May I go to sleep now?

I never realized just how easy I had it when I worked full time. I thought that was hard. HA! Ok, so working full time isn't hard, I know that but my job was obviously going no where and I was on a fast track to burn out so I was secretly thrilled when I found out I was getting laid off. This life I have now is so different. Working wasn't hard, it was different. Now I have work, just a different type of job, I have homework which seems to consist of 5 hours of homework a day besides the classes, and then normal housework. Last semester was so easy and this semester is the exact opposite. Makes me wonder what life will be like when I make it into the nursing program here. And I'm not saying if I make it, I'm saying when I make it. I'm not giving myself the option to fail at this or quit and just find another full time job. My goal, that I will achieve, is becoming a nurse and eventually specializing in pediatrics and NICU nursing. I want to help the tiny humans. It feels like the last 2 weeks have been filled with sick people at home so I'm up and taking care of the sick ones and not getting enough sleep for me to function properly. Now I think I have the crud that was passed through the house, and it couldn't come at a worse time. I have 3 papers due next week for my advanced comp class, so much biology and math to catch up on, and 2 papers for psychology 2. Plus tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. I'm trying so very hard to be thankful for my chance to go to college to expand my horizons and make a better life for my family. But. But, when it feels like nothing is going right and I feel like poop, it's hard to be thankful. I've gone to bed twice tonight to try to sleep and so far nothing. I think I am so exhausted and have so many lists and thoughts whirling through my mind that I can't turn my brain off long enough to sleep. Maybe some wine and advil will do the trick, or a big shot of nyquil. Every once in a while I see a commercial for an online school and all those people they feature, getting up early to do homework, work late at their job for money, and whatever else they show, I can't remember right now, and I think I'm doing that too but how do they not look as exhausted as I feel. And then I realize they are just actors. I'm sure everyone else in this world that is working, going to college, and taking care of their family is just as tired as I am. Now I'm going to turn off the lights in the house, put the dogs in their kennel, and I've decided to take some nyquil. I will sleep tonight (hoping being positive will help)

Soooooooo, I got laid off back in May, which sucked because of the benefits I lost, the people I don't see almost every day, and the feeling like I contribute to my family financially is gone. So I went back to college and am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I thought for a while a nurse but Biology just evades me so I might need to rethink nursing because isn't biology all about that? Not sure but I will continue on until I figure something else out. I finally found a new job but it's only as needed but I figured it's a job where I have the option to go part time when a position opens up and they work around my class schedule. And then today I did our taxes and found we have to pay $400 to the state. So I get laid off, can't find a job for almost a year, go back to school to get an education in something else to find a better job than what I had and the state screws us over. State said screw you! You don't have a job so pay me money. Well, I kind of have a job but I just started it this year so for last year's taxes it doesn't really count. So I am trying to find a second job that will work around my class schedule and any hours I might get at my current job. But I keep hearing over qualified. Really? How in the hell an I be over qualified to deliver pizzas, or scoop ice cream, or check out groceries or movies or books or whatever else people are buying at stores. I applied at Sears and actually got a call for an interview but I was in class when they called so they left a message. I called back as soon as I listened to the message and was told the person who called was out until 1pm, ok I will call back. I called back at 1:30 and the lady doesn't remember calling me, has no record of my name in her application pile or anything. So I asked her why would I be calling her back if she hadn't called me, how would I know who to ask for. She had no answer. So I asked if I could go to her office and play her the voicemail that she left me asking me to call her back and set up an interview time. It took her a minute to say anything and then said I'm sorry, I just don't have record of you. So I said never mind and hung up. Maybe I should try to deliver pizzas again, and eat some chocolate. Maybe lots of chocolate and margaritas will help, at least for a couple of hours and seeing as how tomorrow is National Margarita Day all shall be ok tomorrow night, at least for a couple hours. Now that I have ranted I need to be grateful. I am healthy, I have the chance to go to college to get a better education which will help in the long run, I have a healthy family, I have bright, beautiful kids that make me laugh, I am doing pretty well in my classes (knock on wood, hope I'm not jinxing myself), my marriage is amazing and our 10 year anniversary is only a few days away, and so many other things to be thankful and grateful for. Time for a hot shower and coffee and off to class.