott, the kids and I weren't invited because SIL thought we wouldn't have wanted to come. We still don't know where she got the idea we wouldn't want to celebrate our niece's 13th birthday. Scott has gone back and forth between inviting SIL and her family to Harley's birthday dinner this Saturday and not inviting them. He finally gave in last night and invited them. SIL told them that the 13 year old niece has a student council meeting in another town a couple hours away and they won't be back in time for the dinner and then proceeded to ask if we could change our time from a 5pm dinner to 7pm or later dinner. Scott asked me and I said no, it's a family dinner for our 2 year old and I don't want to have it later, otherwise we would have a grumpy 2 year old. He said ok, he didn't want to change the time either and let SIL know. They said ok, hopefully they can catch up with us later in the night.

For some reason Scott and I kept bickering about SIL and her husband and before we knew it he had stormed out of the room and I had turned over and fell promptly to sleep. When I tried to talk to him this morning while I was getting ready for work he didn't say a word to me. As I left I did my normal of giving him a kiss and telling him I loved him and have a good day. Still not a word. Hopefully he'll get over it soon. I've apologized for going overboard a few times and it is his turn now. We were both in the wrong this time, not just me.

I'm going to drown in some PMS and eat a donut for now. It is a chocolate donut too!

Chocolatism: If you shake the candy jar after you take some chocolate, no one will be able to tell how much you've taken.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The weekend was ok. Saturday Scott and I worked out and that's about it. None of us got any chores done. We all took lots of naps that day, just little cat naps, not sure why. Saturday night Scott and I went to get supper for everyone because none of us felt like cooking. We spent $130 on junk at Sam's Club.

Ethan and Emma went to a birthday party for their youngest cousin, C. He is the youngest on SW's side of the family. He turned 3 last weekend and because all of last weekend was busy for us, the OutLaws planned his party for this past weekend just so my two could go. Some might think how sweet. Believe me, they are not being sweet.
Emma and her cousin, K, planned to meet half way and then walk back to K's house together. I told Emma that was fine with me but I would walk with her and Ethan would have to go with them too. Both girls said ok. Right before we were about to walk out the door, the OutLaws showed up to drive Ethan and Emma to the party. We tried to explain and ex MIL just told the kids to get in the car. I told her fine, I expect the kids home by 4:30 and no later. Then I shut the door in her face. That wasn't nice at all but the kids were already in her car and they had no idea that I didn't say goodbye to ex MIL.
The kids got home on time but Emma complained that K was mean to her the entire time she was there and even has a knot on her head where K hit her. I discovered it was pointless to complain because they won't answer the phone when I call. Emma told me she doesn't want to see them anymore because they aren't nice anymore. I'm tempted to get in touch with SW to tell him this and see what he says. The OutLaws just don't seem to understand that Emma sees exactly how they are and that they lie to me quite often. It will be their loss and they just don't seem to care.

After the party and our Sam's club shopping spree we ate supper and wasted an hour and a half or so watching the Dukes of Hazzard movie. I like Johnny Knoxville, Burt Reynolds, and Sean Williams Scott and that is the only reason to sit through the whole thing. Ethan loved it so that's all that matters. He went to bed happy.

Sunday morning came way too early. Scott had to be at work at 8am, way off from his normal 7:30pm time! So, the kids and I got ready and went to the church breakfast to meet the new preacher and his wife. I really like him so far but his wife will take some getting used to. She was negative about everything in our little church. It was too small, our landscaping is ugly, the children are too noisy, and she couldn't believe that a church member actually donated the eggs that were used for the breakfast. That egg donator would be my MIL. Preachers wife ate her eggs but didn't look happy to do it. I can just imagine what she thought of Ethan and how very loud he is. I wonder how she'll act when she finds out that he is autistic. I bet she is the kind of person that whispers things that disgust her. You know, words like cancer, autism, SIDS, just about anything offensive. This should be fun when Scott meets her.

