Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Snotty Church Women

This past Sunday was only the 3rd Sunday we have been to church since Easter. Very bad I know.

When the church women see us eating at a restaurant or shopping somewhere they always make a big deal about how much they miss us and the kids really need to get back into Sunday School. The first Sunday back at church was the week after my granny passed away. Scott stayed home and the kids and I went. I felt the need to be close to my preacher that day and since it was Sunday it was a perfect time to be near him, hear his comforting words.
I discovered that day that there are rumors circulating that I killed granny. Not in the literal sense but because I didn't rush her to the hospital the day one of the snottiest church women (snw) visited our house.
I was coming back from Twin Falls, ID from picking up Ethan from my ex-husband, the shit weasel (SW) and Scott called me to say that this snw had just barged into the house, she just assumed that we had all gone to pick up Ethan, and when she saw Scott and Harley sitting there she just froze. Scott had asked her if he could help her and when she didn't answer him he asked who in the hell are you and why did you just walk into my house without knocking. She finally unfroze and asked Scott if she could say hello to granny. He said yes that is fine but in the future please knock on my front door.
Scott said snw was back with granny for about 10 minutes and then came storming out and asked Scott why he hadn't taken her to the hospital when she had asked to go all morning. Scott told me that he informed her that granny hadn't asked once to go to the hospital and she wasn't sick she was pouting because mom and I were both out of the house. SNW became extremely aggressive towards Scott and yelled at him that she was going to go get our preacher and then call 911 to get granny. Scott told her if she did then he would turn the ambulance away at the door and make sure to forward any bill to her and if there was any problem with authorities for making a false call to 911 that this snw would be held accountable.
SNW never called 911 but she did barge into our preachers home and insist that he do something about granny's horrible family. Preacher got mad at this snw for barging into his home and insisted she leave and he would give us a call.
Since then snw called once a week until granny died asking if she was in the hospital yet. I finally had enough and told her she would be the last one to know if granny was in the hospital. Then I hung up.
When granny died she insisted on taking care of the meal at her memorial service we had. This was after she threw a fit with the preacher that granny wasn't buried here because she would be buried in Minnesota. She insisted that it wasn't fair to the people who knew her here that she wouldn't be buried here. Preacher finally got it through snw's head that granny's funeral arrangements had been set up for years, since 1969 when my grandpa died, and she would be buried next to him up in Minnesota.
At the memorial service snw showed me a list of all the people who had brought food in for the memorial. She proceeded to inform me, in front of 20 people, that this list is a testament to my granny and shows how many people loved her. I had to bite my tongue and hold my hands behind my back. I almost grabbed the list from her hand and ripped it up and told her that there were so many more people that loved my granny and no one needed to tell me about them. I figured that wasn't the best time to confront the cow.

Well, 2 Sundays ago and this past Sunday were the times we showed up for Church. And I admit the only reason we did was because I had signed the kids up to be acolytes. And yes, I did that to make myself get up on Sunday's to go to church.
This past Sunday was Ethan's turn so I was in the back of the church with him to help him light the wick and keep him quiet until it was time for him to go. I was leaning against the door jamb when I hear the announcer, another snw, say that she was so glad to see Shannon and her husband in church this morning. I felt my face turn a bright red as, it felt like at least, the whole congregation turned to look at me. They went on with announcements when I didn't make any attempt at saying thank you. Snottiest snw kept staring at me. I stared her down until she turned back around. I have really never felt the need to commit an act of violence against another human being, well maybe my SW, but this snw brings out the worst in me. I cannot stand how snotty, rude, mean, inconsiderate, and shallow she is.

When Ethan was done lighting the candles we sat down and I decided to let Harley roam. Our church is relatively small and there are quite a few younger kids, right now Harley is the youngest. All during the service Harley ran up and down the side aisle we were sitting on and entertained himself. He was very quiet and didn't make much noise. Scott corralled him for a while during the prayers but other than the we let him run. Most of the other parents with young kids have done this and it has never bothered anyone before. Apparently when my kids do this it does bother snottiest snw.
There was a time when he kept climbing up on the communion kneelers (Ok, I really can't remember their names), they are at the front of our church and they are there for people to kneel on them to pray or when we have communion. He would climb up on one and just sit there and look at every one and wave and say See Ya and Puppy over and over again. This tickled my MIL. She sat there with her bulletin covering her face because she was laughing so hard. Her shoulders were shaking and she kept sliding over and leaning on my FIL. This made the rest of the family crack up, the preacher kept glancing at us and grinning. Emma finally got Harley and took him back to the nursery and played with him for a while.

When the service ended we all walked outside and I heard snottiest snw commenting about what a bad influence we were on our young children and not everyone should be allowed to have kids. Me, being the wonderful, forgiving Christian woman I am (ahhahahahahhaha, sorry, just tickled myself) flipped the cow bitch off as we drove away.

We probably won't be going back to that church. We had already signed up to help with the Halloween party this Saturday and I will help with that as promised but no more.

I don't see why I should subject my family to hypocritical people who insist that I am a bad mom and I was negligent in my care for my grandma. In the past few months I have discovered what most of the church members are really like and discovered that I don't like them. I really don't see how they can call themselves good Christians.


Karin said...

I totally don't blame you. Who needs to be around a bynch of hypocrites?

Jen said...

My God! That woman needs to get the corn cob out of her ass! What a heffer.

I'd say it's time to find a new church. Sometimes Christians give Jesus a bad name.

Theresa said...

Good grief. Yeah, find another church, where you are welcomed. How awful to be in church, and be dragged into such a thing. Sort of defeats the whole purpose of being there.