Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Feeling Horrible

But this time for a different reason. Physically I am finally starting to feel better. One good thing about this illness is losing 11 lbs. Not the right way to lose it I know but hopefully with all the WII games we are playing I can keep it off.

I feel horrible today because today Ronnie was supposed to get his driver's license. I made sure I had all the paper work ready to go and he had all of his ready to go. We get to the DMV and wait until our number is called and get up there only to have the lady tell me that my registration is expired. My stomach dropped to my knees. I thought to myself "Stupid, you should have checked that at the same time you checked your insurance card and found that it was out of date". I didn't know what to say so I did something I never thought I would stoop to, begged the nice DMV lady to see if could get a printed copy since we were you know at the DMV and then he could still take the test to get his license today. Nope, they were unable to do that. So we had to make another appointment and I get to find my missing registration. The correct sticker is on my license plate so who knows what I did with the card. I will say that DMV lady was very nice and pretty cute too.

I am sure Ronnie is upset and disappointed but he said oh well, shit happens mom, let's go. He's been wonderful about it to my face. Who knows what he's said to his friends though. Oh well, he has every right to be upset with me.

And when I told my husband what has happened he has grilled me through texting. Why wasn't the new registration card in the car all along, when did you get the new card, why didn't you check on this over the weekend so I would be ready for today. And quite a few other questions. I finally quit answering so the last message I got from him was I love you.

You know, I know I should have checked to make sure everything was in order. I know I should have done it over the weekend so it would be done, instead of rushing to get things gathered at 11:30 last night. But why didn't he help me. This next thought is extremely mean of me but it went through my head before I even realized what I was thinking. Why am I doing this for your son, why aren't you taking the afternoon off to go with your son to get his drivers license. You would think a milestone like that he would want to do with his son. Don't get me wrong, I love Ronnie. I enjoy doing things with him. I have no problems, for the most part, with him. I say for the most part because he is a teenage boy and there is always some kind of drama going on with teenagers.
So, I'm getting grilled for not being prepared. Scott's treating me like a child instead of his wife that made a mistake.

In my defense I have been sick. I've also been working alot, still. The overtime is back in full swing due to more additions at work. I just happened to take half a day off in anticipation of sitting at the DMV for the afternoon.

He's on his way home from work now so we shall see what is said when he gets home. And I must start dinner now. And yet again I am unprepared because I have no idea what I'm making my family for dinner!!

Go Me

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I Went to the Doctor

Scott made me go to the doctor last night when I got home from work. Probably a good thing because it turns out I have more than just a head cold. I'm one sick momma.

Are you ready?!??!?!

I have sinusitis, lymph nodes are infected, both ears infected, strep throat, and tonsillitis. Where in the hell did all of these things come from?

I haven't been around anyone that I'm aware of that has been this sick. All these germs were just floating along in the air and decided to land on me. And make me sick and not want to drink or eat anything.

It hurts to have air go down my throat. You think I'm going to eat or drink anything when just air hurts? Hell No

Supposedly I'm not contagious so I went to work today. Stupid. By the end of the day I felt horrible and cried all the way home. Which was stupid again because of all the damn snow on the ground. It snowed enough last night school was cancelled today. Oh, and to go along with the snow was the rain. So tomorrow should be a blast with all the damn black ice that will surely form over night. And yes, I'm going to work tomorrow too.

Do ya think I would have gotten any rest if I'd stayed home today with the kids being home too? Nope, I don't think so. Well, I might have because my husband made me put my pj's on and get in bed as soon as I walked in the door today. Oh yes, his office closed today due to the bad weather. But will mine ever do that? Heck no.

And guess what. Not one person has come in to my room and asked if I need anything or how I'm doing since I came to bed. I slept for maybe 10 minutes and then my body started aching. And now I'm a big ball of whiny, sick, BITCH. I hate being sick. I wish the damn antibiotics would kick in so I could start feeling better. And now I'm hungry. But I'm still not going to eat or drink anything until my throat quits hurting.

So they might have left me alone to rest today.

Now that my bitchy side has come out and I've ranted some more maybe I should suck it up and eat some soup and take some more Advil and go to bed. It's almost 10pm and I have to go to work in the morning.

Oh, and school is delayed for tomorrow already. And that could change to canceled again.

Bright side is I'm going to see the movie The Lovely Bones with my SIL tomorrow. We both read the book and we are looking forward to seeing the movie.

