Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I Have Been Well & Truly Violated! there is cussing in this post

The lovely Gyno office never called to reschedule so I showed up for my 3pm appointment at 2:55pm. I had to do the whole pee in a cup thing and I really think they only have you do that for these kind of appointments just to make sure you don't accidentally pee on the doctor when she is second knuckle deep in coochie. Lovely image? Isn't it?

Scott came with me I think to make up for all those OB appointments he couldn't make it to when I was pregnant with Harley. He did his usual entertaining of the nurses and staff and grouchy front counter receptionist actually smiled at us. I thank Scott, he seems to be able to bring smiles to even the grouchiest amongst us.

After I pee in the cup, we waited about 15 minutes for Doc's nurse to call us back and do the whole blood pressure thing. She doesn't make me weigh myself, we had a long conversation about weight at my last regular check up and we agreed to only weigh myself if I wanted to. She's awesome like that.

Then Scott and I were escorted back to the room where the procedure would happen. It was in the middle of the building and the room was pretty big. Nurse had the little bitty wrap thing waiting, along with a pad because of you know, the lovely leakage that would happen when the procedure was done. Nurse left the room and I took my shoes off and then grinned at Scott. I then proceeded to a little dance for him while I stripped off my shorts and undies. He complained to Doc when she came in (and busted me doing a silly dance with the little bitty wrap thing. I was sufficiently embarrassed! Scott did ask for stripper music to be piped into the rooms for the enjoyment of their male customers. I am SO glad my doctor and nurse have a great sense of humor.

I did notice the Duckbill wasn't my friendly plastic one, it was the evil metal one! But it was nice and warm so I didn't get a shock. Doc, as always, explained what she was going to do before she did anything.

So, in went the Duckbill, in went the stuff that turns any abnormal cells white (that shit burned!), in went the thing that pinches off the abnormal cells, in went the scraper to scrape out up inside my cervix (OUCH enough to make my toes wiggle), in went the ointment or whatever the hell it was to help with bleeding. Doc said that stuff is the color of dark brown mustard and then warned me that I would see some spotting with blood and that dark brown mustard color. Let me tell ya, it's such a pretty color. ha

It felt like the whole procedure took an hour. I think it only took about 15 minutes. My legs were shaking by the time she was done, mainly from the effort of keeping certain parts of my body relaxed enough so the damn Duckbill wouldn't hurt.

Doc only had to take one biopsy, mainly because all the abnormal cells were in one area. The biopsy was a pretty big snip for that small area. Nurse did show me what they snipped out. Can I just say OUCH, SHIT OUCH. Oh wait, I did say that. Out loud!

I go back in two weeks after I've had time to heal to do a cryo. Today was a culpo? Not sure if that is exactly the word but that is what I heard. Doc said she saw sufficient evidence to do the cryo to remove everything else. She should have test results back next week so if anything else needs to be done we'll determine what way to go after the cryo. Whooppee

During the whole procedure Scott kept a running commentary of anything that happened to cross his mind. At one point Doc did have to quit what she was doing for a minute because she was laughing so hard at something he said. I don't remember exactly what it was, something about not clenching my coochie so I didn't suck anything up inside me while Doc was still up in there. She finally asked him if he needed to leave the room so she could finish without hurting me more than she had to. I said yes, Nurse said no, and Scott said he would be good.

I'm feeling ok, I'm just leaning to one side when I sit because its pretty uncomfortable to sit right. I'm not in any pain. I've heard some women say they hurt for a few days after and others have said that they were fine an hour later. Scott's ex had this done and put herself on bed rest for 3 weeks. She was a severe hypochondriac (spelling?) though.

I'm off to bed. It's already been a long week. I worked 10 hours Monday, 10 1/2 hours Tuesday, only 6 hours today but I spent some of today tensed up in the upper half of my body and relaxed in the lower half of my body (not an easy thing to do all at once), I work 9 hours tomorrow, and then 10 hours again on Friday. Or maybe its 9 hours Friday. I don't know, either way. I've had a long week what with the biopsy and Stepson leaving.

Poor Emma cried tonight because she misses Stepson. Poor thing.

ok, now I'm off to bed.



TamWill said...

I bet your relieved that the whole experience is behind you!

Your hubby sounds like one funny guy. Sounds like he did a great job of cheering you up in a tight situation. :O)

NeverEnough said...

I hate those exams! I had to clench every pelvic muscle I had just reading through this post!