Yours, Mine, and Ours

Sunday & I Don't Care

2010-11-21T19:40:00.002-07:00

Had family visiting from Mesa AZ! So fun, met my cousin's new girl friend, and she is so wonderful. Hope they last but if they don't then it wasn't meant to be.
Saturday we went to our favorite tattoo/piercing place to get Emma more lip studs. Went to A&W for root beer floats at 10:00 in the morning. Then 13 of us went to the new Harry Potter film. We are Harry Potter buffs and loved the movie.
Made spicy pork chops, veggies, rolls, and pan fried potatos for dinner, watched A-Team, sat up talking until 2am. Got up at 8am this morning to make it to church, had a church Thanksgiving dinner after the service, came home and said goodbye til next time to family that had to drive back home today,took a nap, now I'm sitting here typing this, drinking Fuzzy Navels, and waiting for pizza.
I'm off tomorrow :):):)
Only work 2 1/2 days this next week because I have 10 1/2 days of vacation left to use before the end of the year.
Now tomorrow will be a different story. Tomorrow will feel like a Sunday night and I won't sleep good. I rarely sleep good on Sunday nights, don't know why, I've had my job for 11 years so I shouldn't be nervous.
Pizza should be here any minute and then we are going to drink more Fuzzy Navels and watch The Walking Dead on AMC.
Time to put the kids to bed.

Head of the Special Ed Class

2010-11-10T22:28:00.002-07:00

This is absolutely horrible. And I really can’t believe hubby and I said this. Ok, I’m so lying right now but you know, I try to convince myself at times that I’m not this crass.

We received Ethan’s state test scores from the end of last year. They came in the mail, which I couldn't understand because we received Emma’s and Ronnie’s scores with their first report cards. Anyways, I read through all of the scores and realized he scored Advanced in all of the categories. There was one category that he was almost in the proficient range but it was still above that line and in Advanced.

I showed them to Scott and we read them again and again. Now, the state test was altered because of the Special Ed class he’s in. But he still scored Advanced people!!

Then, after a hard day at work for me and Scott having a job interview (that is very stressful in my opinion) and then Scott was interviewed by local news because we are trying to get our town to put in speed humps on our street because of crappy-ass drivers, I think we both lost our minds and went a little crazy for a few minutes.

Scott said Our Son is the Valedictorian of the Special Ed class right now. And we just went with it. Cracking jokes about it. So horrible. I know.

Believe it or not we weren’t mean about it. I will never be mean about how well Ethan does or does not do in school. I was told when he was in Kindergarten that he would never be able to learn, the school tester told me Ethan was retarded, not Autistic, and that we should just put him in a home and leave him alone. Stupid ass school tester. I should have punched him in the nose when he said that, alas, I’m not a violent person.

Not only can Ethan learn but he’s pretty damn smart. His memory is Awesome too!

My mom thought we were horrible. How can you crack jokes at your son’s expense she asked me. She asks me this a few times a month. I love my mother but she still hasn’t grasped that if I don’t make jokes and laugh then I am going to cry. Mom, please understand this!! Laughing is my preferred method of dealing with life.

Scott and I are avid watchers of the show Parenthood, it airs Tuesday nights on NBC. One of the sets of parents have a son with Asperger’s. There has probably been one episode since this show started that hasn’t made me cry. When the son was diagnosed I cried because all the emotions that were written for the parents to portray I had. The excitement the son feels for certain things makes the parents feel hopeful that he is finally on his way to being “normal”. Ok, this hasn’t been said but that’s how I take it because I’ve been there too.

Last night’s episode had the boy (Max), his father, and grandfather shopping for chips and beer and I don’t know what else if anything. Max had a small meltdown in the chip aisle but the dad managed to get Max to compromise over the amount of chips they should buy. A little crisis avoided. Then they roll up to the cash register to pay for their junk food and it’s the 10 items or less aisle. The customer in front of them has 17 items, we find this out because Max counts them and then starts removing some of the other guy’s items, much to the dad’s dismay. The other guy freaks out a little bit, understandably. Dad sends Max and Grandpa back to get more chips. While they are gone the other guy is muttering about how Dad should learn to control his son and how he feels sorry for Dad for having a retard. Dad hauls off and punches this other guy. Wrong way to handle this situation but I couldn’t help but cheer and laugh and cry all at the same time.

How many other parents of Autistic, Asperger’s, Special Needs of any kind, have had their child have a total melt down in a store and get looks and comments and outright disgust over what is going on. I’ve been saddened by some of the things I’ve been told, I’ve been humiliated, angered, pretty much any emotion out there. All due to a meltdown Ethan has had in a store. I’ve learned how to avoid them or if one does start I’m very good at stopping them almost right away anymore.

There are a few people I’ve wanted to haul off and punch, body slam, or just hurt physically because of their comments. If a child, doesn’t matter the size of the child, is having a meltdown, let the parents handle it.

Don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I should change. Because You Don’t Know. Unless you’ve been there. And still I wouldn’t dare tell another parent what to do because every special needs child is different and you cannot treat them the same when it comes to calming methods.

Off to have my Head of the Special Ed Class read to me now!

Happy Halloween

2010-10-31T16:14:00.002-06:00

Walked out of my house to get into my car to drive to the grocery store to pick up some things we needed and hubby and I found that my windshield had been smashed with what looks like a golf club. The smashed part is right in the drivers view. So angry about that. I love my house and neighborhood but this is the 4th time a window has been smashed in one of our vehicles in the past 3 years or so. And when the windows are at least $200 a pop it starts to hurt after a while.
Along with all the eggings and silly stringing I'm fed up with it.
I'm tired of punks doing this crap. I know we live in a small town but there are plenty of things to do that doesn't include destroying other peoples property.
We are very close to pissing off our neighbors and installing flood lights on the corners of our house and putting cameras up so we can start catching the jerks and have something to turn over to the police so we don't have to pay to replace windows that are destroyed. I know we can turn this into insurance since we have a police report but I still can't drive it until the windshield is fixed.

I'm just angry and trying extremely hard not to let it ruin the kids' Halloween and trick-or-treaing

It's 12:45am on Halloween morning

2010-10-31T00:43:00.002-06:00

And hubby and I are still up. Watching Starship Troopers on VOD. Ronnie and Emma are spending the night with friends and Ethan and Harley have been asleep for a few hours. We should really go to bed because I can guarantee they will be up begging for breakfast in just a few hours. And then they will want to carve the pumpkins that we picked last Sunday and have just neglected/procrastinated on carving until now. And make the Halloween cookies and cake I promised. I'm not a bad mom, I promise, just Queen Procrastinator!
Between work, homework for the kids, worrying about Scott and his lack of work and his diabetic problems that just seem to have compounded 100x since he lost his job back in April, I just don't have the energy sometimes to do all the fun stuff the kids want to do.
The doc ended up getting Scott into seeing an Endicrinologist, who put him on the insulin named U-500, which is on the governments dangerous drug list because of how potent it is. Even one unit miscalculation in drawing the insulin and it could send him into a diabetic coma. He was managing his diabetes so well until he was laid off. He actually did just fine managing it up until 3 months ago. I truly believe that lack of work has sent him into depression and that is screwing with his body. He eats right and we work out 5-6 days a week. Ok, so the gym we put on the back burner for a couple of weeks but we are slowly getting back into the groove. His sugars will crash around 3am every morning no matter what we do the night before. I sleep maybe 3 hours a night anymore because I know it's coming and if I'm not awake to help him it takes him so much longer to recover. The lack of sleep is taking a toll on my body and I'm afraid I might get sick soon.
Scott has applied at probably every company in our area now, whether he is qualified or not. Just in the hopes that someone will see he's willing to learn and hire him.

So I should go to bed before 3am comes and sleep for a couple of hours and maybe, just maybe the boys will let me sleep in in the morning. Maybe I can bribe them with a pancake lunch? We shall see.

Happy Halloween Everyone

I really do love my life, I promise

2010-09-21T21:52:00.001-06:00

I’ve decided we live in an absolutely crappy area for an autistic child. Why? I read blogs from other mom’s talking about the cool stuff museums, zoos, theaters, and probably quite a few more places, do fun and exciting things for autistic people. I’ve approached our local theater to host a “sensory” showing for any kids movie out there but they can’t seem to decide if that would be a good idea or not. For this type of showing the lights wouldn’t be all the way down, just dimmed, you could bring your own snacks, your child could get up and wander around the theater without you having to worry that someone will get angry because the freak kid can’t sit still, and you get to interact with other parents of disabled children. This would be a movie just for people with sensory issues and their families. I know it would take some advertising and might not do very well the first few times around but once families learned about it I think it would sell out.

When I called our local theater management office about this the lady said she would pass the message on but sounded like it was a horrible idea, almost like she was afraid she would catch something from a disabled child.

One blog in particular talks about how she is so very thankful for some of the parents she is friends with because their children are autistic as well. These parents “get” what life is like and let you vent about anything and everything. She said she can talk about her son’s issues or not talk about them. They can just sit around and she doesn’t need to worry about having to explain anything. They just know.

I would love to have more friends for hubby and I to hang out with, go to dinner and or a movie with, have drinks somewhere, bbq’s and get togethers. I don’t know if that will ever happen. We used to have friends to do these things with but the older Ethan got and the more they realized that I wasn’t blowing smoke up their asses when I said he was autistic the more our friends disappeared. Or spent the time we did spend together letting me know of all these alternative treatments that they swear would cure him of his autism because her best friend in California did this for her 2 autistic sons and now they are both totally cured forever. We’ll see about that.

I admit, I pulled away from them, they really didn’t pull away from us. I was tired of getting invited over and being told no kids tonight please and we show up and everyone else’s kids are there. Well, Shannon, you’re son IS such a handful and we never know how he’s going to be so it’s just easier, you know, if he stays home. You know, in his comfort zone. Bullshit no one wants to deal with my reality. They want to stay in their own alcohol induced, perfect child who is gifted beyond their years, reality. I’m not jealous I promise. Maybe bitter but not jealous. I got tired of putting on a happy face and saying "that's ok". He is, after all, happier at home. BS

Ethan is gifted in his own way. He hates math but excels at it in school. He reads to himself and on good days to his little brother. He sees a movie once and can quote it word for word along with acting out all the scenes. A little disturbing to see an almost 6ft tall 14 year old “flying” around the yard pretending he’s Iron Man but he’s happy and I still think it’s adorable.

Right now hubby and I are going through life pretending we are fine without the friends to go out with. That work and home is enough for me and being a stay at home dad is enough for him. But it’s not. Some may say we are selfish but who cares. Everyone needs some time to themselves, every couple needs a little time away from their kids, and everyone deserves to be around people that are understanding.

2010-05-08T10:33:00.001-06:00

I am borrowing this from http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com.

Top 20 Reasons Moms of Kids With Special Needs ROCK

1. Because we never thought that “doing it all” would mean doing this much. But we do it all, and then some.
2. Because we’ve discovered patience we never knew we had.
3. Because we are willing to do something 10 times, 100 times, 1,000 times if that’s what it takes for our kids to learn something new.
4. Because we have heard doctors tell us the worst, and we've refused to believe them. TAKE THAT, nay-saying doctors of the world.
5. Because we have bad days and breakdowns and bawl-fests, and then we pick ourselves up and keep right on going.
6. Because we gracefully handle the stares, the comments, the rude remarks. Well, mostly gracefully.
7. Because we manage to get ourselves together and get out the door looking pretty damn good. Heck, we even make sweatpants look good.
8. Because we are strong. Man, are we strong. Who knew we could be this strong?
9. Because we aren’t just moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work. We are moms, wives, cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs, women who work, physical therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, teachers, researchers, nurses, coaches, and cheerleaders. Whew.
10. Because we work overtime every single day.
11. Because we also worry overtime, but we work it through. Or we eat chocolate or Pirate's Booty or gourmet cheese, which aren't reimbursable by insurance as mental-health necessities but should be.
12. Because we are more selfless than other moms. Our kids need us more.
13. Because we give our kids with special needs endless love, and then we still have so much love left for our other kids, our husbands, our family. And our hairstylist, of course.
14. Because we inspire one another in this crazy blogosphere every single day.
15. Because we understand our kids better than anyone else—even if they can’t talk, even if they can’t gesture, even if they can't look us in the eye. We know. We just know.
16. Because we never stop pushing for our kids.
17. Because we never stop hoping for them, either.
18. Because just when it seems like things are going OK, they're suddenly not OK, but we deal. Somehow, we always deal, even when it seems like our heads or hearts might explode.
19. Because when we look at our kids we just see great kids. Not "kids with cerebral palsy/autism/Down syndrome/developmental delays/whatever label."
20. Because, well, you tell me.

I particularly like #4. I’ve been told that Ethan is so mentally retarded that he would never learn anything and I should just accept that and put him in a home and basically forget about him. The day I was told this I was so sick and should have been home wrapped up in blankets and doped up on some kind of medicine. I had tested positive for strep throat, tonsillitis, and bronchitis all at one time. I was feeling like I would keel over and die at any moment sick.

But I had an appointment at the school for Ethan’s test results, he was in Kindergarten at this time, and I wasn’t about to miss this particular appointment.

After the so called doctor informed me that my son was so mentally retarded I should just put him in a home and forget about him because he would never be able to learn or amount to anything. I burst into tears. I was mortified! I managed to calm myself down and just walked out of the building. It was also a cold, rainy day and I felt like Eeyore at that moment. Like nobody loved me and what was I going to do now.

The next appointment to go over the test results again but this time with his teacher, the principal, and the special ed teacher went much better. I was feeling better and had my voice back. I’d also had lots of time to take in what the weenie told me and was ready to fight.

I realized Ethan did horrible on all their little tests because he just didn’t like the guy. At that time Ethan hated to be touched. The only people that could get away with touching Ethan were myself and his sister, Emma. I found that this weenie was a touchy feely person. The first thing I asked the weenie was what makes him think he should be touching a child that might possibly have any kind of special needs. The only thing he could say was he was a touchy feely person and meant nothing by it. I informed him I wasn’t blaming him of anything but maybe, just maybe my son didn’t like to be touched by anyone for any reason. Huh, he hadn’t thought of that…

I went on to say that my son was not mentally retarded and even if he was I would never, in my worst nightmare, dream of putting him in a home and forgetting about him. That is when the principal spoke up and agreed with the weenie. Apparently she had done the same thing with one of her children. I informed the weenie that Ethan would learn, no matter what, that I would do everything in my power and then some to make sure he had a full and happy life with our family, not in some home.

Even though that was 9 years ago it still makes me so, so angry. I put Ethan through so much testing with pediatric psychologists and pediatric neurologists to get the “diagnosis” of High Functioning Autism with a side of Tourette’s and OCD.

I actually saw the weenie a few months ago and for some reason he remembered me. Can’t imagine why. I’m sure it had nothing to do with my scathing words at his incompetency all those years ago. He asked about Ethan and I told him he was doing wonderfully. He was reading almost at grade level, math a couple years behind grade level, and what he was diagnosed with. After that I just walked away. I don’t know what he thought of that and I don’t care.

Ethan is happy and that is what matters.

2010-05-04T21:33:00.001-06:00

I am frustrated and apprehensive right now. Scott has been out of a job for almost 3 weeks now and as far as I know he’s applied at just one place. Supposedly they need help but they are leery to hire him. He’s worked there before but quit because he was constantly passed over for promotions and the last time he was passed over for one was the last straw because they gave it to a guy who had pending sexual harassment charges against him and he’d been caught stealing lots of money, they even had the guy on tape, but they still gave this winner the promotion. Scott was loyal to this place for almost 6 years, working overtime on his days off when someone called in sick or just didn’t show up for work, went in early, stayed late, was the go-to guy. If a customer had a question Scott could answer it right away. If a co-worker had a problem or a question they went to Scott. To this day when he goes in to that store to buy auto parts he’s bombarded with questions about parts by the people who work there and know who he is.

They are also afraid to hire him back because the people that worked there before the company was sold are having a hard time adjusting to the new company’s rules. Even though it’s been over a year that they have worked under this new company’s name some of the employees can’t seem to follow the new rules. Scott never had an issue with that. He managed to adapt to the new rules right away.

I finally broke down and told him he needs to just start applying at other places now. I know home depot is hiring in our area and he even picked up an application for the theaters. I told him today to turn in that application and go apply at home depot. We keep getting told that walmart is hiring part time but neither of us want him working there. We’ve hear too many horror stories from ex-employees.

I just need to keep my fingers crossed and breathe. And pray.

And is it selfish of me to want to keep our gym membership? We have worked out all week and problems seem easier to deal with after working out.

Braces

2010-04-29T20:37:00.000-06:00

Scott is mad at me. I should actually say I hurt his feelings so he’s upset with me.

Anyone who knows us understands that Ethan and Scott really don’t get along. Scott just can’t or won’t (not sure which it is truthfully) understand that there are many times when we have to give Ethan a little more attention and understanding and lots of extra patience. Ethan gets very upset with Scott quite a bit. I am often a mediator between the two, calming one or both down. It’s very mentally exhausting.

Today was Ethan’s consultation with an orthodontist. Scott picked up Ethan from school and then picked me up at work and we all three went to the ortho. In public those two try hard to get along and turn their bickering into a form of teasing, they both laugh about things but you can still see a glint of anger in both of their eyes’.

Today was no different. We got through the consultation and decided to go ahead and have Ethan get braces. He did fine during x-rays and Scott did the normal ribbing, don’t move, don’t smile, don’t don’t don’t. When we say don’t do something that is normally when Ethan does do the something. It’s like he can’t stop himself. All during x-rays Scott would say don’t smile and Ethan would get a huge grin on his face. Ethan, don’t move. He would flap his arms.

I was doing ok up until the impression time came. We have tried to do impressions before and Ethan ended up gagging and then got so upset about gagging that he threw up all over me. At least it wasn’t all over the dental tech that was trying to get the impressions done.

When the tech started mixing the goo to take the impressions Scott started in on Ethan about not gagging or puking. One jab after another. I finally asked Scott to stop it, there was no need to get him all riled up about this and have him psyched out about puking again. Scott just stared at me and finally said I can see I’m not needed here. And then he walked back to the waiting area and watched Monster’s Inc.

Ethan managed to get through impressions with very little gagging. The tech had Ethan laying down almost flat and he immediately started with the noises. I asked if he could sit up, that it might be easier for all of us. Once I got her to agree to try that it was smooth sailing. The dental tech even thanked me, I think she was panicking about dealing with Ethan. I had made sure to let them know he is Autistic so they would know to have extra patience with him.

When I set up the appointment the first thing I said to the receptionist was that Ethan is Autistic and please tell me now if someone there can’t handle it so I can go elsewhere. I told her that his very first dental experience was a bad one, with name calling and a dental tech that even smacked Ethan’s hands. She assured me that there would definitely be none of that and what a horrible thing to have to live through.

I am very sure that I will be happy with this orthodontist. They were all very nice and patient with us.

When Ethan and I got in the truck after the appointment was over I did apologize to Scott and explained why I asked him to stop. I just did not feel the need for Ethan to get upset and make himself throw up on purpose when it could be something that we avoided.

We took Ethan back to school, Scott brought me back to work, I asked Scott if he would bring me a sandwich for lunch because I’d forgotten to make my lunch this morning, I got out of the truck when he never answered me and he proceeded to drive off without a word to me.

Scott’s mad and/or hurt, Ethan’s worried about getting braces, and I get to fork over only $1650 for braces.

Thank God for insurance.

One week

2010-04-22T21:44:00.003-06:00

I really don't know how many jobs Scott has applied for in the past week. I know he put in an application at his old employer and has an interview Monday. That job will be better than nothing and he will be back to working with car parts again.

I'm still worried about bills. I have a feeling I might have to give up my car. And I really don't want a repo on our credit but I'm not sure what choice I might have. I'm going to call the bank tomorrow and explain what is going on and see what they say and hope for the best.

I'm so worried about all of this I'm not sleeping and all I want to do is eat. I hate when I get that way. One good thing is I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection so that helps with the eating thing. Nothing sounds good or smells good when I actually go look for food. So at least I'm not snacking all the time.

I'm so worried that I cry while I drive to work and while I'm alone at work. I try not to think about home life at work but can't help it when everyone asks me how Scott's job hunt is going. When I try to talk about my worries with Scott he says he understands and then changes the subject.

I tried again tonight to discuss bills and what we should do about them but he just patted me on the arm and said it will be ok.
We haven't spoken in over an hour now.

I understand he's still down about losing his job but we still have bills to pay and food to put on the table. He won't even go to the unemployment office. He keeps saying he wants to be a stay at home dad. I wouldn't have a problem with that if we didn't have bills, groceries, 4 growing kids, constant supplies for 3 different schools, dogs, turtles, and who knows what else.

This week I've called in to work sick a couple of days because of my sinus infection. It was so bad that I couldn't sit up without getting so dizzy I would feel sick. Both days he laid in bed with me and played on his laptop and watched tv while I tried to sleep. Yesterday and today I've been at work and he's done the same thing from what I understand. Except he took a break to bring me lunch.

I love him and I'm having a hard time just biting my tongue about this. I have no idea how I would react if I were to get laid off. I'm sure I would want to lay in bed and be depressed, in fact I probably would for a few days. And Scott would be in my position. But he's not a worrier. He is sure everything will be ok no matter what. I'm a born worrier. Everything makes me worry. I'm surprised I don't have ulcers.

Hopefully something will happen soon and I just pray I have the strength to keep my mouth shut and support him in anything he needs or wants to do. And not be a nag.

I'm going to try to sleep now.

Tax Day

2010-04-15T22:21:00.002-06:00

And who the hell cares.
Scott was laid off today and taxes are the least of my worry now. Granted, I got ours done a month ago.

So, we told the kids at dinner what was going on. Harley has no clue, he's too young to worry thank god. Ethan has no clue, obvious reason, he's Autistic. Emma worried about vacation and when we assured her we were still going, just a much smaller one, she was like, oh well, dad will get another job soon anyways. She just doesn't get what we were trying to tell her about the economy and that it might be a while this time. Oh well, she will understand soon enough. Ronnie thought we were joking at first and when he realized we weren't didn't really say anything. The subject changed pretty fast, no one wants to think about the bad news of the day.

After dinner the kids cleaned our new turtle tank and managed to kill the fish that were swimming with the turtles. Now the fish are swimming with the fishes. Harley thought it was so cool that we got to flush the fish down the toilet. I'm wondering if he will want to do that whenever a turtle dies........

We put the kids to bed and now we are in bed. He's on his laptop and I'm on mine and we haven't said a word to each other in over an hour. He's worried and snippy.
I don't blame him at all. Second job he's been laid off from in under a year. At least we know it's not a performance issue, he just happened to be low man on the totem pole and it's a tough economy out there. I don't care how many officials say things are getting better, it's still tough in small towns.

I am going to pray he gets another job soon and nothing happens to my job.
You just never know anymore.

Meanest Mom Ever

2010-04-13T22:43:00.002-06:00

I get home from work about 4:20 every day now. I love getting home that early. I have so many choices of things to do before I have to start dinner. I can lay down and nap, read a book, hide from the kids (which is normally what I have to do if I want to read a book), play video games with the kids, read books to the kids, color, talk to my friend who lives across the street (Harley is “married” to her daughter), or just sit and veg.

Lately I’ve come home to my daughter begging to go somewhere with her friends or cousin. I normally say yes and tell her to be home by 6, when dinner will be ready. There was no school the other day and I worked until 7pm the night before (my manager was on vacation so I closed for her), Emma asked grandma if she could ride bikes with her cousin the night before. My mom said yes, be home at 6:30. Emma finally walked in the door at 7:20, after I called and text her to get her butt home. She didn’t answer my call.

We have a rule for Ronnie and Emma that when they are given permission by one of the adults in the house to go out with a friend, they have to let the other 2 adults know what is going on. Where they will be and what time they were told to be home. Ronnie is finally getting the hang of it but for some reason Emma just can’t seem to grasp the concept.

I made Emma sit down and talk with me about what had gone wrong. She forgot what time grandma told her to be home. She forgot about the rule to let dad and I know what she was doing. I lost my cool. Her constant excuse for almost everything that is wrong is she forgot. I let her know how tired of that excuse I was, it needed to stop, and she could forget about doing anything for a while. I even took her phone away from her.

And I made her cry. Apparently I am officially the meanest mom ever. EVER! She quit saying she hates me a couple of years ago. She realized that every time she said she hated me I would say I love her and hug her. Most of the time she would get over being mad at me pretty quick after that. Now she just calls me the meanest mom ever and slams her door.

And that door slamming! She is so, so close to having her door removed. “What about my privacy”? What about it? Lose the attitude and you can keep your door. Teenagers push my buttons! Having 3 teens in the house is a test of my patience and strength.

I think Ronnie was amused that Emma cried about having her phone taken away. He sat in the chair and just smiled and watched us. Normally he’s the one being talked to by Scott for not letting us know where he is.

My mom keeps teasing me about how I barely made it through ages 12-14 and I'm just getting paid back.

Don't get me wrong but Boys are so much easier than Girls! I love my baby girl and wouldn't trade her for the world but Holy Crap Batman. Teenage Girls and Puberty SUCK.

2010-04-02T22:48:00.000-06:00

I was given permission to borrow this from http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com/
I love this!

We, the parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure tranquility (and sanity) and promote the general welfare of our families, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights.

* We have the right to expect our kids to be seen for who they are as individuals, not as labels or diagnoses.

* We have a right to trust our instincts about our kids and realize that experts don't always know best.

* We have a right to ignore the remarks, questions and stares and not give explanations or excuses for why our children are the way they are.

* We have a right to choose alternative therapies for our kids.

* We have a right to roll our eyes straight out of our heads when we encounter certain mothers who brag nonstop that their kids are the smartest students/best athletes ever.

* We have a right to wonder “What if…” every so often.

* We have a right to play aimlessly with our children. Not for therapeutic or educational purposes—just for fun.

* We have a right to blast Bruce Springsteen/Tom Petty/Any Rocker, down a glass of Pinot Grigio, get a pedicure, go out with the girls or do all of the aforementioned at once if that's what it takes to avoid burnout.

* We have a right to react to people’s ignorance in whatever way we feel necessary.

* We have a right to not always have our child be the poster child for his/her disability and some days be just a child.

* We have a right to go through the grieving process and realize we may never quite be "over it."

* We have the right to give our kids chores. Even better if they can learn to make breakfast in bed for us.

* We have a right to stretch the truth when we fail to do the exercises the therapist asked us to do this week because we were too darn tired or overwhelmed.

* We have a right to have yet more Pinot Grigio.

* We have a right to fire any doctor or therapist who's negative, unsupportive or who generally says suck-y things.

* We have a right to tell family and friends that everything may not be OK—at least not how they mean it, anyway.

* We have a right to hope for an empty playground so we don’t have to look into another child’s eyes and answer the question, “What’s wrong with him?”

* We have a right to bawl on the way back from the playground, the birthday party, the mall or anyplace where our children’s challenges become glaringly obvious in the face of all the other kids doing their typical-development things.

* We have the right to give our children consequences for their behavior. They may be “special” but they can still be a royal pain in the ass.

* We have a right to take a break from Googling therapies, procedures, medicine and treatments for our kids to research upcoming concerts, exotic teas or anything not related to our children’s disabilities.

* We have a right to talk about how great our kids are when people don’t get it.

* We have the right to not always behave as inspirational icons who never complain or gripe about the sometimes awful realities of raising a child with special needs.

* We have a right to expect quality services for our children not just when they’re infants, preschoolers and elementary school age, but when they’re in older grades and adults, too.

* We have a right to adequate funding for those services and to not have to kick, scream or endure a wait for them.

* We have a right to get tired of people saying, as they give that sympathy stare, "I don't know how you do it."

* We have a right to wish that sometimes things could be easier.

* We have a right to cheer like crazy anytime our children amaze us—or weep like lunatics.

* We have a right to push, push and push some more to make sure our children are treated fairly by the world.

April

2010-03-31T17:36:00.002-06:00

April is Autism Awareness Month. And tomorrow is April 1st. April Fools Day.

Autism is not a fooling around matter. Well, most of the time. Our household is so full of joking around, even with an autistic teenager mingled in the mix. Ethan still has a hard time understanding most social cues but we are working with him. He is teased just as much as the rest of us, we don't leave him out. One of these days he will get it, maybe. I can hope!

http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=homepage

Babies Babies Everywhere

2010-03-31T17:22:00.002-06:00

I have slipped into a weird depression. I am so sad that I can no longer have babies and I start crying when I see other people’s babies. Whether I’m in a store or at the park with my kids or even see a baby on TV, it can make me teary.

I knew going into the surgery last September that obviously I would no longer be able to have another baby. I needed the surgery to get rid of all the crap that was in my body and physically I have felt so much better. Mentally is a whole different issue right now. And it started just a few weeks ago.

Physically I feel wonderful. I haven’t lost a lot of weight since the surgery but my strength is back and Scott and I joined a gym and are working out together. We are doing lots of yard work on the weekends and are just keeping active. My clothes fit different and I guess I’ve lost some inches even though the pounds aren’t going away yet. I guess the way to think about it is that I’m gaining more muscle and that will reshape my body.

I would think that keeping active and being outside a lot would keep my mood elevated and I would think that staying so busy I wouldn’t have time to dwell on the fact that I can’t have anymore children. But that’s not the case. I’m to the point where I just want to work because when I’m at work I don’t think about babies. I don’t think about the fact that I can’t have anymore. I just think about work and taking care of the people here. I’m afraid I’m going to start mothering my co-workers and that will not be good. Technically you are supposed to leave personal life at home and make sure you don’t take work home with you so you focus on family when you are at home.

I’ve tried to talk to Scott about it but he just tells me I will be fine and almost blows it off. No one else in my family will understand why I’m feeling this way so I haven’t tried to talk to them. I’m even afraid they will ridicule me. My SIL had a hysterectomy 2 years before I did. She went through something similar and was sad about no more babies even though she knew she wasn’t having any more no matter what. My MIL was upset as well. When word got around to us how my SIL was feeling I was curious how someone could be sad about the fact of no more monthly visitor, especially when you know you aren’t having anymore babies. I never made fun of her or made light of how she was feeling but my SIL and MIL were still extremely upset with me and didn’t speak to me for a few months.

I’m afraid if I tell them I’m feeling the same thing they will become catty and mean. That’s the way they are anymore. Scott has 2 sister’s, the younger one is the one that had the hysterectomy and the older one lives in Dallas. The older sister had a falling out with my in-laws and so now my in-laws refuse to speak to her, about her, have anything to do with her kids. They expect the rest of us to do the same. It’s a silly reason why they aren’t speaking to each other but to totally cut a child and grandchildren out of your life is something I just can’t comprehend. This is why I’m afraid to tell anyone else how I’m feeling. I know they won’t cut me out of their life but I don’t want to listen to the catty remarks and bitchy tones and have them call me a hypocrite when I’m not one. No matter how many times I tried to explain that I just didn’t understand why she felt the way she did they always took it as me just being mean and snotty and not having any feelings.

And anyone who reads this will probably recommend therapy. I’m debating it but not sure if I really want to start that just yet.

If I don’t start feeling better in a couple of weeks I’ll call my preacher and talk to him. It’s free and he is a great listener and wouldn’t make me feel like my feelings are silly.

What’s With All the Hubabub Bub?