Rant Time I wrote this yesterday at work

Holy Crap I feel like Crap

The past couple of nights here have been snowy and cold. The days have been sunny and slushy. And to go along with all this wonderful wet weather I have a horrible cold. The left side of my head feels as if it's going to implode one minute and the next like its going to explode. My left eye and sinus are pulsing with the pressure and it feels so WEIRD. I've taken Mucinex and I've consumed lots of liquids, water, hot tea, even coffee. I've gargled salt water for my throat. Oh, today I've even lived on Advil. But nothing has touched the pain or pressure or congestion.

My husband is mad at me. He gets mad at me every time I'm sick. He claims he gets mad because I don't go to the doctor but what can a doctor really do for a cold. And with the way everyone goes to the doctor for every little thing who knows what else I could catch while I sit for hours in the waiting room, just waiting for my turn to see the doctor, only to have him tell me keep up what I'm doing and in another week or so I'll be fine.

Now, back to the whole mad at me every time I'm sick. It has nothing to do with me seeing a doctor or not seeing a doctor. When I had the hysterectomy he was mad. he knew it was coming, it's not like I sprung the news on him the night before the surgery. he was fine from the time he heard the news until the second we walked into the hospital to check me in. Then he was angry and snippy with me. He stayed that way until I was home from the hospital for a few days.

Why? Why does he get mad when I'm sick or hurt? It just makes me feel worse. Almost like I've done something wrong when I know I've done nothing wrong.

So, Ok. I could go to the doctor but again, it's a head cold. I don't want to pay a co-pay to have the doc tell me this. Plus, I've got a job, I've got 4 kids, and I've got him. Taking care of all those things is a full time job for 2 1/2 people. I tell him that and what happens?

He goes into the whole spiel of I need to take care of myself as well. I bring up taking time for myself and my family freaks out! I literally have to hide in the bathroom with the door locked to be able to take even 5 minutes to read a book. But they normally track me down and I put my book down to go do whatever they need done or to look at the picture they just colored or the score on the WII game they just played or countless other things that kids do.

I love my kids and that's why I put my book down to see what they are up to. I have an excellent relationship with them and want to keep it that way.

I know, I need to take care of myself and keep myself sane and healthy to be able to live a long life to keep those good relationships.

That is something I need to work on again

Monday, January 18, 2010

3day weekend

I had today off. For MLK day. My kids had today off. For MLK day.
Silly me thought we could all do something together today. HA!! hahahhahahhahhaa

Ronnie wanted to spend last night with a friend to have yet another marathon gaming night. Emma's cousin spent the night and then the girls hit the mall as soon as it opened this morning. Ethan and Harley have been home with me. But all they want to do is play Mario Kart on the WII. I tried to play with them and they asked me to go to my room because I don't play right. Not sure how that works. What exactly does that mean coming from a 5 year old boy and a 14 year old autistic boy?

So I've been sitting on my bed for 3 hours now. I've watched TV, can't even tell you what I've watched, daytime TV is that boring. I've polished my nails a shiny brown. I've read news. I even tried to nap but couldn't even do that right today!

I should have just gone to work today. It would have been a more productive day.

I really never thought I would be sent to my room by my sons for being boring.

And I've even run out of things to say. I think of the best things to post during work, where I have no time to write it down to post later. I might need to start taking time, just to have stuff to post.

And my hubby is at work today so can't even lay on him!

Hope everyone has a good week

Monday, January 11, 2010

Thanksgiving Day Picture

Cast of Characters in the Thanksgiving Day Pictur. Believe me, we are all characters!
Starting on the left hand side on the back row
Ronnie, my 17 year old girl crazy stepson
Becca, the then girlfriend, no they aren't together anymore
Steven, my 26 year old stepson
That Kid, my niece's boyfriend, sorry i can't remember his name, ever.
Jessica, my niece
My Mother-in-Law
Dennis, my brother-in-law
Sherry, my sister-in-law
and then there's My Mom
My father-in-law is kneeling in front of Sherry
My nephew, Adam, is kneeling in front of his sister Jessica
Ethan, in the turquoise shirt, is sitting next to Adam
Scott is kneeling next to Ethan
Harley is leaning on Scott, he had a tie fetish for a couple months and went everywhere with that tie
And last but certainly not least Emma, she is always wearing purple! At least that's what it seems like.

