Thursday, January 05, 2006

House of Giggly Flatulence

Scott worked late last night and didn't get home until 10pm. By that time all three kids were in bed, asleep. Or so I thought.

The evening started out with me being tackled at the door when I got home from work. This is a natural occurrence every night and at least two kids come running at me when I walk in the front door. Said kids will be screaming and knocking each other out of the way to reach me first. Ethan and Emma are tall enough now, when they tackle me, I'm hit on the side of my breast. It always seems to be the same breast too. I had a nice bruise and was sore for a while because of this. Scott started calling me bruised boob for a while. But it is gone and all is well.

After being tackled and hiding the bathroom for a while to have some peace and quiet and hear no voices. HAAAA that was funny, peace and quiet in the bathroom. I may not have anyone in the bathroom with me but I have banging on the door and little voices yelling MAMA. They almost act as if I have abandoned them for some reason!

I started dinner and tripped over Harley countless times, poor clingy baby is having problems with these last few teeth. They just don't want to come in. While dinner was cooking Ethan and Emma started play fighting, which turned into real fighting because Emma hits pretty hard and punched Ethan too hard in the arm. He got mad and screamed as he punched her in the back. Harley is in the middle of them waving his arms in the air and yelling SHUSH. I don't think he was trying to stop the fight, I think he just wanted to be as noisy as they were.

I jump into the mix and get them calmed down and giggling again and as soon as I walk out of the room the punching starts, again. So I sent them to opposite corners to sit quietly until dinner was ready. They actually minded this with Ethan holding his arm where Emma had left a couple red welts and Emma holding her lower back, Ethan loves to give Kidney Shots. They were fine by dinner though and all tears had stopped. Harley used this time to run back and forth between the two older kids yelling and telling them off in his language, Harley-eese. At least there was no BuShit talked about this time.

As we all sit down to eat Emma lets out a little squeaky fart, I do like the word toot much better than fart. All three kids giggle and mom and I just shake our heads. As the meal progresses the toots become louder and longer and of course each time one is heard the the kids break down in giggles. Ethan joins in and the giggling becomes louder.
Because, you know, Ethan has the power to toot on command.

The noise goes on through dinner and obviously during their showers because I could hear giggles over the water during each of their nightly showers. Mom, Emma, and I sat down to watch the Biggest Loser Special and Ethan retired to his room to shoot webs on his new Spider Man game. Before long Emma started tooting again and Harley, who was sitting on my lap, just wrinkled his nose and kept saying EWWWW. Before long it was bad enough that she drove the dogs out of the room and Mom had shoved her off the couch and made her sit on the floor. Every time she let one fly we would hear Ethan giggle.

When the special was over I made Emma go to bed and sat there and rubbed her back, on the condition of no tooting, and let her ramble about her day. At least she had the decency to warn me that she couldn't hold her gas any more. I told her goodnight and as I headed out the door let one rip that would make any man proud. This toot, of course, drove Pongo out of her room. She was giggling so hard she had trouble calling him back. She loves the comfort of him sleeping on her, not on her bed but on her.

Ethan was in bed and singing something from Madagascar and Harley was sitting on the spare bed waiting for his pj's. We got his pj's on and I kissed Ethan goodnight and then Harley and I sat in the living room and snuggled until he fell asleep.

I put him in bed and got ready for bed. I had to tell Ethan to be quiet repeatedly. He would talk and sing to himself, as he does every night, but for some reason didn't want to go to sleep last night. I started threatening him, great mom that I am, and instead of having the right affect it made him giggle. I finally gave up and was sitting in my room reading a book when Scott got home. Ethan was quiet for about 15 minutes before that and I assumed he was asleep.

I was wrong.

Scott was quiet when he came in and we talked quietly about our days as he got ready for bed and ate a snack.

He went back out to the kitchen for a glass of iced tea and when he came back he erupted in OH MY GOD, WHAT STINKS, and so on and so forth. Ethan was giggling just as loud as he could and yelling I farted I farted. I told them both, in a not so quiet whisper, to hush and not wake up Harley.

Scott continued to walk back and forth between our room, Ethan's room, and the kitchen just to make comments about the noise, the smell, the aromas, and what ever else happened to cross his mind. It would be quiet for a while and Scott would walk through again. And the giggles would just erupt from Ethan.

I have no idea what time Ethan finally calmed down enough to go to sleep. Harley never woke up though and I finally got to sleep around midnight.

Harley did wake up at 4am and came into our room and scared me awake by whispering SHUSH as he poked my eye over and over. When I calmed down from my shakiness* and followed him back to his room it stunk to high heaven. Apparently Ethan was tooting in his sleep and it reeked. I'm thinking this is what woke up Harley. I made Harley get back in bed and covered him up and he stayed there until I got out of the shower a little after 6am.

It was a short, smelly night!

I really have no idea what I fed them to give them that horrible gas. We did eat broccoli but that was after the toot fights started at the dinner table.

* I really don't like being scared awake and the shakes and the disorientation that comes with it!


Big Gay Sam said...

Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte!


Theresa said...

Remind me not to get our kids together without us adults buying ourselves gas masks first. My girls can rip 'em good! LOL!

Shannon said...

I'll do that Theresa, I think I need to invest for a few masks to keep at the house!