2010-02-07T20:23:00.001-07:00

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2010/02/03/2193058.aspx link to article

On MSNBC there is an article about White House Chief of Staff meeting with the head of the Special Olympics. Over a slur back in August. Here is a quote from the article; “It was reported that Emanuel told a liberal strategy session last August that liberals who were planning attack ads on conservative Democrats over health care were "F...ing retarded."
And Sarah Palin has to get involved, she is all butt hurt about this. Why? Her son has Down Syndrome, he’s not mentally retarded. There is a difference.
So I guess Emanuel meeting with the Special Olympics and apologizing will make it all ok.
You know, it was just a comment. I don’t think he meant anything, he was voicing his opinion on how stupid he thought the attack was.
And since Sarah Palin got upset over this then how many other people with disabled family members will take offense as well. So many people are followers and have a hard time thinking for themselves. If someone like Sarah Palin was offended than you should be too!
I remember hearing about this back in August but it never phased me. Maybe because my son is Autistic not retarded but even if Ethan were retarded I don’t believe I would have taken offense.
While I was in Junior High and High School I worked with special needs children. They had all kinds of problems from mental retardation, down syndrome, and even one autistic child. I’ve heard more than one mentally retarded person say “I’m retarded not stupid”.
When a retarded person says they are retarded not stupid and they know the difference than what’s the problem here? Emanuel’s comment was most likely not thought out, he spoke without thinking like every one else does.
Everyone who is bashing Emanuel has never said something they shouldn't have?
Not that I’m saying what he said was right. Certainly having the position he does should make him realize he needs to take the time to think about every word that is going to come out of his mouth before he speaks in public.

Feeling Horrible

2010-01-27T16:50:00.002-07:00

But this time for a different reason. Physically I am finally starting to feel better. One good thing about this illness is losing 11 lbs. Not the right way to lose it I know but hopefully with all the WII games we are playing I can keep it off.

I feel horrible today because today Ronnie was supposed to get his driver's license. I made sure I had all the paper work ready to go and he had all of his ready to go. We get to the DMV and wait until our number is called and get up there only to have the lady tell me that my registration is expired. My stomach dropped to my knees. I thought to myself "Stupid, you should have checked that at the same time you checked your insurance card and found that it was out of date". I didn't know what to say so I did something I never thought I would stoop to, begged the nice DMV lady to see if could get a printed copy since we were you know at the DMV and then he could still take the test to get his license today. Nope, they were unable to do that. So we had to make another appointment and I get to find my missing registration. The correct sticker is on my license plate so who knows what I did with the card. I will say that DMV lady was very nice and pretty cute too.

I am sure Ronnie is upset and disappointed but he said oh well, shit happens mom, let's go. He's been wonderful about it to my face. Who knows what he's said to his friends though. Oh well, he has every right to be upset with me.

And when I told my husband what has happened he has grilled me through texting. Why wasn't the new registration card in the car all along, when did you get the new card, why didn't you check on this over the weekend so I would be ready for today. And quite a few other questions. I finally quit answering so the last message I got from him was I love you.

You know, I know I should have checked to make sure everything was in order. I know I should have done it over the weekend so it would be done, instead of rushing to get things gathered at 11:30 last night. But why didn't he help me. This next thought is extremely mean of me but it went through my head before I even realized what I was thinking. Why am I doing this for your son, why aren't you taking the afternoon off to go with your son to get his drivers license. You would think a milestone like that he would want to do with his son. Don't get me wrong, I love Ronnie. I enjoy doing things with him. I have no problems, for the most part, with him. I say for the most part because he is a teenage boy and there is always some kind of drama going on with teenagers.
So, I'm getting grilled for not being prepared. Scott's treating me like a child instead of his wife that made a mistake.

In my defense I have been sick. I've also been working alot, still. The overtime is back in full swing due to more additions at work. I just happened to take half a day off in anticipation of sitting at the DMV for the afternoon.

He's on his way home from work now so we shall see what is said when he gets home. And I must start dinner now. And yet again I am unprepared because I have no idea what I'm making my family for dinner!!

Go Me

I Went to the Doctor

2010-01-21T21:32:00.002-07:00

Scott made me go to the doctor last night when I got home from work. Probably a good thing because it turns out I have more than just a head cold. I'm one sick momma.

Are you ready?!??!?!

I have sinusitis, lymph nodes are infected, both ears infected, strep throat, and tonsillitis. Where in the hell did all of these things come from?

I haven't been around anyone that I'm aware of that has been this sick. All these germs were just floating along in the air and decided to land on me. And make me sick and not want to drink or eat anything.

It hurts to have air go down my throat. You think I'm going to eat or drink anything when just air hurts? Hell No

Supposedly I'm not contagious so I went to work today. Stupid. By the end of the day I felt horrible and cried all the way home. Which was stupid again because of all the damn snow on the ground. It snowed enough last night school was cancelled today. Oh, and to go along with the snow was the rain. So tomorrow should be a blast with all the damn black ice that will surely form over night. And yes, I'm going to work tomorrow too.

Do ya think I would have gotten any rest if I'd stayed home today with the kids being home too? Nope, I don't think so. Well, I might have because my husband made me put my pj's on and get in bed as soon as I walked in the door today. Oh yes, his office closed today due to the bad weather. But will mine ever do that? Heck no.

And guess what. Not one person has come in to my room and asked if I need anything or how I'm doing since I came to bed. I slept for maybe 10 minutes and then my body started aching. And now I'm a big ball of whiny, sick, BITCH. I hate being sick. I wish the damn antibiotics would kick in so I could start feeling better. And now I'm hungry. But I'm still not going to eat or drink anything until my throat quits hurting.

So they might have left me alone to rest today.

Now that my bitchy side has come out and I've ranted some more maybe I should suck it up and eat some soup and take some more Advil and go to bed. It's almost 10pm and I have to go to work in the morning.

Oh, and school is delayed for tomorrow already. And that could change to canceled again.

Bright side is I'm going to see the movie The Lovely Bones with my SIL tomorrow. We both read the book and we are looking forward to seeing the movie.

Rant Time I wrote this yesterday at work

2010-01-21T21:14:00.003-07:00

Holy Crap I feel like Crap

The past couple of nights here have been snowy and cold. The days have been sunny and slushy. And to go along with all this wonderful wet weather I have a horrible cold. The left side of my head feels as if it's going to implode one minute and the next like its going to explode. My left eye and sinus are pulsing with the pressure and it feels so WEIRD. I've taken Mucinex and I've consumed lots of liquids, water, hot tea, even coffee. I've gargled salt water for my throat. Oh, today I've even lived on Advil. But nothing has touched the pain or pressure or congestion.

My husband is mad at me. He gets mad at me every time I'm sick. He claims he gets mad because I don't go to the doctor but what can a doctor really do for a cold. And with the way everyone goes to the doctor for every little thing who knows what else I could catch while I sit for hours in the waiting room, just waiting for my turn to see the doctor, only to have him tell me keep up what I'm doing and in another week or so I'll be fine.

Now, back to the whole mad at me every time I'm sick. It has nothing to do with me seeing a doctor or not seeing a doctor. When I had the hysterectomy he was mad. he knew it was coming, it's not like I sprung the news on him the night before the surgery. he was fine from the time he heard the news until the second we walked into the hospital to check me in. Then he was angry and snippy with me. He stayed that way until I was home from the hospital for a few days.

Why? Why does he get mad when I'm sick or hurt? It just makes me feel worse. Almost like I've done something wrong when I know I've done nothing wrong.

So, Ok. I could go to the doctor but again, it's a head cold. I don't want to pay a co-pay to have the doc tell me this. Plus, I've got a job, I've got 4 kids, and I've got him. Taking care of all those things is a full time job for 2 1/2 people. I tell him that and what happens?

He goes into the whole spiel of I need to take care of myself as well. I bring up taking time for myself and my family freaks out! I literally have to hide in the bathroom with the door locked to be able to take even 5 minutes to read a book. But they normally track me down and I put my book down to go do whatever they need done or to look at the picture they just colored or the score on the WII game they just played or countless other things that kids do.

I love my kids and that's why I put my book down to see what they are up to. I have an excellent relationship with them and want to keep it that way.

I know, I need to take care of myself and keep myself sane and healthy to be able to live a long life to keep those good relationships.

That is something I need to work on again

3day weekend

2010-01-18T16:13:00.002-07:00

I had today off. For MLK day. My kids had today off. For MLK day.
Silly me thought we could all do something together today. HA!! hahahhahahhahhaa

Ronnie wanted to spend last night with a friend to have yet another marathon gaming night. Emma's cousin spent the night and then the girls hit the mall as soon as it opened this morning. Ethan and Harley have been home with me. But all they want to do is play Mario Kart on the WII. I tried to play with them and they asked me to go to my room because I don't play right. Not sure how that works. What exactly does that mean coming from a 5 year old boy and a 14 year old autistic boy?

So I've been sitting on my bed for 3 hours now. I've watched TV, can't even tell you what I've watched, daytime TV is that boring. I've polished my nails a shiny brown. I've read news. I even tried to nap but couldn't even do that right today!

I should have just gone to work today. It would have been a more productive day.

I really never thought I would be sent to my room by my sons for being boring.

And I've even run out of things to say. I think of the best things to post during work, where I have no time to write it down to post later. I might need to start taking time, just to have stuff to post.

And my hubby is at work today so can't even lay on him!

Hope everyone has a good week

Thanksgiving Day Picture

2010-01-11T21:50:00.003-07:00

Cast of Characters in the Thanksgiving Day Pictur. Believe me, we are all characters!
Starting on the left hand side on the back row
ME!!
Ronnie, my 17 year old girl crazy stepson
Becca, the then girlfriend, no they aren't together anymore
Steven, my 26 year old stepson
That Kid, my niece's boyfriend, sorry i can't remember his name, ever.
Jessica, my niece
My Mother-in-Law
Dennis, my brother-in-law
Sherry, my sister-in-law
and then there's My Mom
My father-in-law is kneeling in front of Sherry
My nephew, Adam, is kneeling in front of his sister Jessica
Ethan, in the turquoise shirt, is sitting next to Adam
Scott is kneeling next to Ethan
Harley is leaning on Scott, he had a tie fetish for a couple months and went everywhere with that tie
And last but certainly not least Emma, she is always wearing purple! At least that's what it seems like.

And that is most of my family. My sister-in-law, Susan and her family were in Texas and then my aunt and uncle from Mesa were going to visit but unable to. My uncle ended up in the hospital with pneumonia but is doing well now.

Now I'm really going to go play a WII game!

A New Year

2010-01-11T21:04:00.004-07:00

It's hard to believe that it's already the middle of January. I remember when I was in school the time crawled by, like a snail. Now that I'm an adult and have 4 kids in 3 different schools, time just flies by.

I rarely make New Year's Resolutions. They are pointless and I never seem to be able to keep them.
This year I made a resolution. And I am going to work hard to keep this resolution.

A few weeks ago my husband told me I'm no fun anymore. Since Ethan moved back I'm uptight, snippy, angry, and my sense of humor is gone. I didn't realize that I had become like that. It hurt to hear it but I needed to. I have to constantly remind myself that there are 4 kids in this house, not just one. All 4 kids are special in some way and I don't have JUST a special needs teenager. It is an all-consuming thing for me, having an autistic son. I worry about him constantly and am so afraid of what's going to happen to him when I'm gone. Hopefully it's a long time before I'm gone....

Ronnie is angry most of the time and chooses to spend his time at friends houses because, well, you know, there aren't any special needs children there that can make a scene and have a melt down. Last year all the kids were always at our house. But Ethan wasn't here. This year they are rarely at our house. From what I've seen Ronnie's friends don't seem to mind Ethan. I think Ronnie just doesn't want to deal with it. And I don't blame him for that at all.
Emma is so mean to Ethan anymore. I feel like I'm constantly scolding her for hitting Ethan or screaming at him. ETHAN STOP, ETHAN GO AWAY, ETHAN SHUT UP. Every single day. I get so frustrated with her and feel like I've talked until I'm blue in the face but the screaming and hitting continues. She used to help me so much. Now? Not so much. I keep warning her that one of these days Ethan will hit back and I think he would seriously hurt her. A person can only take so much before they lose their temper and I think Ethan has done so well keeping his temper in check with Emma for as long as he has.
And then there is Harley. He's almost 6 and understands that Ethan is different but I'm not sure to what extent. They play very well together most of the time. Ethan is just happier playing with the younger kids. They are more on his level.

So, my resolution is to take more time for myself and find a way to calm down and be happier. OK, I am happy. I am so glad all 4 kids are with us and they are all healthy and doing wonderful in school.
What I need to do is find a way to make sure I don't stress out so bad over one of Ethan's meltdowns. When you stress you get grouchy. When you are grouchy you tend to snap at everyone in the house. When that happens then everyone else either becomes grouchy too or they just get angry with you. Either way it's not healthy for anyone.

It's been a tough road since Ethan moved back. He quit taking food and hiding it to eat later but he still thinks someone is going to steal the food he is eating. I swear I don't know where this comes from. No one tries to take his food. The only thing we do is tell him he's had enough and he can't have seconds.
When he starts to throw a fit I can usually just give him a look now and he will calm down. So far the temper is just outbursts, no physical violence. I hope it stays that way because that 14 year old kid is big. He's taller than me and he's chunky. Not fat, chunky. If we can keep the eating in check than he won't get fat. If it came to physically containing him during a fit I certainly couldn't do it.

Last year for Christmas Scott gave me a Tikki Torch waterfall. It has been in the original box and sat on a shelf collecting dust since the day I unwrapped it. Today I took it to work and set it up. I put the batteries in and put the rocks in and the water and turned it on and lit the candle. And it didn't work. The candle flickered away and the motor whirred but the water never ran through the water fall. I thought great, a present that doesn't work and it sat on a shelf for so long nothing can be done. I griped and grumbled under my breath for a good hour while I worked. I finally realized it did work. I kept hearing water and thought it's too bright outside for it to be raining. I looked at my waterfall and lo behold my waterfall was working!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy! And then I felt like an impatient child. After reading the directions more it did say the water might take a while to start running. And then I felt stupid. But I got over it.

This year for Christmas I got a WII with the WII Fit Plus. We have gone from watching TV to playing WII! That has helped with my mood I think. I've noticed the more I exercise the better my mood is. Things don't seem to bother me as much and I don't worry myself to sleep. Worrying myself to sleep just leads to some freaky dreams.

Right now Ronnie and Emma are calling me to play a game of bowling with them before we go to bed. I do have a headache but if I can sit in a dark room and type this out then I can play one game with them.

Have a wonderful week

Back To Work

2009-10-25T22:34:00.002-06:00

I've been back at work for one week now. It's Sunday night and I have to be at work at 7:15 in the morning. For my 2nd week of work.

I'm exhausted......

Between working 10 hours a day, normal housework, getting ready for Halloween, helping to take care of teens that for some reason their parents decided to kick them out of the house for a night or a week or however long (Who can do that anyways?????), I've been busssssssyyy.

I buckled and told Emma she could have her first Halloween party next Saturday. She's invited 10 girls. And so far they are all able to come. What in the hell did I OK!!?!?!? Ronnie said he'll be disappearing that night and we didn't question him. We know where he will be and I'm sure Emma and all of her friends will be happier without the 16 year old here with his friends. I can imagine the fights that would happen.

We took Harley to a classmate's birthday party last night. It was his first "party" and he was excited and nervous and kept asking how he should be. What kind of 5 year old worries about "how he should be"? He was too cute. It was at a skating rink and he tried skating but decided it wasn't for him yet. The rink had these scooter type things but you knelt on them instead of standing on them and he had a blast riding that around. He was having so much fun with his friends that they didn't eat the dinner that was provided and didn't want to stop long enough to enjoy cake and ice cream. And then on the way home he cried because he didn't get any pizza or cake or ice cream. When we got home he put his PJ's on and I fed him left over Mac&Cheese and a bowl of cereal and he was happy.

I had my last check up with my doctor last Wednesday. She finally told me that all the tests came back normal except one. I had Adenomyosis. I guess that's how it's spelled. I can't remember. It's the opposite of Endometriosis. The muscles of my utuerus was growing on the inside and causing all the problems I'd been having. My doctor told me she was glad I was persistent to have the surgery because that is the only thing that cures what I had and unfortunately the only way to know you have it is if you have a hysterectomy. The other procedure she wanted me to have wouldn't have worked and all the crap I'd been dealing with would have been back in a month or so. I've lost 7 pounds since my surgery. That's only 7 pounds in 7 1/2 weeks but hey, it's better than nothing at all or gaining weight. I can start working out again so we shall see if I can up that number!

Guess I should get to bed and get a little rest before my 2nd week of work starts.

Hope everyone has a good week!

5th Week

2009-10-12T21:30:00.002-06:00

5th Week means I only have one more week left of leave. I really don't want to go back to work but I must.
The younger kids are sad that I'm going back to work but then I remind them they love my paycheck that comes with that work. I do too, especially when it comes time to pay bills.
This is depressing to think I go back so soon. And 5 friends were laid off and their last day was today. I am sad for them and will miss them when I do go back. I am going to eat some chocolate and go to bed now.

3rd Week

2009-09-28T10:13:00.002-06:00

I keep forgetting it's only the 3rd week, tomorrow actually, that I've been home because of surgery. I feel so good and start going at my normal pace and then regret it because I end up pulling a stomach muscle or get so tired I sleep most of the next day.
Today for instance, it's 10:15 and I've been up since 6am, fed 4 kids breakfast, got them all off to school, did breakfast dishes, and on the 3rd load of laundry. To some this might not seem like a lot. For me, it's ALOT!!! I am a big procrastinator and was always too tired before to do all of this before school got out. I'm just wondering what it's going to be like when I go back to work. Will I keep my new found energy or will I be drained all the time again because that's the way work is anymore. Draining.
I've almost become domesticated. I am cleaning more, even though I'm not allowed to do housework yet, I am cooking more, baking more, I love being home to help kids with homework, get afternoon snacks ready on nights when dinner will be late because Emma or Ronnie have volleyball or cheer practice.
What has become of me!?!?!?!?!?!

Maybe having my "big guts ripped out" has brought out the Adult in me. That's kinda scary!

And the dryer keeps buzzing at me so I need to go fold some towels.

Hope everyone has a good week.

2009-09-18T16:14:00.002-06:00

And once again I have waited so long between postings. So so much has changed since April.
Ethan moved back home during the summer. He spent his time with his dad shut up in his room doing what he wanted. His dad never made him go do anything other than school. Apparently he was bullied alot at school up there too but no one ever did anything about that. They knew about it but never took it to the school or dealt with it. We are now trying to undo some of the habits Ethan developed. Making him leave his room is finally easier. He is starting to enjoy family activities again. He is doing well in school and has a couple of friends.
Emma is in volleyball this year and her grades are suffering. It's not just volleyball but her age. She is more interested in how she looks than her grades right now. Most of her friends are that way.
Ronnie is a cheerleader now and his grades are just fine. His attitude is starting to suck and not sure why. I think he is trying to be involved in too much and always asking for money and upset that we don't hand over money all the time. He signed up for cheer without talking it over. It is expensive to be a cheerleader!!! Scott finally told him we will pay for half of cheer and he will need to find a way to pay for the rest. Ronnie is upset about that now too! He applied for a job online, or so he says, his last job he had we found out he just quit showing up. Ronnie told us they let him go because they had too many workers. Ronnie needs to learn that we know too many people in this town and we will find out the truth about anything.
Harley started Kindergarten already! I can't believe he is 5. He should still be a baby! He is too smart for his own good right now. He asked for a baby brother a few months ago and I explained that I can't have babies anymore. He decided Emma could go get the sex and have a brother for him. I was shocked and horrified and amused all at the same time. Where would a 5 year old come up with that??? He's also figured out that it is extremely easy to pick on Ethan because of his disability. Scott and I were laying in bed the other night and Harley climbed in bed with us and napped for a while. He all of a sudden jumped up and ran into the room he shares with Ethan and said "Ethan, Mom is dead, she died", and walked away. Ethan immediately started crying and screaming and it took the longest time to calm him down even when I was in the room with him and hugging him. Ethan was calm and doing ok, ready for bed when Harley runs through the room and says Ha Ha I fooled you and runs out again. I couldn't believe Harley pulled that! We have talked and talked with Harley about how not to act around Ethan and what he should or shouldn't say. Think it might take a while for that to sink in though.

Scott has a new job and it is so much better. He is home by 6pm every night and has every Sunday off. It was a big ordeal when he was switching jobs, he made a big deal that he didn't want a new job and was happy where he was at. He wasn't happy and neither was I. We almost split up again over this job. I finally asked him why he applied for a new job if he felt he was fine at the new one. He kept saying it was my fault and I was forcing him to do it. After the first week at the new job he was convinced it was the best move he'd made. He's been there almost 3 months now and he's the assistant manager already.

I'm on short term disability leave right now. I had my regular checkup with "that" doctor in August. With all the problems I've told her I've been having and the way "things" looked when she did the exam I ended up having an ultrasound. Seven gumball sized tumors were found on my cervix and uteurus. My ovaries tested fine. September 8th I had a hysterectomy. It's been almost 2 weeks and I'm feeling pretty good. No complications thank goodness and I'm healing well. I've had a few people say I took the extreme route but with my family history I wasn't willing to chance anything. It's not like I don't have any kids. I'm done having kids. I love my kids and feel if I'm meant to have more it will be through adoption. When Scott heard what the results were he was all for it as well. I'm sure for different reasons. No more PMS, no more cravings, no more 15 days of bleeding. Yes I had a 15 day period most months. I used to have constant lower back pain. Since the surgery I've had no lower back pain. It's been wonderful!!
I can go back to work in 4 more weeks and so far am in no hurry. By the middle of next week I will probably be going stir crazy though.
Time to go, Ethan and Harley are fighting again, today was parent-teacher conferences so they were home with me all day and are tired of each other. At least that's what it sounds like

Everyone have a great weekend

Happy Hump Day

2009-04-29T22:31:00.002-06:00

Wow didn't realize it has been 2 months since I posted anything. And boringly enough not much has changed. Ok, probably not really but thats what it feels like.
Lets see, Emma has an A in math which is unheard of for her. All of her grades are excellent right now. Yea for her, I'm so proud of her. I will admit I thought she might have been cheating but I watched her do some homework and she really gets it now. Double yea for her.
Ronnie just finished driver's ed and is getting his permit on Friday. Scares the crap out of me thinking about him driving. He is in the gifted program at school now and has already picked the college he wants to go to and already has the paperwork for scholarships and loans. He is a Sophomore. He is on the ball.
Harley has just 7 days of preschool. I am so glad we have one less bill to pay now. Bad way to look at it I know but I am glad for one less bill. He is registered for Kindergarten and is having a hard time waiting for August so he can start big school and ride the bus every day.

And we are on another count down to vacation. 17 days and we go to Disney. Again. We are taking Ronnie, Emma, and Harley this time. I am actually excited. Harley is tall enough for all of the rides and he is so excited to go. He could care less about meeting Mickey Mouse, he just wants to ride the rollercoasters.
We are going for Scott's birthday, he will be 45 this year and wants to ride the day away. Plus he gets in free for his birthday.

I am working way too much and not getting enough sleep lately. My office is an exciting place right now because we are upgrading the services we provide and the next 7 months will be even busier than we are right now. Lots of overtime in the near future.

Other than life not much is going on right now.

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week

2009-02-22T13:28:00.002-07:00

It's been almost a month since my surgery and I feel so much better. I went against doctors orders and went back to bed to sleep just a week and a half after my surgery. I couldn't sleep in the recliner anymore and my butt was going to sleep.
Harley turned 5 years old February 17th and we are having his birthday party tonight. I have the brisket soaking in it's rub in the fridge for another hour or so and have the birthday cake cooling, ready to decorate. Harley requested a spider cake. His favorite movie at the moment is 8 Legged Freaks. Being the non-creative person I am, I have elected to try to make him a spider birthday cake. I am crazy I know. I love to bake but when it comes to decorating anything, I SUCK!!!!
Nana and Grandpa, Scott's parents, got Harley a blue 4-wheeler, just his size, and it stays at their house for him to enjoy when he spends the night with them. Plus they live in the country and have lots more room for him to ride around.
What else has happened in the past month.... Emma's grades are slowly rising. Having Ronnie here is wonderful for her, whether she thinks so or not. Ronnie is an honor student and Emma feels like she needs to keep her grades up to compete with him. Ronnie is in a class called Mock Trial. Basically what it sounds like, the kids are given cases to try and there is the defense and prosecution. The class went to a competition this weekend and when he got home today Ronnie said they lost just one case out of 5. Emma has all B's right now, which is excellent. She went from one B and C's and D's to straight B's. I am proud of her. Ronnie has 6 A's and 1 B, which is 1 point from an A. He is 10th in his class and is working hard to get closer to number 1. He wants to be Valedictorian of his class when he graduates in 2 1/2 years. Only 2 1/2 years. Time flies when you are busy!
Things are changing at my job and I really don't like the direction they are going. I have decided to get into the nursing program our college has next semester. It's time for a change that will lead to a career for me. I thought I had good opportunities for advancement where I am but I am finding that I thought wrong. I think I would make a great nurse, I am not squeamish at all and can hardly wait to start that. It will be hard, working full time and then taking night classes but I can do it. Just a matter of waiting for the next semester.
Scott's diabetes is now under control. Which I am very glad for.

March 1st is our 6th Anniversary. We are once again headed to Las Vegas for the NASCAR race. Last year our trip was pretty lousy. Scott had pneumonia and was miserable. We didn't do anything while we were there and only spent 2 hours at the race. We are hoping this year will be much better. We have plans to spend lots of time in the room :) um, cuddling, yeah right, lots of romping in the bed, and then spend Sunday at the race track. I am ready for it! We have had little time for just the 2 of us the past few weeks, what with surgery and ER visits! Scott's dad has said he wants to spend lots of time with us and Scott keeps saying not this year dad, nmaybe next year. Dad and his friends are staying in the same hotel as us so keeping our room a secret isn't going to happen.

And I finally had to buy a new dryer. Our old one was at least 20 years old and it finally crapped out. It gave a loud clunk and a puff of smoke and then the hot air was gone. We decided to just buy a new one instead of trying to fix the old one for the 20th time. I love my new dryer. It has the energy efficient cycle and dries the clothes in half the time as the old one! Laundry time is now cut in half!!

Cakes are done baking now and I think I am going to nap with Harley while they cool enough for me to decorate them.

Hope you all have a great week!

Pain & Suffering

2009-02-02T17:27:00.002-07:00

January was such a busy month. In and out of doctor offices and the ER. Scott broke out in hives the first week of January. They became so bad he got to the point where he could barely breath. So off to the ER at 2am because he wouldn't let me take him to the immediate care center we have just down the road at 7pm. Then 2 nights later he was so out of it and wacky acting that we went back to the ER after checking his blood sugars. He is a diabetic and his meter just read HI. We found out that prednisone messes with anyones blood sugars and this is especially dangerous for a diabetic. Docs finally got that under control and home we went.

I finally complained about the number of headaches and what I thought were sinus infections I've been having so my doctor sent me to an ENT, ear nose & throat doctor. Had a CT scan done of my sinuses and found that my sinuses are "pristine and a perfect textbook example for a class". The ENT said my headaches are vascular migraines, caused by my deviated septum. Apparently the broken part was pressing on my blood vessels and eye socket & causing the pain. SOoooo, I had surgery this past Thursday and had that repaired. My boss got a kick out of telling people I was going to get Marilyn Monroe's nose. I had to convince quite a few people that I wasn't getting a nose job, I was having my nose fixed. There is actually a big difference.

While he was performing the surgery he found some damaged cartilage and bone spurs and the doctor said he removed it all. Scott said the way the doctor described the bone spurs was almost like I had horns growing inside my head. And now my husband is telling people he always knew I was a horny little devil. :)

So, I am at home recovering. Takes 4-6 weeks to recover from this fully from what I understand. I'm not even a week in. But the headaches and pain I have now are no where near the headaches I was having. The pain I have now is in my upper lip and the tip of my nose. I can only open my mouth so far and its so much fun eating right now. Lots of crackers and soup so far.

This is the first time I have felt like looking at a computer in almost a week. And my eyes are already tired and Harley is begging me to put a movie in his DVD player. Horrible as it is, I am going to let him watch a movie right now. He spent all day at preschool and I haven't seen him all day but my head always hurts worse this time of day for some reason. I am going to nap in my chair, can't lay down for 2 more weeks, while he watches a movie and Emma pouts in her room. Who knows why she is pouting. She's almost a teenager and the mood swings are upon us!

My Fairy Name

2008-12-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Your fairy is called Feather Hailtree

She is a protector of the lonely.

She lives in high places where the clouds meet the earth.

She is only seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.

She wears pale blue like the sky. She has cheery turquoise wings like a butterfly.

http://www.emmadavies.net/fairy/default.aspx">Get your free fairy name here!

The End of 2008

2008-12-27T23:27:00.003-07:00

First of all a belated Merry Christmas to all.

This year is almost over and I don't think I have ever been so grateful. Scott and I are doing quite a bit better but we still have work to do. Ethan is still up in Washington and from the sounds of it, staying. He is doing amazingly well. A down side is that he has gained over 20 lbs from the looks of the pictures I have seen. Emma flew up to Washington to spend the Christmas Holiday with her dad and stepmom and has texted me a few pictures. Emma has been miserable up there. She starts texting me at 7am and doesn't stop until almost midnight. I don't think they interact with her very much unless it is to try to talk her into moving up there with them permanently. Why would she want to do that when they won't spend much time with her. She's been up there since the 17th and she flies home on New Year's Eve. Very excited for her to come home. This was my first Christmas without Ethan and Emma and it was a little rough. I stayed busy enough to not think about it much but I still miss them.

Ronnie is doing so well here. He is a Sophomore with A's and B's in his honors classes, was on his way up to Varsity Wrestling until the muscles in his arm were torn. He is disappointed but dealing with it. Because of the torn muscles, wrestling is done for this year and Tennis is out as well. He said "it's all good, I still have the ladies". WOW, we have a steady string of girls coming through the house and have since school started. The friends he has made are great kids. I thought at first I would hate having a teenage boy here but I love it. Out of all the parents, Scott and I are the cool parents. They all spend the night here a few times a month and we have junk food and soda on hand at all times, live just 4 blocks from the mall, let them play video games as long as they stay quiet once Midnight rolls around, and insist on playing video games with them once in a while. The fact that I cook and bake for them plays a roll in the cool part for some reason. A couple have said their moms don't cook, they live on microwave foods. We manage to stay in touch with what they watch, listen to, like, and play and still manage to stay cool in their eyes.

Then there is Harley. He will be 5 in a month and half. He is sick right now and I've just spent 3 hours sitting in the rocking chair snuggling with him. I discovered his biggest disappointment for Christmas was no baby brother. He has asked for a baby brother all day now and can't grasp the concept the mommy and daddy can't have any more babies. We are both "fixed" so it would take an act of god and lots of money for us to have a baby. Some of the things that come from him are so fricking funny. He told me we need another Puggy to give Vegas a friend. We have been looking for another Pug and are trying to find a Pug Rescue close to us. So far no luck but we aren't giving up. It took us 8 months to find Vegas. Harley misses Ethan and can hardly wait for Emma to come home and wants a baby brother and another Pug. I asked him this morning what if mommy did have another baby and it was a girl. He said, nope won't happen, God knows he wants a boy so it would be a boy. He has a Mohawk right now and loves girls and spinach and is totally and absolutely fearless. Scares the crap out of me at least 10 times a day. He is the leader at preschool more than the others because that is the only way to keep him occupied. He is so far ahead of the others right now, I am afraid he is going to be bored in kindergarten. Guess I will deal with that when we get there. He is spelling out everything and reading and counts to 100 in English and can count to 10 in Spanish. It is so odd for me to have two boys, one Autistic, struggling to learn and the other, gifted, struggling to behave in preschool because he is so far ahead of the others. When the teachers started talking to me about him I thought they were full of it. The farther along preschool goes the more I'm realizing they weren't just yanking my chain.

