Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I feel as if I am losing my mind

I'm going to do something here that I haven't done with some of my closest friends. And that is sharing more problems my daughter is having. I don't want to be judged and I know my friends wouldn't judge me but I still don't want to take the slightest chance that there might be.

For the past three nights Emma has had melt downs. She thinks everyone hates her and no one loves her, she doesn't have any friends, and she wants to run away. My mom finally told me that she has had these fits, melt downs, whatever you want to call them, for quite a while now. I don't know why she hasn't told me sooner though. She has now started threatening to kill herself. Not just one time either, I have heard her say it 4 times in the past 3 days.

She does have an appointment with an excellent child therapist in this area but it's in April and I don't want to wait that long. I have other therapists to call and hopefully I can get her in to see one sooner, like yesterday.

Last night was so bad I almost picked her up and took her to the ER. I don't know what they would have done though. I don't know how they would react, if they would tell me I am just being paranoid and all little girls go through this, or if they would take my fears seriously and find a way to start helping us now. I don't think I am being paranoid or I'm just some crazy mom. My little girl used to be happy and care free and now she talks about leaving me. I'm just scared..... Last night she kept repeating that she wanted to die and was crying so hard she could barely say that. I kept telling her please don't want that and that I loved her and everyone needs and wants her here, that we all love her more than words can say. She asked what I would do if she did die and I told her I wasn't sure. I said I would probably lay on her bed and not move for a very long time. She seemed to think that over for a while as she calmed down. Later on she did tell me she doesn't want to die but she doesn't know why she feels so angry or sad sometimes.

I've been unable to function fully at work today because I am so worried about her.

I know of one person on my side of the family that is bipolar and then on her dad's side there are lots of issues. I just don't know where to start.

I'm lost right now, just as much if not more, than my little girl.

I'm hoping that someone can give me any ideas, where to start looking, maybe what to say to her. I promise I'm not crazy or paranoid. I'm just worried about my baby girl and need help.

On that note I need to go to lunch and run to the school because they just called to say Ethan has an upset stomach and is dry heaving. EEK


Marlene said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Marlene said...


If anyone says you are crazy, or this is normal behavior? See someone else. Emma needs to be seen immediately. This is not normal. I'll be praying for you and Emma. Please keep us updated.

Karin said...


I agree with Marlene. It's never normal behavior to say you want to kill any's a cry for help. Get her seen as fast as you can. I'll be praying for both of you too.


Jen said...

Absolutey. Get her help right away. She needs help and I thank God that she is crying out for the help she needs instead of keeping it all inside and doing something terrible to herself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!!! Please let us know how this goes.

Theresa said...

While kids do sometimes say they wish they were dead without really meaning it, there's enough going on here that you need to take this seriously. Call your ins. co. and tell them what you have told us. They can advise you as to where to take her. Sometimes they can arrange for earlier appointments. And a trip to the ER is not a bad thing if you believe she is in a crisis.

Her age is irrelevant. Depression can strike at any age, and I don't believe you wouldn't be taken seriously.

Please let us know how things go. I'll keep you and she in my prayers.

drama mama said...

My son is 15. We took him to the ER back in December for similar reasons. We now have him seeing a Psych. and a counselor. The psych put him on Prozac, and it has done wonders. The counseling is helping too.

Don't ignore...get her in to see someone!