God only gives you what you can handle

I'm sick and tired of hearing that phrase, God only gives you what you can handle. It may be petty of me to say this but there are days I wish someone else had the kid with Autism. There are days I lock myself in the bathroom where no one will hear me cry or cuss at all the shit we have to deal with because Ethan is what he is. I love our special guy so very much. The older he gets the harder it is to care for him, and I mean care as in his daily needs not as in caring and loving him, that is still so very easy to do. For most of Ethan's life I refused to let people tell me that one day he could live on his own and be ok, then I went through a phase where I thought maybe he could live on his own. Now we are to a point that I'm afraid Ethan will live in a home with other special needs people because he will be too unstable to live on his own, and he won't be able to live with us because he is so angry and he starts threatening family members more and more. His temper has been under control for a couple of weeks but what happens when he has another meltdown and this time hurts Harley. How do I handle one of my kids hurting another one of my kids? I don't know...... Maybe I need to just give in and give my son some pot brownies and even sit down and eat a few with him.