Emma is 11 going on 18. The whole make up, clothes, shoes, friends thing that has sprung up since she started middle school is killing me. She kept a couple friends moving from elementary school up to middle school but the poor girl is like here momma and has boobs, which for some reason has attracted girls in the 8th grade to hang out with her. She is also a little taller than most of the kids in her classes. I wasn't allowed to wear make up until high school. I was going to do the same thing with Emma but she her new friends started putting it on her no matter what I said or did and the bunch of them ended up with Pink Eye. So I gave in and bought Emma her own makeup. The hair has changed quite a bit too. Her golden locks have been replaced with red hair on the lower half of her head and dark brown on the upper half. Her timidness is pretty much gone and her grades are up. So, the hair and makeup can stay as long as the grades are good. Truthfully I think having her older stepbrother living here, in almost all honors classes pushes Emma to work that much harder. Fine by me!

I am still at the same job, and still loving the job itself. Scott might be applying for a different job, better pay and benefits. Hoping he does for many reasons. Dig ourselves out of this mountain of debt we have, visit Disneyland a few dozen more times while we are still young, and who knows what else, oh yes, save for retirement!

As for my issue at work that has resolved itself. We are friends and that is it, ok co-workers and that is it. We talk about work and say Hi and Bye. It has taken a while to get there but we are. It was rough and there were lots of tears shed on both sides. I don't know what his home life is like anymore and he doesn't know about mine and it is better this way.

Scott and I talk ALOT more. Like we used to. We are spending alot of Us time again. Like we used to. All the things we did when our marriage was wonderful we are bringing back. I am alot calmer and the panic attacks I've been having throughout this year are gone. I haven't had one in almost 3 months now. Granted I should have seen my doctor about some of the issues I was having but I didn't and Scott worked through them with me. He calls it my MidWife crisis. You know, instead of my MidLife crisis. I really don't know what it was but we finally clicked again and life is almost back to normal since.

I told Scott if I ever go through something like that again please take me out to the back 40 somewhere and just shoot me, put me down so we don't ever go through this again.

Ok, I lied I know what clicked. Scott had a heart attack the first of October. That slapped the biggest piece of reality into me. He is doing good now, his heart tests came back showing no clogged arteries, but both upper chambers of his heart are enlarged. We keep an eye on him, get him to exercise more, and keep up with the diet he is on with some minor changes. He is a diabetic and his diet right now is pretty good.

And right now it is 12:20 am and I am exhausted so I'm going to bed. I will try to keep up better with this since I have absolutely sucked at this since my MidWife crisis started.

Only 3 more days til my baby girl comes home!

A New Chapter in My Life

2008-08-23T10:34:00.002-06:00

Well, another new chapter is about to begin. Last Sunday was a lazy morning. At first. Scott and I were being lazy and staying in bed until he absolutely had to get up and get ready for work. We could hear the kids playing in the front of the house and we didn't hear any fighting. Emma came in to tell us that Ethan had eaten lots of food during the night and Ethan came back screaming at her to shut up. We told all the kids to go out in the backyard for a while. After that it got very quiet. Scott was getting up to get ready for work and I was reading a book. Emma came back again, this time to say she couldn't find Harley or Ethan. They weren't in the backyard or any part of the house. We left the house to search the neighborhood. Scott finally found them 4 blocks away.
Ethan had packed a bag for him and one for Harley. They had a blanket and pillow and food. They were running away to live at the park.
I was just too angry to deal with Ethan so I did something I've never done before. I called his dad who is in Washington State and told him what had happened and asked him to talk to Ethan. I regret doing that now because what finally ended up being the solution is hurting me.
Apparently Ethan has wanted to live with his dad for a while now but hasn't told me because he didn't want to upset me. Apparently a lot of others have known this too but no one has wanted to tell me and upset me. I would rather have known than have Ethan live here and be upset. I know this all stems from the relationship between Scott and Ethan.
Scott feels Ethan shouldn't be treated any different just because he is a special needs child. OK, Yes I am easier on Ethan but he does have chores and is expected to do them. If he doesn't do them or throws a fit than he does get in trouble. Just not to the extent Scott feels is appropriate. He has had numerous doctors tell us that we can't treat Ethan like a normal child because he just isn't one. He will need different rules to accommodate for his disabilities. Scott just refuses to believe this.

So now Ethan is going to live with his dad and stepmom in Washington. We meet next weekend in Idaho. His new school doesn't start until after Labor Day so Ethan is going to go to school here for the week and then I take him out of school on Friday. I am so very sad that he is leaving but if this is going to make him happy then I will have to deal with it.

Scott keeps arguing with me about what time and where we should meet. He thinks I should make them change where we meet and when to make it easier for us. The place we meet is a 10 1/2 hour drive for both his dad & us. I don't understand why we should change and make them drive farther.

Our marriage that was getting better is back on the rocks because of this. I truly feel I'm being made to choose between my son and my husband right now. I haven't told Scott this because it wouldn't be fair to him. I don't know why I feel the need to please everyone all of the time. Something like that is just not possible and I'm usually the one that ends up hurt.

Scott did bring that up last weekend but I denied it. He has asked me if he needs to leave and in my state of hurt and anger I said yeah sure that would be great. Make me lose all but one person in my family in one weekend. Wrong thing to say but that is what I felt at the time.

It has taken us most of the week to talk at all and now that we are he has started harping on me again about where and when to meet them. I think it might need to be just Ethan, Emma, and myself making this trip. It might be good for just the 3 of us and that way Emma can say goodbye to her brother without Scott around to influence her. Emma loves her real dad but doesn't want to live with him. She said she is perfectly happy right where she is and doesn't want to leave Scott or me.

So in one week we will be back to just 3 kids.

I am so sad right now. I know it will get easier and I will deal with it but I just need some time to be able to be sad and Scott really doesn't understand this. He has been without Ronnie for 15 years and for some reason still can't seem to grasp how it is hard for to deal.

We haven't been to counseling in a month due to all the crap going on but I think it might be time to go back. Especially if he wants to save this marriage.

2008-08-16T11:31:00.002-06:00

I forgot to mention that our Guinea Pig died. We knew it was coming but the kids still cried. I went to work one morning and he was breathing and squeaking at me for his carrots. I got home from work and he was stiff as a board. So I'm thinking he died not long after I left that morning. Ethan and Emma both cried hard. Harley kind of sniffled and then asked if we could feed him to the ants. Because you know, the ants are hungry. Then Scott and Ronnie took it one step further and wanted to stick a fire cracker up its butt. I put the dead rodent in a shoe box and threw it away.

I was considered the bad parent for a few days after that. Ethan and Emma were upset because they wanted to bury him. Harley upset because I wouldn't feed it to the ants. Scott and Ronnie upset because I wouldn't let them shove a fire cracker up it's ass.

What a week that was!

2008-08-16T11:10:00.002-06:00

The first day of school came and went without too much drama. Stepson, I'm just going to use his name now that he lives with us, Ronnie, and Emma said it was ok and it took most of dinner to drag out what their teachers were like and the students they met. Emma and Ethan knew so many kids that came over with them from their elementary school but there were so many new kids there and Emma has already found a new boy to crush on. It's going to be a long year!
I took Ethan to school and Emma rode with a friend yesterday. I spent about an hour getting Ethan settled, his meds updated with the nurse and then wandered around and got a little nostalgic as I remembered my years at the school. It's a little strange having my kids go to the same elementary and middle school that I went to. Both schools have changed so much but are still the same.
Ronnie said his first day was pretty good. It was actually just the first day for kids moving up a school or new to the school district. Ronnie said he's ready for all the other students to show up so he can meet some GIRLS!!! He said he had about 10 girls give him their numbers yesterday but they were Freshmen and he wants to meet some Sophmores or Juniors now. Oh Joy

Found out that he can't start drivers ed until he's been here at least 6 months so I have time to get used to the idea and save money. We didn't get school supplies during tax free weekend because there were no lists to go by so we get to do that this weekend. And the lists for 3 kids is huge.

I took yesterday off to spend the day with Ethan at school but he told me he was fine I should just go home. I was a little shocked but I went home. I spent a few hours all by myself in a nice quiet house reading. I never get to do that again so I took advantage of the free time. I ate lunch with Scott, which made me sick, and then spent the afternoon rotating between the bed and the bathroom. Good times.

I feel better today, still a little queasy but no where near what I felt yesterday.

I'm looking forward to a weekend of doing nothing. It's almost noon and I've showered and paid bills and that is the extent of my day. Hopefully I can keep it up until Scott is home from work and its time to shop.

So I think I'll end this now and go lay down and read some more.

Oh, Scott and I are doing good right now. The sex is still not there but we talk and laugh like we used to so I'm going on the assumption that the sex will eventually come back. If it doesn't, well, I just don't know.

Have a good weekend all

Connie Mack is here again

2008-08-03T10:56:00.003-06:00

As much as I love baseball I don't pay that much attention to it. I miss the days I played rec softball. I miss the people I saw there and only there. And truthfully I miss the girl who got me involved in softball. We met as Sophomores in high school and were best friends until 5 1/2 years ago. That just happened to be the time Scott came along. I discovered that this friend liked Scott just as much as I did. Problem? This time no. As friends we often liked the same guy but I always bowed out and let her go after him. Why? Because she was, I was going to say stronger but that's not right. I'm just as strong a woman as she was or is. She has always been just that much more sure of herself than I was. Maybe not anymore but in high school she was. Scott asked me out on a date, over the phone, even though he'd never met me. I didn't know this but he had seen me so he knew what I looked like.
This made my friend so upset but she never once told me. She just set about her own way to try to steal Scott from me. But Scott found her repulsive. I could never figure out why until she finally admitted the truth to me. Scott saw through her immediately. He knew what kind of person she really was. For some reason I was blind to it for years and years.
Even after all that she did to try to sabotage Scott and myself I still miss her. Especially during Connie Mack.
We would go to the games together and sit and watch the games, unlike every other teenage girl that was there. The other girls were there to socialize, flirt with boys, be seen, but never to actually watch the games. We both got married and she moved to the East Coast and I moved to the West Coast. We both moved back after a time and she got me involved in rec softball.

So I miss softball but for some reason I haven't tried to find a new team to join to play again. I still go to Connie Mack games but I go with just family. I say just family but I've gone to games with my mom since I was in elementary school. It's our bonding time I guess, we sit in the bleachers in the same seats we've had since I was little and watch those teenage boys play. It's quite exciting to hear who has made it to the big leagues after playing at our little series. It has been in Farmington for 44 years now. Scott keeps teasing me that they are looking for a new home for it. He is really not a baseball fan. But he goes to some of the games because he knows I enjoy it. Kind of like I watch Nascar or go to the races with him because I know he enjoys it.

Tonight is the third night of this years series and games start in 6 hours, 5:15pm.

Our marriage is slowly getting stronger. We are re-learning to talk through our problems and actually talk, not bottle things up. Our latest issue that we are trying to work through is both of our schedules.

I told him I might start going on call on the weekends, if I did it would be with a laptop at home, I wouldn't have to go anywhere and it would be maybe once a month. He got so upset at this and said we barely spend any time with each other as it is. I really don't know how to respond to this because he has worked 7 days this week. He was supposed to be off Thursday and today. But the store in Durango, a 45 minute drive from our house, called last week and said they would need help and asked Scott to fill in. He said yes. Granted the over time pay is nice but that is what cuts into our time together, not my job but his unwillingness to say no when they need help at his job. We were supposed to spend today finishing up school shopping since it is tax free weekend, have my mom's birthday lunch (because obviously we can't miss a game for a birthday dinner, mom's choice not mine!), and just be together.

Even though there are so many weeks that he works 7 days a week for the overtime it is my job that keeps us from spending time together. I have a cake job. I work Monday through Friday either 9-6 or 8-6. On the rare week that a certain co-worker is off I work 8-6 all week long. I think the problem is not my time spent at work, its that I absolutely love my job. I do make less since I transferred to the new position but it is worth it for my sanity. There is just as much stress as the old position but it is a different kind of stress. A kind I am able to deal with so much easier. Part of the problem is that I work with mainly men now. I have discussed, in short detail one man in particular. Which Scott is aware of. He knows of feelings. The feelings are still there but we only talk about work or his wife's pregnancy. She isn't due for a month but she is already contracting and dilated to a 2.

It is hard staying away from him but I'm doing it. I am in no way proud of how I've acted for most of this year but I'm trying to change and feel I'm doing a pretty good job of it.

I can tell I'm doing a better job at being a mom again. My patience is not where I want it to be but from reading so many other mom's posts I'm not the only one in this boat of thinning patience.

Wow, I went from baseball to my life. :) I am getting happier with my life and hope it continues.

My concern now is getting a 15 year old through high school as easily as possible, 2 tweens through middle school without too much drama, and a little demon through his last year of pre-school even though he feels he should be starting kindergarten and just doesn't understand why he isn't starting that big school this year.

Oh, and the 15 year old is begging to start driver's ed.

Which it is time.....

But are we ready??????

2008-07-29T22:20:00.000-06:00

Another posting draught has entered my life. Too many things going on & I don’t know where to start.
Stepson has moved in with us and so far it has been a pretty smooth transition. He is such a great kid that life is pretty good on the kid front right now. He does chores and the house and yard work without being asked or told. He helps out with Harley and tolerates Emma’s hounding so well. Emma complained and whined that he was moving in but I do believe she secretly loves having him here all the time. She is starting to really come out of her shell and I just hope that starting middle school in 2 weeks and 3 days doesn't force her back in to it.
Ethan and Emma just got back from a 2 week camping trip with their dad, stepmom, and the OutLaws. Emma has gone into great detail of where they were, what they saw, what they didn’t get to do, and even what they ate. She was bummed because her dad and stepmom wouldn’t let her and her stepsister explore a small area around their camp ground. I can understand, they were at Yellowstone. So instead of telling the girls they have to sit in camp all day and do nothing, go explore with them!! But no, that didn’t happen. Emma said she did have fun but was just so bored most of the time.
Ethan hasn’t said much other than he now wants to go live with his dad. The first time he said it I didn’t exactly blow it off but I skirted the comment and redirected his line of thinking. I assumed it was a one time thing because that’s what Ethan does, after every summer spent with his dad he wants to move there. But once he’s home for a couple of days he changes his mind. This time he hasn’t. He keeps asking. I guess I need to write my ex and tell him what is going on. I explained to Ethan that since school starts in just a couple weeks and he’s already registered at his new middle school that he will have to go to school here this year and we shall see how it goes towards the end of the school year and see how he feels. I really don’t know how to feel about this!
We just went through this with stepson moving here. We drove 18 hours to Texas to pack up stepsons stuff and move him back here. The day we got him his mom and stepdad had a going away BBQ for all of their friends to say goodbye. I met almost all of his friends and they were all so nice and supportive of what he was doing. I went in kind of tense, ready to defend myself against someone saying that we are stealing stepson away but everyone was so nice. They made sure to include me in their conversations while Scott signed paperwork, which caused a huge fight between us but that is for later.
Stepson’s mom cried and held onto ME, not stepson but me, saying over and over she knows I will take good care of her son but please take good care of her son. She has had him for 15 years so I can imagine how hurt she must have felt.
Stepson didn’t leave on good terms. He said he has fought with his mom and stepdad constantly for so long now and he is tired of it. He said some things that were pretty terrible but we have no proof of so we can’t do anything about it.
Harley is as precocious as ever. I find myself arguing with the 4 year old of the family more and more and I am just amazed at his vocabulary. Either that or the other kids his age that we know are just way behind in their speech development. I know that all children develop at different speeds but we know one girl that squeals when she talks, I have never heard a normal tone come out of her mouth. She has probably half the vocabulary that Harley does. Her mom, of course, thinks it is so cute that she squeals all the time, she’ll make the perfect teenager the mom says. Yikes. But her mom is also a teacher that should know there is something wrong with her daughter’s speech by now. Denial, I went through it with Ethan and being diagnosed with Autism.
Scott and I are trying. We haven’t been to a counseling session in a month but with all the traveling we have done this month we haven’t had time. Connie Mack starts Thursday so counseling will have to wait until that is over. We now have a decent line of communication going. We quit walking away from things that need to be discussed and we realized that life is actually a lot easier if we talk something out right away.
We argue now, which was something we didn’t do before. Apparently some arguing is healthy for a marriage. Who knew?
While we were separated our sex life was Hot. It is back to lukewarm. Not sure why that has happened. He says it’s because I don’t want him anymore. If I don’t want him anymore than why I didn’t I just tell him to stay away when he was out of the house. Why was our sex life so good when he was out?
I think we just need to learn to incorporate sex back into our life as a couple with 4 children, 2 full time jobs, and a needy mom/mother-in-law.

2008-06-21T11:39:00.002-06:00

Scott moved back in last weekend. A few days before our 4th counseling session. It shocked me that he just showed up last weekend with most of his stuff and Harley's stuff and they never left.
Truthfully I'm not sure how I feel about this. I have barely slept since they came back. I am so so happy Harley is back and I have missed him so much but Scott? We are too busy either bickering or walking around each other on egg shells, afraid to say something wrong and make the other mad.
Even though he just moved back in we have a whole new development that will test us alot more than what we have already gone through. Scott's 15 year old son will be moving in with us in a month. Permanently. Not just for 6 weeks during the summer. We get to register him in school, he wants to be a volunteer firefighter when he turns 16, drivers ed, and whatever else might pop into his highly intelligent mind. This kid is so smart it's a little scary. I totally understand why he wants to move here. His mom tries to treat him like an adult when it comes to the housework and school work but when it comes to actually talking to him and listening to him she either can't or won't. He will try to talk to his mom about his future and all she can talk about is how he's doing on his school work. He tries to talk to her about the death of his uncle a few months ago and she ignores him. He won't have more freedom here but he will have open minded parents that will listen to him and talk to him.

Not sure what this will bring, trying to repair our marriage and adding a teenage boy to the mix.

Actually after last night I'm really not sure how much longer we will be together. We went to bed not long after he got home from work at 10:30pm. Which is about 1/2 hour later than normal..... We shared a piece of chocolate cake and watched CSI Miami and I dozed off about 1am. I'm not sure what time he went to sleep but he was upset with me for falling asleep when I did. At 2:30am my cell phone rang and at that time of night I just answer the phone, I didn't look at the screen to see who it was. I assumed it was Emma because she spent the night with a friend and always seems to get sick during sleep overs.
It wasn't Emma. It was a guy I work with. One I would have never expected to call me at that time of the night, or actually any time of the night. He was at home and drunk and looking for someone to talk to. Or at least that's what I thought. I talked to another co-worker this morning after Scott left for work, yes, the one that I should be staying away from but we just can't seem to leave each other alone. He got a kick out of this other guy calling, he said he had to have been horny and looking for someone to come over and have some fun. I have no idea why he thought of me. This is a guy that I never thought of that way. He's a funny guy, intelligent but has never interested me that way.

So Scott is just pissed off that this guy called. I told Scott I couldn't help it, I can't control what he did, I had him off the phone in under 30 seconds. Don't know what else I could have done. Could have turned my cell phone off but I never do when Emma is at a sleep over.

Just one more thing we will have to work through.

As Walker said in his last comment, are we really in love with each other or just think we need to be with each other now.

That is the big question for us at the moment.

While I peruse this please go check out http://thewassellfamily.blogspot.com/. I don't know her personally but she is a very good friend of a co-worker and the family is having some very rough times right now. They need every one's thoughts and prayers.

2008-06-14T19:36:00.002-06:00

I realized it has been over a month since I last posted. Scott is still out of the house but we are in marriage counseling. He has said that he will move back home after the 4th counseling session, depending on my attitude. This next Thursday will be our 4th session. I can understand giving it time to come back home, we are finally talking and I'm learning not to bottle up my hurt and anger or any other feelings besides happiness. It's coming at a price because now we argue alot more than we ever have. I guess that's a good thing because we are actually talking now.
But the whole depends on my attitude has angered me. It took two of us to get here and it's going to take two of us to get our marriage back.

I've been more of a weekend wife for him. He stays here on the weekends and Sunday night he goes back to his parents house. They are redoing their basement and have plans to turn it into an apartment for Scott and Harley. Which is fine because if we don't work out then they have a place that won't cost Scott rent every month.

I thought I was ready for him to come home but the more time we spend together this weekend the more I'm not ready. I quit sleeping again or when I do sleep it's very restless. I am so tired again. I don't know what to do!

Emma is so unhappy that we are trying to save our marriage. She was happy thinking it was going to be just her, Ethan, and me again. She was even leaving Harley out. I don't know how to help her either. I feel she should be used to us being married now because we have been married 5 years.

When he is in the house I'm back to tryin to make sure everyone is happy but me. And that's just not going to work. I need to find a way to even things out but I don't know where to start.

I have all these I don't know things going on at home and I feel kind of stupid for it. At work I kow exactly what to do, when to do it, how to do it. I have people calling me for help constantly because even if I don't have the answer I can find it pretty fast. I love my work. I still don't love my home life. People at work keep talking to me about finding that even balance of good home/good work life but it just eludes me.

At work I know who I am but at home I don't. At work HE is still there. HE talks about going back to a previous job but doesn't know when HE will. I did tell Scott I have feelings for this other guy. It, of course, pissed him off and hurt him. This whole time that we have been separated if I go out it's with him. Scott accepted a date with another woman. He ended up not going but the thought of him going out with someone else killed me. I was a wreck.

This whole thing has also shown me exaclty what his parents think of me. Apparently I am too young for him and too immature. I didn't know at our age that 9 years was too old for me or too young for him.

We've both acted immature during our separation but I think that is what hurt people do. And now we are working on it.

Time to go.

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there. I hope you have a good one.

No Guarantees

2008-05-07T22:57:00.002-06:00

He has been out of the house for 2 weeks now. When we are together we don't talk. Well, we talk about the "normal every day" stuff. Kids, work, family.
The way we talk about us is through text messaging. That seems to be the only way he can open up and talk to me. I hate it. He sends me these long text messages to me while I'm at work. I feel obligated to respond to them, which of course takes away from work. If I go for a couple of hours without answering because I'm busy he gets upset. Not mad, almost whiny, like I'm ignoring him on purpose.
It is getting easier to be around him, at least the achy feeling has stopped. I realized I would tense my whole body up when he was around. When he would leave, and I was finally alone, I would finally breathe. I would let myself relax.

He brought me ice cream last night. We sat next to each other on the bed and shared it. We didn't really talk but at least it didn't feel too weird.

I really don't know what else to say right now. I want to say I'm happier without him but I still don't know. So I guess that means I'm not happier without him. Or maybe its just my heart healing pain.

He told me again today he can't give me the one guarantee I'm asking for. All I'm asking for is communication. I don't see how that is such a bad thing to want. My first marriage had absolutely no communication other than him yelling and me crying. He knew how bad my first marriage was. Scott has never been abusive in any way. The only similar thing between this marriage and the last is the lack of communication.
I'm tired of being the one carrying the emotional part of this marriage.
His idea of fixing something is to make me laugh. That only masked our issues. Now that they are big and in his face he is having a hard time dealing with it.
He blames himself for this.
I blame myself for this.
In reality, it's both of us that caused this.
I don't know where we will be in a month or a year but I'm going to make sure to protect me better this time than I did the last time.
If that sounds harsh, Oh Well. I'll make sure I'm OK and my kids are OK.

Changes

2008-05-04T13:07:00.002-06:00

All that talking has lead to Scott moving out. He moved out a 1 1/2 weeks ago. He also took Harley with him.
Not sure what to say about that right now. I'm sleeping more, and through the night finally. Don't know if it is because I am happier that he is gone or because I'm depressed. I'm actually spending time with Ethan and Emma though. We go to the park almost every day after dinner. We walk and ride bikes and play basketball. The days I don't talk to Scott I feel good. The days I do talk to Scott I feel horrible. My head pounds and my stomach hurts. I just hurt all over. I miss Harley dearly but I talk to him every day and he spent the night with us Friday night.
Scott and I have gone out on "dates" twice now. Last Saturday we went to Red Lobster and tried to have a nice meal and start the talks on where we are going. But it was Prom night for one of the high schools here and so we didn't talk much during dinner. After dinner we drove around and we both spilled everything onto the table. Then I made the mistake parking the car so I could concentrate more on talking and less on driving.
We started making out like teenagers. Then we were even more stupid and got a room. Being with him didn't feel right. Don't get me wrong, it felt good but not right.
When I finally got home that night I couldn't sleep. I think I dozed off about 4am or so.
Friday night I took Ethan and Emma to see Iron Man. Great movie. I loved it! But they called and invited Scott to go with us. I kept my mouth shut and he sat by me in the movie. He kept wanting to touch me, hold my hand, put his arm around me. Awkward.

When the movie was over I took the kids and left and he went, well, I'm assuming just drove around because an hour later he asked if he could come over and talk. Stupid me again. Said yes. He lay in bed next to me and couldn't keep his hands off me. Still doesn't feel right being with him. He left a couple of hours later, after lots of touching and little talking. I told him that had to quit. No more until we know where we are.

Last night we went out again, just the 2 of us. Dinner was good but I lost my appetite. He kept crying through dinner and then he started yelling at me. He paid the bill took me home and got the boys and left. It was already arranged for him to have Ethan and Harley spend the night with him last night.

Right now my head hurts so bad. I slept but I don't know how well. He tried to text me after he left but I never answered them.

We went from everyone thinking we had the perfect marriage to this. I've gotten a little teary over this but I haven't flat out cried. Makes me wonder why.

Where to start

2008-04-19T17:47:00.003-06:00

We finally talked last night. After a week of avoiding each other. And it wasn't pretty.

What came out of him is that he didn't realize what he was doing. He didn't realize he had been so unbearably grouchy or coming down harder on my kids or being just plain mean.

What came out of me was so much more. I am just unahppy right now. Unhappy with my life. I am so ready to send Ethan and Emma to live with their dad for a while so I don't mess them up even more than I already have. I want Harley to go away because everything he does irritates me. I don't know how to deal with a "normal" 4 year old boy and Scott doesn't know how to deal with a "special" 12 year old boy.

I feel after almost 6 years together we should have found a compromise on how to raise the kids. We still haven't found a way that works for both of us.

Scott is a generation older than me and he is a die hard Marine. He is so stubborn and set in his ways and I don't think he can change. Really though, how fair is it of me to ask him to change. He shouldn't have to change.

Right now I am the one changing. I need a serious mental break but I don't know how to get there. Ethan and Emma are going camping with their dad and step mom at the end of July. I don't want to wait that long for a break.

I am a horrible mom right now and I know it. Scott says I'm being human, the stress of the new position at work (which I really don't feel stressed from work anymore but maybe I am, just a different kind of stress), stress of having my mom live with us (she has made it perfectly clear if we move she is coming with us), the stress of having a special needs child slowly going into teenage hood, the stress of having a 4 year old (I swear the terrible two's are nothing compared to the Horrible Fours), and never having a break.

This is selfish of me but I want some me time in my own home. A whole day to have peace and quiet and watch SciFi all alone or listen to music and read a book or take a bath uninterrupted. The older kids get the house to themselves 3 times a week after school. Scott is alone in the house 2 to 3 times a week and same for my mom. They have their time to just be.

Just typing this I sound horribly selfish.

I am changing somehow but so far I don't like the person I am becoming. And I really don't know how to stop me.

Scott asked if there was someone else. I did say no because when it comes down to it, there is no one else. There is only stupid, selfish little me.

I went to see the doctor about my stomach and he said my problem is stress. I am letting things get to me and need to find a way to relax and de-stress. Or I could be looking at an ulcer very soon.

The busier I keep the easier it is not to think. I have more laundry that needs to be done so I'm going to end this now.

I feel like last night I hit bottom so the only way to go is up.

Right?

2008-04-13T21:50:00.003-06:00

Today was a beautiful day. 74 degrees outside. Sunny with a light breeze. Almost perfect.

What made it even better was Scott got home early from work, about 3 hours early. We spent the day together and we both tried to be nice to each other. At first it was really hard. I wanted to just run our errands and then go home. He wanted to stop at this store and that store and look at stuff for my new truck. If I didn't show interest in something he would look at something else.

He tried so much harder than me to be nice. By the end of the day we were almost enjoying each other. We did lots of yard work and finally, finally got around to taking down our Christmas lights. We are such big procrastinators.

I thought about Him quite often but the busier I stayed the easier it was to not think about Him. I have to go back to work tomorrow and so maybe we'll have both come to our senses by then.

Right now Scott is on the lap top looking up license plates for the front of both of our trucks.

I'm still at a point where I don't want to talk to him. The meanness and attitude lasted too long, almost 3 months. I know some women deal with it so much longer and I dealt with it for 5 years of my first 6 year marriage. But he has never done this before. I think that is why I'm not quite ready to forget it so we can move on.

He did hug me today and we did kiss for a minute in the kitchen, almost burning dinner. But then he picked up his glasses and walked away. He hasn't tried to touch me since.

We both worked hard today though, maybe he is just tired. I know I am.

Not sure what else to say right now. I am tired and sore, yard work always brings out muscles you never realized you had. I think it is time for a hot shower and bed.

Unfortunately I know he will stay out here in the living room, playing on the lap top until probably 2 or 3 am. If he comes to bed with me I will be shocked.

On that bright note, sarcasm here, I hope you all have a good week.

And my stomach still doesn't feel any better. I discovered I've lost 15 lbs in the past 3 1/2 months. I'm proud of me! I'm not starving myself to lose weight, at least not on purpose right now. I've just cut down on what I eat and found fruit and veggies to snack on at work are easier than anything else.
If my stomach would quit with this whatever it is doing, I will eat normal again.

2008-04-12T14:03:00.003-06:00

So I can't get away from this subject lately. The guy at work. I wrote what I did to see if anyone I work with still reads this and from the none reaction I got about the last blog I think they have all quit reading here.
Which is just fine because I now I can truly talk and use this for what I truly intended, a diary of sorts. I can't write all my thoughts in an actual diary because my daughter is too snoopy. I know my husband wouldn't read a diary but he would be extremely curious.
So here goes
We have been married 5 years now. We have 5 kids between us. Our marriage is pretty rocky right now. It has been since just before our anniversary, so about 3 months now. He is very good at his job and enjoys it because he deals with cars and car parts all day. The bigwigs in his division have noticed him and are encouraging him to advance and take the managers board to try to move up in the company. The first time he took the board for 1st assistant he failed. Just barely but enough that he has to take it again.
This past week I have felt horrible. Every time I eat I get sick, so I've been sticking to yogurt drinks and oatmeal. Those two foods seem to be ok with my stomach. Since I haven't felt good I've been going to bed earlier than normal, before he gets home from work. When he is home he either doesn't talk to me or snaps at me. I spent all last Friday night curled up in bed hurting and crying because I was so tired of the arguing and feeling crappy. Every other night, when he has been home, he will make dinner and then watch one of his shows. If I tried to talk to him he would just grunt.
I finally found out this big attitude is because he is going up on the managers board again and actually took the test Thursday. He told me the night before that he needed to study but had never brought any materials home to look at. I said that first thing that popped in my head, which was How come you didn't tell me you were taking the board again. He swears he did. I don't remember. So we argued.
We actually went out last night to some friends house to play cards and ended up talking and laughing and having a wonderful time. As soon as we got in the truck to come home the talking stopped and everything I said was greeted with a grunt.
He is planning another trip to Disneyland without kids this summer and at this rate, I don't want to go. His sister and her husband are coming but I still don't want to go. I don't want this to go on til then, you know, I don't think it will last that long but who knows. My first husband and I went for months without talking, and that was when his ship was in port. I'm not comparing the marriages or men right now, just commenting that I know silence can last a very long time.
He finally told me I have been nagging him about moving up in his company. I didn't realize I had done that. According to Scott I've been doing that for about a year now. I have been making him unhappy for about a year. I didn't know. He's never said anything. He still loves me but he's not happy with me. When he kisses me it's a peck on the lips or the cheek. We used to have long make out sessions, acting like teenagers and embarrassing the kids. We haven't done that in so long.
I haven't told anyone else about this. Not even my friend at work. We email each other all kinds of crap all day long at work but we quit talking about our families when I changed positions. It's just easier to talk about family stuff face to face with her. She knows we are having problems and I know she is having problems. We have decided together we have one huge problem and should just take the kids and run away to Fiji. And we each get our own cabana boy!

