Thursday, February 28, 2013

May I go to sleep now?

I never realized just how easy I had it when I worked full time. I thought that was hard. HA! Ok, so working full time isn't hard, I know that but my job was obviously going no where and I was on a fast track to burn out so I was secretly thrilled when I found out I was getting laid off. This life I have now is so different. Working wasn't hard, it was different. Now I have work, just a different type of job, I have homework which seems to consist of 5 hours of homework a day besides the classes, and then normal housework. Last semester was so easy and this semester is the exact opposite. Makes me wonder what life will be like when I make it into the nursing program here. And I'm not saying if I make it, I'm saying when I make it. I'm not giving myself the option to fail at this or quit and just find another full time job. My goal, that I will achieve, is becoming a nurse and eventually specializing in pediatrics and NICU nursing. I want to help the tiny humans. It feels like the last 2 weeks have been filled with sick people at home so I'm up and taking care of the sick ones and not getting enough sleep for me to function properly. Now I think I have the crud that was passed through the house, and it couldn't come at a worse time. I have 3 papers due next week for my advanced comp class, so much biology and math to catch up on, and 2 papers for psychology 2. Plus tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. I'm trying so very hard to be thankful for my chance to go to college to expand my horizons and make a better life for my family. But. But, when it feels like nothing is going right and I feel like poop, it's hard to be thankful. I've gone to bed twice tonight to try to sleep and so far nothing. I think I am so exhausted and have so many lists and thoughts whirling through my mind that I can't turn my brain off long enough to sleep. Maybe some wine and advil will do the trick, or a big shot of nyquil. Every once in a while I see a commercial for an online school and all those people they feature, getting up early to do homework, work late at their job for money, and whatever else they show, I can't remember right now, and I think I'm doing that too but how do they not look as exhausted as I feel. And then I realize they are just actors. I'm sure everyone else in this world that is working, going to college, and taking care of their family is just as tired as I am. Now I'm going to turn off the lights in the house, put the dogs in their kennel, and I've decided to take some nyquil. I will sleep tonight (hoping being positive will help)

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