Friday, December 23, 2005

Be Warned Long, Venting Post

It's turning into a not so very merry Christmas all of a sudden. My ex-in-laws are all of a sudden demanding to have the kids this Christmas.

It all started Tuesday when my ex MIL called to see what plans we had for this weekend, specifically Christmas Eve. I told her we were going to Scott's parent's house around 6pm that night. Ex MIL told me she wanted the kids that night and really didn't want to listen to me when I told her again what our plans were. I told her she is more than welcome to have the kids all day Saturday and I would pick them up about 5:30 that night but that wasn't good enough. I even brought up the fact that they had the kids last year for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. She chose to ignore this. I finally quit trying to explain and told her I will tell the kids their options and let them decide and have Emma call. That was mistake one. I should have had Emma tell me what her decision was and I should have called. hmph
Emma called her Grammy and told her what they wanted to do, which was to be there during the day so they could go to Scott's parent's house at night with us. Apparently Grammy talked her out of that and so Emma, being the emotional sweetheart that she is, gave in and said they will go for the night. I know she did this so she wouldn't hurt their feelings. She won't tell them no for anything just so she WON'T hurt their feelings.
I called ex MIL last night to confirm what had been said and she told me that Emma had never said they would go during the day that they only wanted to be their at night. I asked Emma about it while I had ex MIL on the phone. Emma told me everything she had told her Grammy. I left the room and asked ex MIL why she lied to me and she said I didn't lie to you Emma must have forgotten and you and I had miscommunication. Mistake two was me just giving in and telling her fine, do what you need to do and let me know when exactly you want the kids. We said goodbye and hung up.
Scott came home not long after and I told him what had happened and what I did. He became upset and proceeded to call ex MIL and explained what the annual plans were for his family on Christmas Eve and that they had missed last year, so he really wanted them this year. Ex MIL became extremely angry and started yelling at Scott so Scott raised his voice to try to talk so she could hear him over her own screams. He wasn't necessarily yelling at her but he was talking louder. Ex MIL told Scott to kiss her ass and hung up on him.
Scott immediately called back and ex FIL answered this time and both started in right away, Scott saying that ex MIL wouldn't calm down and let him talk and explain and ex FIL yelling that Scott had no right to yell at his wife. This went on for a few minutes until I could hear ex FIL start screaming at the top of his lungs.
I could hear ex FIL screaming but couldn't understand a word he was saying. At this time I just walked out of the room to get away from it. But Scott followed me and the next thing I know Scott is shouting that no, ex FIL can't come and take the kids away and if they step foot on our property the police will be called. He repeated that a couple times and then handed the phone to me and yelled at me, "TELL HIM HE IS NOT ALLOWED ON THIS PROPERTY". I took the phone and held it up and very calmly said to both men, "All of us need to stop this and realize that none of this is about us. It is all about those 2 beautiful children who are totally innocent in all of this."
Then I talked to my ex FIL and he started in on me saying that Scott had no right to yell at his wife and threaten them for coming to get the kids and telling them that Scott's parent's meant more to the kids than my ex's parents did and they were shit compared to Scott's parents. I stopped him right there and said that was a bold faced lie and how dare he stoop to that, where did he think I was during that whole phone fight. He never answered just went on to say that if anything ever happened between myself and Scott that Scott's parent's wouldn't care about the kids and I, we would be shit to them. I lost it right about then and started crying, ok more like sobbing, and told ex FIL I had to go and would call him back when I had calmed down. He kept trying to stop me and keep on talking but I hung up the phone.
Scott hugged me and I just clung to him as I cried for a few minutes. I calmed down and called ex FIL back and by that time I could hear ex MIL in the background talking to SW, I just couldn't hear what was said, just his name. Ex FIL also confirmed that they were talking. Ex FIL told me they had decided to just drop it and they would get the kids either Christmas night or the day after. I said fine and was about to tell him goodbye when ex FIL said "Hey Shannon, Merry Christmas". My response? "Yea to you too." So very cheery wasn't I?