The punk at work really isn't a punk and he is really my age. He isn't tattooed or a freak. Since the few I was expecting a response from never said anything I am going to assume they quit reading about me. So I'm going to open up a little bit right now. I just need to vent. Maybe that will help clear my head and open my eyes.

This guy is absolutely wonderful. We spend a lot of time together at work when his schedule allows it. We've eaten lunch together and we talk and we stare into each other's eyes. Time flies when I am with him. The thought of him, the sound of his voice, when someone says his name I get all hot and flustered and my face turns red. There have been a couple of days where lunch was spent just staring at each other. I felt like I fell into him, I feel like I can't look at him enough. I am so torn right now. I'm not even close to thinking that the grass is greener on the other side but....
He'll touch my face when he walks into my office at night to give me his daily paperwork. He'll run his fingers through my hair or lightly run his fingers down my arm.

I feel like a damn teenager with him. Butterflies in my stomach. Flushed cheeks. When I'm alone I have trouble concentrating on what I should be doing. I do ok when I'm with my family and don't seem to have a problem paying enough attention to them. Scott hasn't mentioned it, but then again he has been in his own little world for so long now.

I see nothing but his eyes when I stare at the computer screen at work. Every guy that calls in work to me, I hear his voice, when it really is him calling I get the stupidest grin on my face.

ALL of this is so scary and exciting and I don't know what the Hell I am doing. I know damn good and well, I am being stupid.

Right now though my excuse is that with him helping me feel better about life in general right now he is helping me be a better person at home. Before we discovered all of this I was just as grouchy at home as Scott was. My mom mentioned that I seem to have calmed down and asked if Scott and I were ok now. I told her I don't know. Her comment tells me that this other guy has grounded me some how and brought me back to earth so I am nicer to my family.

Scott and I have been together almost 6 years now. I guess that 7 year itch hit early. Or maybe he is really not happy with me anymore.

Happy Late Easter and Early Tax Day

2008-04-07T20:04:00.002-06:00

The talk around work is that the tax deadline is just a few days away. Ours are done and already spent. That's the problem with a refund, it goes so fast!

So updates on the last post. The one friend didn't win the City Council Post he was hoping to get. The other friend is still gunning for Congress and has filed the papers and been to I don't know how many meetings.

The guy at work that has the hots for me? Well, I'm just going to leave that alone right now. Truthfully I don't know if I will ever talk about that here. Maybe if I had a blog that was full of nothing but naughty, nasty writing. Enough said.........

But I've discovered it's not just that one punk kid that has the hots for me. There are a couple of others.

I quickly lost the thought that only my husband could find me sexy.

I went from answering phones in a call center to my own office where I get to boss a bunch of men around and it has now gone straight to my head!

Absolutely horrible of me but I am truly lovin' it. For the past couple of years I hated to get up for work. Since I switched positions I love going to work.

I haven't forgotten at all what I look like, I don't think I am sexier or cuter than I really am but having these men tell me I am sexy and beautiful is great for the self-esteem.

Enough of that for now.

I splurged and traded in my car for a brand new Dodge Nitro. It is the burnt orange color. Ok, my car was fine, granted it has been losing gas and nobody can find where the leak is, but other wise it was working fine.

I've had it for a week now and love it! Better gas mileage than my car, with gas prices so high, that is a good thing. I love being up higher, so much easier to see what is ahead of me now. I know Harley loves it too.

The kids have named it Hellboy because of it's color. I wonder how many families actually name their cars?

Already time to go. All that is going through my head is how my afternoon at work went. It's not x-rated but it had the opportunity to go there. I am just no ready to write down what happened.

Emma is ranting and raving about how unfair it is that I have computer time after dinner and she doesn't.

Me thinks it is time to remind her of who pays the bills around here!

Interesting Life

2008-02-23T18:32:00.002-07:00

So, I have a friend that is running for city council. Another friend that is running for Congress. And a new guy at work that has the hots for me.

The friend running for city council has a good chance of winning. That would be great for him because he is so passionate about our town. He has so many ideas that he's constantly talking about that it's time for people besides his wife, myself and Scott, and our other friends, to hear.

The friend running for Congress... I'm not sure. He thinks he has a chance just because of his name. Very Mexican name. He might have a chance. I actually work with him and he runs his speeches by me at least 3 times a week. He has some good ideas too, just not the money. Maybe not having the money to run will help him win too. Who Knows!?!?!

And then there is this new guy at work. He knows I am happily married. He is married, not so happily. His wife is 4 months pregnant and he felt the need to share with me that the night she got pregnant is the last time they had sex. Supposedly she beats on him. He has come to work quite a few times with scratches on his face, a black eye now and then. I keep telling him that when she does hit him to call the police. Supposedly she is bipolar and he is afraid that if he files for divorce now she will hurt herself enough to kill the baby. He has plans to leave her when the baby is born and file for custody. I told him to definitely report the abuse so he has record for the courts when he is ready. I don't know if he has called them or not yet. He is nice enough, he's only worked there about 3 or 4 months. He is cute in a punk sort of way. But he is 7 years younger than me and the way he talks sometimes makes that feel like a whole other generation. I just don't understand him. He makes me feel about my husbands age.

This guy thinks I am sexy, hot, sweet, nice, and he has made it very clear that if I were to say yes I want to have sex with you he would be naked in a second.

It's actually kind of weird to get this kind of attention from someone other than my husband. My husband thinks all of those things about me too. He shows it by always touching me. If he just walks by me at home he trails his hand across my back or my butt. I'm used to my husband telling me how hot and sexy he thinks I am.

I don't think I am hot or sexy. My husband makes me feel that way just by looking at me, like he wants to devour me. I love dressing up for him. And showing off for him. I just love and lust him.

It's just weird having another man say it to me. He made sure it was after work hours and we weren't in our office. We were in the parking lot so we were right outside our office.

I'm horrified, flattered, scared, curious.

I just don't feel like I'm the type of person that another married man becomes interested in. Or any other man at all. I don't know why I feel like this.

He told me this about 2 weeks ago but hasn't said anything since. He talks to me about work stuff and when he walks by my office he smiles. It's not just a friendly smile. Sometimes it's a shy smile, other times it's almost like he wants to come in and shut my door and do crazy things.

Time to go. Harley just ran in, naked, and yelling OH SHIT!!!

I deserve the mother of the year award right now.

Have a great weekend.

Harley = 4 Years Old

2008-02-17T23:08:00.002-07:00

Scott and I woke up at 8am this morning and the first thing he said to me was "what were you doing 4 years ago today".

Well, since you ask I was knocked out cold and having a baby ripped out of me. For some reason my family hates it that I say that. I guess it's just the image they get when I say ripped out.

I am so excited for him to grow and learn and experience life but at the same time I want him to still be a baby. He's my last baby. No more can come from me.

We made it to church so everyone could sing happy birthday to the birthday boy. As the congregation (we go to a very small church) started singing he proceeds to hide under my chair. The church is small enough we sit in folding chairs. No pews for us yet, even though we have been a church for about 25 years now. We just don't seem to grow. Scott wants to go to the other Methodist church here but I'm a charter member of this church and except for that one old cow I would miss the other members. That one old cow is the one that told people I had killed my granny.

After church we stopped by the store and picked up Harley's Spiderman birthday cake. As soon as I can get pictures up I will. He's been talking about his birthday for a couple of weeks now. But not just about his birthday but about his Spiderman Birthday. He ADORES Spiderman.

For lunch he ate two popcorn shrimp and then asked for cake. Scott was watching the Daytona 500 so I convinced Harley that he needed a nap and we took a 2 hour nap. He told me he wasn't tired but within 2 minutes he was out. The only thing he insisted on doing was taking his pants off and napping in just his shirt and his undies. He informed me it was more comfortable to sleep kinda naked. Ok, as long as he slept I was happy.

When we woke up we dug out his hidden decorations and helped me put up his birthday stuff and ran around the house barely containing his excitement that Nana and Grandpa were coming for his Spiderman Birthday.

He ate two bites of pork chop, 3 bites of mac & cheese and then ran and grabbed his presents to open. We managed to convince him to wait until every one was finished eating before opening his presents.

Scott and I got him a big boy bike with training wheels. We had it hidden in our truck so he didn't see it until dinner. He kept walking around it and saying he didn't want a bike but he kept coming back to inspect it. He spent a good hour walking around with his new helmet on. He wants his bike now. It's a cool green color appparently.

He was thrilled with the Spiderman underwear and socks and has proudly displayed them on the end table in our living room. He also got some Spiderman toys and coloring books.

It's almost midnight and he is finally asleep. It should be so much fun getting him up for school in the morning.

I'm off to bed, I'm so tired after the fast weekend that I think I need another day to just relax.

Hope you all have a good week.

Happy Late Valentines Day

2008-02-15T21:22:00.002-07:00

Life has been so crazy for the past few months and it has finally calmed down. My new position at work is great and my hours are finally back to a normal 40 hour week. Over time every now and then but not very often.

Ethan's birthday came and went without much partying. Puberty is really messing with him. Puberty is hard enough for a normal kid but I'm discovering that one with special needs has an even harder time with that part of life. He had a Transformer themed party with just us and was perfectly happy with that. I still can't believe he is 12 years old.

Harley will be 4 in 2 days. He's still supposed to be a baby! He talks so well and asks questions and he is just so normal. I'm amazed by him every day because I never had that with Ethan. He jumps and climbs and runs and is so active. He has been potty trained for almost a year now, even over night. Some people tried to tell me that he was trained late but I decided long ago that kids use the potty when they are ready, not when us parents think they are ready. He goes to pre-school 5 days a week and adores it and gets mad most weekends when he doesn't go. He loves to learn and will make letters and numbers with his trains. He's mad because he can't go to kindergarten yet and ride the school bus with his brother and sister.

Miss Emma will be 11 in 22 days. She's counting down the days not me. I am splurging on her and we are having a swimming party and I am renting the whole aquatic center here just for her party. No strangers! But that is the only way I am going to get in a bathing suit for her party. It will be just a bunch of people that we know.

It's been so long since I wrote anything that I have no idea where to start.

So thank you to Walker for checking in on me and saying hi!

Right now Emma and I are being lazy and watching Torchwood on BBC. I love SciFi shows like Torchwood, Doctor Who, the Outer Limits. Supernatural and Ghost Whisperer are good too. Sounds like I watch tv all the time but I don't. I have resorted to recording the shows I like and having a marathon sitting watching them. Maybe twice a month I get to do that. I was doing ok until the show Moonlight started and it takes longer to get thru my shows. At least I can fast forward thru commercials.

Scott will be home from work in about half an hour and then we will go grocery shopping. I love going this late at night because there are few people there. The ones that are shopping this late are just as freaky, if not freakier, than us. If I go shopping during the day I get too stressed and have a hard time dealing with all the people. I don'd mind crowds at all, Disneyland is proof of that, but people and shopping are pushy and rude and have no consideration for others. I try my hardest to watch for others around us and be polite. My husband says I'm too nice and need to learn that sometimes you have to be a little mean.

Two weeks from today Scott and I are leaving for annual Vegas NASCAR trip. This year it just happens to land on our Fifth anniversary. And we can't find one single show we want to see. Last year Rascall Flats was performing at Mandalay Bay. There were a couple of other big names, that I just don't remember now, and this year nothing we want to see. We might end up at some topless review. Who knows. Just walking around the Strip can be interesting, watching all the freaks. Maybe we will try to find a chapel and renew our vows with Elvis.

Signing off for now. Walker, I'll try to write more often instead of waiting for 3 months or so. :)

2007-12-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a week after Thanksgiving and I'm back at work. Yippee. Can you feel the excitement in me? I loved staying home and being here when the kids got home from school and helping them with their homework. I actually cleaned the house and kept it straightened up every day I was home. But there is just no way right now I can quit and be that stay at home mom. Ah well, there is always retirement. I'll still have Ethan to take care of.

We were not stupid and we did not join the masses at OH MY GOD early on Friday after Thanksgiving. We finally made it out of the house about 11am. We slept in until 9:30 or so. My SIL sent us a text at 5am asking where we were and when were we going to get to the mall. We didn't reply. We turned the damn phone OFF!!!!

Our Christmas shopping is done. Almost, we have a gift certificate or something to buy for the 23 year old stepson but that is it! OH, and stocking stuffers. But those are easy.

Scott got his present a month early. A 52 inch (spoiled) flat screen (really spoiled) LCD tv. Really frickin' spoiled. He is thrilled with it. It is really very sad that it took a damn big tv to get him to come out into the living room and spend time with us at night. He would hole up in our bedroom every night he was home. Now he is out with us. Spoiled rotten.

I'm being selfish here now. All I'm saying is my present better be nice. I mean nice. He has given me one Christmas present in 5 years. Last year he got that damn shot gun that blew up in his face. Remington better be damn glad they weren't sued. This year he got the big damn tv. Spoiled. At least get me a fucking card this year dear. I told him that and he just looked at me like I was crazy. I'll show that spoiled ass crazy if not even a card with his signature isn't plopped in my lap this year.

So, this past weekend went by way too fast. I worked 5 hours Saturday to get caught up on paperwork from that week I was on vacation. Emma spent half a night with her cousin that she always fights with. I say half a night because at 2:30 Sunday morning we get a call that she doesn't feel good and can I come get her. Thank God this cousin only lives 3 blocks away. I bundle up because it was a whole 20 degrees outside and drive over to cousins house. I pull up and Emma walks out and proceeds to puke all over their driveway. We get home and I get her settled after about an hour of moaning and another round of puking. I get to bed about 3:45 or so and then Harley comes in just a few minutes after that complaining that his tummy hurt and then he proceeds to puke all over the floor by my side of the bed. Scott had to be to work at 7:30 so he covered his head with a pillow and tried to sleep through the crying and puking of the 3 year old. I get Harley cleaned up and in bed with a bucket and gave in and turned his tv on so I could scrub my carpet before it dried. I discovered that he actually got most of it in my beloved Pooh slipper. That was easy. I just plopped it in the washer with everything else that was puked on that night. I think I slept from 6am to about 6:45. Scott was just out of the shower when Harley came back in to our room crying about his tummy again. I was so tired I didn't even stop to think about what kid I was dealing with and was climbing out of bed and yelling for him to run to the bathroom to puke in the toilet. And he actually did. I've discovered that out of all THREE kids, the youngest is the only one that can make it to the toilet to puke.

I spent Sunday sitting in the chair with Harley laying on me and about once an hour puking in a bucket. That is just gross I know but I was so tired and didn't feel like running to the bathroom every time. Emma spent that time laying on the couch next to us. We watched Transformers on the big screen. I don't know how many movies we watched that day. Every time I dozed off Harley would fuss. About 3pm they were both doing better and had kept some Ginger Ale and crackers down so I went grocery shopping.

Fun weekend.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I'm not working. I'm going to dig out Christmas decorations finally and get the kids to decorating. And it's my company Christmas Party! YEAH! I love those nights. The laughing and the drinking and the dancing.

I need to mention that Ethan will be 12 in 9 days. Why the need to mention this? Because they should stay babies forever not grow older. But it doesn't work that way. It's never my birthday that bothers me. It's my children's birthdays that bother me. This also means in 2 months Emma will be 11 and 3 months Harley will be 4. Too much for me right now.

Need to go, Harley is crashed on the couch and I need to carry him to bed before Scott gets home from work and wakes him up. Spoiled ass.

Did I mention Scott was spoiled?

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T12:06:00.000-07:00

I finally opened my mouth and told my husband I wanted to celebrate the holidays at our house this year. Just us. And I'm so glad I did.

I was able to sleep in today and not have to worry about getting the kids ready and out the door to be at Scott's parents house by noon. I can cook what I want and clean up when I want and not have to worry about saying something that would offend my SIL, because that does happen weekly lately. I've pretty much quit talking because I could ask how her day is and that would offend her.

I don't have to worry about my SIL's son making my husband mad and us walking out on the dinner. I don't have to worry about that same boy picking on Ethan so bad and then Ethan is the one that gets in trouble by my BIL. Because he is crying. I've explained what Ethan has been diagnosed with but they don't seem to care. So I've decided no more. I'm taking us out of that kind of environment and keeping us all at home to just be. Just be with us and be thankful that we are all healthy and be thankful we do still have a SIL and BIL and MIL and FIL but that we don't have to worry about what we say and piss them off.

It is 12:11 and I have about 2 1/2 more hours before the turkey will be done. I prepared everything last night so all I have to do today is bake/cook it when the time is right.

Emma and I have watched Charmed all morning. I don't like parades. Never have and probably never will.

Scott is sick. I'm not sure what, maybe a stomach flu or something.

The boys are watching Night at the Museum.

My mom is reading the paper.

Life right now is good, even with Scott's bug. He's still joking around and trying to get me to come back to bed so he can fondle me.

We are even contemplating being stupid and joining the masses at OH MY GOD early in the morning to shop. I've never done that and I figure Starbucks is open that early so I'll be ok.

We might get up and get coffee and then shop, come home and make a big breakfast and then take a nap. He is taking the boys to a movie tomorrow and I'm taking Emma to see Enchanted.

Oh, and I'm on vacation until next Wednesday! Happy Days!

I'm on vacation and we aren't going anywhere! No driving for 13 hours to Disney. That was on the list for this weekend but Emma's little running away episode ruined that. I'm happier here I think.

Time to go find something to nibble on.

Everyone have a safe and happy Thanksgiving and for all the travelers be Careful!

2007-11-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything in over a month. I'm a little ashamed.

Thanksgiving plans were to go to Disney. Again. But then Emma ran away from us in the mall because we were joking around about christmas presents and she just didn't get the joking part and got mad and stormed off.
When I realized she wasn't coming back we started looking for her and it took us nearly two hours to find her. She was scared and cold because she didn't have a jacket and had wandered around the outside of the mall. In the dark. Granted we don't live in a big city but there are still a bunch of crazy people here. It wasn't but a week ago that women were being attacked at
Wal-Mart. Video caught the guy actually stalking one woman through the store before jumping on her outside. She managed to get away and police caught him because of that but how many other crazy people are out there?!
I was scared sick.
Her class did a cookie dough sale and the dough came in the day before and we had plans to deliver it because it is the frozen kind and I made it to one house to drop off cookies. I picked that house on purpose because she understands what we are going through with Emma. On the way to her house I almost made Scott pull over because I felt like I was going to throw up. I believe I've had a real, true panic attack now. I thought I'd had one before but not now.
When we walked into my friends house with her cookie dough she took one look at me and made me sit down and poured me a nice stiff drink. By the time we left her house 2 hours later I felt a little better and was a little toasty. But the panic and sickness started all over again when we were half way home. That was a week ago and it still makes me ill to think about it.
So now we aren't going to Disney. It's not like we haven't been there about 6 times in 3 years. I think we will live.
And I don't know what it is about the 5th grade but both Ethan and Emma have horrible grades right now. They both did very good last year, A's and B's, but this year I'm seeing C's and D's. That right there tells me no big trip.
Emma's meltdown was actually the first in about 6 weeks. She's done pretty good.
Ethan's meds were adjusted by the doctor because every time someone would look at him he would burst into tears. Almost like a girl starting puberty. I did ask the doctor if Ethan's meds and puberty weren't meshing. He said most likely and changed the meds. So far no difference but again, it's only been a week. I'll give it a couple more and we'll see.
Harley is growing and talking and eating and arguing. The little turd. He adores pre-school and gets mad on the weekends because he doesn't go to school then. He got the flu shot last week and it took me 2 days to convince him to take the bandaid off because he was afraid he would "bleed out" if we took it off. I asked my husband where he heard something like that and Scott just shrugged his shoulders. He did have a big grin on his face. I need to start writing down all the things he says. If nothing else, just for me to read when he is grown and moved out.

Time to go to bed. I have work in the morning. I'll try to be better about writing.

Have a good week all

2007-09-28T19:53:00.000-06:00

Another Friday is here. And with that comes a weekend that passes too fast. With soccer and Scott working and chores and shopping and who knows what else will pop up. And right now I am being lazy! Yea for lazy.

Emma, who is trying to turn into a young adult way too soon, decided she wanted pizza for supper. I told her no, we've had it way too much lately and we could make something. Heaven forbid we don't go out on a Friday night. She still doesn't understand some nights it is nice to sit and do nothing.
Anyways, she disappeared for a few minutes and then came back with $31 and said if you order I'll pay. So, being the wonderful parent I am, after lots of arguing, I ordered. The pizza showed up and she ran for the door and paid the delivery guy, even giving him a tip, and took the pizza to the kitchen. The kids are eating pizza and I'm going to be good and have a salad. The pizza doesn't even smell good.

This past week was pretty low key. Emma stayed home sick for 2 days and I took half a day off Monday to be with her. We watched recorded episodes of Hannah Montana and Cory in the House from Disney Channel because The Rock was on both shows. I love him. He's just yummy. I want to bite him. Ok, now that I have that out of my system.
Emma lay on the couch moaning because her stomach hurt so bad and I sat in the chair with the show paused on Him as I drooled. She finally got tired of it and rolled off the couch just to grab the remote out of my hands. Then the sick little terd got back on the couch and laid on it. She only brought it out to change the channels when the shows were over.
I'm proud of her right now, well I normally always am even when I'm ready to lock her up for a few years (til she's 18 or so). I was approached by the speech therapist and the school counselor asking if I would let Emma join a group of students for lunch every Friday. This group is made up of special ed students that need help learning how to socialize and interact with their peers. Emma's role would be to help these students. Today was her first day and they played games while they ate. Basically what they are telling me is that my daughter loves to talk. She starts from the time she wakes up in the morning and doesn't really stop until she goes to sleep. Even then she keeps on talking, depending on how tired she is. No, really, they felt she would be good with the others because of Ethan and how much she helps him at school. It lets me know I'm doing a pretty good job at raising a caring young lady.

Ethan's not in the lunch group because there are too many others. He just does better with a one on one situation. Some days I feel he like he is going backwards and some days he seems just like a normal boy. His school work isn't suffering but there are times when it takes a lot to get him to focus on me. I have a feeling he tries so hard at school that when he is home he feels safe to just let go. He goes into that world of his where he is happiest and it is hard to get him back. I still get hugs (ok they are still leans but he asks for them I don't have to ask for them anymore), I still get eye contact when he is with me, I can still touch his shoulder or his head without him freaking out. It's harder for him to let others do those things now though. Scott cut Ethan's and Harley's hair last night ( I wanted to leave their hair long but the Marine in him just can't stand it) and Harley was done in under 5 minutes. Ethan's took so much longer because I had to help hold his head. I'd rather cut his hair at home because of these fits. I am tired of explaining my son to people. I know I don't have to but when they see an 11 year old as tall as me throwing a fit like he does, the looks I get are horrible. Even when I tell them what is wrong it feels like a majority of the people just don't get it. I don't bother to elaborate. I should take my time to explain what autism because I should be like so many other mothers who are out there trying to educate people. But why shouldn't people take it upon themselves to educate themselves. IS that wrong of me to think that? Probably so. When someone shows more interest than I do go into detail about autism and Ethan. I'm actually very proud at how far we have come. He's in a mainstream class and he's only one grade behind where he should be. He reads on grade level, the tests don't show this but who cares what the hell those stupid No Child Left Behind tests show because they suck. I've sat and read with him and I know exactly what he can do. The same for math. The kid hates math but he is so much better at it than I am. When he sits down to do math homework and I can get him to concentrate on that and noting else then he flies right through it. His memory skills for songs and movies just amazes me. And his doctors and his therapist. He can see a movie once and then relate it to someone else word for word, almost. He has to love the movie, which isn't hard for him, he loves movies in general.

I think all this is coming out because of Jenny McCarthy. I applaud her for what she has done and she has done it as a single mom, for the most part. I have no idea if her ex helps her or not. I caught most of her interview with Larry King and Holly Robinson Peete and I sat there agreeing with so much and then a co-worker came into my office to ask why I was talking to the tv. When I told him what I was watching he sat down and watched with me. I've changed the way a few co-workers think about autism. So I've done a little work towards the cause.

I haven't met anybody who dislikes Ethan. Every where we go someone is saying hi to him. Whether it's a teacher or a student from school, or even another parent. I hope it stays this way all through middle school and high school. I'm so afraid that when the elementary schools start blending the kids who don't know him will be mean. And I can't protect him from that. I'm hoping that there will be enough kids around him that know him that will jump in and say something. They do now! When a new kid shows up at school and teases Ethan the other kids are all over him to be nice. Before too long the new kid loves Ethan too. I can't protect the kids forever but I'm going to try my hardest and longest on Ethan.

Well, now that I've gone on a little about the two older I should say something about Harley. Today was his first school picture day. He chose his red and orange Hawaiian shirt (which is a nice button up shirt) and then brown cami pants. He was very colorful. He was so excited for the pictures. He loves school and gets up so good every morning. And then every weekend morning he still gets up and gets mad at me because I'm not getting ready for work so he can go to school. I hope his love for school stays but it won't because it never does. Ah well, I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
I love this school. Their goal is to have the kids reading, writing in cursive before they "graduate", and I even read something about math next year. It almost feels like they are pushing too much but he loves it and is soaking it all in. I'm not about to stop it or try to change anything.

Time to go, Emma has a friend spending the night and they have been too quiet for too long now and I need to investigate to see what they are up to.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

2007-09-23T19:57:00.000-06:00

2007-09-23T18:05:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was Farmington's annual Cancer Walk-a-Thon. It raises money to help the Connelly House here in town. The Connelly House is there for families that travel here for cancer treatment for a family member and can't afford a hotel room. I've walked in 4 walks now and it hasn't gotten any easier.
But it's not supposed to be easy. It is 6 miles long and it starts at 8am. This year the goal was $120,000 and I read this morning that all of the 700 some walkers brought in $147,000. That is fabulous!
You can dedicate your walk to someone you know with cancer or just go to help a wonderful cause.
You can register your dog to walk with you and have fun taking a leisurely stroll, stopping every once in a while to pick up dog poo. Emma wanted to bring Vegas but I thought that next year would be better when she is a little bit older. We might even take Juni/Wanker (that is what I call him now since half the house calls him Juni and the other half calls him Wanker). There were lots of Dachsunds this year.
Scott, myself, Ethan, and Emma walked. Harley is still too little to go that far and I'm not pushing a stroller for 6 miles. We managed 6 miles in 1 hour and 45 minutes.
I haven't heard any complaints from Ethan and Emma but Scott and I have sore feet. Ok, I have a sore foot. I bruised my right foot somehow. I don't know how. We walked without stopping and I had good walking shoes on but I still managed to bruise my foot. The bottom of it is black, blue, purple, and green. It's pretty! I'm hobbling around the house today wincing. Being a big ol' baby.
We got groceries earlier and I wrapped my foot and that helped get me through the store. I still hobbled but I carried Harley because he decided to nod off after we'd been there about 5 minutes.
Hopefully it will feel better tomorrow.

Anyways, between the four of us we managed to collect $135. Not the greatest but we got a late start on asking for donations. Next year we are going to start 3 weeks early and see if we can at least double that amount.

Other than that not much else. Emma's soccer coach wasn't thrilled that she missed a game to walk but I feel the walk was a much more important part of her life. My mom, aunt, and grandma all had hysterectomies due to tumors in their utuerus or ovaries. Another aunt has breast cancer (she is in remission). Scott has had thyroid cancer and melanoma. We have plenty of reasons to walk and raise money. If he won't play her next week because she missed one game, she's made it to every practice, then she just might miss the rest of the season.

Ethan's teacher has walked 9 out of the 10 walks. She has sisters, aunts, uncles, her parents, all affected with some form of cancer. So far she is cancer free and I do hope it will stay that way.

I'm still working lots of hours and I've finally adjusted to it. Big plans are afoot at work for me. It's hard not to discuss it with my friends because I've been told not to talk about anything outside the office, well, other than family because it will affect them too. I'm not moving, I can share that much. I'm not going to say anything else because I have no idea who reads this from my office. I have a feeling a couple of people do even though they don't comment.

Parent Teacher conferences were Friday and both kids are doing well. Emma is the social butterfuly this year and has an A+ in Science, a B in Social Studies and something else, can't remeber what, and then the rest are C's. She is more interested in helping everyone else than in doing her own work. We tried to convince her that putting that much effort into her school work would bring up her grades. She has 4 more weeks in the grading period to bring up those C's. She is very capable of bringing home all A's. She just needs to apply herself.

Ethan has taken a leadership role in his class. I guess since this is his last year at this school he feels he's the big guy on campus and can lead others. Or maybe it is boss others around. Either way most people are getting a kick out of it.

I can't believe my 2 oldest will be in middle school in 8 months. I'm SCARED!

I need to go. Scott is making dinner and keeps hollering for some help. He is making chili, yummy! It's been raining most of the day and it is just cold here today. Chili and cornbread for dinner means that Autumn is here!

Isn't today the first day of Autumn?

2007-09-07T10:26:00.000-06:00

I have so been the bad poster. Life gets in the way.

I'm home sick today and decided to try to sit up for a while to see how it goes. I put off and put off going to the doctor and now I'm regretting it. I have a severe sinus infection, 2 ear infections, and what looked like the start of strep. I feel like CRAP!

It is the end of the 3rd week of school here and the kids are doing great. Ethan has had homework once and Emma has had it every day. She hates it but loves it all at the same time. She adores the 5th grade so far and all 3 of her teachers. Its made the start of school that much easier.

Harley has settled into preschool just fine and loves going every day. He gets mad on the weekends when I'm not getting up and dressed just to take him to school. He has 2 little ones that he talks about all the time. The little boy is so much like Harley and they spend all day together from the sounds of it. The other is a little girl and she is just adorable. She doesn't say much but she does follow him around as much as she can all day. Little ones are just too cute when it comes to friends.

My work is fine, I've been working lots of overtime to help a co-worker get caught up. He had a heart attack and found that he has congestive heart failure and fluid in his lungs and is down to just 4 hours a day now. I'm doing his job in the morning and then back at my desk in the afternoon. The bosses are talking about moving me into his position if he has to quit due to his health. I told them I would let them know if it came down to that.

