Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Christmas Day warning cussing is involved

The day actually started out late. I was surprised to wake up at 7:10am when my alarm went off and all the kids were still sound asleep. I didn't get them in bed until 11:30 the night before so I'm glad they were able to sleep in.

I took a shower and got ready for church and by this time the kids were up and running around screaming about stockings and presents and wanted to open everything NOW! I was mean and made them wait until we were all up and in by the fireplace. I woke up Scott and asked him when he would be getting up so the kids could get into their stockings. He grunted at me in a while and rolled over. By this time it was almost 9am and I was getting more and more upset that he wouldn't just get up and watch the kids.
I finally told the kids to go ahead and open their stockings and then hurry to brush their hair and teeth for church. I woke up Scott at 9:15am and he finally rolled out of bed and stumbled into the shower and I asked if he was ready to talk yet. He told me nope, not ready, drop it and let it go. I told him I really didn't want to, I needed to talk and get this resolved so it doesn't ruin our Christmas. He refused to talk again and told me to leave the bathroom and not watch him or talk to him. By this time, after being ignored the night before, having to do all the work to get ready for that day by myself, and then being yelled at to not look at him (like a child) I was angry to the point of tears. I went to the bedroom and lay down on the bed to cry. I knew the kids wouldn't come in to our bedroom so I felt safe venting my frustrations through crying. I don't like to cry over relationships and I know that sounds shallow but I spent much of my first marriage in tears and I don't want to have to do that with this marriage.

When the kids were done with hair and teeth and ready to leave for church we all headed out the door and I fully expected Scott to stay home and pout some more. Can you tell I'm feeling better about it, ok, maybe not better but I'm more angry over all of it now, not sad!?!
But, Scott followed us out to the van and went to church with us. Where he proceeded to ignore me some more but was so nice and wishing everyone else a Merry Christmas.

As soon as we got home I started getting the turkey and ham ready and told the kids to calm down, we would open presents as soon as dinner was cooking.

Scott sat on the piano bench during the present opening and helped Harley open his presents and then every present that went to him he tossed my way and just looked at me. So I opened his presents right along with mine. The only one he did open was what I got him. He said thanks, set it on the piano, and went right back to helping Harley.

The kids were thrilled with their gifts and Ethan was so happy to get his own fishing pole and tackle box. Scott looked up and said "Yep, now you can go fishing with your grampy."
I couldn't help it, I smacked Scott and hissed at him quit being mean to them, it's my fault not theirs that you are angry! He did apologize to Ethan and said he would take him fishing too.

Emma's favorite present was a skateboard and she is already riding it like she's had it for months.

After presents we ate and Scott talked to Harley and well, that's about it. Mom and I did dishes while the kids played with their gifts and then I did a very bad thing and popped Polar Express into the DVD player and I took a nap.
Scott was already in bed watching TV so I climbed in and closed my eyes. He didn't say a word to me until I woke up from my nap and heard the kids playing and decided to ask if they were hungry yet. He asked how my nap was and if I felt any better. I couldn't help but give a curt answer of No as I walked out of the room.

He followed me and watched me get the kids some pie and sit there with them while they ate and after that every room I went to he would follow. I couldn't even go pee without him following me. And he was close enough that when I tried to shut the bathroom door he was already half way in and I smushed his toe.

By the end of the night we were talking and he asked me to go for a ride to talk about stuff and mom said go, get out of here, I'll put the kids to bed. She was probably tired of our bickering.

We talked and I discovered that he was hurt and he hadn't stopped to think about how all this fighting with my ex-in-laws (from now on will be referred to as the Outlaws) affected me.

We are getting along a little better. He told me that it will take a long time for him to get over this hurt and I told him I could only apologize so many times for giving in yet again. He said just the one time was sufficient and I asked how I should have known considering he wasn't talking to me.

We talked some last night, but not much. We have talked a little more today.

This will take some time to get over and I don't know how long before I feel ok to even talk to the OutLaws without getting so angry I start screaming and spewing profanities and calling my ex MIL and fucking psychotic bipolar bitch. Sorry for the language but there is not a nice way to put that. That phrase needs those specific words.

So, hopefully tomorrow's post will be more cheerful and I can tell you real reactions to Christmas!


Screenshots2 said...
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Jen said...

Hey sweetie!

Just checking in to see how ya are!

Laurie said...

Uh...where was the cussing? You said "fucking" once and "bitch" once. Have you SEEN my posts??? I need to school ya a little bit on the fine art of cursing.