I just knew that it wouldn't be long before SW would call and scream at me for everything that had been said and threaten to take the kids away. I waited and waited and calmed down enough to actually eat some dinner. I bathed Harley and got all the kids in bed and told them they could watch the Grinch movie just keep the volume down on their TV's.
The dreaded call never came so I gave in and called only to have to leave a message. I really didn't know if they just weren't home or if SW was avoiding me. I wouldn't put it past him to do that. I waited a while and became even more impatient and called again with still no answer. This time I waited for an hour before I called a third time. No answer again.
I decided a hot bath might help some and made sure all the kids were asleep and told Scott what I was going to do. He said ok if I wanted anything to let him know. He was being awfully nice because he knew I was upset with him as well. Not nearly as much as my ex-in-laws though.
I had my cell phone in the bathroom with me and had finally calmed down enough to really get back into the book I am reading, Memoirs of a Geisha, when my cell phone went off. It startled me so much I almost dropped the book into the water.
I just sat there staring at the phone as it buzzed and vibrated over to the edge of the tub and almost fell into the tub.
I braced myself and answered it and SW said hey, how are you, are you ok, I know we have issues and we'll get them straightened out and you don't need to worry about my parents. I was shocked. He asked me to tell him my side of the debacle. He sat there quietly while I started at the beginning and told him everything that had happened. He said ok this is what I got; his mom had called and said there was a tiny mix up for Christmas Eve and I had asked his mom not to call SW and tell him what was going on because I didn't want SW to be upset and didn't want to get into a fight. I told him I'd never said that and, in fact, he wasn't mentioned at all.
After sharing stories of what we had each heard, said, or did we decided that Scott and I would sit down and type out the visitation rights that are in our divorce papers and give them to his parent's and let them know this is when they can see the kids. We will stick by the holiday schedule unless SW wants them for that specific holiday and then the ex-in-laws will just have to deal with not seeing them. I also threw in that I will no longer deal with ex MIL, only ex FIL. That may seem childish but that woman has been nice to me once in the past 12 years. And that was this past September when my granny passed away. She has offered up nothing but snide, sarcastic, mean, nasty, and rude comments for as long as I can remember. She maybe said two words to me, if that, when SW and I were married and finally started talking to me only after I had Ethan.
I have done nothing but bend over backwards to accommodate the ex-in-laws and make sure they see the kids whenever they want to. The first 3 years after the divorce I called them every single time the kids asked to see them so the kids could at least talk to them. About 95% of the time the kids were told they couldn't come over because Grammy and grampy were too busy right now. I was so pushy about it because my ex's older brother had divorced a few years before SW and I had even married and SW's parent's had to fight for grandparents rights to see their grandson. I wanted to make sure they were aware that I would never do something like that.
After Scott came into my life I quit calling them but still let them see the kids whenever they asked.
After last night I have decided I will no longer cancel plans or rearrange plans to accommodate them. I did it for 6 1/2 years. NO MORE!

The only thing SW is upset about is Scott supposedly yelling at his mom. I told SW that Scott wasn't yelling he was just talking louder to try to have ex MIL hear him over her own screams. I said I refused to apologize for him because of the nastiness I have dealt with over the years and he would have to deal with it this one time. I did promise it would never happen again and Scott did say it wouldn't, mainly because he wouldn't be talking to them again.

I am sorry this is so long and thinking about it now I should have done this post in two or even three parts but once I started typing I didn't stop. It all just came pouring out. I'm sure I'll add on a second part when I think of something I missed or feel the need to vent some more.

I am just wondering what happened to the immature ex-husband from even a few months ago. I do believe he was replaced by a pod person. I totally expected him to take their side but surprisingly enough he didn't. He took the kids side. He kept reminding me that the kids were the ones suffering right now. I kept telling him I knew that and had tried to tell both my husband and his parents that but both kept screaming.
He asked that if it does happen again that I hang up on his parents and call him and he will 3-way them back into the call and he'll see just how nasty they'll be with him actually hearing the conversation, not just getting it second hand from one of us.

I'm ready for some heavily spike eggnog right about now. Or maybe a strong margarita.

I just still can't believe they really threatened to take the kids away from me. I am still in shock over that.

Tequila anyone?


Karin said...

People say a lot of stupid things when they are angry in the heat of the moment. I'm glad SW was calm and you got it all worked out. Sorry you had to go through that especially at this time of the year though. :(

Walker said...

I think that this time of year sucks.
Now to tell you why.
The holiday season is about good will to people and family which as it seems has been forgotten by everyone.
The problem is the only people many care about is themselves.
This is a stessful time of year and when there are kids from broken relationships involved then it gets worse.
I think your in ex laws are unreasonable and should be happy to have access to their grand kids.
I t5hink it's time for you to put your foot down when it comes to your kids.
It's obvious that you let them go to see their grand parents and that you give them the time with them that they deserve.
But they have to conform to your life not you theirs.
Fighting only makes for matters to get worse.
Take a deep breath and decide what YOU are going to do not what THEY want you to do.
If its for they day then they could take it or leave it.

Dont let this screw up a good holiday for you

Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year

Kristi said...

HOpe you ended up having a good Christmas Shannon! The holidays can be ROUGH!

Shannon said...

Thank you Karin, Walker, and Kristi