My co-worker, I'll call him Koko, gets annoyed by me every day. I call him Koko because he is a big guy and he reminds me of a silver back gorilla. Not nice, but he likes it, it tickles him for some reason. If I call him by his name he pouts! MEN! I bug him every day because of the way he eats and smokes. His smoking has gone down, at least at work, because I am constantly on him to quit. He knows he could go any day because of his habits so I don't know what the issue is. He told me the other day that he's so close to death why start now. I smacked him and walked out of his office. He has a wife and 2 teenage daughters at home that love him. I know that he has to want to be ok and quit smoking and change his eating habits.

I just got a little woozy so I'm going back to bed. I'll try to post more later. The first soccer game is tomorrow and I hope I'm ok enough to last thru that!

Have a great weekend all.

Stepson with Juni (aka Wanker)

2007-07-21T23:22:00.000-06:00

I'm going to try to get both dogs to sit still together long enough to get an updated picture to post.

Vegas is quite big now and quite the energetic furball.

Juni is probably confused because Harley, myself and mom call him Juni, the name Ethan gave him. Scott and stepson call him Wanker. He answers to both for right now.

Update on Stepson

2007-07-21T23:01:00.000-06:00

We kept him off the computer for just a week. We do let him on it now but only when myself or hubby is in the room and we insist on reading what is he writing on his blog or what he is talking about with his online friends. Apparently his girlfriend has dumped him because she can't deal with his lies because so many different ones popped up during that fiasco. Can't say as I blame her and I personally think she is a smart girl. Probably not very nice of me but oh well. The night she broke up with him, by phone not computer, he sobbed (literally loud sobbing) in his room and when he was done and came out of his room he wanted sympathy but didn't find any so he got mad at us and went back to his room.

I'm not speaking with my MIL and SIL still, Scott is but I'm not. It's ridiculous that they didn't think that he has feelings. They actually said that to us. Why would a man not have feelings. Yes he jokes around alot but he does know when it is time to be serious. At least he's not giving in this time and apologizing for something he shouldn't have to. Which he has done way too many times since we met. I just can't understand how they fell into that kind of pattern. My SIL messes up and everyone makes Scott apologize to her. Beyond me why that happens.

I've been busy doing nothing!

2007-07-21T22:44:00.000-06:00

Well, we did go to Disney. Again.

I love Disneyland but I'm ready to visit somewhere I haven't been before. But my husband is set on going every 6 months or so. We only made it once last year so he wants to make up for it by going again over Thanksgiving weekend with our whole household and most of my family from Mesa. Should prove to be an interesting trip.

This time around at Disney it was just myself, my husband and my 14 year old stepson. Stepson absolutely loved it. He called himself an only child all weekend and had a blast. The two boys talked me into riding California Screaming, a roller coaster. I'm not a big fan of those roller coasters, the big roller coasters that strap you in with something over your shoulders to make sure that when you are hurtling through space and going upside down you won't fall out. I'm normally totally freaked out by those. But I finally let them drag me on it. And I loved it! We rode it 4 times in the 2 days we were there. We also rode the river rafting ride 4 times and the Hollywood Tower of Terror 3 times. We didn't even attempt to get on the new Nemo ride because the line was at least a 2 hour wait the whole stinking time we were there. That's ok, I can wait for another visit to see under the ocean with Nemo.

We did sit through a little kids show that was a visit with Crush, the sea turtle from Nemo. We discovered that turtles don't fart, they Bubble. So now when ever someone in our farts we say excuse my Bubble. Hey, I never said we were normal.

I think it was the first time I rode the roller coaster that hurtled me through space and upside down that I hit my head hard enough on my left ear that it was red all day. My earrings left little indentations in the side of my head thanks to that ride. I've also had vertigo since then. I think my ear drum is now in the process of healing from being busted up by a ride.

Ah well, it was worth it. I still feel like I'm on that roller coaster most of the time. As long as I'm sitting still and concentrating on one spot I don't feel like I'm spinning out of control. If I have to walk around or drive, really shouldn't be driving but I have to get to work somehow, it's really hard to concentrate on one spot so I don't spin away.

It also makes it really hard to read the new Harry Potter book. But I'm already on chapter 3. Spent 2 hours at the mall last night just to say we had the book at 2am! Woo Hoo! While waiting for 12:01am to roll around so the bookstore could start selling the books we spent lost of money at Hot Topic, who was nice enough to stay open to make money off the whole Harry Potter craze. Last night only, if you bought anything HP in Hot Topic then your name was put in their drawing to win a free HP t-shirt. We bought a couple of HP pillow cases, a couple of wand look alike pens, and a HP blanket. I don't know if it was just luck or if they didn't shake the box with all the entries very good but I won the free t-shirt. I get to pick it out Monday! Woo Hoo!

I'm off now to read more HP before I fall asleep. Hubby and I were supposed to go on a date tonight to see the movie 1408 but yet again he had to work past 10pm. Technically he is supposed to be home by 9:45. He was home by 10:30. Again. I'm getting tired of it. I want to go kick all those little cashiers that work with him because they just can't seem to do their job properly so it makes his job harder than it should be.

At least tonight it was earlier than the 11:30pm nights we've had for about a month now. But that was due to inventory and audits but that is over now.

Good night all and good reading to all you HP fans.

Time To Punish The Stepson - warning CUSSING involved in this post

2007-06-28T20:42:00.001-06:00

We discovered stepson has been conversing with a 20 year old girl from Dallas. We don't know where they met, we are assuming on MySpace. He told us they met on the plane when he was on his way here earlier this month. He told his mom that they met at school or church. He told the girl if she is ever asked that they met through his cousin.

Stepson's mom discovered it, because she is a good mom and monitors his MySpace account, and emailed us the emails they have exchange recently. I know some people will think it wrong that his MySpace account is monitored but this is exactly why that shit needs to be monitored.

Apparently I've been looking over his shoulders while they talk back and forth and have said OK to everything, them meeting for some midnight book release in Dallas at Barnes and Nobles and if I'm ok with her then his real mom will be ok with her too.

Little Punk is lying to all of us about everything. I'm wondering if Miss 20 Year Old knows she is dealing with a 14 Year Old Boy......

I'm pissed that he would use me like that. I assumed a kid who wanted to go to Harvard and become a doctor or a lawyer would be smarter than that. I was so fucking wrong.

From the way the email from his mom is written it sounds like she believes that I'm ok with all of this and she is fucking pissed at me.

Only a person who wants to have their stepson's mom pissed at them would be ok with a 20 year old meeting a 14 year old. I have no desire to piss off stepson's mom. Even though we've never met she seems to have a problem with me, even before this whole issue came up.

Stepson is not allowed on the computer for 2 days. That is Scott's punishment. I think computer time should be taken away for longer than 2 days.

I think Scott is worried that stepson will be bored. You know what, I don't care. He can suck it up and clean the house this weekend and then maybe get back on the computer next week.

Or is that a little harsh.

I'm just angry that he would lie like that. I was angry enough I called and bothered Scott while he was at work.

I'm sure this house will be quite interesting when Scott gets home from work in 1 1/2 hours.

Now that I've vented a little I'm going to do some more laundry!

Too Sad

2007-06-28T20:04:00.000-06:00

In one day I read this story about the pro wrestler that killed his wife and son and then killed himself, and then this article. The first article tells that Benoit's son had the Fragile X Syndrome. The second article releases the exciting news that there might be a way to fight Autism and Mental Retardation in the future.

Who knows how far in the future it will be but just the thought of a possible "cure" for this.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love Ethan just the way he is and I don't want to change him because I am selfish and want my life to be easier. The only reason I would want him to have the vaccine, if it is ever approved for use in humans, is because it might make his life easier.
At first it was exciting to read the article. I thought how much easier Ethan's life would be as an adult. All the testing and occupational therapy and maybe even speech therapy could stop. Granted he would most likely still have Tourette's Syndrome but we could deal with that.

Then I thought of all these questions.

But would his life really be easier? What if it makes his life harder? More difficult to understand what is going on around him? Would the vaccine work overnight or would it take days, weeks, or months to show any signs of working? Would it really be worth it?

Would he be confused about his life before the vaccine or not know how to deal with life after the vaccine? What kind of therapy would he need after, what kind of education? All the things he would have to learn once he was "normal". I have so many questions!

The more I think about it the more I don't want that to ever happen.

Because would the testing and therapy really stop. He would probably still have to go through testing and therapy, just different types of it.

And would his interests stay the same, his love for movies and cars and trains. How would the way he looks at the world change? It would have to change. I don't see how that big of a life altering event could not change your outlook on the world.

WHAT IF?!?!?!?

I've all of a sudden decided if that vaccine is ever available I don't want Ethan to have it. There are way too many questions and there probably wouldn't be enough answers.

I could see maybe a toddler, just diagnosed, having the vaccine, but not an older child. One that would have to learn so much more.

I'm against childhood vaccines anyways so why add one more to the list. I keep that to myself because the debate going on about vaccines rages on just fine without my voice. I have enough going on in my life.

On to other news! Emma is begging to come home early, Still, so I've given in and will pick them up July 21st, wait, maybe July 28th. The final Harry Potter book comes out July 21st and the book store I love is having a party that starts at 9pm and goes until 2am or so. Party for 3 hours with other Harry Potter lovers and then buy the book and go home and start reading. For the past 5 years, every time a HP book has come out Scott and I go to the midnight party and then meet his mom and sister for breakfast at Denny's. I don't think that will happen this year.

Ahh, families, can't live with them and you certainly can't live without them.

I just can't go to a midnight party for HP and then get up at 4am to go get my kids. Sounds horrible! They are technically supposed to be there until August 11th though. Harry Potter might win this battle and the kids will have to wait until July 28th.

Ethan doesn't even want to come home! It's just Emma I'm going to have to worry about.

She'll be fine and I know it. It's just a matter of convincing HER of that.

Vacation Time

2007-06-26T09:10:00.000-06:00

Only 16 more days until we leave for Disneyland. I tried to talk Scott into Sea World this year but then we both decided to wait until we can take all 4 kids.

I'm looking forward to the trip finally. I wasn't for so long because we've been there once a year for the past 4 years now. I've decided that it will be fun because I won't have kids to worry about. Stepson will be with us but he is 14 and I won't have to worry about him. I'll actually get to explore California Adventure this time. Last time we were at California Adventure we had all 4 kids and I really didn't enjoy it.

Only 16 more days until we get to escape all the stupid drama around here. Major drama is Emma. She is making herself sick now because she wants to come home so bad. But, I caught her acting! She called me Saturday morning, it was about 7am which means it was 6am there. She was crying so hard, or at least very convincingly sounded like she was crying so hard begging to come home that she missed us and was having no fun at all. I heard Ethan (why in the world are they up so early! especially on a Saturday!) in the background and asked to speak to him. She was immediately fine and yelled for Ethan to grab the phone because I wanted to talk to him. As she handed the phone to Ethan she told him to hurry up because she wanted to talk to me more. All in a perfectly normal voice. No hiccuping, no teary sounds. She was ok. I am now convinced she only wants to come home early because she is missing Disneyland. I wondered at first but now I'm sure. Little terd. Their stepmom's nerves are shot though and asked me to get them July 21st. Not because she wants to get rid of them but because she is exhausted. Their dad's ship will be leaving a week before that and will be gone for about 3 months so they won't see them again anyways. I feel for her right now. I finally broke down and told their stepmom to make Emma put her swimsuit on and have fun and make Emma participate. So we'll see how that goes. I didn't hear from Emma at all yesterday.

Another drama. My in-laws. The anger from my SIL has now trickled over to my MIL. She is mad us at now as well. All because we stuck up for something we felt was wrong. I told Scott last night I was done. I'm going to stay away from his family until they can be nice and not treat us like we are scum. My MIL brought my stepson home yesterday to pick up some clothes. He spent the night with the bratty cousin, yes, we are still letting them spend time together. It's not fair to stepson to make him stay home alone and not have fun. Besides, he has some control over his bratty cousin and bratty cousin seems to calm down when he's around my stepson. Anyways, they showed up about 6pm last night and she refused to come into the house or talk to me. Normally she just walks right in and will sit down and talk and talk but last night she walked stepson up to the front door, hugged Harley, and when I told her to come on in, she just looked at me, turned around and went back to her car to wait.

So I'm done. It's not worth the stress and tension it's causing and I told Scott when they can be friendly and not snub me then I'll participate in family functions again. I noticed I felt so much better after making this decision. Normally I'm dead tired by 7pm and ready to just sleep. After that decision I was fine. Scott made dinner so I did the dishes, gave boy his bath, did some laundry, straightened up most of the house and by 11:30pm I was still feeling great. I even gave Scott a foot massage. We watched Beach Patrol on CourtTV and I finally went to sleep about 1am. I did take me a while to wake up this morning but I got boy to the babysitter and got to work on time. I even managed to feed the dogs before I left.

Scott has this ability to just let stuff go. He very rarely gets angry and the only people he's held a grudge against are his ex's. He just lets everything slide right off. I wish I could learn how to do that. I did a pretty good job last night and feel great. But I've also been walking with friends 3 nights a week and that exercise paired with my physical therapy have just made me feel better.

Don't worry Walker, I'm not pushing it. I'm being good and not lifting anything heavy yet. I sit down and have Harley climb onto my lap. It's just so nice to be able to get out of bed in the morning and have no pain!

Well, I'm typing this at work, very rarely do I get to do this here so I better not push my luck.

Everyone have a great week!

Friday Night

2007-06-22T22:42:00.000-06:00

I spent this evening at a 2 year old's birthday party with Harley. At the swimming pool. I was oh so brave and put my suit on and joined in the fun. There were about 30 people there and I knew about 8 of them. I was very brave for swimming. I'm so proud of me!

Scott was supposed to have gone with us but he was called in to work. He was given today off because he already has about 55 hours this week. The bigwigs came to visit his store so everyone worked extra hard to make the store look presentable. If they would keep it that way all the time, bigwigs visiting wouldn't be a big deal. Just my opinion. Anyways, whoever was closing tonight called in sick so they called Scott in to work. Another 5 1/2 hours. The next paycheck will be rather nice.

I've spent this week working, walking with friends at night (we are wimps and have been walking around the mall because it is still around 100 degrees at 7:30pm when we start walking), going to physical therapy for my back (which I might be able to stop soon! YEAH, my back feels almost 100% better since I started PT), and taking care of Harley.

My mom flew to Minnesota to visit my uncle and listen to him call everyone a Dink for the next 2 weeks. It's nice and quiet here. No Ethan and Emma and Mom. She was so ready to go and get away from us and we were ready for her to go. The breaks we get from each other every summer are just right.

Emma has called crying and begging to come home every day, except for yesterday and today, since she got there. Part of me wants to fly up to Washington and get her and bring her home. Another part wants her to stay there so I can have a break from the attitude. And yet another part feels she should stay there because it is only fair for her to spend time with her dad and step mom. I know here dad's ship is out to sea most of the summer but the few times he will be in port at least they will be there to say HI and give him a hug. Their step mom is wonderful and I know they like her.

The day we left them with their step mom I was so sure that Emma was going to ask if she could move up to Washington and live with them. Just something she said to her step mom that gave me that idea. That worry has flown out of my mind. I understand she misses us and wants to come home but I have to be strong and tell her she needs to stay there. It's only fair. Fairness sucks sometimes.

It'll be OK though and it will be time to leave to make the 14 hour drive to get my demon children.

That day won't be here soon enough though.

Scott is off all weekend and we don't have anything at all planned, well, maybe seeing the new Stephen King movie, 1408. Read the book and very excited to see the movie!

Everyone have a great weekend. I'm off to bed, swimming with a 3 year old is so very tiring!

Happy Fathers Day To All The Fathers

2007-06-17T21:01:00.000-06:00

Scott had to work today. In the retail business there are a few holidays, Fathers Day isn't one of them.

Stepson's view of his dad working today? That's Gay.... OK, the verbiage of a 14 year old boy.

I've been pretty lazy today. I was up at 8am and ate breakfast with Harley and read the paper while he watched the Wonder Pets. Then I showered while Harley ran in and out of the bathroom and opened the shower curtain and had to pee every few seconds. He got mad because I kept dripping on him so I left him sitting on the toilet until I was out of the shower. I only took a 10 minute shower.
After I got dressed Harley and I colored a picture of a trophy that says World's Greatest Dad and then we had waffles for lunch and then we lay down to take a nap and I had him almost asleep when Scott walked in. He got off a few hours early so we all took a nap together. Scott hugging one side of the bed, me hugging the other and Harley laying between us with his head on Scott's chest and his feet on my stomach. The joys of being a 3 year old and getting away with that kind of bed hogging.

I really should finish laundry, do dinner dishes, and who knows what else I could find but I just don't want to. For some reason I'm extra lazy on the weekends where I've worked on Saturday. I worked a whole 5 1/2 hours yesterday but still just didn't feel like doing much today.

So, the soccer meeting. Went OK. Nobody got mad at me and that made it so hard to tell them off and stay angry. I'm just not that kind of person. I waited and waited for some snide remark to fly and it never did. So, I'm stuck. I could quit at any time but I'm not that kind of person either. I just can't leave them stuck without the help. I'm too nice sometimes. I guess I can deal with it as long as Emma wants to play soccer.

And then there is Emma. I've heard from her 4 times this weekend. She called me Friday crying and screaming and when she finally calmed down I found out she was just bored. I told her if she couldn't call with tears then she wouldn't' be calling. The other times I've talked to her this weekend she has been calm but whiny. If this keeps up the next 2 months are going to be extremely long. I do miss them but I'd rather talk to her just a few times while she's gone, it would be easier on me!

Only 25 more days til we head back to Anaheim and Disney. And the beach and sushi and a BBQ place I saw on the Food Network and who knows what else. My SIL and family are definitely not going. Supposedly because my BIL can't get that weekend off from work. But he works for the city and Scott and I know how the city here works when it comes to time off. They just don't want to go with us because they are mad that we got upset for SIL's son back talking his grandma. I'm still floored that she got mad at us, not at her son for being snotty to his grandma. If it had been my son he would have been in serious trouble. We found out tonight that the camping trip we were invited to was changed and just my stepson is invited. The 3rd of July party they planned was cancelled, well, at least our invitation was taken back. They are that angry with us. Oh well. The 3rd is my birthday and I didn't relish the idea of celebrating the day at a party that was planned for myself and a 2 year old, who shares my birthday. My SIL had planned the party a couple of months ago and it was supposed to be a surprise but she was trying to find a way of combining a 2 year old party with a 34 year old party. I walked in on my husband trying to talk my SIL out of it, trying to convince her to just celebrate the 2 year old's birthday, that it wouldn't hurt my feelings but she wouldn't give it up. Until we pissed her off. HA!!!

Now I can go eat at whatever restaurant I choose and go watch a movie on my birthday and not hurt their feelings. I can be selfish at times.

Off to rally the 3 year old to bed. Even though he took a nap he is still GROUCHY.

Have a Great Week

2007-06-13T21:11:00.000-06:00

The kids have been with their dad and stepmom for 4 whole days now and I have'nt had a chance to miss them yet. I've spent this week getting ready and going on another business trip to Santa Fe. I do love those though. Always a new place to eat and different people to meet.

I went with a couple of co-workers that are actually good friends. We ate sushi at a place called Osaka and then we went to see Knocked Up. Very Funny Movie. It almost felt like we were the only ones laughing though. The movie theater was pretty full for a Tuesday night but it was pretty quiet. It is a pretty raunchy movie and does have more than one sex scene in it. I will definitely see it again.

It has an 8 year old little girl that thinks that storks drop babies from the sky and a hole opens up in the mom's head for the baby to fall through. The way she described it was so funny I had tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I found it so funny, maybe because she was so cute and innocent looking the whole time.

So far I'm ok with the kids gone and I haven't heard from them. Only a matter of time though before I miss hearing their screams and giggles.

I've decided to turn in my resignation as the soccer secretary. An email was sent out reminding the whole board of tomorrow night's meeting and it was said in such a way that since I neglected to tell anyone I was out of town that is why the reminder was late. This is the first time in 2 years I forgot about the meeting. Last month I sent out the reminder on time and did everything that should have been done on time and showed up for the meeting. No one else did. I've had a few other instances of snobbiness over something I did or didn't do just right and these were things I knew nothing about and the whole attitude was well, I just should have known what I was doing. So, I'm done. I'll go to tomorrow nights meeting and take the minutes and turn in my resignation. I've got enough to keep me busy without adding that.

And one last thing before I go to bed. I've started a walking club with a couple of other friends. People come and join us when they can and we've walked at least a mile every time we meet before we know it. We are upping it to 2 miles the next time we meet so we'll see how I do.

I'm exhausted after driving 3 hours to Santa Fe yesterday morning, sitting through the training for another 4 hours, staying up late to watch a movie and then going to more training this morning and then driving the 3 hours back home.

I am now going to snuggle with Harley and let him sleep with me until Scott gets home from work. He is such a good snuggler!

Summertime Quiet

2007-06-06T21:50:00.000-06:00

May was crazy, crazy. Filled with end of school slumber parties, apparently it's big here for the girlies, end of school field trips that the teachers are sending notes home asking for volunteers, just so many things to do! Emma has spent the night at I don't know how many girls homes and we've had a couple of slumber parties here. I am a glutton! But I had fun. Both times we made S'mores over our grill and danced around to really loud music and had pizza and gobs of really bad food. Then everyone slept for maybe 2 hours and were up and watching movies. Harley was in the middle of everything, having a great time being spoiled by the girls. And Emma swears she has no friends. Ok, sure....

I'm so very glad that school is out but that means Ethan and Emma are now 5th graders. That means only one more year til middle school. I'm so NOT ready for that. In my mind Ethan should be 3, Emma should be 2, and Harley should be 1. Yes, I AM CRAZY! I am so much better with little ones than with these bigger versions. The bigger one tend to talk back and think they know more than I do. If they do know more than I do, then they need to get out there and earn a living and help pay for all the crap they want! ;)

Right now Emma is asleep and Ethan and Harley think they are getting away with watching Garfield, the Movie. They are so noisy I don't see how they think I don't know.

We picked my stepson, R, up at the airport last Friday night. We have him until the first weekend of August. We drop my kids off with their stepmom in Idaho this weekend. We don't get him back until the weekend before school starts towards the end of August.

Part of me is ready for this break and part of me is screaming NOOOOO you CAN'T go for 2 1/2 months. We have plenty for me to keep busy but that doesn't mean I won't miss them. I'll only have a 14 year old and a 3 year old here! The 14 year old is very self sufficient and the 3 year old adores the 14 year old and follows him around and does everything his older brother does. The 14 year old does adore the 3 year old though and he does so much for Harley. I was told earlier this evening that if I was nice and relaxed from my massage to just go to bed and get some rest and he will put Harley to bed. And then he shoved me (gently) into my room and shut my door. Last I heard, nothing but quiet. Harley is asleep and R is talking with his girlfriend online. He has matured so much in the past year. It's amazing!

I'm finally almost done with the kitchen. Three more cupboard doors to paint and then hang them all and I'm done! It only took me almost 4 years to accomplish it. Scott wants to paint our bathroom this horrible bight yellow. I don't know if I can stand that bright color at 5am every morning. I'll just have to keep my eyes closed!

I've started doing more for me. Gee, who would've thunk that doing stuff for yourself every once in a while makes for a less stressful mom. I finally took myself to the doctor for the constant lower back pain I've had since Harley was born. Yes, I am a procrastinator. I strive to procrastinate! The x-rays came back normal so the next step was physical therapy. The therapist decided that my right pelvic bone is tipped and this third baby brought out the badness of it. I know that doesn't sound right but I can't remember exactly what she said about it. Oh, I also have a leg longer than the other but from what I've heard that is a common thing.

So I go to therapy twice a week right now and am actually enjoying it. My back is slowly starting to feel better and I can get out of bed in the morning without holding my breath. I'm also seeing another therapist but she does the Zoneology massages. She does just the feet right now but is about to go through the training to do backs and faces. I was a little leery of this at first but when I go home after having one of those massages I feel so good. I can deal with all the screaming of the kids, all the back talk and the NO's. Before I used to lose my calm and yell back at times but now I become some other person it feels like and help them re-direct themselves back to what needs to be done and everyone is calmer for it. Kind of weird but if it works I'm going to keep it up!

One last thing before I go to bed. We are getting another puppy tomorrow. This one will be Ethan's and he has already named it Juni. It's from Spy Kids and I have no idea how to spell it. He is a miniature Dachshund and he is adorable. His legs are so tiny and well, he is just tiny. Our town has "Wiener Dog Races" every Memorial Day weekend and Scott wants to train this little guy to race in next years event. He's already told his boss that he's going to need Monday's and Wednesday's off with pay because his company is going to sponsor him to be in the race and he will need those days to train. Pictures of the new puppy as soon as I can. It will probably be next week though what with the Idaho trip this weekend.

My household is crazy

Night all!

The Most Beautiful Words in the World

2007-05-07T21:12:00.000-06:00

I HAVE TO PEE!

Even if it is at 6:30 in the morning on a Sunday morning, the only day of the week I get to sleep in!
I was bad though, and went right back to sleep after hearing it because Scott was up and getting ready to go to work so he took Harley potty.

He's woken up dry from naps and from overnight for the past few days! Too exciting! We are doing so well I'm bragging that we are all potty trained in the house, and no one has had an accident in days, even Scott! Good thing everyone knows what big freaks we are!

Work was just a bunch of the same today. A friend/co-worker did ask if I wanted to go see the Male Review at one of the Country Bars here. Her husband told her about it and told her to go. Weird, I know. We decided we'd tell him we are going and then go see a movie, maybe Disturbia or who knows what.

What does that say when two healthy, red blooded females would rather go see a movie than watch a bunch of half naked men dance around? It means we are too tired to care about half naked men dancing around us! :)

T-minus 26 days and counting to my stepson, R, showing up for 2 whole months this year. He arrives June 2nd and stays until at least August 5th. That means Ethan and Emma have a month and a half until the go see their dad and stepmom in Washington.

Last summer R was just an inch taller than me, I am 5'6. Scott talked to R a couple of weeks ago and found out he is now 5'10. This summer will be rough with him so much taller than me.

I'm going to have that permanent MOM look on my face. The one that can scare the younger guys at work! The one that can get my husband sometimes too! You know, every mom has a certain look that will get their children to do what needs to be done without any questions. The MOM look is the best weapon against children today. At least my children. They know when I have THAT look they better jump higher than they've ever jumped before.

It took said MOM look to get Ethan to do the dishes tonight. We have to stand at the sink with him and help but he still does the dishes. He rinses them and sticks them in the dishwasher and for the dishes that don't fit in the dishwasher, he washes them by hands. The whole neighborhood probably thinks we are beating the crap out of him because he cries and screams the whole time but then when he is done he is so proud of himself. It doesn't matter what chore this big bad momma has Ethan do, he cries and screams during any of them. But when he's done he always so proud that he finished it.

He's on a new med and right now I can't remember what it's called but he is so much calmer. We have to wean him off one med as we get him on this other med. It's always so much fun trying to keep all these meds straight. He is better when it comes to teasing. Even a month ago if you were to tease him there would be a full blown melt down. He would scream and cry and the only way to calm him down would be to have him sit on his bed and be alone. Scott thinks the more we treat him like a normal boy the more he will act like a normal boy. Scott just can't get it through his thick Marine skull that this won't work. I've tried to explain, doctors have tried to explain, my mom, Scott's mom, but no one can make him understand. He says he does but he just doesn't.

And now my mom has decided it is time to chat, it doesn't matter that I'm typing furiously on the computer, it's time to chat.

I'm off to chat and put Harley and Vegas to bed. The two older ones are already asleep.

Maybe I can get to sleep before 10pm!

HA

Thank You

2007-05-04T22:19:00.000-06:00

Thank you to Walker for directing others here to read about parts of my life. A total stranger to all of you.

Thank you to all who posted such lovely, caring comments. It's amazing how words from strangers can brighten your day.

This week has been very trying due to silly things like extra hours at work and kids acting up because they are feeling the touch of spring fever.

My post last week made me really see how much better my life is now and how grateful I am, even for the kids acting up and working longer hours than what I am used to.

________________________________________________________________

Last night our theaters had a midnight showing of Spiderman 3. My husband is so gung ho for any midnight showing, doesn't matter what the movie is, because if they are having a midnight showing the movie is supposed to be awesome and he wants to see it.

I, apparently, am a stick in the mud, because I would rather be asleep at midnight than sitting in a crowded theater to watch a movie. Scott purchased two tickets Wednesday and wasn't about to give them up. He decided to use that night as boy's only night and woke Ethan up at 11:30pm and had him get dressed. Ethan had no idea where they were going, he just knew that his stepdad was taking him out, all by himself.

Scott told me when they got to the mall Ethan kept asking what they were doing. He said the look on Ethan's face was so funny when he handed the movie ticket to Ethan. When Ethan realized what movie they were seeing he started walking like Spidey does. He crouched down and would pose in what he thought was a Spiderman pose. He would crouch for a minute and shoot invisible webs at anything and everything. Ethan did this until they finally got into the theater and found some seats.

Then the excitement wore off for a few minutes. Scott said Ethan was almost asleep when the movie started. As soon as the opening commercials started Ethan was wide awake and didn't drop off again until they were on their way home. Good thing the mall theater is about a 2 minute drive from our house.

I think Ethan got about 3 hours sleep last night but I still sent him to school. He didn't care how tired he was because he spent some time with dad and got to stay up way late and didn't get in trouble for it. In Ethan's eyes, life is absolutely wonderful right now.

It is for me too. Scott can be so hard on Ethan at times, he understands Ethan's disabilities but he feels the more we treat him like a "normal" boy, the better off he'll be as an adult. At least Scott does understand how hard he is on Ethan and tries so hard at times to make up for it.

I'm off to visit a few new people and then I'm off to bed. I get to work another 8 or so hours tomorrow. I'm so used to being off on weekends that getting up early on weekends just SUCKS!

