Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Emma's Day

Today was Emma's appointment with the child psychatrist in Durango. I found the place ok, even though you have to drive down an alley to find the front door of the clinic.

We arrived right at the appointment time, instead of 10 minutes early, because we got stuck behind a bus load of people all set to go river rafting. The trailer behind them held at least 15 rafts, too many for that little trailer.

We had to wait almost 3o minutes to see the CP and during that time Emma sat there next to me, staring at the beauty of the clinic, commenting on how which part of the old building would be her bedroom, which would be the living room, the bathrooms would be there there and up there. She even had a room picked out for Stepson. He's fitting in nicely now, just thought I'd throw that in. He's helping wonderfully with whatever is asked and is great with Ethan.

The 30 minute wait was worth it. I think I might have fallen in love with this doctor, just a little. Wait, maybe it was lust. Not sure. Emma sees him as yet another doctor that wants to question her and talk and talk about stuff she hates to talk about and mom see a very tall man, not exactly handsome but rugged, and big. Not fat but musclie (is that a word?). And I just realized how stupid that sounded. But he was also the doctor that was the easiest to talk to, ever. I swore as soon as I saw him I would make a huge fool out of myself but I didn't. I answered his questions, held perfect conversations with him and then took his opinion of what Emma is or has with no tears or outbursts.

He wants to see her a couple more times to weed out the symptoms. He is mixed between a depressive/anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. He did start her on something to help her sleep and she took the first pill tonight. We shall see if she can get through the night without getting up and turning on all the lights in the front part of the house.

He also started her on something else for the daytime but I'm not going to list what it is. We shall see what this brings. If it helps her great, if it doesn't we'll find something else. I've readied myself to start discovering which meds work best with yet another child.

So many people probably think I am horrible and I really don't care. If this will end up helping Emma control her mood swings then I am all for it. I've tried different diets, eliminating different foods for long periods. I've tried exercise, which does help her but not to the extent I feel she is ok.

Believe me, I hate having two children with issues. Two children that need meds to get through the day or night without freaking out. I still keep hoping that one day I will wake up and both kids will be perfectly normal. I know that will never happen but that, right now, is my fairy tale. I already have my prince in shining armor so I don't need that tale anymore.

I stumbled across this poem reading Dear Abby of all things


A meeting was held quite far from Earth
it was time again for another birth.
Said the Angels to the Lord above
"This special child will need much love"
"Her progress may be very slow
accomplishments she may not show.
And she'll require extra care
from the folks she meets down there."
"She may not run or laugh or play
her thoughts may seem quite far away."
"So many times she will be labeled
different, helpless, and disabled."
"So, let's be careful where she's sent.
We want her life to be content."
"Please, Lord, find the parents who
will do a special job for you."
"They will not realize right away
the leading role they are asked to play."
"But with this child sent from above
comes stronger faith and richer love."
"And soon they'll know the privilege given
in caring for their gift from heaven."
"Their precious charge, so meek and mild
is heaven's very special child."

Now, this really doesn't apply to Emma, but she is still special and still needs that extra care right now. I'm hoping Emma, at least, will grow out of this thing she has now. I don't know if that is possible but I can dream.

I won't let my heart get broken if that dream doesn't come true because I'll know I've done all I can to help my two babies get through this world. My son will know love and happiness and my daughter will know what it means to be a strong woman.

Now that all the kids are asleep and Scott isn't home from work yet, I'm going to go to let my tears go this one night.

Even strong women deserve to cry sometimes.

sorry for any typos, i don't feel like proof reading right now.


Karin said...


Britmum said...

Lots and lots of hugs to you. I know how hard life can be and sometimes it just sucks big time.

Take care sweetie. xx

Laura said...

cry and let it out......its ok...