After church mom took the kids and I out to lunch. It was a yummy Mexican food restaurant that makes their tortillas there! I always eat too much there. Then mom went grocery shopping by herself for the last time in probably ever, I'll explain in a minute**. The kids played while I started on laundry. We haven't started laundry on a Sunday afternoon in years. We were lazy I said! It was fun being lazy for a while.

I managed to not see the super bowl while Scott watched it when he got home from work. I paid bills, did some soccer stuff, read some blogs, and then while reading my Yahoo news saw who won the game I turned to Scott and asked him if he knew that the Steelers won. He gave me the strangest look and told me that yes, he knew, he had sat right there, less than 5 feet from me, and watched the whole game. That's when I realized just how long I'd been on the computer. Oops, at least there were periods when I would get up to do more laundry, feed the kids, and even put them to bed. I giggled and Scott threw the remote at me.

Emma did pretty good all weekend with no blow ups.

Ethan is his usual self.

Harley has started eating the cream filling out of the oreos and then leaving the cookie parts all over the house. Last night I caught him up on a chair at the kitchen table, the oreo laid open and sitting in halves right in front of him. Instead of picking up the cookies to lick off the cream he bends his head down and licks the cream off the cookie, making very sure to not touch the cookie with his hands, just his tongue. Don't ask me where he got that. I have no idea!

Harley's new words are welcome (and he does use it properly and say if after we tell him thank you), man, Scott, Hannon (when he is calling me, Shannon), gooey (meaning yogurt), and roar.

Oh, and I am sorry but I have to brag. Emma's last report card was 1 A, 2 B's, and the rest C's. Her progress report for this grading period came home yesterday and showed everything but one subject was brought up to an A and that subject was a B! Happy Dance Happy Dance!

Chocolatism: Chocolate has milk in it. Help support the American Dairy Farmer.

Friday, February 03, 2006

A Little Better

The past couple of nights have been much better. Last night she had what looked like an anxiety attack. I have started working with her on calming techniques. It seems to have helped so far.

Thank you for all the supportive comments I've received. And you wouldn't believe the doctors in this area. For a specialist we have to drive to another town that is smaller than ours but has more advanced medical care than we do. There is one therapist in this area that will take children, that is the one that I have an appointment for in April. I'm keeping that one but looking for one in Durango Colorado, it's about an hour drive and the town is gorgeous so I really don't mind at all.

The hospital care is minimal. If you are in ICU you receive wonderful care. The rest of the hospital, not so much. You can take someone in to the emergency room, and I know they are busy and there are things that go on behind the scenes that have to be done that the regular person doesn't see, but if you have a very ill child that is vomiting everywhere and you can tell just by looking at the poor baby they have a high fever (then the mom tells you that her fever was 107 the last time she took it) then they should be taken back right away. That family sat in the waiting room for almost 3 hours before being seen. The poor little girl, probably around Harley's age, became more and more lethargic and wouldn't even take small sips of water by the time they called her back. Again I understand certain things need to be done but with a child that sick get them back to care right away.

The staff at our hospital is just down right rude. When I had Harley half the nurses seemed incompetent and the other half that knew what they were doing ignored you. Our hospital lets the baby room in with the mother and I asked the nursery to take Harley one time during my 3 day stay there. I was finally allowed to shower and was going to just take a quick shower and get dressed and then go get him. Before I even had a chance to get in the shower the nursery was calling me asking if I was ready for him yet, after maybe 10 minutes. So I didn't get to shower until my last day there, 1 hour before I got to go home. So I made them all nervous and refused to let them wheel me down in a wheel chair. I told them I really didn't care about hospital policy because they didn't really care about their patients. Oh, the thing that really set me off was that someone from accounting came to see me about paying for my hospital stay less than an hour after coming out of anesthesia from my C-section. They couldn't wait for one day to go by.