Night all

Fearless Friday (this is probably way too long!) & Mother Talk

2007-04-27T22:31:00.000-06:00

I received an email to join something called MotherTalk. Today's topic is overcoming fears and anxieties that I, as a mother, have overcome. Here is a link on today's topic http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Fearless-Love-Work/dp/0316166820/

There are just so many things and I really have no idea where to start.
I was painfully shy in elementary school and middle school. I started gaining weight around 10 years old and that is when my shyness kicked in. It didn't help that my granny, who lived with mom and myself, always picked on me for how much I weighed and how much I ate. Then she would turn around and yell at me for not cleaning my plate every single day. I grew to fear my granny and hated to be around her alone. Life was OK when mom was home but there were a few times that mom was away for more college classes or jury duty. She seemed to be called to a statewide jury duty quite often.
My sophomore year of high school was hard. I rarely saw my friends and found it so hard to just smile at others and say HI every day. Towards the end of the year I did eventually make a few friends, and most of those friendships are still going strong. The hard part of high school was bringing my friends home. My granny was always there to ridicule or call me names, especially if I had a boyfriend with me. I did come out of my shell enough to date two guys.
When my mom re-married when I was 16 I was so afraid she would make me stay with granny while she moved in with her new husband. I have no idea what I thought that. I'm an only child and it had been just Me and Mom for 14 years so I should have realized that mom would never abandon me. I was so happy when they were back from their honeymoon and helping me pack up my bedroom to move the 10 whole houses up the street where my step dad lived.
Four years later my step dad passed away. By then I was working full time for Sears and just kind of plodding through life. At that time I wasn't dating anyone and had no idea where my life was headed. I ended up re-discovering a boy I went to elementary school with. His family also attended the same church for many years.
His family moved back to town and was just waiting until his date rolled around to head off to boot camp. He had joined the Navy. We ended up getting married while he was home on leave just after boot. I truly believed then that I loved him. I hope I loved him a little to marry him and move to California.
The first couple of months were happy and carefree. I did the little wife bit and decorated the small base apartment we lived in, did the cleaning and cooking and made sure everything was always nice for my husband when he came home every night. The first time his ship got under way it was so hard. I had never, ever lived by myself and I was staring at 2 months, all alone. I had spent so much time working on my house and making sure my husband was happy that I didn't stop to think about friends again. I spent two long months looking for a job to keep myself occupied.
When the ship pulled back in to port and my husband found out I was looking for a job he showed a mean, angry side I had never seen. He didn't physically hurt me then but I've come to learn the mental and emotional abuse can hurt almost as bad.
The base we lived on closed down so we moved to Air Force housing about 20 miles away. By the time we were settled he told me to get a job or get out. I got a job and all seemed OK. I told myself over and over just do what he says and he will be happy with me and life will be OK. Every time I turned around there was some new rule, or else. I couldn't cut my hair. I couldn't loose weight. That one I never understood, most men want their wives to loose weight. I wasn't allowed to. He wanted to keep me chubby so I wouldn't be tempted to find another man or another man wouldn't find me attractive. I couldn't have friends or do anything but work and go home. By the time I realized how stupid I was for staying I realized I was pregnant.
I was torn between staying and putting up with the abuse just so the baby would know his father or running away, not even running home, just away some place we wouldn't be found so the baby would never know his father. I ended up staying and dealing with an even worse temper and his cheating. Oh, he was happy to be a father but it angered him to see me happy being pregnant.
After I had our son he promised he would be nicer and better. We had to move again and when our son was just 4 months old a horrible fight turned into him forcing me to have sex. I don't call it rape anymore, I did give in and he did use a condom, that broke, and resulted in a daughter 8 months later. She came early and the only reason the doctors could think of, besides his constant smoking, was the stress I was under. She was perfectly healthy for being early.
By the time our daughter was a couple months old the physical abuse started and I stayed for another 2 years, living through another move (this time up to Washington State) before I had the means and the courage to leave. He fought me on the divorce, trying to intimidate me to tear up the papers and move back to Washington with him. He, of course, had his parents believing that I was the one in the wrong. He made the mistake of letting his temper come to life in his parents' garage and had me cornered, with a raised fist, when his dad walked in. After that his dad helped me file the divorce papers.
By now I was living with my mom and granny again. I found a great job and was looking for a place to call our own. The kids were growing so fast and I was cowering in the corners of my heart and mind. I put on a false face at work and no one at work knew what my past was like.
For all of my shyness I still craved being around a man and knowing that I was wanted and needed by someone other than my children. I started dating a co-worker that was 7 years younger than me and that was more destructive than my marriage. By the time I realized this I had done so many things I never thought I would. I left the house every night as soon as I put my kids to bed, not even bothering to wait until they were asleep. I thank God every day for my mom putting up with the stupidity I put us all through for almost a year. She never once complained, at least not out loud, about my behaviour and how horrible I was acting.
By the time the "relationship" with the younger guy ended I decided no more men for a very long time. I needed to find out how to be a grown up on my own without someone for me to lean on and rely on. I needed to learn how to rely on myself.
About the time I was really finding out who I was and was finding a level of confidence I never knew I had my company hired another a new guy. I was nice, as was every one else, and said hi to him when I saw him in the halls or outside. Then came 9/11 and as we all sat in the office watching the devastation and chaos unfold on the East Coast this new guy decided he'd had enough of being single and the tragedy of the day had him feeling like he was lost. And asking me out on a date was a way for him to start on whatever path he felt he needed to be on. We went out a couple of times before he asked if I wanted to bring my kids with us one night. I was amazed, the kid I dated had never wanted to even meet them. I suggested dinner at my house for the first time and everything went so well. My kids liked him and he liked them.
Then just a couple of weeks later he scared me by talking about marriage and more babies. We had only dated for 3 weeks. I let him know I wasn't ready to get re-married and I didn't know if I wanted more babies. I broke up with him and he ended up quitting and finding a different job. According to a mutual friend this guy thought he was very much in love with me after only 3 weeks together. It may have been possible but it scared me enough to run and hide under my covers.
I drifted along in my new world of confidence that held the ability to tell people NO when I needed to and was happy. I worked, played softball on a women's team and a co-ed team, I bowled, and I played with my kids.
I overcame the fear of a school diagnostician telling me my son was mentally retarded and would never learn anything. I've had my poor son tested by so many specialists and they have all agreed on one very long diagnosis. He is Autistic, slightly mentally retarded, has Tourette's Syndrome, severe ADHD, and OCD. I told the school principal where she could shove it when she told me I should just put my son in an institution. Come on now, really, what year are we in?
I even overcame the fear of intimacy when I met my husband on a blind date almost 5 years ago. We've been married 4 years now and we did add another baby to our family, we now have 5, hence the Yours, Mine, and Ours title. There are still way too many fears that I have. I keep comparing different milestones in this marriage to my previous marriage and my wonderful husband steers me in the right direction.
He stands by me and holds me when I cry at night because my greatest fear is turning into my Granny. I hated her as much as I loved her. She passed away 9-11-05. I don't want to be as hateful, mean, nasty, spiteful, and horrid as she was. I would have loved to have learned her love of gardening and crocheting and knitting. I kill plants in less than a day and can't crochet even part of a line. I never even tried to knit.
There are days when I can feel anger boiling inside of me because of something one of the kids has done. Then one of them hugs me and I take a deep breath and tell myself that I AM NOT MY GRANNY. I never will be. I love my life, my kids, and my husband. My husband does help keep me grounded, thank god his patience for anything is so high.
Keeping confidence in yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do. Especially for an overweight, staring down middle age, mother of 5. I manage to do it though. I hold my head up high and proud when I'm in a store or out in public. I'm slowly learning not to eat to feel better and I have great friends that have had similar childhood experiences and we are all helping each other.

My Life is Wonderful.

Keep going after this post, there are a couple more new ones!

2007-04-25T22:01:00.000-06:00

Mother of the Year

I get the mother of the year award for 2007! I'm such a wonderful mother to my three wonderful kids.

The first reason is Harley. I've talked a little of the potty training woes we are going through right now. Well, last night I plopped him on his trainer seat on the big toilet and walked away. Why did I walk away you ask. Because he won't do anything if someone is in the bathroom with him. Scott was in our bedroom, which is right by the bathroom, so I went to check on Emma. The poor girl stayed home from school with a sour stomach. She was in bed and almost asleep so I got on the bed with her and was rubbing her back when I hear Scott yelling for Harley and myself. Scott runs into Emma's bedroom and asks what's wrong, I tell him nothing is wrong. He said that Harley is hollering for help and he couldn't find him. I told Scott that I left him in the bathroom on the toilet and figured when he was done he would yell for dad. I was wrong. Scott and I ran back to our bathroom and found Harley hollering. He had slipped through his little toilet seat and had his little arms and legs waving in the air as he called for help. How horrible. Everyone was laughing, including Harley, and I was almost in tears because I had walked away and left the poor boy to fall in the toilet. I heard my baby crying like The Fly help me help me help me!

And then this morning I hear Emma screaming and crying at the top of her lungs so I ran out to the living room to see what was wrong. I had just stepped out of the shower so I just threw my pj's back on and had my wet hair dripping down my face and my back. Gross, I really don't like that feeling! Anyways, Emma was sitting on the rocker next to the front door, already dressed, shoes on, her hair pulled back in a cute pony tail. By the time I got her to calm down enough to tell me what was wrong I was so frustrated I was in tears. Her problem? She hated her hair and it looked horrible.

I was ready to throttle her! She had parted her hair down the side and then smoothed it back in a low ponytail. It looked so cute. It took me so long to make her understand that it looked just fine. I also had to convince her that when she is home sick one day and sleeps all day and then all night and doesn't get her hair wet any where in there, then yes, your hair will look funny. I told her if she didn't eat breakfast and brush her teeth in the next 15 minutes she was going to miss the bus and then she was going to have an unexcused absence from school because I wouldn't take her. She made it to the bus on time.

I'm being bad again and typing this at work and it's already time to go so I'm going to end this now.

More later!
_____________________________________________________________

I'm home and aboutto head to bed. I would already be there but Scott decided to pull the carpet out of the bathroom. Now. Tonight. At 10:00 at night. After we finished most of a bottle of wine between us. I'm sleepy!

We've planned to do this for a while now but apparently he got a bug up his butt to do it tonight.

I did it again. I plopped Harley on the trainer toilet seat and walked away. This time he peed in the potty! And he got his M&M's. I know, BAD MOM for bribing the toddler to pee in the toilet. It really hasn't worked though so I don't feel too bad.

He did have an accident earlier this evening but he tried so hard to get to the bathroom before pooing. He did sit on the potty for about 5 minutes and Scott and Harley both gave up but Harley ran back less than a minute later and the poo was already out of his butt. Lovely vision right now, I'm sure.

We are slowly getting there. Too slowly for my taste but everyone always says you can't rush this and it won't do any good to push him because he'll start when he is ready. I just wish he would start when I am ready!

Ok, I'm done for the night.

Good Night All

I found my Spring Break Post

2007-04-25T21:55:00.000-06:00

We all survived Spring Break ( I wrote this around April 1st)
Just barely!
Last week was Spring Break in these here parts. Lots of other parents all over the country were in the same boat. Kids were at home to run amok and cause mayhem and madness everywhere.
I worked Monday as I normally would and had Tuesday off. I gave in and let Emma have friends spend the night Monday night. I had three extra kids running around the house, squealing, eating, running, laughing, and making cookies.

These cookies were chocolate chip cookies. They smelled good after being in the oven for a few minutes and I thought Emma's first attempt at cookies all by herself would turn out well. The kids kept running into the living room with the bag of chocolate chips that had the recipe to ask me to clarify what was written. Scott kept getting annoyed because we were finally sitting down together to watch Eragon (good movie) and the screaming, laughing kids kept needing help. I answered all the questions, being the wonderfully nice mom that I am.

The oven timer finally goes off and all the kids come running. And then all the kids start screaming even louder. Emma comes running one more time to show me the pan of cookies, that had turned into one big glob of brown stuff. I was puzzled, at first I couldn't figure out what they did wrong to create goo. I finally realized that they forgot to add the flour to the rest of the mixture. When I told them what they did they all started blaming each other and the party was almost ruined. They bickered and argued until I reached over and got a little bit of goo out of the pan and ate it. It tasted just fine, they would just have to eat it with a spoon. The pan of goo was gone before morning.

One poor girl kept coughing and I provided cough drops and at bed time some chloraseptic spray. Scott and I went to bed about 1am. Emma woke me up at 2:45 telling me coughing girl was throwing up. I got up and went to the bathroom to find coughing girl holding onto the toilet like she had just stumbled home from binge drinking. The other kids were all standing around her cracking jokes about hair and vomit. I swear they all sounded like a bunch of over 21 girls standing around their pukie friend in some bar bathroom. It was weird.

I helped the girl clean up and asked if she wanted to go home or stay here. She wanted to stay here. So I tucked them all in, 4 kids in a sleep sofa bed, very cozy. Less than an hour later one of the other girls wakes me up because coughing girl threw up again. I got her cleaned up again and she asked to sleep in our recliner. She still didn't want to go home. Ok, got her tucked in with a bucket and a Sprite and went back to bed but didn't go back to sleep. I was too afraid I would have to get up again an hour later. After 2 hours and no sound from the girls I finally dozed off again and was woken up by Harley at 11am! I haven't slept until 11am in years, since before having kids!

I got up and made enough noise that I woke up the kids, they were all still snoozing away of course. I found that coughing girl had gone home, she just lives across the street, and I panicked. I kept worrying about what her mom was thinking, letting her daughter go home without a phone call that she had been sick all night. I showered, dressed, and ran over there only to find that coughing girl was asleep on the couch and her mom was apologizing to me for her daughter. I let her know there was nothing to apologize for and hopefully she would feel better soon.
The rest of the day was spent traveling up to Durango for the kids' doctors appointments and taking them to an early dinner and then to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to load them up on sugar! We had all the kids with us still, all but coughing girl, and we did buy coughing girl a treat.

After that the week went by too fast and it was Monday morning again and the kids had to get to school.

I've heard I hate school from Ethan at least 10 times a day since Monday. He's so done with school and it is showing. He refuses to bring home any papers, including his report card, and fighting us on doing homework that does somehow make it home. I've finally convinced the school that B-Level is too much for him and he needs to maybe go back to C-Level so his re-evaluation is next Friday the 13th. Always a lucky day in my house.
We'll see how well that goes before I get my hopes up. He needs a full time aid to help keep him on track.

More on that when the big day is done!

I found pics of Vegas

2007-04-21T14:38:00.000-06:00

Post Spring Break aka the down hill slide to the end of the School Year

2007-04-21T13:30:00.000-06:00

Spring Break was a couple of weeks ago. I wrote up a post at work on the last day of Spring Break and saved it and swore I emailed it to myself here at home. Either I'm wrong or I'm crazy or both. I can't find the post in my email so obviously I didn't email it. I'm going to have to email it to myself again for the very first time and post it. Not like anything important was written in it. I want to post it anyways.

What has happened lately.... Ethan has been put back to C level. I know, I was so excited last year that my baby went from D level to B level so fast. As soon as I came down from that high I knew he wouldn't make it. Not that I don't have faith in him but because he was moved so fast and no time to adjust to his new schedule. We just shoved him out of his comfort zone and into main stream school in the blink of an eye. Poor kid has been on overload all year and has finally lost it. His tantrums are back, he is pulling his hair out with tweezers (we have hidden all the tweezers in the house, we probably have too many for one household), he picks at unseen bumps on his arms, and he is back to not sleeping. Since having him put back in C level and only in a main stream class for the fun stuff like P.E. and music and field trips he has calmed down. Not to what he was but we are getting there.

Emma hurt her ankle at the end of basketball and can't play soccer this season. Darn. Can't say I'm missing sitting at the field during practices and getting too hot and then sitting at the games on Saturdays and getting too cold. I really don't appreciate the weather being beautiful during the week and freezing and raining on the weekends. But this spring it is ok because I don't have to leave the house on Saturday unless I want too! We've had some rough patches this year and the doctor switched her meds, which seem to be helping. Her grades are just ok this year. I can't figure that out, last year we had a teacher we both hated and she was on the honor roll all year. This year we have a teacher we both love and her grades are so-so. She came home with her first D. And she got busted for trying to change her first D to an A. After scolding and grounding and being angry I laughed and told her the next time that happened at least change it to a B, which is more believable. Then I told her she better not bring home anything lower than a B on her last report card for this year. In the 4th grade and already trying to change her grades. I'm in trouble.

Harley has been 3 for a couple months now and still refuses to use the toilet. He used to be able to walk around in wet underwear and pants and be ok but now that bothers him. He used to walk around in a poopy diaper until one of us smelled him, and it wouldn't bother him. Now he tells me to change him as soon as he has pooped. I hope we are getting there, to that big potty training light in the sky. I almost spanked him today because he wanted me to pick him up and comfort him because he had fallen off the couch and hurt himself. He was jumping on it and hit the edge just right and tumbled off. I have a feeling he will have a broken limb before he's potty trained! I'm getting more and more frustrated with the little stinker. Anyways, just as I picked him up he pee'd, all over my leg. I refrained from spanking and changed him and myself. He then proceeded to pick on our Brand New Puppy!

Brand New Puppy is a pure bred Pug. And she is adorable. I will post pictures soon. We were supposed to go to Vegas last weekend. We were going to take the kids to the Natural History Museum, see the Titanic adventure, I don't remember now at what hotel, and whatever else we thought would be fun. Scott was told he had a meeting he had to to go the day we were coming back so we had to cancel. I wasn't about to drive 9 hours with 3 kids just to spend one night in Vegas and then drive 9 hours back the next day.

We cancelled that trip and Scott found a site that was selling Pugs. Baby Pugs! I've loved Pugs for such a long time! And I finally have one!

What did we name our Brand New Puppy Pug? We named her Vegas! We are such weird people. I did want to name my Pug Frank, you know, after the Pug on Men In Black but I didn't think Frank fit a girl Pug.

Well, I need to get to painting my kitchen, that project I've had in the works since before Harley was born. Why the rush all of a sudden? Scott applied for a higher position in his company. In Mesa Arizona. If he gets it we will be moving in a few months. And my house is no where near ready to sell.

Guess I'll get busy now.

And Emma keeps reminding me only a year and a couple of weeks until she is in Middle School. And when can she wear makeup?

Is there a way to freeze your kids in time so they can't get older until you are ready for it? I'm already fed up with boys calling her and giving her flowers they've either picked from their mom's gardens or stolen from the school grounds.

2007-03-23T20:38:00.000-06:00

Apparently I have turned into a monthly blogger. When I have time to sit down and write about my day or my week I am too wiped out to stare at a computer for even one more minute lately.

I have worked so much overtime at work because of our new billing system that I've taken a nap almost every day during my lunch. I've also lost my appetite and eat twice a day, yogurt in the morning and a salad or something at supper. Healthy food but not healthy eating habits. When I was losing weight I ate 5 times a day. That put with exercising 4-5 times a week and I lost 30 pounds in 3 months. I call that the divorce diet because my 5 times a day of food consisted of a cracker or an apple. I didn't want to eat then either. This time is a different reason and I just need to find a way to get that exercise part back into my life.

Life has been one hectic day. At least that is what it feels like. It's a never ending cycle of get up, get kids to school and daycare, go to work, go to some sort of practice with Emma, home, supper, and bed. The weekends are right in with that never endingness. I work every other Saturday or so and Emma has games on Saturdays.

I'm exhausted. I did take a weekend off for the NASCAR race in Vegas. Scott and I drove down Friday morning, went to a race Saturday (all day) and Sunday (all day) and then drove home Monday. It was fun and hot and windy but I came back just as tired as when I left. But it was worth it. We spent too much money, mainly on the kids. Surprisingly we didn't drink too much or eat too much. We did eat alot of snow cones. Ok, it was only in the low 80's that weekend but when you are just sitting in the racing stands, crammed in with a bunch of people like sardines, it gets pretty hot. There was rarely a cloud in the sky.

We are going back to Vegas in April and this time we are taking the kids. We are only going for a couple of day but that is plenty of time there, especially with kids in tow. We are planning on visiting the Children's Museum, M&M world, and who knows what else we will decide to do.
Our hotel? HOOTERS!

What a wonderful place for kids, isn't it? Hey, it had the cheapest rooms at the time we were looking for a room. I should correct that, it had the cheapest rooms with an open and working pool for the time we will be there. There were cheaper rooms, but not that close to the strip or they didn't have an open pool.

Spring Break started at 2:40pm today. The kids will be home and bored for 1 whole week. I get to take one whole day off during that week to spend with them. It's certainly better than nothing.

Oh, this week has been calmer. Why? Because Emma sprained her left foot and ankle so no games or practices this past week and none next week. She was playing slip and slide with some of her friends last Saturday and they were using a piece of cardboard instead of an actual slip-n-slide from a store and she slipped just wrong and did the splits with her left ankle and foot taking the brunt of the fall. She didn't tell me about it Sunday afternoon, while I was doing my mom's taxes. She knew if she told me about her hurt ankle that I wouldn't let her spend the night with her friend. Us moms can just be party poopers I guess. When I said that to her she looked at me, both eye brows raised, and said to me "really mom, who says Party Poopers anymore". My 10 year old is too cool for me I guess.

Time to wrap this up for tonight. I hear a squabble between two kids that should be in bed.

WORK/VACATION

2007-02-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't written in a month. I can't believe how fast time flies now. The older I get the faster the years fly.

Emma is now doing basketball and soccer and absolutely loving it. Her grades are staying up too, which is a plus. Between practices and games we are busy.

I am back in Albuquerque for the week. Training for a new computer system we are getting in March. I'm here with a couple friends from work and we are having a blast. Our training is from 6am to 3pm and I thought it would be horrid to get to work that early every day but it hasn't been too bad at all. We've gone out and partied every night but tonight. After last night we all needed a rest. We ate at a place called Zea and it was excellent food. I had a grilled salmon dish that was so good. After many cosmo's and choclatini's we headed across the parking lot for more drinks and dancing at a place called Graham Central Station. There were 6 of us and all but 2 of us got DRUNK. I haven't partied like that on a work night since I was 21 and living in the Bay Area. It just seemed so easy back then to work all day, go party the night away and then sleep a couple hours before doing it all over again. I don't know how I did it because today was long. Self induced though and I'm not complaining. It's been nice to have a small break from everything at home. I'm ready to go back now though. A couple days every now and then is plenty. Two more days of training and it will be time to head home.

Our trainer is ok, a little on the wacky side, she likes to break out in song and dance and loves to go over the same too many times. I know we need to learn this but we've gone over the same thing for 3 days now and have 2 days left to finish up and there is a lot more information left. If the training had been planned a little different we could actually be done today but I think the company that is training is doing this on purpose just to get more money out of my company.

Scott is going to try to come down tomorrow to visit me for a night and then head home Friday morning to meet the kids after school. Mom did say she didn't mind and she was expecting him to ask if she minded if he come down for 1 night.

OOOOOOOOOOOO one night in a hotel with my husband! We talked about it before I left and we had decided he wouldn't come but I miss him and really need a hug! I feel kind of whiny about it and I really hate that.

Time for bed. I took a 3 hour nap after class today, all because of last nights drinking, and am just now getting tired again. My friend, A, that is here with me called me at 8pm and woke me up to go sit in the hot tub and go swimming with her. I'm glad I did, it helped loosen me up after last nights drinking and dancing.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day to everyone. My spoiled husband got a 2002 Yukon for his present. His beat up truck is in need of so many repairs that we just went out and looked for another truck for him and decided on this because it was big enough for all of us. I got a miniature pink rosebush. I already have 5 mini rosebushes in our flower bed in the front yard and none of them are pink so I'm tickled pink about that. Bad pun. Definitely time for bed.

Night All

Love Hate Relationship with Payday

2007-01-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love pay days so we can splurge and take the family out to eat and maybe something else fun.

I absolutely hate pay days because I have to sit down and pay bills that day.

When will the horror end?!!!?!??!

Ok, seriously? Never, not with 5 kids who keep growing and having birthdays and wanting more and more stuffs.

The oldest, S, who is now 23 as of January 17th, rarely calls or comes to see us. Scott was even in Albuquerque for S's birthday and called him and had to leave messages. He is, apparently, still too cool to spend more than a couple of minutes with his old man. We did get to see the S for a couple of minutes before Christmas but that's all.

The next kid, R, is now 14 and too smart for his own good still. Still wanting to go to Harvard and still studying and working hard for those SAT's again. And kissed I don't know how many girls by now.

Ethan, 11, is constantly growing out of his clothes. He's not necessarily fat but he is chunky. As long as he keeps growing taller at the same time that he is growing out, he'll be just on this side of fat. He's always wanting to see the newest movie coming out and had the hardest time during the first part of the school year because we grounded him from movies. He was back to his old tricks of hiding homework and lying about it so we took movies away and said he couldn't see another movie in a theater until January 1st. Poor kid remembered that and January 1st came along and he was begging to see a movie, any movie, at the theater, with real popcorn and candy and soda.
He still hasn't made it to the theater. That whole love hate thing with paydays and money.

Emma, almost 10, is constantly growing out of her clothes too, and shoes. And the girl loves shoes! More than anyone I've ever met. I really don't know where she gets it from. She wants the newest fashions, makeup, hair accessories, anything that is so totally cool mom and everyone else has it so she MUST have it. The item she wants most right now are a pair of Heelies. These shoes with one wheel shoved up inside it are so very frickin expensive for a child that outgrows their shoe size every 3-4 months. Scott is looking online and for something cheaper than $85. She is almost 10 going on 25.

Then there is Harley, almost 3. He doesn't ask for much except for movies. Gee, wonder where he gets that from. He's not growing very fast right now but it's really hard to find clothes that fit him right now. I should say, clothes that we like. I won't put him in something I don't like. I'm just picky that way.

Scott and I like to have the occasional date, which used to be once a week but is now down to maybe once a month. I have no idea what happened, other than I'm working very hard right now to pay off our bills down to the very minimum. I'd love to be able to save more money than we do. We manage a little every pay day but not much.

I now have to stay on top of my credit reports because I found someone had stolen my ss# and opened an account at a rather large department store, but didnt' charge anything which was strange (but now that account is closed with an alert on it if someone tries to use it), and owes some other big company a rather large amount of money, and all in my ss#. The name they used was slightly different than mine. I've disputed quite a few things on all three credit reporting agencies, filed a police report and even got that pesky lawyers office to quit calling me when I told them I had filed a police report and was able to give them the case number.

I feel so very violated when I think of someone doing this to me and wondering when I'll receive another call about money that someone says I owe but I really don't. Or hating to actually open my credit report updates to see if there is something there that wasn't there last time that I'm going to have to add to my fight. I get physically ill when I think of this.

I find myself wondering what that person is like and picture myself in those identity theft commercials where this big guy is sitting on a weight bench and talking about how much money he's just spent but the voice coming out belongs to some stupid valley girl.
I wonder what my identity theft voice sounds like. Or do I really want to know?

I've come to the obvious conclusion that the love hate relationship that I have with paydays will never end.

On to more interesting things, Scott is counting down the days til we go back to Disneyland. Only 174 more. He is such a big kid. That means only about 150 until the kids go to Washington and spend almost 2 months with their dad and stepmom. It's going to be a long summer! I've never been away from them for that long. Scott is looking at the fun we will have and I'm looking at the time spent away from my kids. I'll be ok, the kids are certainly looking forward to it. Fishing, camping, swimming, chasing peacocks around and who knows what else.
That also means about 140 days til R, the 14 year old walking hormone, gets here.

In about 6 weeks or so we will be back in Las Vegas for NASCAR. But this time we are joined by Scott's dad and one of his dad's friends. Should be an interesting trip. We would like to go to a show similar to the one we saw last time we were in Vegas but that isn't the kind of show you see with your father-in-law. There's a topless vampire show we want to see but not with my FIL! I know, topless vamps, how cheesy! It would be funny I'm sure but I'll not be finding out this trip. Oh Well.

Well, I'm off to bed now. It's been a long week, not sure why, nothing special happened, I'm just really tired.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

Glorious 3 day weekend

2007-01-15T13:56:00.000-07:00

I feel rather smart this holiday because I Didn't volunteer to work today. It has been nice having another 3 day weekend.

At first I thought lots of quiet time with my kids. Maybe lots of vegging in front of movies, or even going to see a movie. Lots of snacking, no cooking, maybe just baking of cookies, and lots of relaxation.

Then reality hit. Scott had to be at work Saturday at 7:30am. I had a nail appointment at 9am, I know how vain! Right. Well, getting my nails done helps my hands look nicer, they aren't as dry and the awful hangnails are kept at bay. I'm horrible with hangnails! I'll worry at them until my fingers are bleeding. I've never chewed on my nails, I just can't leave those pesky hangers alone.

At noon I took my computer to a friend to find out why it won't connect to the internet. He said he would update everything, check for any viruses, and have it back by Wednesday or so. Emma went with me but as soon as we got home she asked if she could call a friend. Exactly 2 minutes later she was asking if she could go over to this friend's house. And she ended up spending the night there.

Sunday came and mom got sick and the two older kids went to the Outlaws to spend the night. Scott closed on Sunday and with two kids gone, my day was quiet. I did laundry, catered to mom, catered to Harley, and then stayed up til midnight surfing around the net.

Harley started coughing not long after I went to bed so I didn't sleep well at all. I kept getting up to check on him but he never woke up. Scott went in to work at 6am this morning to finish putting everything up from the stock truck.

I think I actually slept from 6:45am to 8:45am this morning.

Today I finished up the laundry, did dishes that were long over due (gross, and I can't believe I did that to my poor kitchen), cleaned the bathroom, made lunch for everyone and now I'm doing this. I would think I would be tired but I'm not.

And that is a very quick overview of my 3 day weekend. I need to go to the grocery store and the drug store and by the time I get home it will be time to make supper.

I should probably go while Harley is napping so I can be home when he wakes up.

Hope everyone has a great week!

I forgot one detail of Christmas day

2007-01-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

Our last hamster died Christmas day. It was very sad and Emma held the poor thing wrapped up in a washcloth for about 4 hours petting him and trying to keep him warm. Emma and I held a nice funeral for him and then placed him in the trashcan. She wanted to bury him but the ground is just way too hard and I'm not about to keep a dead hamster body until Spring when we can bury him.

After we put him in the trashcan Emma went to bed and I had a nice, stiff drink. I'm starting to sound like a lush but I promise I'm not!

The New Year

2007-01-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

A Happy Belated New Year to all!

My stepmother did send quite a large packet of pictures and cards that my dad had received from me over the years. I was very shocked at how much stuff there was. I did exactly what I thought I would do and pushed his death to the back of my mind and when I looked at all those pictures of him and the cards I'd made for him when I was little, all the tears finally came. My boss was so nice about it and let me have a couple days off, bereavement time, even though I didn't know him. I spent those 2 days sleeping and watching lots of the SciFi channel because Scott had to work both of those days. My mom was kind enough to keep Harley out of my room and let me have some totally alone time to think and grieve. Parts of me have forgiven him for leaving when I was little. I guess you could call it abandoning me but he did call me a couple of times.

Then there are other parts of me that don't want to forgive him, especially after seeing all those pictures. If he did love me as his only daughter then why didn't he try harder to contact me? I'll never know and I'll have to live with that. I'm also fully aware that I could have tried to contact him when I got older. It certainly wasn't for lack of my ex-husband pushing me to call him or even write him. I could just never bring myself to do that.

Brighter thoughts and subjects now....
Ethan turned 11 on December 13 and it was a pretty quiet day. He loved all the presents he received and loved his Cars birthday cake. I'm going to call the school tomorrow to schedule another evaluation of his IEP. I've come to the conclusion that he needs to be in B level permanently for the rest of the year. He's just not making any progress in the main stream class and needs that constant attention still. I'm still thrilled for him that he is out of D level but now that I've come back down to earth on that I need to make sure Ethan is getting the full potential out of his schooling.

Emma is signed up for basketball through our boys and girls club now. I have a feeling I'm going to regret this because soccer and basketball overlap. I'm the parent who was against 2 sports at one time. Why, so she could keep her grades up along with enjoying one sport and not being a tired little girl all the time. I see other girls on Emma's soccer team that participate in softball, basketball, and then piano lessons along with soccer and they are so tired most of the time that they don't seem like they are enjoying themselves. The first sign of that kind of tiredness and I'm pullig Emma out of basketball. She's actually happy to get back to school after the Christmas break too.

Harley will be 3 in a little over a month. It certainly doesn't feel like he should be 3 already. He's still a precocious little guy and talking up a storm and questioning everything.

Christmas was a nice quiet day. No fights with the outlaws or my ex-husband. The outlaws didn't even call that day or on Christmas Eve. My ex called to see how the kids liked their Christmas presents and then let them go.

Scott's parents came over for Christmas dinner and stayed for a while after to talk. It was a nice day.

Scott loved his gun but now he's going around pouting because he didn't get me anything. I knew he wouldn't get me anything because he kept complaining about how he was supposed to buy me something without me knowing how much he spent. I didn't know what to tell him other than to pull money out of the bank and tell me how much he pulled out. I've never asked him why he pulled money out, why would I start now? He's just going to have to get over it. I asked him the other day why he was mad that he didn't get me a gift. All he did was stick his tongue out at me and walk away.

