Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Is it so wrong of my to try to talk about our finances with my husband? I don't think so, in fact, I think it is a very smart thing to do.
Apparently my husband is now extremely angry at me because I tried to talk him about our finances again last night and asked if he had applied for any other jobs. He has applied at the city and the county offices for street mainteance or something he might be qualified for.
He said no just drop it. I said ok. But, being the worrier and panicky person I am when it comes to being able to pay the bills I let him know there were a couple of bills I couldn't pay that we are going to have to try somehow to get caught up on.
Right now my paycheck is the only income supporting 5 people. I am so stressed out I'm not sleeping good. I am grouchy, anxious, snippy, I feel like I am yelling at everyone for everything. I don't know what to do.
When Scott was bringing me back to work after lunch today I asked him if he was upset with me for last nights conversation. He said yes he was. I apologized and then told him that he had upset me too because he has disregarded my feelings lately for most things, not just our finances, and I wish he would listen to me not ignore me or change the subject or walk away.
I really need for him to understand that we are not going to make it on just my income right now. I don't know if that is going to happen anytime soon though.
We were half way to work when he blew up and yelled at me and asked me what I wanted him to do. I asked him (in a very quiet voice) if he would just talk to me, don't tune me out and ignore me. That is really all I want right now. He kept on yelling and said he completely understands what I am saying and that is to get off his F**N Ass and get a job. I told him that NO that is not what I am saying. I just told you what I was saying, please just talk to me right now, don't ignore me.
I know he has been depressed since he quit his delivery job. It was similar to UPS and he really loved it, seeing different people every day. He quit because he wanted to though. He was tired of the abuse from his employer. They treated all of their employees horribly and quite a few more quit after Scott left. I know he misses that job and I know that he wishes he had never quit. Before he did he kept asking what I thought and how I would feel if he were to quit and find another job. I told him what ever he decided I would support him. I told him that if he felt like he should quit than I would support him. I told him if he were to stay I would support him but it would ultimately have to be his decision because he was the one having to deal with the abuse.
His answer to please don't tune me out was Fine, I'm leaving. I'll be out by the end of the week.
How in the hell did he get me asking "please just talk to me" to "get out of the house and leave me"? I am in such shock right now I don't know what to do.
I can't break down and cry like I feel like doing because I am at work and that wouldn't sound good to customers.
When he dropped me off at work he took off before I had the car door closed.

I have no idea what I am going to do...


Jen said...

I think he is feeling guilty about not working and he is taking it out on you.

I am so sorry for all this stress!

I hope you two will be able to talk things out soon.

Shannon said...

Thank you, I knew all that it's just nice to hear it from someone else.