And that is most of my family. My sister-in-law, Susan and her family were in Texas and then my aunt and uncle from Mesa were going to visit but unable to. My uncle ended up in the hospital with pneumonia but is doing well now.

Now I'm really going to go play a WII game!

A New Year

It's hard to believe that it's already the middle of January. I remember when I was in school the time crawled by, like a snail. Now that I'm an adult and have 4 kids in 3 different schools, time just flies by.

I rarely make New Year's Resolutions. They are pointless and I never seem to be able to keep them.
This year I made a resolution. And I am going to work hard to keep this resolution.

A few weeks ago my husband told me I'm no fun anymore. Since Ethan moved back I'm uptight, snippy, angry, and my sense of humor is gone. I didn't realize that I had become like that. It hurt to hear it but I needed to. I have to constantly remind myself that there are 4 kids in this house, not just one. All 4 kids are special in some way and I don't have JUST a special needs teenager. It is an all-consuming thing for me, having an autistic son. I worry about him constantly and am so afraid of what's going to happen to him when I'm gone. Hopefully it's a long time before I'm gone....

Ronnie is angry most of the time and chooses to spend his time at friends houses because, well, you know, there aren't any special needs children there that can make a scene and have a melt down. Last year all the kids were always at our house. But Ethan wasn't here. This year they are rarely at our house. From what I've seen Ronnie's friends don't seem to mind Ethan. I think Ronnie just doesn't want to deal with it. And I don't blame him for that at all.
Emma is so mean to Ethan anymore. I feel like I'm constantly scolding her for hitting Ethan or screaming at him. ETHAN STOP, ETHAN GO AWAY, ETHAN SHUT UP. Every single day. I get so frustrated with her and feel like I've talked until I'm blue in the face but the screaming and hitting continues. She used to help me so much. Now? Not so much. I keep warning her that one of these days Ethan will hit back and I think he would seriously hurt her. A person can only take so much before they lose their temper and I think Ethan has done so well keeping his temper in check with Emma for as long as he has.
And then there is Harley. He's almost 6 and understands that Ethan is different but I'm not sure to what extent. They play very well together most of the time. Ethan is just happier playing with the younger kids. They are more on his level.

So, my resolution is to take more time for myself and find a way to calm down and be happier. OK, I am happy. I am so glad all 4 kids are with us and they are all healthy and doing wonderful in school.
What I need to do is find a way to make sure I don't stress out so bad over one of Ethan's meltdowns. When you stress you get grouchy. When you are grouchy you tend to snap at everyone in the house. When that happens then everyone else either becomes grouchy too or they just get angry with you. Either way it's not healthy for anyone.

It's been a tough road since Ethan moved back. He quit taking food and hiding it to eat later but he still thinks someone is going to steal the food he is eating. I swear I don't know where this comes from. No one tries to take his food. The only thing we do is tell him he's had enough and he can't have seconds.
When he starts to throw a fit I can usually just give him a look now and he will calm down. So far the temper is just outbursts, no physical violence. I hope it stays that way because that 14 year old kid is big. He's taller than me and he's chunky. Not fat, chunky. If we can keep the eating in check than he won't get fat. If it came to physically containing him during a fit I certainly couldn't do it.

Last year for Christmas Scott gave me a Tikki Torch waterfall. It has been in the original box and sat on a shelf collecting dust since the day I unwrapped it. Today I took it to work and set it up. I put the batteries in and put the rocks in and the water and turned it on and lit the candle. And it didn't work. The candle flickered away and the motor whirred but the water never ran through the water fall. I thought great, a present that doesn't work and it sat on a shelf for so long nothing can be done. I griped and grumbled under my breath for a good hour while I worked. I finally realized it did work. I kept hearing water and thought it's too bright outside for it to be raining. I looked at my waterfall and lo behold my waterfall was working!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy! And then I felt like an impatient child. After reading the directions more it did say the water might take a while to start running. And then I felt stupid. But I got over it.

This year for Christmas I got a WII with the WII Fit Plus. We have gone from watching TV to playing WII! That has helped with my mood I think. I've noticed the more I exercise the better my mood is. Things don't seem to bother me as much and I don't worry myself to sleep. Worrying myself to sleep just leads to some freaky dreams.

Right now Ronnie and Emma are calling me to play a game of bowling with them before we go to bed. I do have a headache but if I can sit in a dark room and type this out then I can play one game with them.

Have a wonderful week