New Year's Eve was pretty quiet this year. Scott had to work until 6:30 that day so the kids and I picked him up from work and then we went home an gorged ourselves on shrimp, sausage and cheese and crackers, and desserts. We made it to 11pm and made the kids go to bed because for one both of us worked New Years day and for 2, Scott and I finished off 2 bottles of wine in just a couple of hours and we were having trouble staying awake. We are Party Poopers!

I've decided to take a break from my business classes for a while. We had a new phone system installed at work and are about to get a new computer system in a month. I figured I would give my brain a break from homework with all the new stuff we are adding. The new phone system keeps going down and they phone company and our phone techs can't seem to figure out what is causing the problem. Our problem, besides no phones when this happens, is that it brings our computers down too. It is all linked together right now. I can hardly wait to start the conversion. It will be lots of over time but I'll gladly put up with it just so we can get rid of the crappy system we have now.

So that is about it for my boring life right now. I'm glad we are back to boring and not all the uproar of last holidays.

Every one have a great week.

I really need to work on my blogging

2006-12-11T23:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the kind words Walker, Karin, and Laurie. I guess I'm dealing with my dad's death. I guess... I haven't really thought about it.

My mom, of all the people in my life, ordered flowers for his funeral and paid for them and had them delivered. I still have to pay her back for that.

I think I'm holding back on grieving until I receive the stuff my step-mother said she would send me. Apparently he had all sorts of pictures of me. I think when I get those pictures and anything else they think I might want, I'll grieve then.

For now I'm still not sure how to feel.

On to better things. Ethan's 11th birthday is this Wednesday, the 13th! I can't believe I have an 11 year old son. I'm really not that old! Oh, wait, I am that old to have an 11 year old. OMG

He's not doing so well in school right now and I'm in the middle of re-negotiating with the school to get his aid back. Ethan says he doesn't need her, that he's out grown her and she's fired, but he does need her. He's having such a hard time staying focused on the teacher or the task at hand that he needs that extra help at school to stay alert.

Ethan has also gotten into trouble lately for barking at students. I visited the school the other day only to see a kid just run up to Ethan on the playground, get right in Ethan's face, and bark! Ethan just turned around and walked away! I was so proud of him for that. And he didn't see me there so I know my presence didn't affect anything he did. His main stream teacher just doesn't have the patience for him this year and tried to tell me that Ethan is provoking the other students and initiating the barking. When I brought up what I saw on the playground all she could say is she couldn't understand why I was on the playground. Cow

Emma is doing ok. She is talking more and more of going to live with her dad and stepmom. I just breathe deeply and tell her I just want her to be happy and I love her and then I hug her hard. I'm really not that afraid that she'll say ok move me right now, but I have a feeling in a couple years, when she is in middle school, she will. I'll deal with that when it comes.

Harley is as precocious as ever. He now insists on doing everything for himself. Except using the bathroom! He still won't pee in the potty!! He dresses himself, puts his own shoes on, brushes his teeth, runs when we try to comb his hair (only Nana can comb his hair), he loves to clear his own plate and glass from the table at the end of supper, and so many other things.

His newest love is snagging one of my bras and putting it on backwards, so the cups are in the back, and running around the house with his "cape" on. Or, or, or he will try to wrap the bra straps around his chin and calls the damn thing his parachute and will jump off the back of the couch or recliner with his "parachute". I'm waiting for my bra to turn into a sling shot or some other thing to fling rocks and such at his sister and brother.

My job is great right now. I finished my last course with a 90 on the final and I think I'm done for a couple months. We are about to add a new computer system and new phone system so I'm going to give myself a chance to learn all of that before I add another course to my plate. I do know my next course will be Stress Management though. I figured with all the new stuff that would be a good thing to learn about.

My hubbie is wonderful as always and has been at his job for one whole year now. It's his turn to go to Albuqueque for a management training course and will be gone for a few days next month. That week will be nice and slow, I'm sure.

I've decided that when it comes to wish lists for Christmas, my husband is a bigger pain in the ass than the kids are. His list is getting bigger and bigger and the items on it aren't cheap. He wants a 12 gauge shotgun, it has to be all black, he wants a Playstation 3, who knows how many games to go with the Playstation 3, I don't know how many audio books (those aren't very cheap), a new Yukon XL (that is only $45,000) and a few more things.

He adds to his list every day!!!!

I'm done shopping though. For the first Christmas ever we are done shopping before the middle of December!

And I did break down and splurge on one big present for Scott. It's something he has asked for for a couple years now. I hope he loves it. I'm not going to say what it is just in case he decides to actually read this site for once. He might get a general idea but he won't know for sure.

Time for bed I'll talk to ya'll later.

Another Loss

2006-11-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

This time I'm not sure what to feel or think or do about it.

The person who passed was my biological father. He was 74.

My dad left on my 2nd birthday and I've only met him once since he took off. I was 8 years old and my dad and stepmom came for a visit. They took me out for lunch on a Sunday and then shopping for clothes. At least that is what they said they were going to buy. Instead they bought me an umbrella and a necklace. I guess since it was their money they could spend it on me as they wanted. The umbrella was stolen just a few days after I got it. I had the necklace up until a few years ago and have lost track of it.

After they left I didn't hear from him for 2 years. Then he asked my mom if she would fly me out to California where they lived so they could take me to Disneyland. Mom asked him to pay for the plane ticket, explaining that working on a teachers salary she didn't have any extra money to pay for that right now. He refused to pay for anything and asked to talk to me. He said that the trip would have to wait for a while and then hung up.

After that nothing. My mom called him when I graduated from high school and he said that's nice, what you want money, I don't have any.

The next I heard from him was about 5 years ago. He wanted to say how sorry he was at how he didn't treat me and to see what my life was like. I gave in and talked to him and told him about my children and even sent him a picture with Ethan, Emma, and myself.

I can count the number of times I remember talking to him on one hand.

Friday night I received a call from a stepsister I didn't know I had. She told me about my dad, that he was in the VA hospital in Fresno with severe pneumonia and kidney failure. His mind was gone and she said they had given him 2 days at most to live. She told me that he had diabetes, which I knew, and that he hadn't taken care of himself for over 10 years. He'd had both his legs amputated a few years ago.

Since I learned the term biological, I called him the biological sperm donor. My friends thought it was funny, especially in high school where most of my friends parents were divorced and remarried.

While I was growing up my mom never talked about my dad. She would answer my questions about him with brief answers. She never said a bad word about him.

You know, it really messes a kid up to learn that their dad walked out on you and your mom on your birthday. My granny felt the need to rub that in quite often when I was little, until mom found out what she was doing and forbid granny to talk to me about my dad ever again.

I went to counseling for a few months and refused to talk to the counselors or participate so mom took me out of it.

I was angry for years and never wanted to hear about him or meet him.

When I married my first husband he became obsessed with finding my dad so I could meet him. When he found my dad's address I once again became angry and refused to talk about it. I didn't wany anything to do with that man. If he didn't want me I didn't need him.

My stepmother called last night to let me know that they doctors were keeping him comfortable and it wouldn't be much longer. I said ok thanks for letting me know.

My stepsister called this morning to let me know that he passed last night at 9:30. I got an address to send flowers and a card. I feel as if I should try to go to the funeral but I really don't know how accepted I would be, not like it matters what any of those people think. It's not my fault that he left us. I also feel as if some flowers and a card would be sufficient.

She did ask if there was anything that I might want of his. Apparently I have 2 half brothers and they want nothing from him. I guess they are just as angry as I've been. I asked for some pictures and at the same time couldn't stop the thought that went through my head, some money to make up for everything in my life that he missed out on that he should have helped my mom with. How Fricking Selfish of ME. I'm so glad I didn't say that out loud. None of it was my stepsister's fault as well and she didn't need to feel some of my anger towards him.

So now he is dead and I really don't know how I feel. I got a little teary when my stepsister told me he will die soon but that has been all so far.

Maybe someday I'll visit his grave. I'm sure it would be easy to find the VA cemetery in Fresno, at least that is where I was told he would be buried.

Rest in Peace Ted

I Discovered I Can Be the Bigger Person

2006-11-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

Figuratively speaking that is.

I sucked it up and called the OutLaws and asked if they would like to have Ethan and Emma for Thanksgiving day. My ex-MIL said they would love to but Emma had already told them they would be spending that day with us at Scott's parent's house. I told her that was the plan but if she would like them to spend the day at their house I would drop them off on the way to my in-laws house.

I think I shocked my ex-MIL. She sounded pleased that I had called and even asked if they could spend the night, to which I replied yes, they can.

We even had a nice conversation on how the kids have been lately.

It has been a year since we had such a nice conversation. I didn't know what to do with myself for a few minutes after we hung up. Then I realized that dinner was burning and I needed to finish it up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Thursday was a Girls Night Out with the ladies I work with. We met at Applebees and proceeded to have lots of drinks and desserts. I think we even managed to embarrass the bartender! It was great fun.

We all made it home safely, there was a designated driver. We all decided it should be a monthly thing.

Friday Scott and I took the family out for dinner and then we went out to celebrate the Marine Corp. birthday. Since he's a Marine and all he felt the need to party a little that night.

We met some friends at a Country bar, of all places, and toasted the Marines and then bar hopped. Neither of us have done that for years and years, mainly since before we met each other.

I haven't bar hopped since I lived in California, and Ethan was just a thought in the back of my head. Ahhh, the good times, drinks, dancing, flirting....

Ok, now back to reality. I am still trying to recover, no hangover, just tired.

I'm too old to do that anymore!

My husband was teasing me about it yesterday and wouldn't let up about it until I reminded him that when Harley is 10 he will be 50. I couldn't help pulling out that card. It works every time. We normally end up giggling and wrestling around as the kids come and fling themselves on us and join the fun.

Time to go, I have a soccer meeting Thursday that I need to prepare for and I'm going to dye the gray right out of my hair tonight.

I played hooky today!!!

2006-11-06T17:11:00.000-07:00

So, I took today off because I'm a bad bad girl. HA HA HA That was funny. I am so not bad. I'm rather boring actually.

I took today off because I have three sick children and a sick mom. Normally when one of the kids is sick mom will tell me to go to work and she'll take care of them. Today there was no way she could have taken care of herself and three sick babies.

I took them all to the doctor this morning and found that the kids have a viral infection so there's nothing we can do but wait it out. Harley was the only one with a fever. The doctor thought Emma might have strep but the test came back negative. Thank God! She's had strep at least 6 times in the past 3 years.

And instead of making good use of my extra day off from work and cleaning the rooms I missed over the weekend I snuggled with babies and wandered in between the different rooms they were in.

Emma was in her bed, huddled around a puke bucket, watching ABC Family. She's the only one with an upset stomach but I think it's from all the drainage of junk from her sinuses.

Harley was in the playroom, covered up on the loveseat, watching the Babar movie on Disney. He was hugging his cup of Cranberry juice. Harley and I are the only ones in this house that like Cranberry juice.

Ethan was in the living room, hugging his pillow and blanket, and watching Sky High. We really do have too many televisions in this house. On days like this I'm glad though so I don't have children bickering about what they should watch.

Ethan is still on the couch in the living room hugging his blanket, Harley is in the recliner, hugging a refreshed glass of juice, and Emma is feeling well enough to beg to get on the computer to check her e-mail. OOOooo a 9 year old checking her email. She's so special.

Come to think of it we have too many computers too. We have the one in the living room, which Emma is still on and absolutely hates to share with anyone. We have the one in our bedroom, which I'm on right now. And we have the handy dandy Notebook, which Scott is on right now. He's laying on the bed, surfing whatever sites he surfs, and watching Doom on TIVO.

Days like this are so rare. We normally have one tv on in the evening and are all together helping with supper or going to soccer practice and then coming home to throw supper together. I figure with most of us sick I'm not going to argue with anyone and be the nice mommy for a night.

Time to go and finish supper, I did the one thing this morning that I could never bring myself to do during soccer practice. I made a crock pot meal.

And I'm so glad soccer is done for the year. It was getting really frickin' cold out there!

I'm being bad

2006-11-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

I am at work and most of our system is down. Obviously I can still access the internet and it's wonderful because the security part is down because I can access my blog and actually keep myself busy this way.

Everyone here at work has decided that my family is the model for the Family Guy. We have the evil baby who is trying to take over the world (Harley), the tragic daughter who never has anything go right for her (Emma), the strange, off older son (Ethan, I can say this because I'm his mom and he is off but I love him dearly), the crazy, freaky, disturbed husband (Scott), and then the mostly normal, sometimes wack wife (myself).

I totally agree with all of this. If a total stranger were to spend a week with us they would run away screaming what freaks we are and we shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Ah well. We love our life and I wouldn't change anything. When I do try to change something the whole house rebels and threatens a coup. They'll take me down in a heartbeat and make me aware that change will Not be tolerated.

For instance, I mentioned to mom that Scott and I had found a nice house that we could afford and mom asked if it had plenty of bedrooms because wherever we go, she'll follow. She'll never go away, she'll follow us wherever we go! I don't tell people we live with my mom anymore, I tell people she lives with us. And then sometimes I say we live with each other. I think the rolls changed before my granny died. I am now taking care of her more and more every day. That's ok, that's what I'm here for. To take care of my mom.

Harley is being a little demon. He's taken to locking people out of their houses. He locks the babysitter out of her house, and then he'll giggle and run away, making her crawl through a window or trying to cajole him to unlock the door for her. He locked my MIL out of her house the other day and then giggled and said I lock you out Nanni, hehehhhehe (MIL said his laugh was just evil). He also locked MIL into the chicken coop just an hour or so before locking her out of her house!

My son, the practical joker at the ripe old age of 2 1/2. If he can do all these jokes why can't he pee in the frickin' potty? He can, he just chooses not to.

Terd.

I better go before everything starts working right and all that I've just typed disappears.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

The last soccer game is this weekend! WooHoo happy dance!

Almost Halloween

2006-10-29T22:33:00.000-07:00

We went to a Halloween party at my SIL's house last night. I didn't know what to expect because Scott told me that it was just a family party. The next thing I know there are 10 families invited and the only thing we are asked to do is bring Margaritas. All but 1 family showed up. It was pretty fun. The food was good. And it wore out the kids.

Ok, that was pretty boring.

Let's see, what has happened in our lives lately. Ethan is still having problems bringing his homework home. He just doesn't want to do it. He's withdrawing more and more into movies. I've had so many people tell me to just take away all movies from him. Guess what, that doesn't do any good. He remembers lines and scenes from movies that he saw 5 years ago. He's happy to live in those movies and recite lines from previews he might catch on tv. The child psychologist we see in Durango is helping a little but he's only seen Ethan 3 times so far.

Another thing Ethan has started is pulling his hair out with tweezers. We have to hide the tweezers in the house or else he'll sit on his bed and pull out his hair, a couple of strands at a time. He won't use his fingers, just tweezers. It is so strange. I have no idea what started it either. Hopefully as long as there are no tweezers to be found than he'll leave his hair alone.

Emma is doing great in school and is glad soccer is almost over. There is one week left of practice and only one more game. Next up, basketball. It starts in January at the boys and girls club. Her grades are great and she still loves school this year. I still believe it's because she loves her teacher this year. She's already acting like a teenager and I really don't like it. If she was a teen I'd deal with it but she's not so I'm not going to deal with it. Every time I say something about her attitude and tone towards us she becomes sullen and brings up going to live with her dad. I tell her if she wants to live with her dad all she has to do is ask him. She hasn't asked him yet. I'm sure it's just something she is using against me to get back at me for punishing her when she is bad.

Harley is our little man and absolutely adorable. He's always telling me to watch him and then he'll say Kow Chow, from Cars the movie, or say something else equally as cute and adorable. He can count to 15 and knows so many different colors and will say the alphabet only if you copy him. Such a ham. He loves his Halloween costume, which is a pirate, and will walk around telling us all to call him pirate. During bathtime he loves to hold onto the edge of the tub and then put his feet on the wall opposite the edge and see how far up the wall he can get his feet. Sheesh, no wonder I have so many gray hairs right now. Oh, he also loves to stand at the end of the tub and "dive" into the water. The diving is always happening with him diving towards the faucets. I'm betting we'll have at least one ER visit with a broken bone before he is 5 years old.

We still help Harley get dressed but he puts his own shoes on. If we try to help him he gets so angry and the scowl on his little face warns you to back off or else! Or else what you ask? Or else he'll growl at you. I know, scary. He's still not potty trained but now he tells us when he has to go potty, or at least that he has just pottied. I've gotten him to the toilet a couple of times when he had to poo. It won't be long before he is potty trained. He wants to do everything for himself though so I think I need to get a potty chair so we won't have to help him get up on the toilet.

Mom is thrilled because Scott and I thoroughly cleaned her room and then we painted it blue. We got a new light switch plate cover that I still need to install but other than that it's done. She loves it and I think is just now starting to feel better about changing the house since Granny died. She's finally realizing it's ok to change the house and update things as we need to.

We had another death in the household a few days ago. It was Seigfreid, our blond long-haired hamster. I knew the poor thing wasn't doing good lately. It quit eating a couple of weeks ago and didn't run around the cage or explore the house when we put them on the floor to clean their cage. The othe hamster, Roy, seems to be doing ok so far. He' s still eating and playing. The night Seigfreid died Scott woke me up to tell me he heard a noise, and then he saw a hamster ghost float across the room. I smacked him and went back to sleep. He found it quite amusing and thought since he couldn't sleep I should be awake too.

When I realized the hamster was dead I had mom come in the room with me because the cage is in Ethan's room. I didn't want him to know the hamster was dead because he would break down in tears and not be able to go to sleep and he had school Friday morning. I figured it would be ok to wait to tell him Saturday. Mom blocked his view while I gently took the little body out of the cage and wrapped it in a washcloth. I wanted to keep it to bury it but mom and Scott said no, just put it in the trashcan. I felt horrible about it and started crying when I took it outside. Scott just hugged me when I came back inside.

Ethan had a major meltdown when we told him the hamster was gone. I'm so glad I waited until the weekend to tell him. Telling him on a school night would not have done him any good.

And I just realized it's 11:42 and I have to work tomorrow. Emma keeps bringing up 2 day work weeks and 5 day weekends. You know, if I could get paid for a 40 hour week and only work 2 days, that would be wonderful. Five whole days home with my family every week? GREAT!

Everyone have a great week and a safe Halloween.

My plan for Halloween, lots and lots of chocolate after the kids have collapsed in bed!

A Sunday Quiz

2006-10-15T16:37:00.000-06:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		11
Acts of Service:		8
Physical Touch:		7
Words of Affirmation:		4
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

No Excuses

2006-10-09T22:34:00.000-06:00

Life has been nothing but work, soccer, and ummmm stuff. I am working hard on the management course that is due November 16th. I have something like 5 more chapters to get through before I can take the final exam.

Other than lots of studying, life is pretty boring right now. I haven't updated because there isn't anything to talk about.

Ethan is conveniently forgetting his homework every other day. His punishment is everything was taken out of his room, he just has his bed, clothes, and books left. He did have a TV and DVD player (his dad thought he needed those things in his bedroom) and now they are put up in the guest bedroom. Other than the whole homework issue he is doing pretty good in the 4th grade. He loves the freedom he has of going from B level to his main stream class every day. I've been told there are days when he doesn't want to go to his B level class and would rather stay with the regular class.

Emma is as sassy as ever. The boys are already flocking to her and she is only 9, or almost 10 if you ask her. She won't be 10 until March. I'm afraid of her teenage years already. She is doing wonderfully with her 4th grade teacher and is bringing home nothing but A's so far. She adores her teacher this year, which really helps. She is tired of soccer but we have another month to go so she's going to have to deal with it.

Harley is talking so very well for a 2 1/2 year old. We were cleaning our front porch and putting Spring and Summer flower bed things away so we could decorate with the Halloween things and Scott accidentally hit Harley with the broom handle and Harley threw himself on the ground and spread his arms wide, looked at me out of the corner of his eyes and said OOOHHHHH I'm dead meat. I couldn't help but laugh and then asked everyone who's been saying that and threatened lives to make them quit saying it. Harley has said that quite a few more times since then though. He still isn't potty trained and has no desire to use the potty. He'll sit on the potty, he'll make sure his toys use the potty and he HAS to sit on my feet when I am sitting on the toilet but he's having none of it. I can get him to sit on the potty for up to 20 minutes and once I take him off and put a pull up on him, he'll poop. Big Turd.
I played the whole I got your nose thing and Harley looked at me and said, No you don't, my nose is right here!! as he pointed at his nose. He's just too funny and I really don't remember Ethan and Emma being this amusing at this age. I am so very sure they were and I have a feeling I am paying more attention to Harley right now because I am older and know that time flies and before I know it Harley will be 10 and Ethan and Emma will be 18 and 17. I am so not ready for that!

Scott is as obnoxious as ever! He thinks his job in life is to make sure eveyone laughs. If he comes across a person that just won't laugh or even smile at one of his jokes he'll tell that person they're no fun and walk away. He was accepted into an assistant manager position at work, which means a raise! When he did his interview for the position he was asked if he would be willing to relocate to eventually get his own store. Kind of exciting. I don't know if that will every happen but the option is there.

My cheesy family is ready for Halloween. We are all dressing as pirates and all of our costumes are here. And they even match. All the costumes are black, red, and white. Emma and I are slutty pirates. Great fun, dressing as sluts with your daughter.

Now I must go, Harley just crawled up on the bed with me and poked my breast and told me that he is poking my boobie. Time for bed before he finds out how to turn off my handy dandy notebook.

Have a great week.

Still a Bad Blogger

2006-09-11T22:06:00.000-06:00

I need 50 lashes with a wet noodle, or something of the sort. Any takers?

Going once...

Going twice...

No?

Didn't think so....

I chose to come back and post today because it is 9-11. And not because of what happened 5 years ago. I've chosen to finally remember to come back to my blog today because of what happened one year ago today. It was one year ago today, in the hour of 3 in the morning, that my Granny passed away. Scott had to work the stock truck last night and he was leaving his store about 3:45 this morning and said he shivered, not from being cold either, when he realized it was pretty much exactly one year ago at that time that she had passed.

What happened 5 years ago was beyond sad and I'm sure many have mourned today and will continue on every 9-11 or every day for years to come but my grief today is for someone that was in my own household.

I truly never thought I would grieve like this for the woman that was so harsh. I have thought of her every day since she passed and have had tears spring to my eyes at the most surprising of moments over the smallest things. And it always happens when I'm thinking of granny.

My household isn't less stressful since she has gone, it's not more subdued, in fact, it's noisier. And at times more joyful.

None of us are glad she is gone. We just now feel the freedom to have fun and laugh and play in our own house without the fear of being told we are too loud and hurting her ears.

But I do miss her. I miss her gardening, sewing, crocheting, crossword puzzles that lay all over the house, and so many other things that I never took to as she hoped I would. I don't feel bad about those things, that's just the way life is.

I also miss her stories of her childhood. I loved hearing about her school days and the jobs she held. The one thing she never shared with me was how she met Grandpa. She very rarely talked about him. I caught her talking to him though, as her days grew numbered.

I'm awful at crocheting, I could do without crossword puzzles (they are just ok), I don't like to sew or knit, and if a garden or a plant depended on me, surely it would die. She would make homemade soups that I just don't have the desire to boil.

The only thing I wished I'd learned from her was her canning of jams and jellies. She would make the best jams and jellies and those homemade treats are always better than store bought. I tried to make my own jam and jelly one year and they were horrible. I have no idea what I did wrong to those poor fruits that I had to throw away.

And just after this little bit I feel better about this day.

It truly wasn't a bad day. It was like most Mondays. I got up and got ready for work, got the kids out the door to catch the bus, I went to work and was able to eat lunch with my hubby and the Pudge. I came home from work and took Emma to soccer practice, her first game is Saturday. All ready. Then Emma and I came home, ate some wonderful chili that my lovable hubby made, bathed Pudge, did some soccer board stuff, and now I'm doing this.

Scott just came to the front room and asked why I wasn't doing this on our handy dandy Notebook. Truthfully? Because I forget about it!

I'm off now, I have a Mickey Mouse latch hook project to finish for my mom and I'm almost done.

I'll try not to be so anti social in the future.

Everyone have a great week

I've Been a Bad Blogger

2006-08-29T21:21:00.000-06:00

So, where to begin........

I got home from Albuquerque about 5:45 on August 18th. I picked up my car from the Dodge dealership, where they never found anything wrong with it. But it hasn't acted up since then either. Scott is thinking that they camsensor part they just replaced came unplugged somehow and they just had to plug it back in and didn't want to admit it. I don't care as long as it doesn't die on me again in the middle of the road. They didn't even charge us for them having it for 2 weeks. I would really hope they wouldn't though. Two weeks was a little outrageous.

The house was a disaster from dad and boy (that is what Harley calls himself, Boy) playing monkey. They had fun though, that is what matters. I ignored the mess and went straight to bed.

Scott and I left at midnight that same night to head to Twin Falls Idaho to pick up Ethan and Emma. We drove straight through and we were both so loopy after being up from 6am Friday morning to 10pm Saturday night.

When we got the kids we turned around and drove back to Salt Lake City to our room, which was only a 10 minute drive from the Mayan. We absolutely love that restaurant!

We got home Sunday evening and the kids had one day to rest before school started. So far I really like Emma's teacher and both of Ethan's teachers. Emma must really like her too because homework is done before I'm home from work and she got a 99 on her first spelling test. Happy Happy Joy Joy

Since then it's been work, school, laundry, cleaning, and well, truthfully, lots of being lazy with my kids.

My mom got home from Winston-Salem tonight but I haven't heard much because she is busy unpacking and doing laundry so she can leave Thursday to visit her sister in Mesa for a week.

And I'm sure there is so much more rambling around in my head to write about but I just saw my little monkey boy running around with one of my bras on his head.

Time to get both of us to bed!

Everyone have a great week and hopefully I'll come back with some witty stuff. Or just some more crap about my kids and husband.

Peace

Albquerque

2006-08-16T17:46:00.000-06:00

Here I am in the big city of Abq. and all I've done is gone to the class or vegged out in my hotel room. How fun am I?

The class has been about 8 hours every day but sitting in the tiny room with very low air conditioning and 8 other people besides myself, that room gets pretty stuffy. I'm enjoying it though and am kind of sad that my week is now half over. Only two more days to go.

I do miss my husband and my Pudge. Scott called last night to tell me they were playing monkey and I could hear Pudge in the background making monkey noises. I guess they were hopping all over the house and jumping on furniture. I can just imagine what kind of mess I'll come home to Friday.

Other than that I really don't have much more to say. I will add that in the class I'm the only female. There are times when the testosterone is so thick I could cut it with a knife. The class requires constant group partipitation. We aren't supposed to just sit there while the trainer talks, we have to give input. This class is teaching me to raise my voice to be heard above all those Mens! Of course once they actually hear me they will shut up and let me talk.

It's also funny because they'll start cussing and immediately apologize for it. If they only knew the real me...... Actually they caught a glimpse of it today when we were discussing a topic that I'm having issues with at work right now. They definitely heard my potty mouth and I stunned them all. It was a good day. After they all recovered I told them my work here was done and I was leaving. Which got them laughing again.

Since I've had a good day, got some stuff off my shoulders, I'm considering walking across the street and wandering around the mall. Better than sitting in the hotel for the third night in a row and doing nothing.

I probably won't post anything for a few days. Class is done Friday at noon or so and then my co-worker and I will drive the 2 1/2 hours home and then I get to sleep because we have to leave by 11pm to make it to Twin Falls to pick up the other two demons. I do miss them oh so much and that is the only reason I have agreed to leave at such an ungodly hour to meet to do the kid swap.

I'm off to find some grub and maybe do some shopping!

Have a great rest of the week

Connie Mack Is Over!

2006-08-13T16:59:00.000-06:00

I love going to the Connie Mack games every year. But I'm so glad when they are over. Working all day and then going to the games at night make a very long day. The last game was Friday night and the Arizona team won.

I was bad and barely even looked at the computer at night while Connie Mack was going on. By the time I got home most nights it was almost 11pm. And I had to get up to be at work by 8am.

I spent this weekend reuperating from all the excitement and have had lots of fun trying to keep Harley calm so he could rest up too. He's been so grouchy because of the upset in his schedule.

I've only heard from Emma once so far. I told her she could only call me twice while they were gone and so far she has minded and only called once. And then she talked to me for only a couple minutes before she handed the phone to Ethan. She was too busy for me! I was thrilled that she wasn't spending her time worrying about me and crying to come home. I bet this trip with SW and her stepmom has been so nice.

I've had lots of people ask me how I am doing and if I miss them. In some way I do but most of the time I don't. I sort of feel bad about that. But not really. Don't get me wrong, I love those two so very much but the drama of this past summer has drained me and this little break was just what we all needed. It's good for the kids to see their dad and at the same time I just have one little one to worry about right now.

Come tomorrow morning I have no one to worry about! Yea, right. Whatever. I'll worry about everyone just like always while I'm in Albuquerque for the week. I'll just do it from the privacy of a hotel room where I can watch what I want and go to bed when I want! The co-worker I'm going with doesn't want to leave until tomorrow morning at 5am or so, so I'll get one more night with my Pudge before leaving him for the week.

I've already packed my clothes and have the suitcase sitting by the front door and Pudge has already unpacked it for me twice. He finally gave in and crashed on his bed for a nap so hopefully he won't think of it after he wakes up.

Nothing exciting at all to report.

I'm going to catch up on blog reading now.

Have a great week

I'm spoiled

2006-08-08T00:42:00.000-06:00

Well, I took mrhaney's suggestion and renamed my handy dandy notebook. I'm not going to tell anyone what the name is this time! Not even Scott! HA HA teach him to order a handy dandy notebook when I'm sleeping.

The kids are safely up in Washington with their stepmom. I haven't heard from them yet but I did tell Emma she could only call twice while they were up there. This may sound mean but I'm doing it for my own sanity. The last time Emma went to Washington for a couple weeks she was so miserable and cried most of the time and my ex caved in and let her call me every night and she would cry and scream for me to come get her early. I know she missed me but it would drive me crazy and I would sit there and cry when I could finally get her off the phone. This would happen every time she went to Washington. SW just couldn't grasp the idea that he was their dad and he needed to find a way to comfort his daughter and help her feel better about being there. Thank goodness Ethan has never had a problem with going.

The trip to meet their stepmom was uneventful. We left here Saturday morning about 4:30am and reached Twin Falls ID about 3:45 that afternoon. Pretty good time if I do say so myself. I didn't stop as much as I should have but we had to turn around and drive back to Salt Lake that night to check into our hotel room. Harley did so good and was ok provided I kept the portable dvd player running. It rained on us in Idaho and around Moab, UT but other than that the weather was nice.

The house was very peaceful today what with being 2 kids short right now. It wasn't until Harley decided that nap time wasn't for him. It's almost 1am and no matter what Scott and I have tried, he just doesn't want to sleep. Poor kid is used to sleeping with Ethan in the room too.

I'm off to bed now, I'll be bad and just put Harley in bed with me so I can crash. I have to drag myself back to work tomorrow.

And to answer your question Poet. It probably was the same Connie Mack that signed your brother. Check out this website and see what you find. www.cmws.org.

Oh, I still love my handy dandy notebook! I paid bills on it while Scott did his thing on the desktop!

It's Here

2006-08-03T22:24:00.000-06:00

I'm typing this on my new Notebook. I feel like I should be a guest on Blues Clues. I have my handy dandy notebook, and it's even blue!

