It's hard to believe that it's already the middle of January. I remember when I was in school the time crawled by, like a snail. Now that I'm an adult and have 4 kids in 3 different schools, time just flies by.
I rarely make New Year's Resolutions. They are pointless and I never seem to be able to keep them.
This year I made a resolution. And I am going to work hard to keep this resolution.
A few weeks ago my husband told me I'm no fun anymore. Since Ethan moved back I'm uptight, snippy, angry, and my sense of humor is gone. I didn't realize that I had become like that. It hurt to hear it but I needed to. I have to constantly remind myself that there are 4 kids in this house, not just one. All 4 kids are special in some way and I don't have JUST a special needs teenager. It is an all-consuming thing for me, having an autistic son. I worry about him constantly and am so afraid of what's going to happen to him when I'm gone. Hopefully it's a long time before I'm gone....
Ronnie is angry most of the time and chooses to spend his time at friends houses because, well, you know, there aren't any special needs children there that can make a scene and have a melt down. Last year all the kids were always at our house. But Ethan wasn't here. This year they are rarely at our house. From what I've seen Ronnie's friends don't seem to mind Ethan. I think Ronnie just doesn't want to deal with it. And I don't blame him for that at all.
Emma is so mean to Ethan anymore. I feel like I'm constantly scolding her for hitting Ethan or screaming at him. ETHAN STOP, ETHAN GO AWAY, ETHAN SHUT UP. Every single day. I get so frustrated with her and feel like I've talked until I'm blue in the face but the screaming and hitting continues. She used to help me so much. Now? Not so much. I keep warning her that one of these days Ethan will hit back and I think he would seriously hurt her. A person can only take so much before they lose their temper and I think Ethan has done so well keeping his temper in check with Emma for as long as he has.
And then there is Harley. He's almost 6 and understands that Ethan is different but I'm not sure to what extent. They play very well together most of the time. Ethan is just happier playing with the younger kids. They are more on his level.
So, my resolution is to take more time for myself and find a way to calm down and be happier. OK, I am happy. I am so glad all 4 kids are with us and they are all healthy and doing wonderful in school.
What I need to do is find a way to make sure I don't stress out so bad over one of Ethan's meltdowns. When you stress you get grouchy. When you are grouchy you tend to snap at everyone in the house. When that happens then everyone else either becomes grouchy too or they just get angry with you. Either way it's not healthy for anyone.
It's been a tough road since Ethan moved back. He quit taking food and hiding it to eat later but he still thinks someone is going to steal the food he is eating. I swear I don't know where this comes from. No one tries to take his food. The only thing we do is tell him he's had enough and he can't have seconds.
When he starts to throw a fit I can usually just give him a look now and he will calm down. So far the temper is just outbursts, no physical violence. I hope it stays that way because that 14 year old kid is big. He's taller than me and he's chunky. Not fat, chunky. If we can keep the eating in check than he won't get fat. If it came to physically containing him during a fit I certainly couldn't do it.
Last year for Christmas Scott gave me a Tikki Torch waterfall. It has been in the original box and sat on a shelf collecting dust since the day I unwrapped it. Today I took it to work and set it up. I put the batteries in and put the rocks in and the water and turned it on and lit the candle. And it didn't work. The candle flickered away and the motor whirred but the water never ran through the water fall. I thought great, a present that doesn't work and it sat on a shelf for so long nothing can be done. I griped and grumbled under my breath for a good hour while I worked. I finally realized it did work. I kept hearing water and thought it's too bright outside for it to be raining. I looked at my waterfall and lo behold my waterfall was working!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy! And then I felt like an impatient child. After reading the directions more it did say the water might take a while to start running. And then I felt stupid. But I got over it.
This year for Christmas I got a WII with the WII Fit Plus. We have gone from watching TV to playing WII! That has helped with my mood I think. I've noticed the more I exercise the better my mood is. Things don't seem to bother me as much and I don't worry myself to sleep. Worrying myself to sleep just leads to some freaky dreams.
Right now Ronnie and Emma are calling me to play a game of bowling with them before we go to bed. I do have a headache but if I can sit in a dark room and type this out then I can play one game with them.
Have a wonderful week
No comments:
Post a Comment