Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Every once in a while I wonder why in the hell did I decide to go back to school and earn a degree for a brand new career. I tell myself I'm 40 years old, why am I putting myself through this, getting up and going to class 4 days a week, working almost 30 hours a week, taking care of my family, and doing homework and studying. I see kids fresh out of high school struggling to make it to class on time and worrying about how they will get their homework done, because they too work upwards of 30, even 40 hours a week. They tell me thank god they don't have kids to take care of yet and ask me how I do it. I don't tell them I'm exhausted, but maybe I should. I should tell them stay in college now because when you are older, it's still hard work, plus you're adding in a family to the mix. Today has been one of those days. Every Monday is test day in Chemistry. I've struggled with this class since we hit the chapters that incorporate all the math. I struggle with math, always have and most likely always will, but I don't give up. So, the tests have, of course, gotten harder because of the math. Yesterday's test finally felt right to me. I felt like I did great and was sure I got an A. We got the test back at the end of class today and I saw I got a C. C? I almost started crying, which made me feel silly but I had studied and studied and felt like I really had it. As I walked to my car to drive home I did tear up a little because I am trying so hard and am afraid this will all be for nothing. And then I tell myself quit being silly. I'm doing great, I have a B in the class right now, I'm setting a good example for my kids, showing them it's never too late to further your education. I'm making my whole family proud that I'm working towards being a nurse for my second career. But I'm exhausted. There are times I nap when I should do homework and times when I should be sleeping that I'm doing homework. Right now I should be going to bed but I'm too tired to move from my seat and walk to my bed. My husband has been great, nothing but encouraging words and when I try to vent he basically tells me to stop, I'm doing the right thing and keep moving forward. I wish he would just listen to me vent sometimes, and let me cry and not get upset with me. I'm not going to quit, I just need an outlet. The final is next Thursday and I'm so ready for it. After the final we are leaving for California to see Ronnie and spend a day on the beach and a couple of days at Disney. I wish that were tomorrow and not a week away! Off to bed now, Emma has a dentist appointment at 8am and then class at 10:20. At least I'm off work tomorrow so I can sit on my butt and work on homework.