I'm waiting for my free skin to show up. Scott just happened to place the order for this while there was an offer for free skins. I chose the Asian skin and it should be here in a couple more days.

When I first turned on my handy dandy Notebook it asked me to name it. So, being the oh so brilliant person I am, chose the name Traveler. Was the Notebook lonely, is that why it needed a name? I guess it just wants to feel love and welcomed in the new home.

Sorry, I'm a little tired and in a fiesty mood right now. Has to do with the whole frozen business. I just love feeling like I'm peeing every time I move. Apparently the stuff sloughing off of my cervix is going to be water and bad cells. It's rather gross and I'm ready for the next 3 weeks or so to be over now!

I don't know what I think of this handy dandy Notebook so far. Well, I do love it but the keyboard is so frickin' small compared to what I am used to that I've made tons of mistakes and I keep having to use the backspace button to correct my millions of typos so far. I'll get used to it.

The set up was so easy! It picked up our wireless connection right away and I was up and surfing, even though I should be sleeping.

Damn handy dandy Notebook.....

I'm off to bed with this short note. I'm so glad there is only 1 day left in my work week.

Monday brought different managers not knowing where I was because none of the managers wouold communicate with each other or me. I would ask what I needed to do and where I should be and know one had the answer. We had a person quit and I'm filling in where I can until my company hires a replacement.

I guess Monday one manager wanted me at my desk, another wanted me subbing, and yet another just wanted to know exactly what I should be doing and all of them have jumped down my throat at least once this week because they can't communicate with each other. Makes getting up and getting ready for work pretty hard.

So, I've been yelled at at work for reasons beyond my control, had my coochie frozen and now I'm melting, my 2 1/2 year old car broke down this morning on my way to work and come to find out it was a part that is no longer covered by warranty, we paid $200 to get the car fixed because I lurve my car, and then after getting my car to the Dodge dealership to get looked at, on the way to work, with Scott driving, I spilled half of my milk on my lap. Really big, horrible run on sentence. Sam, don't throw anything at me. Please.

I think I need to find the warranty papers for my car and see what exactly is covered.

Oh, only 1 more day til we leave for Idaho to do a kid exchange. I exchange the kids for peace and quiet for 2 weeks. HA Who am I kidding. I'll hate it while they are gone. At least I'll have my little Monkey Butt and Scott. Before those two came along, the time that the kids spent with their dad was horrendous.

GoodNight

Frozen

2006-08-03T00:28:00.000-06:00

I got myself so worked up about having the cryo done that my blood pressure was high. I was also sweating and shaking so bad that I had to concentrate and take deep breaths during the drive to the doctors office.

I don't know why I was so nervous. The procedure needed to be done and I figured it couldn't be any worse than having the stuff snipped out of me.

I think my problem was listening to others that have had it done that had a bad experience with the cryo.

The part that hurt the most? The Duckbill! Only because doc positioned it wrong the first time and pinched me. OUCH! But she fixed it right away and got it right the second time.

Before she even started the freezing she showed me what all she would be using and explained everything. Just seeing the tube she would stick up there made my pulse race even more and I felt sweat trickling down my back. ummm gross

But when the time came for the tube to go up in my coochie and start the freezing I calmed down. I realized I felt the cold but no pain.

Doc froze for 3 minutes in one spot and then scrape the "block of ice"* off and then froze in another spot for 3 minutes and scraped that block of ice off.

The whole thing took maybe 8 minutes and doc's nurse and I talked the whole time.

This cryo business was literally no big deal. Granted, once she was done and went over the do's and don'ts for the next 3-4 weeks** and then left the room, I stood up off the table to the start of the first cramps. Even the cramping wasn't bad. For about 2 hours they were worse than the worst period cramps I've ever had but now I don't feel a thing.

And I don't know if it's my imagination or what but I've been chilly all afternoon since I had it done.

Even peeing for the first time after was an experience. I never really thought about how warm pee was until today.

A friend from work sent me a text message telling me to open up and say ahhh and he sent it right about the time doc was starting the procedure! Silly Gay Man! When I could get to my phone I sent back that I was frozen and then a while later let him know about the whole warm peeing thing. I think I grossed him out for the day! My work here is done. Thank You!

Now I get to have pap smears every 3 months for the next year. Yippeee

On to funnier things. Harley! He is our little barrel of monkey laughs.

Literally.

He decided to strip off his clothes and his diaper last night and started running around the house. Normally when he does that he yells I'm Naked over and over until I chase him down to put jammies on him. Last night was different.

He ran around the house making monkey noises, climbing up on everything, and giving daddy a hard time because he kept climbing up on daddy's step stool where daddy was standing, working on some shelves we got 3 years ago. That he just put up yesterday....

At one point my lovely little 2 1/2 year old precious little boy ran up to me, climbed up my leg and called himself a Monkey Butt. He then proceeded to jump off me, grab his butt and run off again. I'm assuming in search of other people to climb on.

Emma did shriek not long after he ran away from me.

I finally corralled him long enough to get a diaper and jammies on him and get him in bed. No wonder I was tired last night. A person would think that as much as I chase my 3 demons around that I'd loose a little weight somewhere. Ah, well

Ethan lost another tooth after, once again, me not knowing he had a loose tooth. My little freak!

I'm off to bed. Again. I'm tired but have tried to go to sleep 4 or 5 times tonight and ended up laying there staring at the ceiling. Maybe now that it's almost 1am I can go to sleep.

Maybe

*A block of ice? It was a small block of ice she pulled off my cervix. I didn't see it but I heard it plop into a cup of water !

**No douching, no tampons, no hot tubs, swimming, baths until the lovely discharge stops, in about 3-4 weeks! Oh, and no insertion of anything in the coochie so no sex either. For about 3-4 weeks! UGGG We will just have to think of other ways to have some fun ;)

This will be short

2006-07-30T22:18:00.000-06:00

I've decided to keep the Notebook. I knew I would right from the start but I felt like wallowing in irritation and being all stupid about it.

We received an email that our order has been shipped so we should receive it by the middle of next week or so. Just in time for me to take it to Albuquerque.

The closer that trip gets the more anxious I get. I was really looking forward to it but now I'm not so sure.

And now there's only 5 days until I take my two oldest kids and drive them up to Idaho to meet their stepmom so they can spend a couple weeks up in Washington. I really don't like doing it so close to the start of school but their dad's ship pulls in to port August 7th or 8th after being on a 6 month WestPac. Six months is a long time to be out at sea.

Their stepmom wants to surprise SW by having the kids there on the pier when the ship arrives. I think the kids will enjoy it. So far they are both excited about that.

I'll get them back the weekend right before school starts. At least they'll get to see their dad.

I'm off to bed now. Scott is working late tonight, his first night to do the stock truck in a while so I can't complain.

I won't be alone though. I have a devilish little blond that keeps asking for chocolate and grinning at me as I type this.

Time to go, apparently he found our chocolate stash and has it all over his clean self and jammies!

2006-07-30T22:16:00.000-06:00

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Irritated

2006-07-25T21:51:00.000-06:00

We are in debt up to our eyeballs. Well, almost, it's getting close and I'm not liking it. I was starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and had mapped out a very nice budget that had our monthly bills paid, our extra bills paid plus quite a bit more than what was actually due, and a little left over for us to have some fun each month.

Last night, while eating dinner I commented how nice it would be to have a Notebook so I could work on my business course while I'm in Albuquerque in August. Or I could also use it to chat online with Scott while I'm there. Scott said, OK, I'll order one from Dell tonight!

WHOA Buddy!
I said I would like one but I definitely don't want the extra payment added on to our Dell bill right now. Scott looked puzzled and told me that I just said I wanted one. Yes, I did but wanting one and needing one are two different things. For a grown man he can be a little slow sometimes. That is extremely mean to say and I know it and it will also come around to bite me in the ass later on but I'm tired, I'm grouchy, I've had a headache for three days now and nothing I've taken is even touching it.

After supper I lay down on our bed and drifted off to sleep while he surfed around the computer. I woke up at one point to hear him hollering at Harley to bring his money back. I giggled and went back to sleep.

I slept for about an hour and a half before I woke up and decided to get on the computer and catch up on some blogs. I was only half way through my email, hadn't even reached the blogs yet, when Scott's cell phone rang. It was a guy from work who was closing and he had accidentally locked his keys in an oil shed they have out back. Scott, being the nice co-worker that he is, told the guy he would be there in a few minutes to unlock the oil shed so the guy could have his keys back.

Harley was still up and going strong so I decided we would go with him. I assumed the car ride would put him to sleep, which it did. After Scott got the oil shed unlocked we were bad and stopped at Sonic and got some ice cream before heading home. We didn't care that it was 10:30pm, it was Hot still. Ok, not as hot as Phoenix or Mesa or St. Louis or who knows how many other places but still hot. Plus we are gluttons for ice cream!

After getting home I put Harley to bed. He woke up long enough to tell me good night and insist on a kiss and a hug. And then another hug and kiss. Then he went back to sleep.

I got ready for bed, told Scott good night, and was out I think before my head hit the pillow.

This was when Scott chose to visit Dell and check up on prices for Notebooks. And he went ahead and ordered one and charged it to our Dell account.

I could have sworn I was dreaming that Scott was asking me questions like, what kind of memory I wanted, what kind of case did we need to carry it around, what kind of gaming should we get, what color did I want, and what was my social security number.

Apparently I wasn't dreaming and he did ask me all those questions and I answered every single one of them, including my social. I didn't realize I could talk in my sleep like that. No one has ever told me that!

So now we have Notebook on the way in some blue color with I don't know what kind of memory or gaming. Oh, it does have a case as well. And the price starts at $639 but our ending price was $909. But it comes with a $200 rebate right off the bat. But still...

We just added another $25 to our Dell payment each month. I'm a little ticked because this was one of the bills that was getting down there and the light at the end of that tunnel was nice and bright.

Its not being shipped until August 2nd and I'm seriously considering calling and canceling it.

But it would be nice to have while I'm in Abq.

I really don't know what to do.....

Niagara Falls and Way Too Much Information (just warning)

2006-07-19T22:16:00.000-06:00

My doc called Monday afternoon to let me know she already my test results back from the biopsy. I have dysplasia (sp?), or precancerous cells, that need to be frozen out of me. That lovely appointment is August 2nd. A friend of mine has had that done and said it was about 45 minutes of hell. I guess I find out in 2 weeks or so.

Reading up on dysplasia shows that most women have HPV. I don't. Other things that can cause this is multiple sexual partners, smoking, and other STD's. I don't smoke. I don't have any form of STD. I am 33 and not exactly a saint when I was a teenager, or in between marriages. As a precaution both Scott and I were tested for anything and everything before we got married and we are both clean. I have blood work done every year with my yearly check up and I've always come back clean. Of course, the article I read said 80% to 90% of women have HPV so not every woman has HPV and dysplasia.

My biopsy was last Wednesday and my lovely monthly visiting friend that I hate with a passion came Saturday morning. A normal period for me is 3 1/2 to 4 days. I'm going on 5 days and it's the heaviest flow I've had in a while. I have my own personal Niagra Falls!

It was bad enough today that I broke down and called my doc just to make sure it was due to the biopsy. And it is. But the call made my husband and co-workers feel better. They were all worried about me.

Probably because I've lost 3 pounds on this period. That is a definite first for me. Normally I eat enough chocolate to feed the entire state of California during my period. This month it's all I can do to make myself eat two meals a day. I'm not complaining though.

So, when I told Scott what the doc told me he said Ok, welcome to the cancer club. Except when he said it I imagined CANCER CLUB. The words in all caps. It didn't offend me because he's beaten Thyroid cancer. He had his Thyroid removed and went through radiation back in 1994. Twelve years in remission. Of course with no Thyroid it would make it hard for that form of cancer to come back. He has had two spots of skin cancer removed though, and that was just a couple years ago.

I asked Scott if I got a welcoming cake to the Cancer Club. He said sure, any kind I wanted. I asked for a Black Forest Cake with lots of cherries. I'm still waiting for it.

I told my co-workers what he said and for some reason it offended one guy in particular. I'm not sure why but he it felt like he went around glaring at me the rest of the day. I don't know why it would offend him, it has nothing to do with him. I see him at work and no where else. My family and his family aren't friends.

If what I have does turn into cancer than it won't affect him in any way shape or form. I'm so very tempted to tell him to bite my ass and get over it but all that would just get me in trouble for trying to start a fight.

My family jokes about just about anything, and that includes ourselves and whatever illnesses we may have. That is the way we deal with life, through laughter.

This co-worker will never understand that and that's his fault.

Onto other things. My oldest Stepson was in town over the weekend and we were priviledged enough to eat supper with him at a local Mexican restaurant. He is 22 and I guess we are just not cool enough yet to spend more time with. Scott seemed to be ok with it so I left it alone. Stepson is moving to Albuquerque soon so we might see him more in the near future.

We found out that 13 year old Stepson has been nominated for the National Honor Society and he goes to an award ceremony and something else (not sure what else, we can't get his mom to spill the beans on what is happening) in January. We are so very proud of that punk!
Oh, we also found out he was busted kissing on my nieces best friend while he was here. When my niece told Scott about it she said they "were like using tongues and everything and it was gross".

We might have to watch out for this one. He's too smart for his own good but he's also a cute kid and has been caught making out with a few girls at home.

Scott's done the whole father-son macho thing and has bragged about it. I'm just waiting to see what happens if this honor society kid gets some girl pregnant when they are both only 15 or 16. I'm pretty sure this won't happen but if he's already enjoying kissing all the girls then who knows how soon before other things start happening.

My kids go to see their dad in 2 1/2 weeks. We leave August 5th for Twin Falls Idaho. OOOOO road trip right after having my coochie frozen. This should be fun!

They'll be up in Washington for two weeks. In those two weeks I plan on doing absolutely nothing! Nothing but going to ball games, Connie Mack is here the first week they are gone, and the second week they are gone I'll be in Albuquerque. About 2 months ago my company opened up classes that were originally just for managers. For a non-manager to take the class you had to have certain requirements within the company and then write a short essay on how the class would benefit you and your office.

I just happened to meet all the requirements and must have written a good essay because I was accepted! Three other co-workers were as well and two of us go that first full week of August and the other two of us go the second week of August. I go the second week. I'm so looking forward to a week away, no kids, no house to clean, no cooking, no whining (unless it's from people in the class with me and that's ok, I won't have to fix them!). Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, my house, my husband, but I'm ready for some me time. Even some me time that means I have to study and participate in group discussions and probably giving speeches. Who knows what I'll do in this class. I'll find out in a month.

I'm thinking I need to buy a Notebook to use while I'm gone.....

That is all for now. Have a great rest of the week.

I Have Been Well & Truly Violated! there is cussing in this post

2006-07-12T21:57:00.000-06:00

The lovely Gyno office never called to reschedule so I showed up for my 3pm appointment at 2:55pm. I had to do the whole pee in a cup thing and I really think they only have you do that for these kind of appointments just to make sure you don't accidentally pee on the doctor when she is second knuckle deep in coochie. Lovely image? Isn't it?

Scott came with me I think to make up for all those OB appointments he couldn't make it to when I was pregnant with Harley. He did his usual entertaining of the nurses and staff and grouchy front counter receptionist actually smiled at us. I thank Scott, he seems to be able to bring smiles to even the grouchiest amongst us.

After I pee in the cup, we waited about 15 minutes for Doc's nurse to call us back and do the whole blood pressure thing. She doesn't make me weigh myself, we had a long conversation about weight at my last regular check up and we agreed to only weigh myself if I wanted to. She's awesome like that.

Then Scott and I were escorted back to the room where the procedure would happen. It was in the middle of the building and the room was pretty big. Nurse had the little bitty wrap thing waiting, along with a pad because of you know, the lovely leakage that would happen when the procedure was done. Nurse left the room and I took my shoes off and then grinned at Scott. I then proceeded to a little dance for him while I stripped off my shorts and undies. He complained to Doc when she came in (and busted me doing a silly dance with the little bitty wrap thing. I was sufficiently embarrassed! Scott did ask for stripper music to be piped into the rooms for the enjoyment of their male customers. I am SO glad my doctor and nurse have a great sense of humor.

I did notice the Duckbill wasn't my friendly plastic one, it was the evil metal one! But it was nice and warm so I didn't get a shock. Doc, as always, explained what she was going to do before she did anything.

So, in went the Duckbill, in went the stuff that turns any abnormal cells white (that shit burned!), in went the thing that pinches off the abnormal cells, in went the scraper to scrape out up inside my cervix (OUCH enough to make my toes wiggle), in went the ointment or whatever the hell it was to help with bleeding. Doc said that stuff is the color of dark brown mustard and then warned me that I would see some spotting with blood and that dark brown mustard color. Let me tell ya, it's such a pretty color. ha

It felt like the whole procedure took an hour. I think it only took about 15 minutes. My legs were shaking by the time she was done, mainly from the effort of keeping certain parts of my body relaxed enough so the damn Duckbill wouldn't hurt.

Doc only had to take one biopsy, mainly because all the abnormal cells were in one area. The biopsy was a pretty big snip for that small area. Nurse did show me what they snipped out. Can I just say OUCH, SHIT OUCH. Oh wait, I did say that. Out loud!

I go back in two weeks after I've had time to heal to do a cryo. Today was a culpo? Not sure if that is exactly the word but that is what I heard. Doc said she saw sufficient evidence to do the cryo to remove everything else. She should have test results back next week so if anything else needs to be done we'll determine what way to go after the cryo. Whooppee

During the whole procedure Scott kept a running commentary of anything that happened to cross his mind. At one point Doc did have to quit what she was doing for a minute because she was laughing so hard at something he said. I don't remember exactly what it was, something about not clenching my coochie so I didn't suck anything up inside me while Doc was still up in there. She finally asked him if he needed to leave the room so she could finish without hurting me more than she had to. I said yes, Nurse said no, and Scott said he would be good.

I'm feeling ok, I'm just leaning to one side when I sit because its pretty uncomfortable to sit right. I'm not in any pain. I've heard some women say they hurt for a few days after and others have said that they were fine an hour later. Scott's ex had this done and put herself on bed rest for 3 weeks. She was a severe hypochondriac (spelling?) though.

I'm off to bed. It's already been a long week. I worked 10 hours Monday, 10 1/2 hours Tuesday, only 6 hours today but I spent some of today tensed up in the upper half of my body and relaxed in the lower half of my body (not an easy thing to do all at once), I work 9 hours tomorrow, and then 10 hours again on Friday. Or maybe its 9 hours Friday. I don't know, either way. I've had a long week what with the biopsy and Stepson leaving.

Poor Emma cried tonight because she misses Stepson. Poor thing.

ok, now I'm off to bed.

Peace

Not Much

2006-07-11T21:37:00.000-06:00

Other than the massive amount of rain our area has had the past week, not much else has happened. Ok, for some places it's not a massive amount but our rainy season normally consists of a few spits out of the clouds and the wind proceeds to blow the clouds away.

We have had thunder and lightening and the beautiful smell of rain for the week. Scott and I have slept with our window open and our window fan blowing just so we can have that smell envelope our room. Granted, one of us has to get up in the middle of the night to shut the fan off because it does get a tad chilly with the blades rotating all night but the smell is worth it.

Scott has me so close to convinced to get a hot tub. Apparently he already has it worked out in his head where the tub will go in our backyard and how he is going to do the foundation. I asked him about our plans for the kitchen floor and the rest of the backyard. He said we'll get to those but the hot tub is at the top of his list for now. I think one of the reasons I'm so close to agreeing to the tub is that there is a possibility it might be covered by insurance. For theraputical reasons. If ours won't than my mom's insurance surely would and we would pay the co-pay. I'm still thinking on that.

We saw Pirates II. We all loved it and are having to wait on pins and needles for the third one to come out next spring. Ah. Well.

My cryo, biopsy, whatever that lovely Gyno office wants to call it, is tomorrow. They managed to move me up a week so I'm going to meet the dreaded Duckbill early. We'll see if this appointment goes through without some other poor woman needing an emergency c-section. I do plan on asking to make sure the last woman is ok. My doc probably won't tell me but I just don't like to hear about other women having complications during a c-section.

And that is all for tonight.

Oh. Wait. Stepson left this evening.

I truly don't know how I feel this time. I'm truly going to miss him. He was so much fun to have visit this year. Just one year has made such a difference in his attitude. Sure, we had our moments but he is a teenage boy, so of course we are going to have some drama. He is coming back for Christmas. I think I'll make his plane reservation now so I know when he'll be here. HA, I know his mom won't tell us when he can come until a week before. She always does that when he comes for a winter holiday. I don't understand what her problem is. She calls and yells at Scott constantly and treats him horribly. I know they are divorced but she's the one who cheated on Scott with at least one guy. Scott caught them in his bed. Lovely. She should have the decency to be nice to Scott. He pays child support and we send him clothes, shoes, and fun stuff during the year. I think she is afraid that now that Stepson is old enough he might choose to come live with us. I don't think she needs to worry. Our school system is no where near as good as what he is in and if the boy is going to Harvard one day than he needs to stay in the honors program he is in now.

Ok, this turned out longer than I expected.

I'll let ya'll know how I feel after my violation appointment. I'm thinking of smuggling a lighter in to the room at the doc's office so I can melt the Duckbill. I know, I know, they would just find another Duckbill to use up the coochie.

Peace

I share my birthdate with Tom Cruise Whoopty Doo emphasis on the DOO

2006-07-06T23:19:00.000-06:00

I posted at the end of my long Day 3 Disney post that July 3rd was my birthday. What a day it turned out to be.

This is how I had my day planned out.

~Get up to see Scott off to work
~Pamper myself and soak in some homemade bath salts that my lovely Emma made for me
~Take the kids to the mall and wander around until it was time for my massage
~Take the kids home and go to my massage
~Eat lunch with my hubbie
~Go home and nap with my Pudge
~Go to church when hubbie got off work to enjoy some fun, food, and city fireworks
~Hunt down a fireworks stand that was open late and buy some to shoot off at our house after the city fireworks show was over
~Go to bed so we could get up early to head to Silverton for the 4th

This is how my day actually went.

~Slept through Scott leaving for work and didn't get up until 9:30am
~Pampered myself and soaked in a bath with homemade bath sales that my lovely Emma made for me
~Took the kids to the mall and told them since it was my birthday I was going to spend money how I wanted and I chose to spend it on them. I told them all they could pick out a couple things and I would waste some money for a change. Emma chose a $12 necklace from Hot Topic to match her $6 bracelet her cousin had already purchased for her the day before. Stepson and Ethan both chose absolutely nothing. The only thing they wanted was Chinese food from the food court. So I made them go to Walden Books with me and I bought another Laurell K. Hamilton book and ordered one they didn't have in stock. Got the kids lunch and then took them home.
~Cancelled my massage because my mom chose that day to do her quarterly blood donation, even after I had asked if she didn't mind watching the kids so I could get a massage. She told me Go Ahead, I'll watch the kids. I normally wouldn't mind leaving the kids home alone, Stepson is 13 and I totally trust him, but, BUT, Stepson and Emma were at each others throats all morning and I wasn't going to leave them alone because they tend to get a bit wild and I didn't want Harley run over in their rampaging through the house.
~Met hubbie for lunch.
~Missed my nap with Pudge because lunch with hubbie was so late. But I did spend 45 minutes sitting on the toilet because the sandwich I ate at Wendy's apparently has eggs in the bread and I am allergic to eggs. I didn't know their new Frescata sandwiches would have eggs in their bread otherwise I would have had my normal salad. Oh well, lesson learned.
~Listened to the three oldest kids gripe and complain that we were going to watch the city fireworks show when they wanted to go bowling. Made the kid angry when I put my foot down and told them it was my birthday and I was going to do what I wanted to do this one day, not what they wanted to do.
~Went to church to watch the city fireworks. Kids ate nachos and hot dogs. Scott and mom ate Navajo tacos. I nibbled on nachos in fear of the wrath of my tummy. Nothing happened though so it was OK! Listened to the old biddie complain about the horrible, evil, nasty, devil worshiping people that had tattoos. Called her on it because she knows very well that I have 4, count em, FOUR tattoos. And plan on getting more. I have no idea what having tattoos has to do with my belief in God. I did call her a mean, hypocritical cow to her face. I'm waiting for a call from our new preacher asking why I did what I did. Oh, don't worry, he'll hear why I did it.
~Didn't buy any fireworks because we didn't get out of the church parking lot until 10:15pm.
~Went home, put kids to bed and ourselves to bed so we could get up early to go to Silverton.

Ok, reading up on those sandwiches from Wendy's, there aren't any eggs in the bread and I did ask for no Mayo on my sandwich. Scott did have to take the sandwich back up to the counter after I looked at it because they still put Mayo on it. I could tell the staff got annoyed and when Scott explained why I asked for no Mayo they calmed down a little. Some people just don't understand allergies because they don't have any. Lucky Them and hope they never get any!

My mom gave me money and a cute pair of capris. My MIL and FIL gave me money. The kids gave me lots of hugs and homemade cards. My MIL made an eggless cheese cake for me. I still haven't eaten any but I'm going to cut into it tomorrow night.

My loving husband sang the Harry Potter Happy Birthday song to me. And then he really gave me no cards and no presents. I'm not sure if he did that on purpose or what. Being human this kind of hurt my feelings. I was going to say being a woman but I know some men that this would have hurt as well. One of those men is my husband. I don't know why it bothers me that I didn't at least get a birthday card. It's just a folded piece of paper with words on it that normally gets thrown away, if you're not a packrat like me. I've searched for the words to Harry Potter's birthday song but couldn't find them and I don't remember them like Scott does. If I do find them I'll post them here. I know it says something about no cards, no presents, or something like that.

Well, I'm off to bed before it hits Friday and I have to get up for work.

Sweet dreams all and dream of Pooh Tattoos!!! hehe Ok, So I can be evil when I want to be. But only because I am tired of that grouchy old lady judging me.

2006-07-06T23:13:00.000-06:00

Your Dosha is Vata

Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!).You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory.You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time.It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel with what life has to offer.
With friends: You are very uncomfortable in new situations or with new people
In love: You fall in and out of love very easily
To achieve more balance: Live in a warm climate and spend some quiet time in nature

What's" Your Dosha?

Day 3 Disney

2006-07-05T21:19:00.000-06:00

Here we are, DisneyLand again. We have managed to visit the land where all dreams come true three times in less than a year. Could this possibly be a record for a family that lives so far away from Disney? Not sure. We purchased our tickets and SIL and family actually waited for us to do this so we could all go through the checkpoint and have our tickets swiped together. Scott and SIL wanted a family picture of us in front of their flower display proclaiming the 50th Anniversary. We were done with one picture and about to have another picture snapped when Eeyore jumped into the picture. We have quite a few pictures with him and we all got a hug from him. BIL grumped away and Eeyore followed him and squeezed him anyways. I bet we were quite a sight. Ten people of all sizes, all wearing a bright turquoise shirt, each with some Pooh character stitched on the upper left or right chest area. There were other families that wore the same shirt but I think we were definitely the most noticeable. Another family did rival us, they all had on bright red Spiderman shirts but there were only five or six of them. We passed each other quite often and got a big kick out of it every time. Yep, we are all a bunch of dorks but we have fun doing it! We let the kids head off on their own as soon as we walked through the little tunnel to Main Street Disney. The adults and Ethan (poor Ethan was upset for a while because I made him stay with me but I didn't want to burden the other kids with him and his fear of crowds and being touched) got on the train that circles Disney so my mom could get a general idea of the layout and then we got off and hit the Haunted House. We loved the updates they've done, more ghosts and ghouls, a slightly different theme, and still lots of fun. Our second ride was Splash Mountain. This was so much fun. We hit it early enough that we waited maybe 2 minutes to get in our own little canoe. And all six adults got in the same canoe. And let me tell you, none of us are light weights. We floated through the little maze just fine and went down the first fall just fine, no biggie. Then we hit the big fall. Here was the line up in the canoe; SIL, BIL, Ethan, mom, myself, and Scott.

We hit the top of the fall and SIL started screaming, Ethan ducked behind BIL, I don’t know what mom did, I held onto my handles with a death grip (I still have that silly fear of flying out of the canoe and, ya know, dying or something stupid like that), and Scott just whooped it up and yelled.

Like I said, none of us are heavy weights and when we hit bottom the splash was HUGE. As in huge enough that we were all soaked from head to toe. Well, Ethan wasn’t because he was hiding and I think BIL managed to get splash meant for Ethan. Much Fun.
We squished around Pooh Corner for a while, rode the Winnie the Pooh ride, bought some more Pooh earrings, and had our pictures taken with Pooh. My most favoritest picture of the day was of Ethan hugging Tigger. Or maybe Tigger was squishing Ethan. Either way Ethan was thrilled because he is my big Tigger. I can’t call him my little Tigger because the kid is almost as tall as me.

After more rides and locating the kids we ate lunch in the New Orleans district and made the kids go with us on a few rides.
I could tell SIL and BIL were wearing down by about 3pm. BIL had commented earlier that he wanted to leave by 1pm and his kids threw a fit. They managed to stay until 5pm. By that time my mom was ready to go because her feet, ankles, and shoulder were done for the day. I’m truly surprised she made it that long. BIL took mom back to the hotel and they all ate dinner together from what I understand.

Scott, our three kids, and I stayed until the park shut down at midnight. Of course we were exhausted but that’s what we do. We love to wear ourselves out running back and forth to the different rides all day long. We rode the Haunted House, Splash Mountain, the Matterhorn, Space Mountain, and who knows how many other rides more than once.
It was fun and I’m glad we got to spend the weekend with my SIL and her family but Scott and I have decided never again. We love them and enjoy a night of dinner and a movie every now and then but the whole weekend with a high maintenance, grouchy ass BIL was way too much. I’d be totally willing to do a weekend trip like that again with just my SIL and her kids but BIL can keep his grouchy ass home!
I was stupid and made the comment we should make Disney a semi-annual event for our family.
Scott is already planning our December trip and wondering if we should bring the kids or leave them home.
I haven’t decided what my vote is yet. I’ll let you all know when school is back in session and grades are doing ok.

This was obviously a condensed version of the day considering we were there from 8:30am to Midnight.

Looking back we had so much fun but nothing really outstanding. Scott and I did get into an argument, he says we don’t argue we, we debate, and I don’t remember exactly why. I had mentioned riding the Teacups and he turned and glared at me, said something rude about my Precious Teacups and walked away. The rest of us realized he wasn’t coming back and had to run to catch up to him, only to find him standing by the Teacups and him yelling at me to get in the damn line so we could get on with the day. Ok, so my husband wasn’t all smiley with roses but we all had our moments of grouchiness. Ok, BIL’s was most of the day.
So, I rode my damn Precious Teacups and Scott was fine again. I really don’t understand what he has against them. He’ll ride roller coasters that will flip you upside down, twist and turn you, and make you want to hurl but he won’t sit in a teacup with me and let me spin us to my hearts desire. Wait, maybe it’s because the last time I did I made him sick and he almost puked. Nah, that couldn’t be the reason.

Anyways, I’m off to bed. We had a long Fourth of July and that is yet another post.
I’m going to eat some of my birthday cheesecake that my wonderful MIL made for me! No my birthday wasn’t today, it was Monday. I’m a third of July baby. If my mom had held her legs together for 6 more measly hours I would have been a Fourth of July baby! Ok, my mom tends to smack me upside the head when I say that so I’m going to go now and chow down on cheesecake before she reads what I have typed and then go to bed.

Hope you all had a great and safe Fourth!