When Scott was in 1 1/2 years ago because his diabetes was so bad he shared a room with a very old man that was having a hip replacement. The nurses ignored the poor old man when he buzzed their station, they ignored Scott when he buzzed for the little old man. When the nurses came to take the old man to prep him for surgery other nurses came in to change his very soiled sheets. The nurses tossed the very soiled (as in poopy!!), nasty sheets on Scott's bed, with him still in it. He kicked them off and complained about it and one nurse picked the sheets up, placed them back on Scott's bed, and told him to just be patient. Scott got out of bed and took the nasty sheets and threw them in the middle of the hall.

The only reason my granny got such good care was because my mom is on the hospital board, with a badge to prove it, and she wore it every time she was in there with granny.

I've had a friend tell me he had to take his mom in when she was having a break down and they let them sit in the waiting room for 2 hours, she cried the whole time. I've had others tell me the various times they have had to go in the wait can be up to 4 hours, even when there is no one else in the waiting room.

There just aren't many good stories from our hospital. If it comes to that I will take Emma, I would call 911 though, to come get her, and I would deal with the wait as long as it meant she would be given the help I'm not able to. I've also decided I would become the biggest bitch in the world if the doctors or nurses blow me off if that happens. I'm normally a pretty quiet person but given the chance I can be extremely mean, I'd be the momma grizzly protecting her cubs. Nice comparison huh?

But as I've said, the past couple nights have been better. She's finished homework without melt downs, hasn't kicked or hit anyone, she's even helped Ethan with part of his homework (NICELY!). I'm hoping it's not what I think it is and that she just doesn't know how to deal with the stress of losing Muffin and Granny within a few days of each other, that she's just not dealing with the loss at all. I'm also wondering if the whole fiasco between myself, Scott and the OutLaws has affected her. That could be a possibility too.

I'm off to make some more calls, one of the doctor's in Durango comes highly recommended from Ethan's Special Ed teacher and he is relatively new so I'm hoping that will be promising.

Chocolatism: Chocolate covered raisins are a fruit and a great source of fiber. Fiber is an important part of your daily nutritional requirements!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I feel as if I am losing my mind

I'm going to do something here that I haven't done with some of my closest friends. And that is sharing more problems my daughter is having. I don't want to be judged and I know my friends wouldn't judge me but I still don't want to take the slightest chance that there might be.

For the past three nights Emma has had melt downs. She thinks everyone hates her and no one loves her, she doesn't have any friends, and she wants to run away. My mom finally told me that she has had these fits, melt downs, whatever you want to call them, for quite a while now. I don't know why she hasn't told me sooner though. She has now started threatening to kill herself. Not just one time either, I have heard her say it 4 times in the past 3 days.

She does have an appointment with an excellent child therapist in this area but it's in April and I don't want to wait that long. I have other therapists to call and hopefully I can get her in to see one sooner, like yesterday.

Last night was so bad I almost picked her up and took her to the ER. I don't know what they would have done though. I don't know how they would react, if they would tell me I am just being paranoid and all little girls go through this, or if they would take my fears seriously and find a way to start helping us now. I don't think I am being paranoid or I'm just some crazy mom. My little girl used to be happy and care free and now she talks about leaving me. I'm just scared..... Last night she kept repeating that she wanted to die and was crying so hard she could barely say that. I kept telling her please don't want that and that I loved her and everyone needs and wants her here, that we all love her more than words can say. She asked what I would do if she did die and I told her I wasn't sure. I said I would probably lay on her bed and not move for a very long time. She seemed to think that over for a while as she calmed down. Later on she did tell me she doesn't want to die but she doesn't know why she feels so angry or sad sometimes.

I've been unable to function fully at work today because I am so worried about her.

I know of one person on my side of the family that is bipolar and then on her dad's side there are lots of issues. I just don't know where to start.

I'm lost right now, just as much if not more, than my little girl.

I'm hoping that someone can give me any ideas, where to start looking, maybe what to say to her. I promise I'm not crazy or paranoid. I'm just worried about my baby girl and need help.

On that note I need to go to lunch and run to the school because they just called to say Ethan has an upset stomach and is dry heaving. EEK