Thursday, April 22, 2010

One week

I really don't know how many jobs Scott has applied for in the past week. I know he put in an application at his old employer and has an interview Monday. That job will be better than nothing and he will be back to working with car parts again.

I'm still worried about bills. I have a feeling I might have to give up my car. And I really don't want a repo on our credit but I'm not sure what choice I might have. I'm going to call the bank tomorrow and explain what is going on and see what they say and hope for the best.

I'm so worried about all of this I'm not sleeping and all I want to do is eat. I hate when I get that way. One good thing is I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection so that helps with the eating thing. Nothing sounds good or smells good when I actually go look for food. So at least I'm not snacking all the time.

I'm so worried that I cry while I drive to work and while I'm alone at work. I try not to think about home life at work but can't help it when everyone asks me how Scott's job hunt is going. When I try to talk about my worries with Scott he says he understands and then changes the subject.

I tried again tonight to discuss bills and what we should do about them but he just patted me on the arm and said it will be ok.
We haven't spoken in over an hour now.

I understand he's still down about losing his job but we still have bills to pay and food to put on the table. He won't even go to the unemployment office. He keeps saying he wants to be a stay at home dad. I wouldn't have a problem with that if we didn't have bills, groceries, 4 growing kids, constant supplies for 3 different schools, dogs, turtles, and who knows what else.

This week I've called in to work sick a couple of days because of my sinus infection. It was so bad that I couldn't sit up without getting so dizzy I would feel sick. Both days he laid in bed with me and played on his laptop and watched tv while I tried to sleep. Yesterday and today I've been at work and he's done the same thing from what I understand. Except he took a break to bring me lunch.

I love him and I'm having a hard time just biting my tongue about this. I have no idea how I would react if I were to get laid off. I'm sure I would want to lay in bed and be depressed, in fact I probably would for a few days. And Scott would be in my position. But he's not a worrier. He is sure everything will be ok no matter what. I'm a born worrier. Everything makes me worry. I'm surprised I don't have ulcers.

Hopefully something will happen soon and I just pray I have the strength to keep my mouth shut and support him in anything he needs or wants to do. And not be a nag.

I'm going to try to sleep now.


Lurker Girl said...

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know EXACTLY how you feel. My hubby lost his job in 2008 at the beginning of the recession and it took him 18 months to find another job (harder work and less pay--ugh). I too am a born worrier and I just about lost my mind wondering how we were going to make ends meet.

1st thing--he HAS to go file for unemployment--I don't know where you live, but it can all be done online here in Ohio--you don't even have to set foot in the unemployment office. It's not hard to set up and you file by phone each week.

The money will help and there is nothing wrong with taking the money. He can still be the stay at home dad--just take the benefits while he is eligible--apply for the odd job here and there and they will still send a check.

My hubby ended up cashing in his 401K from a previous job and between that, me going back to work full time and the unemployment beneifits we survived.
Somehow we managed to squeek by until the new job came along.

I will say a little prayer for you and your family. Let me know if you want to vent--I've walked in your shoes, I know how you feel.

Shannon said...

Thank you very much for the words of encouragment LG. I needed them!!