Friday, January 13, 2006

The OutLaws Strike Again

This is hopefully an ending to this post.

Emma came home from the OutLaws yesterday afternoon in a foul mood. Ethan was fine. My mom finally got Emma to open up and tell her what was upsetting her. This is what Emma said, in a condensed version.

She said that grampy had asked her about the train set that SW and his wife had sent for Christmas for Ethan. Grampy asked if we had it set up yet and when Emma said no he asked what Scott was doing and why didn't he have it set up yet. Emma said that Scott has been working a lot and that is why. Emma then said that Grampy turned away from her and (this is in Emma's words) said under his breath Yea right, Dumbass.
Emma took it to mean that grampy was calling Scott a dumbass, not her thank goodness. That is how I am taking it too.

When I heard about it I got upset. I let it go for last night because I had a soccer meeting and didn't want to be upset and useless for that meeting. I pushed it to the back of my mind and made a mental note to call the OutLaws today.
Which I did.

Today, when I called ex-FIL to ask him about it of course he denied everything and said he tries his hardest to never even cuss in front of the kids. His word, cuss, ehhh. It's a perfectly good word for it but I just have a problem with the person using it right now. I've heard him swear many, many times in front of the kids. Considering how much I swear (I prefer this word to cuss) I can't preach about that. I told him my problem was how she took it not that he said the word. I told him that Emma thought he was being mean to her step-dad. She didn't like that and it greatly upset her. We got into this big discussion about what I would like him not to do or that he could do or talk about in front of or to the kids. I told him talk about whatever you want but please leave myself, my husband, or my mom out of any conversations with Ethan and Emma in the future. He kept trying to interrupt me but I just kept talking.

I told him I didn't appreciate the lies, that I knew he was lying, I was tired of dealing with his wife who can't bring herself to be nice without being fake about it, that I would never keep the kids from them provided they quit the lying and quit trying to manipulate me. I told him that after speaking with SW (of course I don't call him SW in front of the OutLaws) we had both discovered some lying going on and neither of us appreciated that, kind of like they were trying to play us against each other.
Ex-FIL finally got quiet when I told him that SW and I had spoken about all of this. I now know exactly what kind of people my exes are.

I also told him something that I know hurt his feelings. And I do not care.
I told him that I no longer care what he thinks of me, my husband, or my mother. I repeated again that I would never keep their grandchildren from them but my opinion has totally changed of them and it will take a very long time to change my opinion back to what it was.

When I finally shut up he said that he still has the greatest respect for my mom and me but he doesn't like Scott anymore. He said he will not ask Emma anything like that again and if he does have a question he will call me. I told him I would appreciate it and that now that I have gotten all of this stuff of my chest I will drop it and never bring it up again. He said ok, he will leave it alone too.
I guess we came to some sort of compromise, I'm not sure though.

That is the 35 minute conversation in a nutshell. There is more to it but writing about it would just make this post a lot longer.

I do feel better after confronting ex-FIL. I hate confrontations and will usually do anything to avoid them. But, don't badmouth my husband to my kids or I will be forced to confront you on it!

I hope this is the end of issues with the children but I know not to hold my breath. They actually followed the instructions on the visitation rights notice they got and gave me two weeks notice on a time that they couldn't get the kids and asked for an alternate time. I do appreciate that little bit.

I know we will never have the kind of relationship as before. I'll probably never feel like I can joke around with my ex-FIL anymore and I dread the times when I know I have to speak with them.

I'm sure it will all get easier to deal with as time passes but for now I really wish I didn't have to share my babies. But I will because that is the right thing to do.

So, on this lovely post I will wish everyone a lovely weekend. I plan on doing nothing this weekend, ok maybe cleaning but that's about it.


Karin said...

I know confrontations are hard, but I think you did great! I hope things continue to get better.

Walker said...

The problem with relationships that fall apart is that when kids are involved ties remain.
There will always be some bitterness on both sides as there usually is.
What always has had me perplexed is why can't people just be kind to each other as they were before.
I haven't been reading you long enough to know what ended your first relationship but I would think what should be imporant to your ex in laws is that the kids are safe and happy.
My, ex in laws sound like yours and I have stood up to my parents for being like that too.
Its a rare thing to see people on opposite sides of the fence getting along after a break up particularly in laws but they should just get used to the fact that their son amnmd you have moved on to other things in life and they should just get used to it and be happy they get to see their grand children.